The Gunzerker Chronicles Vol. 01 Ch. 02

The catgirl ignored him, tapping her foot while she waited for someone at the spaceport to answer the intercom.

"Alright," Brüt said, "no need to beg. I've never taken an apprentice before, but I suppose I could make an exception in your case."

She looked at him like he'd sprouted a second head that spoke only in Tibetan yak yodeling.

"I could use someone to do the shopping, cooking, and cleaning. I'd split the bounties with you, of course. Eighty-twenty. That's more than generous, as anyone would tell you. Frankly, the honor of working with THE Brüt Stallyn, legendary bounty hunter and senior strike commander of the 69th Gunzerker Unit of the Independent Nations of the Sol System during the Sexopalypse Wars should be reward enough in itself, but I am a generous Master." He flashed his toothiest, most charming grin.

The catgirl jabbed her finger against the intercom button half a dozen more times. "Hello? Bloody hell, is this thing broken? HELLO!? Anyone there?"

A scratchy voice replied, "Yeah, whatdda ya want?"

"Requesting access to dock number six, security code alpha two four nine echo gamma zeta."

There was a terrible mechanical grinding sound, then the cranky voice over the intercom said, "Damn gate's on the fritz again. Hold yer britches. I'll be right out."

"What sort of a ship you got? I had a Viperion Class E when I was younger, but these days I tend to prefer a good, sturdy ship to the flash and dash of the sportier models."

She turned on him, jabbing a claw against his chest. "Look, dude, you obviously suffered some sort of traumatic brain injury as a child, so let me lay this out real simple like. I. Don't. Need. You. I don't need anybody."

"A sweet little thing like you? Oh, kitten, they'll chew you up and spit you out faster than you can say 'hairball.' Stick with me and you have my personal guarantee that no one, and I do mean no one, will ever dare mess with you again. Not with Brüt Stallyn by your side."

"I don't know who you think you are. Or who you are, period. But I'm not looking for a job. Or an apprenticeship. Or to be a sidekick. Or whatever other machismo nonsense you have in your little pea-brain. I'm Kitty fucking Meow-Meow." She launched into a diatribe about her qualities, counting them off on her paws as she named them. "I'm a licensed bounty hunter. A damn good one, too." She hefted Cannibal Bill's severed head to demonstrate her point. The eye Brüt shot out dripped corneal fluid. "I've got my own ship, my own weapons, my own style, and in about two days I'll have a cool thirty mil to pad out my retirement fund. You are a drooling, meatheaded neanderthal who seems to think that I 'need' you just because I don't have some sad, wrinkled skin-sausage hanging between my thighs. Well, let me tell you, pal, I don't need you. Or anyone. So back the fuck off my jock or I'll add your head to my collection and mount it in the ship's rec room. In fact, if you say so much as another word, I will gut you. Do you understand me?"

Brüt nodded approvingly and clapped a hand on the catgirl's shoulder. "You drive a hard bargain, but you're right. We bounty hunters should stick together. You've convinced me. You can tag along with me. So long as we're clear who's in charge."

Kitty tensed, her muscles strained so tight that she thought she might have an aneurysm and drop over dead at that very moment. On the one paw, she was a woman of her word, which meant she had a certain obligation to gut the moron. On the other paw, he truly did seem too stupid to bother with. Another harmless, boneheaded Earthling possessed of too much brawn and too little sense. And so she chose the high road and ignored him. The gatekeeper had arrived by any account and she would be able to leave the braindead brute behind and focus on cashing in her hard-earned bounty, paying off those troublesome debts, and maybe treating herself to a nice sushi dinner and a luxurious tongue bath.

The gatekeeper hopped off his tiny hovercart. He had a greying beard that reached down to his navel and a mouthful of brown teeth. He kept turning to spit into the dirt every few seconds. He fiddled with the keys and found that one that unlocked the gate. "Eh, sorry about that. I swears this damned old thing is broke more oft than it ain't." He waved them through. Kitty took off at a brisk jog, up the incline toward the spaceport. Only when the dumbnut behind her whistled for his horse did she realize Brüt was following her.