The Franchise

"Great-grandfather was very down-to-earth, a self-made man. His values have been passed down from generation to generation."

She nodded, looking out at the water again. I waited quietly until she continued, "I grew up very Catholic. No surprise huh? Part of that was that I expected that only other devout Catholics were really good people inside. It sounds unbelievably snobbish now, but I really felt that way. I knew some non-religious people that seemed nice, but I just figured I didn't know enough about them to know their secrets. But your family—none of you are religious, but you're all so genuine and sharing. Whereas MY so-called devout family—what a crock. There's more intrigue in my house than the CIA. YOUR parents have been faithfully devoted to each other for 25 years. I saw them walking and holding hands earlier, smiling as they talked to each other like newlyweds. MY parents avoid each other as much as possible. I'm convinced the church is the only reason they aren't divorced. It all... just is not the way it's supposed to be!"

"I think my parents are the way it SHOULD be. I think it's a shame that most people don't seem to have found a soulmate like they have. I sure hope I do." The air was heavy with meaning.

She turned to me, nervous, like there was something she really wanted to say. "Dave... what I said before... about not really being a virgin," she stammered."Back in high school... I thought I would marry my boyfriend... so after senior prom, we were going to do it. We weren't married, but it seemed like that was only a matter of time. Only... it didn't go well. I have some kind of allergy--latex or lubricant, I don't know, but he put on a condom, and as soon as we started it itched and burned REAL bad. We had to stop. We were both traumatized." There was a length pause, then she added "two weeks later he broke up with me."

"I'm sorry," I said sympathetically.

"That's why I sometimes say I'm the closest thing to a virgin--I'm not really a virgin, but I've not really had sex either. And... that's why I can't do things other girls do. I can't afford to get pregnant, and I can't use condoms... so..."

"It's OK. I understand," I said. But somehow the words didn't seem to sound like I understood, and in a way I didn't. Why was this such a black-and-white thing with her? Even if you couldn't use condoms, there were still lots of things you COULD do. I understood that her being so Catholic ruled out most forms of birth control, but still... somehow, in her mind, it was all or nothing. If I was going to date Kelly, I was basically resigning myself to chastity. And while I was willing to do that, I wasn't exactly overjoyed about it, and I think she could tell that.

Kelly took my hand, and quietly we walked back down the beach to join the party. I sensed that the elephant in the room had been identified; up to now we'd had no problems because I'd carefully avoided the subject of sex. But as we were growing closer, it was inevitable that it would come up again—and suddenly became a problem. But I had no idea what I should do about it.

------------

After that night, things weren't the same. Kelly and I kept dating, but now it seemed there was always a sense of hesitation in the air. It seemed the topic of sex hung over our relationship like a dark cloud. It got worse when her cheerleading started, then school, and my training camp soon after—suddenly we were so busy we might go days without seeing each other. I could feel us drifting apart but was powerless to stop it.

And then, of all the bad luck, on a Friday night in September Kelly and I were at a bar, which we almost never did. I'm standing in line to get us drink when I feel someone grab my ass. I whirl around... it's Tanya. She puts her arms around me in her miniskirt and halter top; I tried to avoid her kiss but was too slow. She says I should stop by and see her, I tell her I'm with someone else. Of course that doesn't stop her in the slightest. All the while I can feel Kelly's eyes burning into the back of my skull. I finally get my drinks and head back to the table. Now I feel Tanya watching me the whole way. "That was Tanya," I said apologetically. "She was a Spirit girl. We dated once or twice."

"I can only imagine," she said, heavy with meaning. Actually, I'm pretty sure she could not, and that was a good thing. Kelly was obviously preoccupied for the rest of the night. She asked me to take her home, and then when I dropped her off she told me that we just weren't right for each other. I tried to argue, told her that Tanya was ancient history and she shouldn't let that bother her. "It's not about Tanya," she protested. "It's about you and I just aren't right for each other. I like you, and I'd like to be your friend. But we're too different to ever be anything else. I'm sorry."

I tried to argue, but there was no changing her mind. I refused to give up; I kept calling her, and even went places with her once in a while. But now when we did go out, she kept me at arm's distance. We were just friends; she wouldn't so much as kiss me on the cheek anymore. Just a few weeks ago, things had seemed so promising. Now everything had fallen apart. It seemed we were through before we had really even started.

-------------

That autumn was one of the worst times of my life. The girl I wanted wouldn't have me (again), and getting used to being a rookie in the league was way harder than I ever expected. I was playing OK, getting 18-20 minutes a game behind Leroy Jackson, but I wasn't taking the league by storm—and thus not living up to my own expectations. The hardest part, by far, was the long road trips. In college we'd travel too, but because of school we'd never be gone more than two days. Now we'd usually be gone for a week at a time. And you might think, since I was again free as a bird, I would be showering my seed around like a lawn sprinkler--well, that's not how it turned out. On the road, I couldn't bring girls home to my hotel, and I didn't feel comfortable going home with them when I had no idea where I was in a strange city. And when I went out in town, I found myself constantly looking around when I was in a bar, hoping Kelly might by some strange coincidence show up there. Girls came and talked to me, but I found myself comparing them to Kelly and of course they came up short. I took one or two home, and I found one-night stands to be hollow and unfilling in a way I'd never noticed before. By November I almost never went out looking anymore. I spent my time at home instead, watching film and trying to get better.

We were on the road over Thanksgiving—it was the first holiday that I couldn't celebrate with my family. Feeling more than a little sorry for myself, I crawled into bed but couldn't sleep, unlike my roommate. As you might have guessed, I was assigned to share a room with Leroy Jackson. At 3AM I gave up on flipped on the TV quietly. I flipped up and... holy shit. It's weird to see yourself on TV! It was a classic sports channel, and they were replaying one of our games from last year's tournament. Watching myself in my old college uniform, I longed for times gone by.

And then it happened. Every once in a while, on college basketball broadcasts, they show shots of the cheerleaders. They did going into commercial, and there was Kelly--lovely red hair in a ponytail, jumping up and down on her shapely legs, her arms holding her pom-poms overhead revealing that lovely, flat belly. They cut away after just a few seconds, but the image burned in my brain. Kelly was SO amazing--why did she keep rejecting me? At some level it was clearly about sex, since the incident with Tanya had precipitated it. But Tanya was pretty much out of the picture—she didn't make the Spirit Team this year (I suspect my mother, as team liaison to the dance squad, had something to do with that). But I'd always told her I'd respect her wishes, so what else was going on? I had no idea.

Her image flickered on the screen again for a moment. She was... painfully beautiful. I'm a little ashamed to admit this, but between being so tired and how much it hurt to see her on TV, knowing how much I wanted her yet powerless to change her mind... I started to cry. That, in turn, woke up Leroy.

"Aww, is the rookie homesick?" he teased groggily.

"Fuck you Leroy," I snapped.

He said nothing, but sensing my mood reached for the light switch. We both winced at the sudden brightness. I stared at the TV, hoping he didn't notice the tears on my cheeks.

"It's a big switch to be away from yo' family for the holiday. You get used to it. Make it up to 'em by havin' the summers off." Suddenly he realized what I was watching on TV. "You watchin' yo'self play? What, you missin' college now?"

"College... no..." I answered distantly. As if on cue, the camera panned around to show a brief shot of Kelly again. I had to turn away. Leroy saw that, and immediately understood.

"Ah. Girl trouble. Which one?" We were shooting free throws, and the side shot allowed you to catch glimpses of the cheerleaders sitting on the sideline.

"The redhead... Kelly Callahan. Not that it matters."

"What's the deal... she dump you or somethin?" So I told him—I'm not sure why. Maybe I just needed to get some of it off my chest to SOMEONE. So I told him the whole story—how I'd been wanting her all year, but I wasn't her kind; told him how she changed her mind after watching me with the kids at camp; told him how we'd dated for the summer, but then broke it off after the run-in with Tanya, but that it seemed something else was really going on. Leroy, being a much more complex person than he wanted you to believe, listened carefully. When he finished, he nodded. "So this Kelly sees Tanya hittin' on ya and freaks out. I can see where she comin' from."

"What do you mean you can see where she's coming from?" I demanded angrily. It sure was a mystery to me.

"C'mon man... you Catholic school boys supposed to be SMART. Can't you read between the lines?" It was clear I couldn't. "She didn't break it off because she don't like you. She broke it off because she was afraid she couldn't KEEP you. I've known a few religious chicks--Baptist, but the same idea. They KNOW that they run a huge risk of another girl takin' their man cuz dey won't freak wit ya. Yo girl saw this Tanya hit on ya, knew you was gonna be spendin' a lot of time on the road, and just figured that there'd be girls crawlin' all over 'ya. She must not have felt like you liked her enough to pass that up since she wasn't scratchin' that itch herself. So she threw in the towel, figurin' she'd lost you already anyway."

I thought about that, and it seemed to make sense. Then Leroy added in conspicuously perfect English. "Some people are like that. If they feel like they're going to get hurt, they'd rather take the first step because at least they would feel like they were in control. I guess it hurts more to be dumped than to do the dumping."

I sat there, thinking.So what do I do about it? She's already cut the cord.

Leroy slipped back into his street vernacular. "If you really wanna focus on this chick, you gots to let her know you willin' to play by her rules. Call her up, tell her she the only girl you want, and tell her you ain't seein nobody else because of it. She'll protest, but you gots to say that she can do what she want, but that what you doin' cuz she all you want. But if you say that, you gots to DO that. She ain't just gonna come runnin; she gots to see you actually do it a few times 'fore she come around to trustin'. If you give in to temptation after laying down that line, you can kiss any chance of ever gettin' wit'er good-bye." Leroy shut off the light and lay back down. I lay there thinking as the last ten minutes of the game ticked away. That really did sound like what might be going on, and maybe if I had understood that in August I might have done something about it. But now, I all but never saw her anymore. How would I even get the chance to try something like that?

---------------

Back in town on Saturday, fate tipped its hand. Kelly had gone home for the holiday, which was about a three hour drive from school. She was supposed to carpool back Sunday morning, leaving just enough time to get to the Arena for cheering a game at 1:00. But the weather was calling for an early-season snowstorm, and I saw her post on Facebook that she was worried about getting back in time, asking if anyone knew someone that was making the drive that day. Seeing she was online, I sent her an IM offering to come get her and drive her back. She of course said I shouldn't, but I could sense she was really worried about getting back otherwise. I told her I had the whole day off, and unlike my teammates I didn't have a family to have a belated Thanksgiving with, so I was more than happy to come get her. Besides, I wanted to show her my new car. She begged off, saying that was too much to ask. I tried texting her an hour later to see if she had found a ride; she hadn't. I waited another hour, then texted her again, saying that I would still come for her but if so she needed to decide soon because the flakes were due to start flying shortly. Reluctantly, she accepted.

I'd never been to her house before, so it took me a little longer to find her. I rang the doorbell, which almost immediately popped open. Kelly was dressed and had her backpack in hand, trying to get away quickly, but a little brother, maybe 8 or so, foiled her plan by darting through the doorway. Sean (I later learned) was wide-eyed with excitement at meeting a genuine pro basketball player, and chattered nonstop while he had me sign one of my rookie cards. It made his month that I personalized it to him. His mother came to retrieve him so Kelly could get going, which is how I met her. Behind them I noticed other brothers and sisters peeking out to see me. Sean had red hair like Kelly, and I saw two other red-haired girls, plus a blond boy and a blonde girl, all of whom shared a family resemblance. Kelly seemed somewhat embarrassed by the circus around her house when she finally got free and headed towards the car.

"So that's your new car," she commented vaguely.

"Yup," I said non-committally. I had originally wanted something like a Beamer, but when I went and looked at them, all I could think was that Kelly wouldn't have approved. And not that I needed her approval, but we live in a very blue-collar town, and always mindful of PR, I thought that maybe I should get something the average Jammers fan might more closely identify with—hence the shiny new Mustang with white rally stripes.

"I like it," she admitted as she stepped in. I closed the door for her and went around to drive back to town. For the first two plus-hours, we caught up on stuff—school, the Jammers, the holiday. Just as we hit the outskirts of town she finally "Why did you come down all that way to get me?"

"You needed a ride. I had time," I answered vaguely.

"And there were a lot better things you could have done with that time. This was WAY above and beyond the call of duty for being just friends."

"So?" I paused for a while and then I added "and besides—we weren't always just friends, and I'm hoping that maybe sometime in the future we can be more than that again." By now the snow had started, so I had to concentrate on looking out the windshield and driving. That might have been a good thing.

"Dave, please don't. I like you, but we're just too different to be anything but friends ever again."

"See, I just don't believe that. I've been doing a lot of thinking while I've been out on the road. I don't think it's about being different—it's about trust. As in you need to trust a man you date, and you don't feel you can trust me." I glanced her way; she neither acknowledged nor denied. I continued "I can understand why you don't trust me. I have a certain reputation... and I'm out on the road a lot. Yeah, I could be taking a lot of girls home if I wanted to—but that's just the point. I'm not doing it, because I don't want to. What I want is to get back with you, and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes until you see it my way."

I glanced over, but now Kelly was staring out the passenger window. "You're wasting your time Dave. You and I can never be together. I wish it could be different—but it can't."

"Kelly... until such time as I see you walking down the aisle marrying someone else, I refuse to believe that. Go ahead—if I'm wrong, tell me. Tell me right now that you don't like me." The car was silent. "See... you can't," I continued softly. "I'm not telling you what to do—you're free to do what you like. I'm just telling you what I'm doing, and that is not seeing anyone else, hoping that someday you feel you can trust me."

At the moment the snow went from a flurry to a blizzard. I had to focus on driving; Kelly too sat upright and sat nervously as I crawled through near-whiteout conditions, offering to help in any way she could. I quickly learned my new muscle car was a lot harder to drive in snow than my old front-wheel-drive sedan, but at 15 miles an hour I eventually dropped Kelly off at her apartment. "Thank you so much for driving me," she said sincerely. Then she leaned over, kissed me on the cheek, and bolted out the door before I could respond. Before she closed it, however, she peeked back in and asked "So obviously you're in town. Are you going to be at the game tomorrow?"

I hadn't planned on it, but there was no reason I couldn't be. "Uh, sure," I agreed.

"OK. Maybe I'll catch you afterwards," then slammed the door.Was that an invite? I wondered. Maybe yes and maybe no, but I was not about to pass up any sliver of hope, no matter how thin.

I spent the next morning unpacking. I had bought a new condo in an old factory building shortly after I signed my contract, but the building wasn't done being refurbished and I had had to wait to move in until just before Thanksgiving. Mom had to let the movers in to deliver my stuff while we were on the road. I'd done all the important stuff right away, like setting up the bed and the TV. But I had boxes of junk sitting in my living room, and I spent the morning putting stuff away. I sauntered over to the arena just before tip time; the best part of my new place was that it was just a five minute walk from the home of the Jammers. I went in the back exit and sat in the owner's box. I sat back sipping a beer and tried to enjoy the game, but it was killing me to watch them. Last year we had been so good—now they weren't, although three starters and the sixth man were back. But without me at the point, our guys down low didn't get as many clean looks, to which they responded by pressing, which often took them out of position... you get the idea of how it snowballed. I found myself pounding on the table in frustration, like Grandpa and I used to do watching the Jammers years ago.

Coach called time-out. That's when I noticed that Kelly was looking my direction. Our eyes met for just a moment--and she smiled. It felt like she was happy to see that I was there. But then the time out ended, and Kelly went back to cheering. All right, I'm biased, but she was just a graceful angel bouncing around on the floor in her short skirt and crop top. As the game went on, I spent more time watching her and less watching the game, because it was clear no amount of time outs could save them. Last year, we had beaten these guys by 12 on the road and I sat the last three minutes. Yeah, they had a decent new freshman at the point, but still we lost by five at home.

After the game, we went to grab a bite to eat (I was often hungry after a game). We talked mostly about the team and why they weren't as good this year. If we were going to talk about us, I was determined that she would have to raise the topic. Eventually she did.