The Guy Who Came in From the Cold

She seemed to flinch momentarily but quickly recovered as she lightly replied, "He still stays in the guest room Dan. We are just friends these days and that is it." With that she was gone heading into the kitchen.

Dinner was soon served and as the first beer had gone down easily, Janey quickly replaced it with a second one. True to her word, we did not speak of us or the troubles we have had over the last year and a half but still managed to cover a respectable number of neutral subjects like work, health, food and friends we used to share together when we were a couple. All in all the supper went well as did the next two beers that she supplied me as well as a second helping of pot roast which made my taste buds miss my marriage all over again. After tonight it would take a while to consume the frozen dinners which had become my lot in life with any relish.

Finally, with the neutral subjects exhausted and feeling full and content for the first time in a year she chose to initiate her real agenda, "Dan, it has been a year now honey and I was hoping that you might have gotten over it enough so that we might talk about us."

I felt the relaxing effect of the beers begin to wear off as I retorted, "Getting over the trauma of the two people you loved the most in the world betraying you is a little tough to do. This isn't like I caught a cold or broke a bone. For what you two did to me there is no cure and I doubt, short of having my memory destroyed by a surgical procedure that I will never get over it as you so blithely put it. However, we are here so please say what you have to say."

She seemed a little put off by my attitude and looked uncomfortable as she continued on. "Alright Dan, I will. I don't know where to start this so I guess an apology is the right place. I am sorry Dan, truly and regretfully for ruining our marriage and hurting the best thing that ever came into my life, and that is you! I am not sure why I did what I did, but if I could go back and change things so that the affair never happened, you can rest assured that I would."

She stopped suddenly and looked into my eyes as she spoke with firmness that I had only seen in her a few times in our entire marriage, "Dan, I know I screwed up, and I know that it was my entire fault, but I need you back in my life. I dream about us every night, I think about us all the time and I miss you in my life!" She paused a second before she implored, "Dan, I want another chance and if you can see your way clear to granting it I would do anything, sign anything and take any type of test or counseling you want. I realize I have lost your trust and respect but if there is any love left in you for me I want to be your wife again! Please honey, I want us back!"

She seemed drained and her face was tight with tension as she wrapped up her speech. To say I wasn't moved would be a lie and to say that at some level I didn't want exactly what she was proposing would've been a bigger lie. But the pain and humiliation of the last year still weighed heavily on me.

I noticed that she was gripping the table and her knuckles were white just like they were in the picture on my desk. I took a swig of my beer as I took a few seconds to think about what she said and how I wanted to respond. Finally, I spoke. "Janey, first off let me just say that you are not solely to blame for the affair, you had help in the form of a well-practiced seducer I trusted since grade school. I knew him as a kid and even then he loved to move in on girls who were going steady and take them from their boyfriends. It is like a big game for him. He earned the name Tarzan in school because he was the king of the jungle and would take his "Jane" wherever he and whenever he wanted. I had even stood by him in those days in a dozen fights from jilted boyfriends seeking revenge. He grew to hate the nickname Tarzan and would fight anyone who called him that to his face. Then he was my friend and I felt that I had to stand by him even though he was in the wrong. Now, forty years later, I am brutally aware of just how wrong I was and how twisted he is inside to go after those women he can't have. Maybe my marriage being ruined by him was some form of cosmic karma come back to repay me for the mistakes of my youth."

I paused as I looked into her eyes, the same eyes I had loved since I first saw them, "The one thing about Gwatarski that I truly believed was that he would never try to steal my girl like he did with all the others. Boy was I wrong on that one." I paused and realized that I wanted to hold her so badly it hurt, " So you see, while it is noble of you to take the blame you can in reality only take half of the responsibility he must take his share of the blame also. Also, I think that you need to realize that he cannot and will not remain faithful to you."

Her face showed a glimmer of hope as I continued, "let me ask you this. If, and that is a big if, I agreed to your request, how will you end it with the slug?"

She fired her reply back rapidly as if she was prepared for this one, "I have told Gary already that I want you back and if you allow me back in your life then he is out of mine totally."

I knew her and I believed her. However I knew Gary too and he could be very persuasive in getting what he wanted and if he was like me then he would still want her and do whatever he needed to do to get her back. As Janey stared hopefully at me I suddenly had a question for her that I had never asked her since we first met. Throughout our years together it just seemed unimportant but now I needed to know. "Janey, when Gary introduced us how well did you know him?"

I noticed that she looked away as I asked the question avoiding looking into my eyes. She recovered and looked directly at me as she hesitantly began, "Are you sure you really want to know Dan?" I nodded my head yes and she took a deep breath and began, "Alight Dan, I guess you deserve to know the whole truth. I met Gary at a party. He was good looking and funny and I fell for him like a ton of bricks. I was a young girl and he really did it for me. We had a relationship that lasted a total of three glorious weeks. That was about the span of his girlfriend's back then." Her face looked sad as she pushed on, "I was in love with him by that time and even though he told me we should see other people I kept bugging him. After a while he promised to fix me up with someone who he said I would really love and was a better man for me than himself. Well, to be truthful I only went along simply because I thought that once he saw me with another guy he would realize his mistake and want me back. Well, that guy he was talking about was you and he was right, I fell in love with you almost from the first date. I was also right that he would want me back but it took thirty three years for that to happen. Back then we both decided that you really never needed to know our past and we kept it that way until now." She finished and looked utterly overcome.

I wasn't sure if I was angry or just supremely disappointed, "So you two were lovers before we met and then you both colluded to keep that bit of information from me since the day we met." I looked at her now sitting with a downcast look, "I have to give you credit for at least being able to keep a secret."

I needed to ask her the next question as it was the one that had been gnawing at me for over a year but it would not come out. I started and stopped a few times before Janey noticed my indecision and with the clarity of a wife for over thirty years correctly read and interpreted my body language. She spoke with a sarcastic temerity, "I know what you want to ask Dan and don't you think I have asked myself the same question a million times since you found out. I don't know why we became lovers again, I could blame it on the fact you weren't there or that the booze got to me or that Gary was irresistible, or maybe it was the fact that I remember how good a lover he was, or maybe it was a combination of all of these or none of these. To be truthful with you I don't know. I'm sorry, that's all I can really tell you, but it's true."

Well that was at least an answer to what had been eating at me for over a year, but I would still always wonder if she was just trying to spare my feelings because she just felt that I was inadequate. Now I took a deep breath and started into painful territory, "Are you still sleeping with him?"

Her face broadcast her feelings and as I interpreted them she was afraid of hurting me but didn't want to lie. With trepidation she responded, "Yes."

Even though I already instinctively knew the answer it still hurt. I looked at her eyes and probed, "Why Janey? If I meant so much to you and you still want me back why are you still sleeping with him? Frankly, after all the pain he has caused, why is the jerk still living here?"

She looked a little wild as she retorted fast and loudly, "Because I need someone Dan! I am so alone I can't stand it. I miss you so much that I needed a substitute and he was here! That's why!" With that she broke down and began to sob with her head cradled in her hands and her body wracked by the fury of her tears.

I felt exhausted and knew that it was time to go home. I stood and walked around the table to help Janey to her feet. Her tears were falling freely and a part of me still wanted to ease her pain. I don't know why but I tentatively reached out and wiped them away with my finger. She sniffled and stopped and then reading me again, she threw her arms around me as if trying to keep me with her. I finally broke the hug and spoke, "I have to go home now Janey. Will you be alright?"

She nodded knowing what my words really meant and then went quickly went into her protective wife mode, "Wait! Before you go let me get you some of the leftover pot roast to take home with you." She went to turn and I held on to her hand, 'Never mind Janey, its fine."

I got my coat and was walking to the front door when it opened up and in walked Gary. His face showed apprehension and hope when he saw me and he spoke as if we were still friends, "Dan! How have you been?"

I gazed at him with a look of shock, "Why would you give a damn how I have been? You ruin my life, destroy our friendship and steal my wife and you ask me how I am! Are you insane?"

To his credit he looked repentant, "I'm sorry Dan, I never planned it, well, it just seemed to happen and then take on a life of its own." He paused and then continued, "Dan, we both miss you in our lives. Is there any way we could forget what happened between us and just try to rebuild our friendship?"

I no longer cared whether Janey would get hurt in this as I had to ask, "Sure, however let me ask you a question alright?" He actually had a hopeful look on his face and nodded his assent when I fired off my question, "When was the last time you screwed her?"

Hope faded from his face and he hemmed and hawed before he answered me, "I don't remember Dan honest!" I knew Gary from the old days and I also knew when he was lying so I pushed forth again, "C'mon Tarzan you must remember the last time you put the "meat" to her. Isn't that what you use to say in high school after you scored some poor dumb schmucks girlfriend wasn't it?"

The word Tarzan hit home and I could see anger flush his face which is what I wanted. He puffed himself up and looked me straight in the eye as he coldly replied, "Yeah Dan that's what I used to say and if you really want to know I put the meat to her this morning, just like I do every morning! And she loved it screaming for more of me inside her!" He said it in anger and I heard Janey's inrush of breath as she realized what he had just spoken.

He stopped talking and looked from me to Janey and then tried to cover his tracks, "Dan I'm sorry! Janey and I are through; we haven't had sex for months! Really! I just said that because you used that stupid name and you know how much I hate it!"

I looked from him to her and in that moment it became abundantly clear, there was no hope for a reconciliation of my marriage or my friendship. Both were liars and always had been. I no longer wanted to see either one but I had something to say, "Look, both of you were my family for more years than I care to count but it's over." I looked at Janey, "As my wife you should have been more honest about Gary when we first met, if you had we might not be here now. You lied to me by omission!" She looked panicked and started to reply but I held up my hand and she stopped. "Tonight you gave me a convoluted reason for the why of it but you never answered the big question of how." I turned to look at Gary and could see his immature mind trying to make a joke about the mechanics of the sex act when I stopped him short when our eyes connected, "You were my friend and I had your back for many years. If I meant so much to you how could you have stolen something from me that was my most precious treasure?" His eyes looked away from mine and I could almost see the shame written on his face as he began to apologize once again until I told him to stop.

Turning once again to my ex-wife I spoke more gently than I felt, "You were my wife. You promised to be faithful until death do us part. How could you have traded my love and devotion to you for a tawdry affair with a two timing ape like Tarzan here? You told me that you loved me, but I don't see it. When you love someone you work at keeping them in your life. You threw me away like a piece of unwanted trash. You lied when we got married and you continued to lie right through until tonight."

Janey began to speak in a rush, "Dan you're wrong! I do love you and I want to work this out! Gary was a huge mistake but I can make it right again. Please!" She began to move towards me with her arms out to embrace me but I moved back out of her reach.

I pushed past Gary who looked like a poleaxed mule and opened the front door. Janey looked distraught while Gary had recovered enough to just look sad. Before stepping out into the cold again I looked at my ex and spoke in a formal tone, "Thank you for a lovely dinner, I truly enjoyed it. Have a good life as I doubt that we will be seeing each other again."

I looked at Gary and it looked like he was going to say something but I cut him off, "Well Tarzan looks like you got another Jane, or should I say a Janey. I just hope the price you paid was worth it." Before either could respond, I stepped out into the cold shutting the door behind me.

Reaching the car I turned to see the front door fly open and Janey in a determined voice call out, "It's not over for us Dan! I want you back and I will get you back no matter how long it takes. Gary is gone tomorrow! You are my man and we still belong together!"

She was still calling out some nonsense as I started my car and backed out from the driveway. Tomorrow was another day and I had to get up early for work.

The office was cold when he arrived but that was not unusual as the snow was falling outside creating the illusion of a clean world. He loved the solitude of the office at this time of the day, everything was so peaceful. He turned up the heat in the office and began making coffee. Today however, his ritual was going to be different. As soon as he finished turning up the heat and putting the coffee on, he sat at his desk and picked up the picture he had fixated on over the last eighteen months. He looked at it one last time and then he muttered one word, "Enough!" With that word he set to work dismantling the frame and removing its contents. Looking at the loose picture one last time he tore it into small pieces and disposed of it in his trash can.

Looking at the frame he pondered on throwing it out too but then rethought that idea. Instead of throwing it away he put it back on the desk empty. Looking at it he thought, "Enough grieving for what was; now it's time to start living again. Fill that frame with new memories and forget the old ones."

Thinking about it, he remembered that one of the secretaries had tried to set him up with a widow who was a friend of hers a month or so back. He decided then and there that he would ask her if that offer was still good when she arrived for work. He smiled to himself for the first time in a long time and savored the peace of the empty office and the smell and flavor of a fresh cup of coffee.