The Halftime Show

From the time she was 5 years old it was clear that Maria Parnell was a gifted athlete. Whether playing field hockey, lacrosse or -- as was the case this autumn -- soccer, she always excelled. Even more impressive was the fact that despite the now 18-year-old Maria's talent, and notwithstanding that she played on a travel team of older semi-professional girls who easily could have resented her skills, the young prodigy was ceaselessly humble and grateful for whatever playing time she saw. Alas, Maria's mother -- Mrs. Danielle Marie Parnell -- possessed neither her daughter's humility nor gratitude.

Quite to the contrary, Danielle Parnell epitomized hubris and was grateful only that her privileged life did not ordinarily subject her to having to deal with the likes of the parents of Maria's teammates -- the peasants. That said, despite her disdain for the overweight, fanny pack wearing mothers and their pathetic khaki pant and golf shirt wearing husbands, Mrs. Parnell loved the attention that the latter group of losers couldn't help but pay her and, especially, the humiliation that their ogling brought upon their wives and daughters.

The inability of the team's male spectators to avert their collective gaze from her spectacular face and body for even a second humiliated not only them (the creeps) but -- to Danielle's complete delight -- their slovenly haus frau wives, inadequate girlfriends and unkempt mothers as well. Indeed and not surprisingly given Mrs. Parnell's incredibly high opinion of herself, she delighted in the fact that the wives, daughters and girlfriends of most any man were rendered all but invisible in her presence. After all, Danielle thought, if she had to cavort with this motley collective of suburban "soccer moms," there should be no mistake that she alone among them was worthy of the World Cup.

At 45 years old, thanks to fabulous genetics and a ceaseless dedication to fitness, Danielle possessed a body that surpassed those of most women half her age. Standing only 5'3", the suburban sexpot had for her height spectacularly long and perfectly toned legs that went from her femininely muscled calves to an ass so perfect it appeared carved from marble. Her fit, trim waist gave way to a very ample bust line the pertness of which begged the question of its authenticity. The sculpted arms that descended from her well exercised shoulders played perfect accompaniment to the rest of her peerless body which she always dressed to it best advantage.

At work, as the managing partner of SmythKnight, one of the Nation's largest and most prestigious law firms that she ruled with an iron fist, Danielle wore only the highest of heels and the most fashionable suits and dresses. The lustful stares of the firm's male partners, associates and staff fueled her ego almost as much as the daggers stared by the institution's female population. Outside the office, be it while shopping, dining at her country club or attending one of her three children's sporting or other events, Danielle always dressed to impress. So it was today, as Maria's soccer team was going through its warm-ups for the Maryland State High School Championship at a packed Naval Academy football stadium mere minutes from her home in Davidson, that Danielle Marie Parnell made one of her patented grand entrances.

As she emerged from a stadium tunnel onto the field -- with the express mission of either cajoling or cowing Maria's coach into starting her young daughter in the championship match -- Danielle immediately drew the attention of men and women alike. The former, almost without exception, were captivated both by her beauty and purpose while the latter, especially those mothers and sisters of Maria's teammates who with their husbands and fathers respectively would be able to watch the game from the sideline rather than relegated to the stands, stared daggers at the little tease who seemed in her lust for male attention always to get the better of them.

Resplendent in the late morning sun, Danielle strode purposefully along the field's sideline in a pair of 4.5" black, Manolo Blahnik Oceai cage heels, the silver buckles of which secured the leather straps of the towering shoes snugly across her leanly muscled calves. Reveling in the warm fall weather, the bare-legged beauty's toned legs were profiled to their best effect as they rose lithely from her fashionable footwear to just above mid-thigh where they disappeared beneath a pair of black, leather Jean-Claude Jitrois couture shorts that themselves were held tight by a gold Versace chain link belt. The spectacular nouveau hot pants -- made famous when Jada Pinkett-Smith sported them to one of her husband's recent premieres -- cupped Mrs. Parnell's hyper exercised bottom like a glove. The zipper -- located strategically in the back -- echoed the wonderful cleave that parted the exquisite cheeks of her magnificent ass.

Up top, the magnificent mother of three sported a light cashmere Burberry poncho the collar of which revealed that the nape of her supple neck, around which was tied a silk, Hermes, leopard-skin print scarf, was framed by two thin shoulder straps of the ribbed white Polo tank-top that she wore beneath the autumn cover-up. The short poncho itself reached Mrs. Parnell's waistline in front and back but was not so long as to deprive anyone the view of her undeniably fit form. To provide the wind a plaything, Danielle's magnificent brown mane, sun kissed with artfully done blonde highlights, flowed freely. Her tanned skin was done in a complimentary natural hue and mirrored aviator shades protected her emerald eyes from the sun. In a word, she was a vision.

Shortly after her arrival on the field Mrs. Parnell spied Maria's team in a pre-game huddle around their coach -- Dr. Richard Miras, a local dentist, father to one of Maria's teammates and husband to Rachel Miras, one of Danielle's neighbors who, like most women in Davidson, she held in naught but disdain. Unfortunately for the preening narcissist, whose present intent was to cow Richard Miras into ensuring that her daughter started this important match, Danielle would be forced to "engage" with Mrs. Miras -- the Hobbit -- and some of the other team moms who now stood between the comely counselor and her goal.

"Why good afternoon Danielle," offered Rachel Miras, inwardly detesting the showy and smug prima donna standing before her but outwardly intimidated by the woman who had for so long lorded over her and the other team mothers.

"Why hello there Rachel," Danielle replied imperiously while flashing her best fake smile, "I'm just on my way to make sure your husband over there starts Maria in today's game."

"I don't think...," Mrs. Miras began before Danielle rudely and authoritatively cut her off.

"And you really shouldn't think dear, it's hard on you and painful for the rest of us to witness."

Satisfied as usual with her domination of Mrs. Miras, the arrogant uber-MILF surveyed the group of "mom jean" and sweatshirt wearing women before her -- a group that in addition to Rachel Miras included Emily Duncan and Katherine Wray, two other mothers whose daughters played on Maria's team. Disgusted but not surprised by the motley crew before her, Danielle rolled her gorgeous emerald eyes beneath the cover of her mirrored sunglasses and, in her classic "frenemy" manner, snidely chastised them all.

"Far be it for me to give sartorial tips to sophisticated dressers such as yourselves ladies but I would have expected -- given that this is the Maryland State Championship after all -- that you might have taken your wardrobes up a notch."

Flabbergasted even more than usual by her narcissistic neighbor's sharp rebuke, Rachel Miras managed to drop her oversized purse from which spilled the likes of any ordinary mom's weekend arsenal of emergency standby items including two clear-wrapped sandwiches, a pack of dental floss, any number of paper clips and candy wrappers and some assorted sticks of chewing gum.

"Pull yourself together there Miras," Danielle laughed mockingly at the other woman's discombobulation before, as Rachel recovered the fallen sandwiches, going in for her characteristic kill.

"At least we know for sure why you're wearing those sweats," the preening beauty continued, "that's quite the lunch you've got there."

But before Rachel could even contemplate a response, or either of Emily or Katherine could come to the disgraced woman's aid, Mrs. Parnell had already turned on one of her very high heels and was quite purposefully making her way toward the coach.

Emily Duncan was the first to voice what all of them were thinking.

"Can you believe the nerve of that woman... take our wardrobes up a notch... maybe she should take hers down a notch."

Or maybe she should take it completely off daydreamed Katherine Wray who out loud, as the tall Tennessean's eyes stayed glued to Danielle's incredibly well exercised posterior moving away in its tight little leather shorts said, "just once I'd love to see her get hers."

"You can say that again," added Rachel, "she always manages to fluster me and I inevitably end up humiliating myself while she smugly flips her hair and marches away laughing. I'd sure like to see her be the one out of sorts for once."

"Or maybe out of those shorts for once," Emily Duncan added laughing.

* * *

Meanwhile, having just witnessed the aforementioned scene from not twenty yards down the touchline, a stunned Alex Morgan turned to an equally flummoxed Hope Solo and, in no small amount of disbelief inquired, "oh my God did that really just happen?"

The two women -- among the most famous female footballers on the planet -- were in Washington, D.C. that weekend for a friendly match between the U.S. women's national team and Brazil and, in the interest of promoting the women's game, had accepted an invitation to appear briefly at halftime of the Maryland girls High School State Championship match. Their presence was the reason for the Naval Academy football stadium sell-out -- nearly 25,000 young girls and their families had come to get a glimpse of the two stars.

"Oh it happened alright," replied Ms. Solo seeming more irritated by Mrs. Parnell's arrogance than Alex thought the situation warranted. "That's Danielle Parnell, the lawyer who just yesterday convinced the Players' Association to fire my lawyer -- to 'shut me up' -- and replaced him with her fancy firm. You should have seen her at the pitch -- she had those old men eating out of her well-manicured hand."

"Calm down Hope," replied her beautiful teammate, "there's nothing we can do about that today." Or was there?

* * *

"I honestly don't want to hear it," Danielle Parnell chided Richard Miras as he tried to explain why Maria Parnell would not be starting the day's game, "life is about winning Miras, not about participation and my daughter is one of the best -- if not the best -- player on this team. Why should she sit idly on the sidelines while some fat incompetent kid who just happens -- boo, hoo -- to be playing her last game, puts the championship at-risk. Just because you're a loser doesn't mean these girls need to be."

"Please Mrs. Parnell, the girls can hear you... and as I said, Maria is great but she has two more years left with the team. She understands that fact and, in any event, I promise she'll start the second half today."

"Listen you little pipsqueak," Danielle sneered as she used her extraordinarily high heels to tower over the diminutive dentist, "I don't care if a bunch of entitled little brats can hear me and I don't care if you promise me that Maria will start every game next season but if she doesn't start today I'm going to tell that frumpy mess of a wife of yours how I'm constantly catching you leering at me during practices."

"But Danielle... please... you know that's not true," murmured the discomfited dentist kicking himself for ever even glancing at the vile vixen's astounding form.

"Oh isn't it you little pervert," sneered the sexy solicitor knowing, as usual, that she was about to get her way. "I guess we'll just see what the league's advisory committee has to say about that... unless you honestly think those fine men are going to side with you over... well... this."

And as the arrogant mother of three cocked her bejeweled hand upon her flawless leather encrusted hip, Richard Miras knew he would be changing the day's starting lineup.

"Of course, Danielle...," he began.

"It's Mrs. Parnell to you... Richard... or should I just call you Dick."

"I mean of course Mrs. Parnell, Maria will be starting today's game."

Self-satisfied with her latest conquest, Danielle Marie Parnell, with a little extra sway in her very sexy bottom, made her way back to the sidelines where, as the game was about to begin, she installed herself directly in front of the now seated Rachel Miras.

"Mrs. Parnell," the annoyed but always intimidated Rachel Miras began, mindful that her husband had just been cowed by the diva before her, "Danielle... you're... well... you're blocking my view of the game."

With characteristic disdain for Rachel Miras and her ilk, Danielle looked over her well exercised poncho covered shoulder and, raising her mirrored aviator sunglasses so as to look the shuddering Mrs. Miras directly in the eye, imperiously proclaimed, "there is nothing for you to see right now Rachel dear. Your husband has benched that daughter of yours so that Maria could start the game in her place. Maybe now would be a good time for you to dig into your delicious looking sandwiches."

Rachel Miras was at her wits' end. The domineering Danielle constantly made her look the fool and now it had happened once again. Not only that but Will Parnell, Danielle's college aged son who had begun to take on his mother's worst traits had just showed up at the game in his Harvard University shorts and crew tee-shirt and, standing next to his officious mother, further occluded Rachel's view. It's what she heard the stuck-up preppy say next though that really brought Rachel's blood to a boil.

"Nice one mom," the lanky teen smirked, "that comment about the sandwiches was priceless."

"Now, now William," his mother pretend scolded him in a stage whisper she clearly intended Rachel and the other moms to hear, "I'm sure she is doing the best she can with what God gave her."

And as mother and son alike laughed at the people they so looked down upon, Danielle got yet another chance for one of her oft desired "look at me" moments. As luck would have it, the ball had rolled off the field and settled right at the base of her booty-short encased legs. Convinced as always that every set up male eyes in the stadium was glued to her fantastic body, the perennially sexy soccer mom slowly bent at her waist to pick the ball up and then, with her sparkling white teeth gleaming in the daylight sun, coyly tossed it to the strapping young college referee who, caught up in the delicious diva's show, nearly swallowed his whistle as he handed the ball off to one of the girls to be put back into play.

Mrs. Rachel Miras had finally had enough. Her endless effort to endure Mrs. Parnell's disdain for -- in fact outright mockery of -- Rachel and the other moms coupled with Danielle's calculated mix of flirting with and mocking her hapless husband of a coach to make sure she maximized Maria's playing time, had most definitely in Rachel's mind set the little tease up for a well-deserved fall.

The constant barrage of comments like, "oh my God, she is as out of shape as her mother" and "does everyone really need to play," combined with the arrogant MILF's stalking the sidelines like a fashion runway in her tiny shorts and heels had really raised the ire of the ordinarily quiet Rachel. That Richard and the other dads in attendance couldn't keep their eyes off the little trollop, which clearly stoked the fire of Danielle's ego even more, was straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. Well, thought Rachel, that all ends today. But how?

No sooner than Rachel had asked herself that question, however, had Danielle and her son managed harmlessly to avoid yet another miskicked ball that -- not surprisingly given how her day had gone thus far -- smashed directly into the seated Rachel Miras and, as Will and his mother laughed heartily at the scene, caused Rachel's overstuffed bag to one more time dispel its contents to the ground.

As her unscathed nemesis once again bent at the waist to retrieve the ball, Rachel characteristically found herself humiliated and without a voice. To make matters worse, she came face to face with Mrs. Parnell who, still in full bend as she gathered the errant ball, couldn't resist hurling yet another insult, this time out of earshot of anyone but its intended target.

"Maybe if you stopped stuffing that fat face of yours with food Miras you'd be able to dodge a ball kicked by a girl -- not to mention to regain some interest from your husband who seems almost unable to keep his eyes off me."

And then, while she remained bent over in a manner clearly intended to inspire drool and more from the stadium's assembled men, Danielle Parnell turned away from Rachel Miras -- giving the latter a clear view of her there for all to see leather short encased bottom -- and, finally standing up, rolled the ball back over to the quite evidently aroused referee. As if to add insult to injury, the lovely lawyer managed to step directly onto -- and crush -- one of Rachel's fallen sandwiches and, as the afternoon sun caught the golden zipper pull where Danielle's sexy little shorts met the base of her perfectly formed back, it reflected directly into Rachel's eyes which caused her to spill her soft drink into her sweat pants covered lap.

But in that moment, as she dabbed her wet clothing with some of the old napkins that had fallen from her bag, a providential plan came together in the mind of Rachel Miras -- a plan that would set into motion a cataclysmic shift in the balance of power between her and her longtime tormentor. As Rachel looked up at Mrs. Danielle Parnell's highly aerobicized, leather short encased bottom she focused not on what treasures her dimwitted husband and most other men imagined beneath Ms. Perfect's fancy little pants but rather on the very large golden zipper pull that held those fancy pants together. The surface from which the actual light of the sun's reflection had momentarily blinded her a moment before had --ironically -- shown her the metaphorical light of her soon to be revenge!

Reaching down into the scattered mess of her shoulder-bag's former contents, Rachel quickly seized upon a large paper clip and the half-used container of dental floss. Then, working as delicately as she could, the now driven Mrs. Miras pulled the entirety of the spooled-up floss -- a good eight feet or so -- from its holder and tied one end tightly to the base of the paper clip. Bending the clip so that the floss would not slip off -- and as delicately and naturally as possible so as not to attract anyone's attention -- Rachel Miras threaded its open hook shaped end through the pull on the top of the zipper fastening the rear off Mrs. Parnell's oh so small, oh so tight little shorts. Chewing quickly an old stick of gum, Mrs. Miras used the resultant "glue" to ensure the hook did not slip off.

As the preening Danielle, completely unaware of Mrs. Miras' mischief, continued to drink in the adoration of all the men present, Rachel quite snugly tied the other end of the dental floss to a very sturdy leg of a nearby immovable picnic table upon which the team's halftime drinks and snacks had been arranged.

Although she fully intended to cause Danielle no small amount of embarrassment with her makeshift plan of sabotage, Rachel Miras never could have imagined the episode that was soon to transpire. Before that show began, however, and as the game drew ever closer to half-time, Alex Morgan and Hope Solo overheard a conversation between Mrs. Parnell and her arrogant young son that soon would cause them unknowingly to ally themselves with the up-to-now hapless Mrs. Miras.