The Fertility Retreat Ch. 01

This three-chapter story was inspired by conversations with other Lit members over the years - some of whom are part of couples that freely share their inner sexual lives with each other and some of whom feel unable to open up about such matters to their partners.

Thanks to all who have shared their experiences in regards to this dilemma, thus providing the context for this narrative.

A huge thanks to BenLong who worked tirelessly to edit all three chapters. I am extremely grateful for his assistance!

***

As morning broke just outside the bedroom window, Andrew sat upright in bed with his laptop, idly flipping from web site to web site. There was nothing left unread in his inbox and the news offered more of the usual, tiresome political battles. He finally resorted to tapping his thumb impatiently on the keyboard, wondering if he was about to finally hear the words that would change the course of his life forever.

Once in a while, Charlotte appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, but she seemed to be stalling. Andrew watched her briefly standing there in an old pink t-shirt and her favorite fuzzy pajama bottoms that he'd bought the previous Christmas. She vanished again, carrying on with her morning routine, squirting some toothpaste onto her brush and then facing the mirror, holding it in her mouth as it whirred against her froth-covered teeth.

Andrew turned back to the laptop screen, but his mind was elsewhere. He could hear Charlotte spitting into the sink before she sighed and then peeked out into the bedroom.

"Okay, here we go..." she said with nervous anticipation.

"Good luck," Andrew replied.

He watched his wife vanish back into the bathroom. A few moments passed, then he just barely heard the soft sound of Charlotte's pajama bottoms being slipped down. The loose toilet seat which Andrew constantly put off getting fixed rattled as she sat down. He heard his wife erratically tinkling into the toilet, then the toilet flushed, and the sink started running. After a few more minutes of silence, Charlotte walked stiffly into the bedroom, approaching Andrew.

"... And?" he asked, already aware of the answer.

"Negative," she sighed.

"Okay, it'll happen, don't worry."

"I know. It's just frustrating that it's taking so long," she replied glumly.

Andrew and Charlotte had been trying to get pregnant but kept striking out. They'd begun to feel discouraged, but most people they shared this frustration with seemed to brush it off. All they'd been offered was the reassurance that it sometimes "took a little time." This didn't help; it just made them feel like they were the only ones taking it seriously.

Their parents certainly made things no easier. Last time they took a family trip together, Charlotte's parents suggested that she and Andrew stay back at the hotel for a bit while they took her younger brother to a clothing store to find a new pair of pants. Her mom had winked to them, right there in front of her father and brother, saying, "After all, you need a little alone time to make a certain something happen..."

Charlotte had been horrified to hear her family openly imply that they should go make love right then and there to give them grandchildren. She couldn't bear the thought that her family would later return to the very room they'd just finished having sex in, to check in on them. The pressure from them was growing to the point of desperation and Charlotte already placed enough pressure on herself.

Andrew knew Charlotte had always been a little bashful when it came to sex - but then again, so was he. He often thought about their first time together and how awkward it had been. Being college sweethearts, it happened late freshman year. They had been dating a while and their friends were already restless, watching their courtship going on and on, knowing that they hadn't yet taken the big leap.

"Dude, when are you guys gonna hook up?!" Andrew's roommate had asked.

Charlotte received similar comments from her friends as they openly prodded the two with friendly teasing about it. Andrew recalled nervously looking over at Charlotte, seeing her sitting there red-faced and unsure what to say to their friends who seemed hell-bent on getting them to finally bang each other. It wasn't that he didn't want to - they just added so much pressure about something he was already anxious about.

Andrew's roommate had already suggested a system they should use should either of them bring a girl back to their dorm room. A simple marker would be placed outside the door to indicate that the arriving roommate should find somewhere else to be for a while. Andrew had never had to use it, though his roommate had, and that made him jealous. Andrew had gone to sit in the library for a bit, scrolling aimlessly through his phone, acutely aware of what was going on back at his dorm room at that very moment.

When the big day finally arrived, it took Andrew by surprise. He and Charlotte had been at a party where jello shots and tequila had secretly been provided. They were both buzzed and started to kiss in the corner at the edge of a friend's bed. Everything happened so quickly and organically. How they ended up back at Andrew's own dorm room was a blur - but they got there, nevertheless. Andrew put the secret marker on the outside of his dorm room door without Charlotte taking notice... just in case something was to happen.

And something did.

After several minutes of kissing on Andrew's bed, they began touching each other, slowly and gradually, indicating to one another that it might be time for the ultimate expression of intimacy to finally happen between them. Andrew could sense Charlotte's heart beating wildly in her chest but knew he was just as nervous and that it would be equally apparent to her.

She let him pull off her top and he let her undo the belt buckle on his pants. It wasn't long before the two of them sat trembling in their underwear. He gazed at her, aroused by the sight of the deep cleavage between the cups of her bra and the soft, puffy mound of her panties. Charlotte's stomach was churning with butterflies.

All of a sudden there were footsteps outside his door, followed by laughter; it was Andrew's roommate. Charlotte seized up with anxiety, overwhelmed by the lack of privacy.

"Oh shit! That's fucking awesome! Have fun, guys!" a voice outside roared, followed by more laughter which began to dissipate as it traveled back down the hall outside.

His excitement boosted by the outburst, Andrew couldn't help but burst out laughing. Charlotte laughed nervously and sought the security of his arms after what felt like a brief scare of being caught in the act. They resumed kissing, each of them renewed with the excitement of what was about to take place.

Andrew boldly felt for Charlotte's bra which she hesitantly allowed him to remove. He sat back, astonished by the sight of her naked breasts as they came free. She held her breath, embarrassed to reveal her nudity to him for the first time. He felt a rush of adrenaline at the sight of her body; her weighty, round breasts, her crimson nipples, a little pointy and stiff with arousal.

Charlotte went next and, as she reached for his boxers, Andrew could see her hands shaking with emotion. He felt his underwear sliding down over his lower body until his penis came free, still flaccid from nervousness. Andrew observed Charlotte's expression turn to wonder as she laid eyes on his naked appendage for the first time, seemingly enthralled by the sudden appearance of his cock as it flopped to the side and lay across his thigh. A wave of excitement washed over him as he realized how titillated she became upon seeing it.

Charlotte tensed up as Andrew made the last move required for them to be fully naked together. She flinched as he reached for her panties - "wait," she had said. However, Charlotte immediately relented, clenching her teeth and trying to get a grip on herself as he began to slowly slide them off. As they moved down her body, Andrew found a soft cloud of brown pubic hair blooming from within. As her legs lifted to allow him to pull her panties off completely, he caught sight of her wrinkly pink labia and felt a surge of arousal. Charlotte clammed up, fueled by the contradictory emotions of fear and desire as she witnessed Andrew becoming startled by the sight of her intimately exposed pussy.

Charlotte observed Andrew's chest heaving in and out as he sat there, frozen and transfixed by the sight of her naked body. Suddenly, she saw his cock begin to thicken. It happened so quickly; twitching, pulsing, coming to life as it began to grow and slide along the inside of his thigh. Charlotte could see how embarrassed it seemed to make him and she felt bad that he was so anxious. Her own insecurities slowly took a back seat to the compassion she felt. However, she was also gripped by arousal and wonder as she watched his penis lift off his thigh and begin its ascent, lifting higher into the air with each anguished pulse, until it stuck straight up in the air, fully erect.

Lost in this sense of mutual vulnerability, Charlotte felt closer to Andrew than she ever had before. She embraced him and they resumed kissing, their lips frantic with the excitement of their first sexual experience together. Andrew reached up and cupped her soft breasts. They were warm and supple, acquiescing to his curious squeezes. He awkwardly familiarized himself with their fullness and density. She shivered at his touch, aroused by the conveyance of his own fervor and by the thrilling sensation of his fingers grazing her sensitive nipples. She responded by boldly reaching for his cock, her fingers wrapping around his long, stiff shaft which she could feel surging against the palm of her hand.

It wasn't long before Andrew was frantically pulling a condom from the drawer by his bed. He had taken it from the bowl of free condoms at the health center with a friend, boldly acting like he needed them all the time yet privately wondering when he'd next have a chance to actually use them. At long last, Charlotte laid back on his bed, biting her lip nervously as she parted her hips to him. He carefully crawled atop her, angling his body at the entrance of her vagina, and guided himself to the silky pink flesh that awaited him.

In the moments that followed, Andrew found himself gasping excitedly, overwhelmed by the thrill of how their bodies connected. He gazed down at the portal to her body as it received him deep inside; a coral-pink, fleshy hole so snug and wet, and crowned with a beautiful mass of sticky hair. He gawked at the two beautiful globes lurching up and down upon her chest as they frantically jerked their hips together. Their eyes connected, Charlotte drowning in his soft, loving gaze, Andrew moved by the emotion in her eyes, the building excitement as she let down her guards and abandoned herself to the joyous celebration of loving intimacy that they could now share.

Even now, so many years later and married, this memory filled Andrew with so much emotion. Their first time together was such a magical experience, one that could never again be replicated. However, that did not mean that they didn't try to keep the flame burning. Since then, Charlotte had meekly suggested different positions she was curious to try. They also experimented with edibles and, although they ended up sticky and gross, deciding never to do it again, neither was exactly regretful that they tried it.

Andrew had even once suggested that they buy a sex toy together. Too intimidated by the thought of going to a sex shop together, Charlotte found one online that she liked, a rechargeable ribbed wand made of premium-grade silicone with ten patterns of vibration, and had it shipped. They experimented with it together in the bedroom and it soon became part of their typical lovemaking routine.

Now that they were seeking to become pregnant, Andrew couldn't help but enjoy the process, especially given that it meant he didn't have to wear a condom. Since the primary goal for their lovemaking was actually to have a child together, Andrew felt too ashamed to express to her this pleasurable side of the process. Nevertheless, he found himself dwelling on the wonderful feeling of entering her, feeling the walls of Charlotte's vagina enveloping his penis, the extreme sensitivity he felt feeling her body from the inside without the barrier of a condom obscuring the sensation.

Projecting a sense of defeat, Charlotte wandered out of the bathroom and climbed back into bed next to Andrew. She snuggled up close to him, often feeling extra affectionate when she needed comfort. She rested her head on his shoulder and her body felt warm next to his.

"I hope it doesn't come to IVF," she was saying, always fully conscious of both the complications involved as well as the expense.

"Oh, it's way too early to consider things like that. We've really not been trying that long..." he reassured her, finding himself sounding like all those people who'd dismissed their concerns.

"Okay..." she sighed.

She, too, often drifted back to their first experiences together. Charlotte had only had a couple of serious boyfriends before Andrew, but he was different. Late at night, she often thought about the first time with him, fearfully exploring each other's naked body in his unkempt bed. She could still recall the warmth of his penis as it pulsed in her hand, the shakiness of his fingers as he awkwardly touched her naked breasts, the thumping of their hearts, finding their way into a curious unison. Charlotte later confessed that she had been nervous about being intimate with him, sensitive about her body and embarrassed to be seen naked, but that it had been magical because he had made her so comfortable.

Andrew hadn't known at the time, but she already felt in her heart that he was the one.

Soon after college, they got married and were already talking about having a baby together. Their youthful awkwardness as a couple had certainly not vanished but from time to time, after drinking, Charlotte dared to joke to very close friends about things such as needing to "harvest his man-milk" to make it happen. Andrew often reflected on how wonderful she was as a partner, how he'd found his soulmate, and how determined he was to make this happen, despite their current difficulty.

"Anyway, we'll do whatever it takes, even if we end up needing assistance like that," Andrew added after several minutes of silence.

"Well..."

"What?"

"Nothing, I don't know. I'm just wondering about what else we can do before having to spend thousands of dollars when maybe we don't need to."

"Like what?"

Charlotte sat up and leaned back against her pillow, then sighed. "Basically..." she began with an air of nervousness, "Erika sent me a link to some place that was just in the news. But I dunno, it sounds kinda weird."

"What is it?"

"It's this new age fertility retreat thing. They have... like... workshops for couples, and apparently lots of people have used their techniques to get pregnant and stuff."

"Really? Like what?" Andrew was already skeptical about anything new-agey, or involving any sort of retreat, but he was nevertheless willing to do anything Charlotte wanted to try.

"It's like a series of intimacy workshops. I'm not totally clear. It seems like they teach you sexual techniques and lifestyle adjustments to naturally enhance fertility."

Andrew smirked. "Sexual techniques, you say?"

She laughed and swatted him. "Come on, take it seriously..."

He laughed, too. "I am, I am. Anyway, how much is it?"

"It's like, a fraction of the price of fertility treatments, I can tell you that. There's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Well, it lasts a few days, which we'd both have to take off from work. So... you know... it might complicate regular vacation time."

"Ah."

Charlotte seemed panicked by his disappointment and quickly reassured him. "But- it's at a beautiful wellness center on Long Island. It's surrounded by several acres of nature trails, so we won't miss out on anything fun. There are lots of activities there. It would be just like a summer vacation, anyway."

Suddenly, she seemed to be actively selling Andrew on the idea. He got the distinct sense that she'd already read a bit about the retreat and knew more than she was willing to let on, likely too embarrassed to reveal that she'd been researching a thing such as that as a means to address their situation.

"Well, as I said, I'm willing to do whatever it takes. If you want to give something like that a try, you know I will be supportive. If we have to make it our summer vacation to make this work, so be it."

"Thank you!" Charlotte exclaimed, giving him a kiss. "But we won't really have to give up a vacation, I promise. We can hike and swim and stuff there. It'll be great. Anyway, I'll send you the link. Check out their web site today and see what you think about it."

Andrew agreed and observed his wife roll back out of bed. With a newfound spring in her step, she resumed her morning routine. He smiled and admired the way she so quickly adopted a bright new outlook for the day.

***

That afternoon, Andrew had a lull at work and loaded the web site for the retreat, taking great care to disable the Wi-Fi on his phone and cautiously load the site over VPN. It read like a brochure for a summer seaside getaway, which was nice, but there were few details on the substance of the actual fertility workshops. He read through a page about the philosophy of their approach, but it was mostly jargon. The information about the woman in charge, Mariana, was equally opaque. He read about her experience as a holistic health practitioner, her involvement with emotional development, breathwork, sex positivity, and other techniques but didn't really know what any of it meant.

The only other page that mentioned any specifics was the FAQ. Andrew read through it carefully, finding it full of the usual questions about food and lodging. However, he was soon surprised to come across the very question that had been stewing at the back of his mind:

"Is there nudity involved?"

What he found particularly strange was the vague answer that such a question provided: "Participants will be led through a series of exercises designed to develop a deeper sense of acceptance and intimacy between partners. Couples should prepare to be comfortable engaging in activities that they're used to sharing in the privacy of their home, with the added benefit of hands-on coaching in a safe, supportive, and inclusive environment."

"What the hell does that mean?" Andrew thought to himself. "It's a simple yes or no question."

Further down there was a question that read, "Can I decline to participate in hands-on workshop sessions" which said, in an equally roundabout way, that this was discouraged if truly positive benefits were to be seen. He began to wonder how much of this information Charlotte had digested. He imagined some kind of weird tantric ritual where they'd be made to undress in front of others. He couldn't imagine Charlotte ever going for something like that. She was barely comfortable wearing her bikini when too many people were around, never mind having to remove it and flash her privates in front of strangers, as one might do at a nude beach.

Later that day, Andrew brought this up with Charlotte.

"Did you read the FAQ on their web site? There are some interesting questions in there."

"Yeah..." she said, sheepishly.

"And? I wasn't really clear on some things. But... like... are you comfortable with what might go on there?"

"I mean... whatever," she said, shrugging. Andrew could tell she was willfully suppressing a high degree of nervousness. "I want to make a baby with you. That's the bottom line."