The Grande Futapest Hotel Ch. 02

MONDAY

Layla woke up. She was alone in bed, unless you counted her morning wood. Like most of her dreams, her bedside companion was gone once she awoke. Then again... she was still in Selena's house. It didn't seem likely that she had dreamed up her previous encounter with Selena Grande, yet still woke up in her house. That would push the limits of even the most dedicated sleepwalker.

Layla yawned, scratched her scalp and rolled to the edge of the bed. The side where Selena had slept was cold, though there was a wrinkled dimple in the bed where she had been. Layla pulled the robe from the floor and threw it on. She walked out the bedroom door and heard a grinding noise in the distance. The sound took her in the direction of the kitchen.

She found the source of the noise, and Selena sitting beside it. She was operating a blender filled with a swirling green tornado. Selena turned, those golden locks tumbling about her shoulders like a shampoo commercial. It was whatever-o'clock in the morning, and Selena looked absolutely fabulous. Long lashes, clear skin, beautiful blue eyes, dressed immaculately in a black-and-white dress that was fashionable yet casual. To tie it all together... there was that gentle bulge between her legs where the dress was just tight enough to show the base of her cock.

"Good morning." Selena waved, giving the mixture in the blender another spin.

Still processing the intense beauty of Selena, Layla ran back to the bedroom. She threw off her robe and entered the shower.

Selena had followed her, and spoke up just before Layla figured out how to turn on the water with the weird one-knob contraption this shower was equipped with. "What's up, Layla?" She called through the slightly open door.

"I'm just..." There was the sound of a bar of soap being scrubbed vigorously against skin. "I just want to shower."

"Layla, I looked just like you did when I rolled out of bed, OK?" Selena said, through the shower curtain. "No need to be self-conscious about it."

"How can I not be self-conscious when you look like you're ready for a photo shoot or something?"

"I've been up for an hour. You just woke up."

"That only took you an hour?"

"What can I say? I'm a busy woman. I know what works, and what's fast."

Selena stood there a little while longer, watching the white plume of steam emerge from above the doorway and spread across the ceiling. Selena entered the bathroom and put her hand behind the shower curtain. Layla cried out, but all the invading hand did was turn the water temperature down.

"You don't want to do hot showers." Selena said as her hand vanished back behind the curtain.

Layla was in Selena's shower, and her hand reached in... and she just pulled the Dad move of turning down the thermostat. Selena continued to defy her expectations. She was too surprised to even ask why.

Layla showered quickly, dried her hair and returned to the kitchen, considerably more presentable... but still in her bathrobe. Selena was drinking the green concoction she had blended.

"Is that seaweed?" Layla asked.

Selena pulled the glass away from her mouth. "Try it." She said, offering it to Layla.

She accepted it, but looked at it uneasily. "Avocado?"

"Just give it a try."

She took a sip. The smoothie moved slowly, like partially melted ice cream. Layla only got a little taste. The flavor was familiar, though she couldn't immediately identify it. "I don't know what that is."

"Everyone's eaten this." Selena hinted. "Maybe with some peanut butter."

The light bulb went on over Layla's head. "Celery!"

Selena snapped her finger at the correct answer, taking the glass back and drinking the rest of the cold mixture in two long sips, a big breath separating the two.

"Is that your breakfast?" Layla asked, looking at the now empty and lightly-streaked glass.

"Most days." Selena exhaled. "A cold smoothie might not be what others would want for breakfast in January, but that's me. If I'm really peckish, I'll have a bagel or wheat toast or an egg white omelet. But I'm low on egg whites."

"Why..." Layla stopped herself from asking what now appeared to be an obvious question. An article she read a long time ago popped back into her mind like a groundhog. "Wait." She pointed one finger upwards. "I think this is starting to make sense. Celery, no hot showers... by chance, do you drink pineapple juice?"

Selena pointed to the fridge. "Help yourself." Layla opened the stainless steel refrigerator covered in travel magnets and found about forty cans of pineapple juice in varying sizes, mostly one-serving cans. Selena continued, "I wish they made them in twenty-ounce bottles, because they only seem to come in ten ounces or forty ounces. Forty ounces would be an awful lot to drink all at once."

Layla accepted one of the many cans, taking one from the door. She opened it and took a sip. "So... we all know the urban legend that eating or drinking pineapple makes come taste better."

"Excuse me." Selena interrupted. "Bigfoot is an urban legend. The pineapple thing is absolutely, definitely, verifiably true."

"Well, OK. I hadn't done the research on that." Layla sat at the island near Selena. "So the pineapple is for flavor, but celery is mostly for increasing... volume."

"The volume is the main concern, obviously." Selena said. "Staying hydrated, zinc supplements, lecithin... it's all perfectly safe, and it increases how much I can come."

Layla finished her can, gesturing with it to ask where she should put the recycling. Selena pointed to a lower drawer that opened to reveal a plastic bin half-filled with cans. Layla released the can into the bin.

"Rinse it?" Selena said the moment before the can clattered against the others in the bin. "Ah, whatever. It goes out tomorrow anyway. In the summer, I have to rinse them all or I'll have fruit flies. Awful disgusting little things."

"So... are you saying I should start taking pills or whatever to come harder?" Layla asked.

"You shouldn't take ANYTHING without talking to a doctor first. Even vitamins can be harmful if you take them when your body doesn't need it."

"Well..." Layla trailed off.

"You don't have health insurance?"

"I might still be on my mom's plan."

A gentle pause. "If you don't have it, get it. Your body is how you make money. It is your musical instrument. Take good care of it."

"Is everything you do to make your cumshots as big as possible?"

"Everything I do, outside of some leisure activities, is to make sure I perform my job as best I can." Selena explained. "It's not that I'm obsessed, or that I can't miss a dose of my pills or I have to do everything a certain way. I try to adhere to my diet and routine as much as I can, considering my job takes me all over the place at random days."

"Are you going to feed me smoothies?"

"The volume of your ejaculate doesn't matter if you can't control it. We're going to focus on controlling that. It's like learning to play acoustic guitar before electric. So... once you've had breakfast, we'll head back to your place and get whatever you need to stay here for a while. And I'll see if I can teach you how to hold back."

"Sure." A small silence. "If there's no smoothie for me, then I'm just going to eat my leftover pizza."

"Go for it." She gestured to the fridge again. "That's a perfectly fine breakfast in my book."

Layla retrieved her leftovers and munched gently at one cold piece of pizza. She looked at the base of the blender as Selena loaded the blender jar into her dishwasher. The brand name jumped out at her.

"This is a BlendTec?" She asked, in a way that made her feel silly right afterwards. The name was right there.

"Yes, it is." Selena smiled broadly, evidently prouder of this purchase than her car. It really looked like she wanted to find a roof on this thing to slap. "I tried blending the crowbar like they didn't have the balls to do for real."

"You certainly have big balls." Layla said. Selena let the silence hang, knowing Layla would ask, "What happened?"

"I broke it. I'm actually lucky I wasn't hurt or killed." She ran her finger along a gouge in the marble countertop. "That's what this mark is from. Not sure what actually hit it, if it was the crowbar or some piece of metal off the blender when it... exploded. Anyway, when I bought the second one on the same day the first one was delivered, they asked me, 'was it defective?' and I said, 'no, I broke it trying to blend the crowbar.' And the woman on the phone very nicely said, 'If we send you another one, please don't do that again. We do say on the videos not to try it at home.' I guess they didn't want any deaths actually attributed to it."

"Did you at least film it?"

"Actually, no." Selena said. "Not even on my phone. I was just curious. I really should've, but I don't own a camera. I'm more of an in-front-of-the-camera kind of woman."

Layla nibbled a little more of her pizza. Selena put her hands on her hips. "Well, I'm ready to go when you are."

Layla started running back to the bedroom, pizza clenched between her teeth. "I'll get dressed." She said.

A few seconds later, she left the bedroom. "My clothes aren't in there. They're by the pool."

Later still, she returned to the kitchen, fully dressed, the pizza gone but for a few slightly greasy fingertips that she wiped on her sweatshirt. Her phone was in her less greasy hand. "I just watched the crowbar thing again. They didn't say 'don't try it at home' in the video."

"They don't?!"

Selena and Layla watched the whole video together, shoulder-to-shoulder, hovering over Layla's phone.

"They don't!" Selena cried.

"Did you know this video is ten years old?"

"Is it really?" Selena looked at the date it was posted. "It doesn't feel like Youtube's been around for ten years at all."

"Sometimes, it feels like you've been around forever, too." Layla said. "I feel like I've been watching for as long as I've... been watching that kind of video."

Selena wore a simple smile. They walked towards the garage. "It's still nice to have someone who will completely own up to masturbating to videos of me."

"I know for a fact that I jerked off to your videos on stream before."

"Now, THAT I want to see."

"Well, you can't see your video in MY video, since I record from my laptop's camera. And my streaming service doesn't save anything automatically. If the video still exists, it's on Xvideos or whatever because someone recorded their screen while I was broadcasting."

"You're lucky." Selena said. "You're making a product that cannot be replicated: the live interaction. Someone pirates one of my movies and I'm out of luck. But then again, the people releasing the DVDs or videos just have to make buying the porn as convenient as possible so they don't bother going through the hoops of pirating it." She opened her car door and Layla hustled around to the other side.

Layla looked away as she was buckling her seat belt. "As a reasonably tech-savvy futa pervert... I should confess that I have pirated a lot of your videos."

"That's fine." Selena waved her hand. "You don't owe me a thing." She backed out of her garage. "Unless I'm pregnant from last night. In which case... I totally expect you to pay child support."

The car was silent as she pulled out of her driveway. Selena glanced over Layla, who was blushing and fidgeting a bit. "Did THAT make you hard? You impregnating me somehow?"

"No." Layla denied. "Just... I honestly wasn't sure if I dreamed that or not. I'm still sort of starry-eyed about this whole thing."

"It's definitely not a dream." Selena assured her. "But if hanging out with me is your idea of a dream come true... I don't know if I've ever been so flattered in my whole life."

---

Since it was now half-past-ten, traffic on the highway was significantly less crowded than the last time they drove this particular stretch of road. This is one of the reasons Selena didn't mind driving back to Glendale after having just made the trek back to Tarzana. The drive was definitely faster and breezier.

"So, we've spend the better part of an entire day together." Selena said as they drove. "If you're starting to feel like you need a break, we can just put on some music rather than talk. But if you still have questions for me, you can feel free to ask."

"Well, I asked most of the polite ones on the long ride in yesterday." Layla confessed. "I've got more, but..."

"You can ask anything you want." Selena said. "I'd like to think I'm pretty transparent. But there is a difference between asking me about my porn life and my real life."

"I wouldn't never ask you about anything too personal, like how you lost your virginity or something." Layla said. "Or your real name. I honestly don't care about your real name at all. I'm perfectly happy to call you Selena."

"Well, as far as questions about my non-porno sex life... you pretty much know by now that I don't really have that much sex outside of work, so... no sense asking about that."

"So you're... single, then?" Layla asked.

"You ask me this after you come inside me?"

"I'm sorry! I was overwhelmed."

"Don't be sorry. It was lovely. I told you." Selena looked at her briefly. "So... yes. I'm currently unattached."

There was a brief silence. "And now my question for you is..." Selena asked. "Does my being single make me more attractive?"

"I don't know, since I can't really imagine you being any sexier." Layla chuckled. "And either way... if I'm being good like I'm supposed to, I can't... make a move or anything."

"Are you hard again?"

"Yeah. It's going to happen a lot." Layla smiled. "No sense in asking me that. If I'm sitting next to you, I'm either hard or half-hard."

"I've scarcely ever met anyone who's as... into me as you seem to be." Selena said. "Would you call yourself my biggest fan?"

"I'm sure there are bigger fans out there, but maybe I'm the biggest fan who isn't actually obsessed or crazy."

"You're the biggest fan who I'd actually want in my car."

"Sure."

There was a break in the conversation. Layla asked another question she didn't have the nerve to ask earlier. "Do you have breast implants?"

"No, I do not." Selena answered flatly. "I am a natural 36DD."

"Lucky you." Layla pouted softly.

"I have to be honest... most people aren't big fans of my breasts." Selena observed.

"You can't be serious."

"I am." Selena nodded ruefully. "Very few fans comment or email me about my body, and even fewer anything but compliments, and fewer still about anything but my penis.

"I know for a fact that my breasts are very perky and nice for how big they are. But in porn, people want breasts that are literal hemispheres, breasts that stand out like a shelf. It's just because most of the large breasts they see in porn ARE implants, and thus that's what people get used to seeing, what they associate with being aroused. I'm convinced that's why some men are aroused when a woman looks disinterested. Like the Blurred Lines music video, where the girls are actually topless and looking completely bored and neutral. I'm almost positive they had them do that because that's the reaction men get from women that they encounter in strip clubs."

"I... have never been in a strip club, but I can picture what you mean."

"Of course not. You're not old enough, since most of them serve beer."

"I am old enough to... look up this video on my phone."

"Do you like that song?"

"No, I'm keeping the sound off."

"Thank God." Selena said with obvious relief. "I have no idea why that song took off."

"Are you opposed to plastic surgery?" Layla asked.

"Not at all. But that decision is more practical than anything else. In order to make my breasts substantially bigger, I'd have to graduate to a G-cup or H-cup. But then my ass would look tiny... and it would even make my dick look smaller! I like my proportions just the way they are, and I never needed the orb-shaped boulder breasts to be popular, so... I never bothered."

A small silence. "Do people only like big cocks because they see lots of big cocks in porn?"

"No. That's completely natural." Selena reasoned. "But if those guys who inject silicone into their dicks became the mainstream... yeah, big, lumpy, stretched-out cannoli-looking dicks might become what people would want." She paused to use her indicator. "Have you ever seen those videos?"

"I've seen a few..."

A longer pause. "You ever masturbate to them?"

"Once or twice." Layla shrugged. "There was one where the guy's thing was all purple."

"That wasn't from silicone injections." Selena said. "In fact... if it's the guy I'm thinking of... he did that with cock pumps. He's almost certainly impotent now from doing it, and has to use cock rings and stuff like that to get hard at all. I think that guy's a complete idiot. He took what was probably a decent cock and made it horrible and useless. And I'm still bigger."

"Yeah. I couldn't bring myself to jack it to that guy."

The last word in that sentence brought a question to Selena's mind. "So... are you bisexual?"

"I've never liked that word." Layla almost winced at hearing it. "I feel like 'bisexual' could be a stupid way to describe a futa."

"It's the word we've got. And everyone knows what it means. I've never once, not even a single time have I met a futa who wasn't attracted to other futa. So that's never really in question. I guess in this context, what I'm asking is... are you attracted to men?"

Layla seemed to take a long time with that question.

Selena jumped back in. "You don't have to answer."

"No, I will." Layla said. "The truth is... I might be pansexual. I like men, and I like women, but they're both missing stuff that I like. So I can be attracted to anyone, but not half as much as other futa."

"Have you ever done a scene with a man?"

Layla looked across at her. "I've only done solo scenes."

"Oh!" Selena piped. "So Sunday was your first time doing a scene with a partner?"

"Yeah." Layla said. "That's why I screwed it up."

"I'm sure you did fine." Selena said. "I really want to see it."

"It won't be anything special." Layla shrugged. "So earlier, you said that you're hetero for the cheddar-o."

"I should trademark that. Six years later, I'm still really proud of that phrase."

"So... you're not attracted to men?"

"Other than the dicks? No, not really." Selena said. "Especially the ones I work with who want futadom, like futa domination... those guys are all insane."

"If it's insane to want you to fuck my ass, then lock me up."

"No, I mean... I did one scene, and he's like, 'I want more!'" Selena opened up with sudden passion, undoubtedly remembering a particular conversation. "What do you mean 'more?!' I've got the biggest dick in porn, one of the biggest in the world! What the hell do you mean 'more?!' I tell you what, I'd never say that to someone pounding my ass. I'd act like it was more than I could take, even if he's got half a Tic-Tac down there, because that's what you do!"

Selena caught her breath. "I'm sorry. That just really bothered me."

"Why would a guy with half a Tic-Tac be in porn?"

"Some guys with little dicks make a living in humiliation porn." Selena said. "They wanted me to star with some other futa and do some humiliation, but... they couldn't find a futa who was small enough to make it work."

"What about me?"

"Don't be silly, Layla."

Selena kept driving.

"You enjoying the video?"

"I can't believe this is on Youtube. It's not even age-restricted!"

Selena glanced to her side for a moment, seeing the beige room where the disinterested models danced without their shirts. On another day, this room might contain Justin Long hawking an overpriced computer, or an Internet comedian in a red tie yelling about a cartoon from the eighties.