All Comments on 'The Fourth Wife Ch. 02'

If this had been me he would have been buried in a nice isolated spot. Child rapist do not deserve to walk on this planet. Fuck this crazy wife. This asshole Henry and people like him should be get rid of immediately. If you think what he did is over the top you must braindead. Luis

find revenge acceptable only when it is depicted as realistic and is deserved.<p>'Doc':<p>At the end of the story you ask who I, as the reader, believe has the lost the most. Well, "Henry" certainly lost a lot, but my answer is "Ethan." Apparently he's lost his mind. "Sane" would not be a word used to describe what you had him do.<p>'Doc,' after reading the first chapter, even with its interminable length, I thought there was at least a germ of good story in your submission. I was wrong. Oh, I thought your revenge on "Susan" in this chapter was apt and deserved. It was also intelligent. But the rest of your revenge was clearly an effort to pimp your story.<p>Perhaps I might have missed it, or perhaps misread it, but tell me, is there anywhere in this story that has "Henry" putting a gun to "Susan's" head and forcing her to join his little collective? She chose this all on her own, as apparently so did the other three wives. Nowhere did you intimate that he used any subterfuge in acquiring his wives. "Susan" elected to join him, he didn't seek her out. As with 'Risq's' analogy, to punish a dog for being a dog is absurd. So you felt "Henry" should be shorn of his genitals for his being himself. Perhaps you should have had "Ethan" engage in a "search and destroy" mission (after all, "Ethan's brother described this as a "war") for "Henry's" parents. In overseeing his upbringing, I'm sure they had some influence on how he came to be. Why let them off the hook? I'm sure "Ethan" with his fertile imagination on revenge could have cooked up something for them as well. Hey, their genes are responsible for his being so big. I mean, if ridiculousness is what you're after, when not take it all the way. As to the collateral damage, perhaps you could explain in a future chapter how the other three wives were deserving of their fates. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe this is the life they each chose but is now threatened. <p>'Doc,' the dialog was too preachy and repetitive for me. And, as others have opined, "Susan" was little more than brain dead in her actions, and in her expectations of what effect they would have on "Ethan." Your descriptions of "Ethan's" brothers indicates that his entire family was unbalanced.<p>'Doc,' all that being said, your idea wasn't bad. The situation you depicted was interesting and not seen much here. Your execution was wanting. I hope you'll continue. I think you're good enough that you don't have to resort to a revenge that amounts to pandering.

if all assholes who seduced anothers wife had this happen....i still dont think the wife sufferedd enough ...but maybe im in the minority ....henry i wouldnt even have left him an inch ...hubby was generous

The revenge wasn't against the weak minded almost retarded wife, Susan, but against Henry. A man...no make that creature,

who is the ultimate control freak. A type of individual that I hate with a burning passion. I especially hate religious control freaks. To see this one get what he deserved was wonderful. However, you could write the story of his downfall. I know I would enjoy reading that. Thanks again for all you work on a great story.

<p>I just didn't like it</p>

<p>Let me explain why a second..........</p>

<p>When I was first married, some of the guys I used to hang out with and I used to go out of town two hours away and visit a bud of ours who was going to college in a near by college that was two hours away from where I used to live. We would go up on friday afternoon, hang out some, visit, and on Sunday morning would come home. And no I didn't hang out with any ladies. I was a newlywed and could have caredless what they did. Now one time we left and my wife kissed me goodbye and when I got home Sunday she had a nice bruise on the side of her face. She said she tripped while cleaning and got it. Why the story you ask? Well it seems that everyone who saw her felt I was "abusing her" and asked her why she put up with me hitting her. Even some of the moron's I was with asked me if I was hitting her. What I had to <i>remind</i> them was I was with them and since I didn't drive up how would I have found time to sneak away for "4 hours" (2 up and 2 back) to abuse her and use them for an alibi.</p>

<p>My point with my story</p>

<p>Most "people" are <i>sensitive</i> to women being abused. Some times to the point of acusing first and asking questions later. But in your first story you had the husband hitting her so hard that days later, when they met at a diner, she was still sporting her bruise he gave her when he found out she was pregnant with another man's child and <i><b>no one</b></i> seemed concerned with it. No one like her lawyer, the waitress, no one that saw them. Speaking from experience that is a little hard to swallow</p>

<p>Second, to me the revenge was so over the top it was like a run away car with no brakes going down an ice covered hill. I agree, and even liked, that he got them to refuse her PhD. That he got the board so rattled and scared they reprimanded everyone who "approved" her thesis. That the board went after the grant she was given, and even got the book publisher to back away from the deal</p>

<p>Those were classic and for me well done</p>

<p>But to go a step further and "castrate" the other man and hang his <i>testicles</i> around his neck, after leaving with his penis to use as a continued revenge tool later against his now "ex-wife", say what? His wife went into that life knowing what she was going. Henry was only acting the way he did "every" day. He didn't make a special case for Susan, according to the story she went "seeking" this life to write a paper on it. Yet Ethan went after Henry like Henry staked out his wife, seduced her, and then impregnanted her. Susan went to Henry knowing this was going to happen, and it did. But when is "castration" ever seen as a good thing? Specially in a culture that we don't agree with?</p>

<p>No for me the revenge was so over the top that I just couldn't get behind any more of the story. Both when he was slapping around his wife (and apprently no one seemed to notice or care he did) and later when he castrated Henry for sleeping with his wife. To me this story was like having your kid poke a dog with a stick, having the dog bite your kid, and then you get out a gun and shooting the dog for biting your kid. </p>

<p>Screwing with Susan for screwing up their life was one thing, going after the man with such viciousness, when she walked into that life willingly, was over the top given what went seeking</p>

-Risq

I really liked the revenge on both Henry and Susan. He was an animal and not in need of being treated like a man. She lost everything as was deserved. It's amazing how many schools (most) would react the same way, they cater to the dollar just like any business. The suit against the school was the nicest touch. A worthy effort!

and still without effective dialogue. Your plotting is

fine but none of your characters are very lovable! They

obey the rules without shilly-shallying and only the wife had a shadow of a doubt!

Keep writing please!

and still without effective dialogue. Your plotting is

fine but none of your characters are very lovable! They

obey the rules without shilly-shallying and only the wife had a shadow of a doubt!

Keep writing please!

I got to the first bit of dialogue and it was so bad, I stopped reading. I just moved to this section and voted. If you're going to write a story as opposed to erotica, Real, you've got to pay attention to such things. Beyond that, what I did read was incredibly implausible. Keep trying, but think your way through the plot before starting to write.

the husband did what had to be done.a little slow about cutting the bastards dick off,but just right.he let the wife off easy.she was a selfish whore who was about herself and what was good for her.who want someone knowing they killed someone over their head for life.i think the divorce rate would go down if this happen enough times.thanks,i like your story and keep writing good common sense stories.people will finally get it,that wrongs have to pay.

She lost the large cock she wanted with no real ethics or morality. She lost the degree and fame she sought for her egotistical self. She lost the marriage she cared nothing for. And she shamed her mother by her actions and raised an illegitimate child (a bastard by definition). The husband was rid of trash, has a life, and removed a man who was himself worthless from raising more worthless children. In all a very good story of how adultery by a wife can be handled with skill and money.

I cant believe folks are complaining about the level of violene from the husband.

Great story well written characters are very consistent and well developed.

More stories from you ..Please

Kill the one geek that had helped you just to tie a loose end?

Maybe the hero needs a visit from the avenging angel of death.

I hated this heroine, she was too vicious and stupid for words. But for my taste, this story was too violent. Chapter 1 dragged on a bit, but I was looking forward to the resolution to this story, whether it were in the form of vengeance or not, but man, this one went forward at 100 miles an hour to the point that I thought that I was watching a brutal action movie. This second part of the story should have been longer. And you gave us a VERY short epilogue where you tried to tie all the plot holes and post-vengeance details in a nice little bow. Here, you told us in a few sentences what had happened - you could have shown us instead. We know the wife lived alone and never remarried and we know that he kept that odious penis for 10 years, then sent it to his wife. Holy crap, did this man ever get over this affair? Did he ever date again, meet someone who he could love again? Because holding for TEN years the penis of his wife's lover is a sad epitah.

I have to give you a 50% for realism, but I also gave you a 5 for the satisfaction I received from Susan's punishment. I agree that chapter 1 was way too long and could have been shortened considerably, but what the hell. I didn't have anything else to do.

<p>Mea Culpa: I was one who stated that chapter one of this story was too, too long. I stick by that complaint. But RealDoc seems to have taken the criticsm to heart and completely reversed the process in chapter 2.</p>

<p>This read like a synopsis of a story rather that the story itself. "First I did this, then I did that, then I did the other, then i did..."

There was no character development, no emotional involvement. It was all cut and dried, which really detracted from what could have been an emotinally rewarding denoument. </p>

<p>Keep at it, RealDoc. You have stories to tell, which is more than can be said for the majority of writers on this site. This story came from an entirely new persepective and had the makings of a truly great read if it were approached differently. One only learns to write by writing, so don't be discouraged by negative comments. I've seen many writers develop their skills on this and other sites. The most important thing you already have: something to say.</p>