The Fallen Queen of Eden Ch. 14

Outside the hospital, Lilith continued running down the street. Her mind played and replayed the events of that fateful dinner at the cabin with Levi Sethos. Why hadn't she seen it coming? Why? She could hear their conversations, his offer to her, even her refusal. She continued to run, blind to everything around her, even the cars that slammed on their brakes to avoid hitting her. All she could see was that night as it replayed itself in vivid detail.

After getting up from her seat at the table Lilith barely made it two steps before he grabbed her and forced her screaming through the French doors and into the master bedroom. Now she knew what he had whispered to the private chef. It was a command to leave and not come back for a while. Levi forced her onto the bed, his body pressing against her and the smell of that damned cologne. She remembered feeling his hot lips against her neck and face, his bulge, hard and demanding against her pelvis. Even now she shuddered at the memory of his hands holding her thighs and trying to force them apart. She kept screaming for him to stop but he didn't. Desperate, she tried to reach for something and managed to get a hold of the pretty metal chopsticks she was wearing in her hair. Forged from ore mined in the deepest pits of Hell, these sticks were sharp as daggers. Using all of her strength, she managed to plunge them deep into his shoulder, causing him to cry out and fall back. Seizing the opportunity, she ran to her car as fast as she could without looking back.

That memory combined with Millie's murder had planted seeds of emotions she had never felt before such as fear and grief. Seeing what the Preacher-man was doing to Eli and particularly the way his hired thug had pushed him against the car and threatened him in front of the bar had made those feelings grow and now protecting him had become more important than saving herself. She couldn't let Eli get hurt because of her. The Preacher-man had already affected his job, vandalized his motorcycle and there was no telling how far he would take it.

She finally stopped to catch her breath and looking around, she found herself before a church. It wasn't one of those large over the top structures with massive amounts of ornate glass and huge front columns or enough parking to accommodate a stadium. No, this place was a simple two-story square building of brick. There wasn't even a steeple. The only thing that broke up the plain facade was a single curved corner that was the main entrance to the church.

Normally such a sight would have been enough to repel her, but something about the two-story edifice with its terra-cotta color seemed so peaceful. It was hard to say what drew her to the building. It might have been her desperation, or her need for sanctuary from the cruelty of the Preacher-man. It might have even been the memory of an innocent time before she had separated herself from Heaven. Back then she had freely spoken to God, but it was so long ago and she was not even close to the same woman anymore.

Opening the heavy glass door she stepped into the foyer, all the while wondering if God would hear her now if she came to Him. Would He even care about an outcast like herself? Lilith began to walk towards the doors that led to the sanctuary, but her every step felt heavy and weighed down. It was a short distance, a matter of maybe twenty steps, yet more than once she had to stop and summon her strength to keep going. She was certain that if she could reach the sanctuary, then there would be a chance that God would hear her cries and make her whole again.

The handle of the door was cold as she gripped it, then opened it and slipped just inside the threshold. Alone and leaning against the sanctuary doors, Lilith looked about her surroundings, unable to step any further inside. Since no service was being held at the moment the place was dark except for the light coming in from the windows shining down and allowing her to see the sanctuary and its holy appointments.

It wasn't a huge church but it was big enough and it looked every bit like a typical house of worship. There were the long hard pews all facing an altar that was adorned with flowers and an intricately carved white wooden cross that boasted fine filigree details. Engraved across the front of the altar were the words 'Do This In Remembrance of Me.' and at the sight she instinctively recoiled. A series of large stained glass windows depicting stories of Christ bathed the darkened space in a myriad of colors as the sun shone through the intricate pieces of glass. The only thing that was remotely unusual was a stack of hymnals sitting next to a cardboard box. She could only assume that they were headed for storage or something.

Lilith was grateful that she was at least alone. She had no desire to explain herself or what she really was to anyone. It was hard enough as it was. She had heard people say that all God's creatures were welcome in his house, but she was not God's creature anymore. Every pew and the very altar itself seemed to whisper 'the damned have no place within these walls'. Looking up at one of the windows at the face of Christ surrounded by children, Lilith should have felt God's love, but instead she felt as though it were saying 'get thee from this place and return to hell where you belong.' Broken and ashamed Lilith fell to her knees and softly prayed.

"C-can you hear me Father . . ." she began. She really didn't know how to approach God and ask him for help after shunning him for so long. Could he even hear the voice of a demon crying out from darkest Hell? "I don't know how to pray, but I need your help. Please, please help me, Father. Make me whole again. You made me what I am and with a single breath from your nostrils I know you could do it again. Just the whisper of my name from your lips can fix everything and restore me." Her voice echoed throughout the space, but she never noticed. She was more interested in making her voice heard by Holy ears. "Please! I don't know what else to do!" Lili looked out across the empty pews toward the pulpit and glared. "How can you be silent when Levi Sethos lies and pretends to be your messenger? He breaks your commandments and dirties your name and yet nothing happens. You cast me out for my wickedness . . . what about his? Give him to me, Lord. Let me sift him as wheat. Grant me my power and deliver him to me and I swear to you that he will pay for all he's done."

She waited, almost expecting an answer, but there was none. She was at a loss. She dropped her arms into her lap and sat there in silence. She closed her eyes and for a moment she saw a flash of her dream and the image of Eli's head hanging by his hair from the chains wrapped around the demon giant Jack-in-Irons. Instantly her mind and heart were on fire desperate to keep Eli from dying at all costs, either at the hands of the Preacher-man or falling into darkness. So focused was she that she never saw a door to the right of the chancel open slightly, or see that someone was watching her.

"Father . . . there is a man, a good man and I don't want to see him hurt or murdered because of me. I know I have continuously rebelled against you and I will gladly pay the price for all of my wickedness, but please, Father . . . I beg you . . . don't make Elijah suffer for my sins! He has done nothing except help others and do what is right. I offer up to you, my life, my existence . . . all I have in exchange for Eli, please . . . please . . ." Her words were honest and heartfelt. She waited, peering in the dark space hoping for an answer . . . anything, but nothing happened. There was only silence, even the stained glass dove above the baptismal seemed to turn away. "I am truly forsaken even unto the end of time."

Out of strength and hope, Lilith bowed her head until it was resting on the carpet and began sobbing. There was no such thing as mercy, at least not for her. She had slapped the hand of God away a long time ago and there was no going back. She wiped her eyes and looked at the tears that dampened her hand. This was the second time in two days she had cried. Everything was so out of hand and she felt helpless to fix it.

"No one is truly forsaken who believes in God and accepts Christ as their savior," said a voice. "All are sinners. All fall short of the glory of God." Startled, Lilith instantly sat up and began to try and wipe her face, something that was rather difficult with a splint on her right hand. She looked down the aisle and saw a man walking towards her. His face was kindly with bright, friendly eyes and a smile so radiant that it beamed from his eyes and even the crows feet around them. Everything about him was warm and welcoming and even without knowing who he was, she could sense the Grace surrounding him and intuitively tried to step away from it only to run into the door .

At first glance he didn't look like a typical pastor or deacon because his clothes were plain and he wore a pair of work boots that looked as though they had seen plenty of farm work before. Lili knew well though that looks could be deceiving and the aura about him was no lie, nor could she deny the power of the Bible in his hand. The closer he got, the more she trembled.

"I'm sorry to startle you, I left some papers here earlier by mistake and I had to come back for them. I'm Pastor Michael Eilish." He started to extend his hand to her, but Lili could only press herself against the doors as much as she could in order to keep herself from so much as brushing against him. Looking into her eyes and seeing her fear and hesitation reminded him of a wild and savage animal.

"I-I'm sorry for sneaking into your church. It won't happen again," she assured him as she stood back up. Her emerald eyes looked once more at the various images of Christ in the stained glass then quickly looked away. "I'm afraid even the foundation stones of this place know that I am not welcome here." She started to push open the door, but the minister quickly stopped her.

"All are welcome. Why wouldn't you be?"

"It's complicated," she answered, not wanting to talk about it.

"I overheard your prayer a moment ago and it seemed like you were in some kind of trouble. Perhaps you would like to talk." He gestured for her to come closer, but she shook her head.

"I-I can't. This is as far as I am able to go." This was true enough. In a church truly filled with the Holy Spirit and the Glory of God there was no space for her or her demons.

"Can I at least ask your name?" The pastor asked gently.

"My name is unimportant."

"Then why not tell it to me?"

"Because I fear it would not be pleasant to your ears."

"It's only a name," he shrugged. He really wasn't concerned about who she was, only that she had come here in need of guidance and he would try and do what he could to help her.

"I should think that a minister would know better than that," she ventured. She knew very well there was power in names. Abraham, Moses and John the Baptist, to name a few, were revered because they were men of awesome faith. The name of the Lamb held so much power and righteous majesty that she could not speak it. Even uttering one of the many names of the devil could have influence. Her ancient moniker was no different.

"Well, you don't have to tell me who you are and if it will make you feel more comfortable then we can simply talk right here," he suggested.

"You cannot help me. No one can," she answered, sadly. "God turned from me a long long time ago."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because I'm a . . ." Here she stopped, momentarily afraid to go on. How could he possibly understand unless she told him the truth? If he knew the truth, as a man of faith, he would undoubtedly try and call down fire and brimstone to consume her. This thought should have been terrifying and yet the idea of truly dying brought her a sense of peace. Perhaps it was this that compelled her to speak her name. "I am . . . Lilith."

Instantly the stack of hymnals began flying in all directions around the room. The beautiful cross on the altar fell from its stand and the Bible Pastor Eilish was holding flew from his hands, landing a few feet in front of him. The pages of the holy book started turning on their own and didn't stop until it came to Isaiah and one page in particular. Before the minister's eyes a section of text suddenly glowed with a strange otherworldly light. Cautiously he went over and peered down at the words and saw that is was chapter thirty-four verses twelve through seventeen.

(12) Her nobles shall be no more, nor shall kings be proclaimed there; all her princes are gone. (13) Her castles shall be overgrown with thorns, her fortresses with thistles and briers. She shall become an abode for jackals and a haunt for ostriches. (14) Wildcats shall meet with desert beasts, satyrs shall call to one another; There shall the Lilith repose, and find for herself a place to rest. (15) There the hoot owl shall nest and lay eggs, hatch them out and gather them in her shadow; There shall the kites assemble, none shall be missing its mate. (16) Look in the book of the LORD and read: No one of these shall be lacking, For the mouth of the LORD has ordered it, and His spirit shall gather them there. (17) It is He who casts the lot for them, and with His hands He marks off their shares of her; They shall possess her forever, and dwell there from generation to generation.

This was no mere woman, but a very old and powerful demon. Pastor Eilish stared at her in horrified recognition. The friendly air and kind demeanor melted away and he couldn't speak. Everything in him said he should be casting her out of his church and yet there was one small voice that kept him from doing it. Perhaps it was because she didn't seem the haughty and proud seductress that he would have expected. No, she seemed humbled and ashamed. Softly he asked God to guard his heart against her tricks then turned to the creature before him.

"You're a demon," he managed to whisper. Although he spoke softly she had still heard him clearly and bristled at the disdain in his voice. She was in no mood for his judgment. That had been passed many ages ago by someone with far more authority than this human. Her jaw stiffened and she looked at him with eyes like fiery daggers.

"I'm a lot more than that, padre. If you're going to cast your stones then you should at least have the entire picture. I am Lilith, nee Lilit or Līlītu. If those don't suit you then I have at least seventeen other official names you can use. Of course I answer to a few unofficial ones too, such as la belle dame sans merci, Leanan-Sidhe, Lilu and the Deer Maiden to name only a few. I am the original fallen queen of Eden. There was a time when every ancient culture knew me, but times change and people turned away from many of the old religions and I am mostly forgotten by the ones that remain. Now I am only a nameless face that wanders the world lost for all eternity."

"I don't need to know your names, I know enough. You murder innocent newborns and their mothers while they are still recovering from childbirth," the minister accused.

"That's a lie!" Lili protested. "I have never and will never harm any child! As for their mothers, unless they seek to wrong me, then they are safe as well," she shook her head momentarily in frustration. "Adam started those slanderous stories about me because he was bitter at my leaving him. He may have also been a little upset because I was the serpent who tempted his precious Eve. He wanted to be sure that his children would be afraid and stay far away from me. After that, each generation handed down those tales to the next, embellishing it and distorting it until it resembled nothing of the truth.." The story of the serpent was one that the pastor had known since the earliest days of his childhood. Softly he began to recite the words without realizing she could still hear him.

"'You will not surely die," the serpent told her. 'For God knows that in the day you eat of it, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil'." Even as he spoke he found it difficult to wrap his head around the reality of the demon before him and what she was saying.

"Not my exact words, but close enough," Lili shrugged. "You know, everyone thinks they know who 'Lilith' is supposed to be. She's the 'spirit in the tree' or the 'bird-footed woman.'. She's beautiful, no she's a hag. She's a wicked seductress or a succubus. She murders innocent babies and their mothers if not protected by a symbol. 'Bind her hair and she can be stopped,'" Lili recited in mocking fashion. "Even if that were possible, I am not oblivious to the existence of knives and scissors. Oh yes and my personal favorite, mother of all the vampires. Apparently I crave human blood. I'm not sure why I'm the last to find this out, but whatever. Quite frankly I would rather sit down and have an Italian sausage hero with peppers and onions."

"You lie! You are the great harlot. You use your charms to lure men from their wives and enslave them. You breathe lies into their ears and haunt their dreams tormenting them until they give in and you drag their souls to Hell," the pastor accused, snatching up his Bible and holding it in front of him like a shield.

"I have never taken any soul that wasn't offered to me first!" she snarled as her temper momentarily flared. "Those marriages that you accuse me of destroying were already broken before I entered the picture. Each of those men had already been having affairs on their wives and I never had to approach a single one." Lilith eyed the minister cooly as she brought her anger back under control. "As for your accusation that I am a liar . . . well, I am guilty of countless cruel and vicious acts and I am definitely a poor example for any girl to look up to, but I have never told a lie. The truth is always so much more fun to hurt someone with."

"Your 'truth' brought about the fall of man and the loss of paradise." Pastor Eilish couldn't understand how she could stand there and be so blasé about it all. This woman . . . this thing had caused the first sin and she spoke of it as though she had only snatched a single gumball from a warehouse full of them. He rubbed his eyes and forehead momentarily uncertain of what to say.

"Adam laughed at me after my fall," Lili growled. "He boasted to me of his new sweet obedient wife. Told me she was perfect and would never betray him. I decided to see her for myself and find out just how immaculate she really was. Do you know what I learned? Eve was little more than a simpleton. All I had to do was tell her the truth then sit back and watch. It was she that decided to partake of it and it was she that offered it to Adam. How many times could they have turned away and refused to even look at it?" For a moment a hint of a smile started to curl her lip as she recalled the infamous temptation. "I was right though."

"Wrong! Are you so wicked and black of heart that you honestly believe it was right for you to tempt them and destroy paradise?"

"Paradise?" she laughed, momentarily looking down at her toes as they stuck out the bottom of her long white muslin wrap skirt. "You humans, you always think you know the whole story."

"Your entire existence has been about nothing but indulging in your own carnal pleasures and sin. You breed nothing but desolation and ruin."

"Do you really think I need you to list my sins for me?" Lilith wasn't laughing now, but a smile still played on her lips even as despair clouded her face. "I know each and every transgression that I have committed. They are stored in my perfect memory. They whisper in my ears and haunt my recollection whenever the night is still and silent or I find myself thinking too deeply. I know better than you just how empty and meaningless my existence is. I am forever fallen and I will never stop paying the price for my one single moment of fear and lack of faith."