- Loving Wives
- The Hall Monitor
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Click hereHello dear readers. I write again to a special reader. One who chooses to write diatribes rather than honest criticism. It's also for all those who 'comment' anonymously unwilling to use even their Literotica username. And, it's for those who seem to be the hall monitors of the 'Loving wives' section and who cannot for the life of themselves write more than a paragraph or two of coherent prose.
I've tried to help him out in this story even providing footnotes/definitions to the more obscure words. I hope that you read this in the spirit in which it was written -- tongue in cheek.
*
He never wanted to let anyone know his true name. While he sat at his computer writing 'reviews' which often had nothing to do with the story he was reviewing, his wife, who had loved him since high school, wondered what had happened to him. He'd become so bitter, so ... small, and she didn't know how to help.
He sat there in his tidy whites, tapping away at the keyboard, for the moment feeling like he was the powerful one letting yet another author know the wrath of A_Nonymous, the keeper of the faith, the hall monitor of the 'loving wives' section of the erotic literature website. How dare this author incite1 his sensibilities by writing of a woman who had a curious set of erogenous zones which shifted her into a space where she could be used as a toy, a slut, and even a cum dump.
He wanted so much to be 'a man' but it had been years since he'd truly made love to the woman he professed to love. He was physically, and mentally, impotent2. So he sat, fingers poised over the keyboard, his belly hanging over the elastic band of his underwear, typing away.
"Honey, why don't you come here and lay with me?" His wife of almost 20 years asked. "I could use some attention."
"Just a minute, just let me finish this." He was getting a hard-on typing away furiously.
His fingers tapped out his rant; Shithead, I gave you a '1' without even reading your story. You suck, asshole. knowing that, even as he typed his missive, his comment would either be eviscerated3, or deleted without a second thought by the author. That knowing, that he couldn't actually write anything that another would read and say 'Good job.' to, made him feel even smaller. Lit should leave my comments up. I should be able to say whether or not they get deleted.
"C'mon honey, lay with me."
He finished his diatribe4 and got up from the desk quickly, hoping that this time his erection would last after he was finished with his tirade*. Alas it wasn't to be so. Even as he got up he could feel his pecker softening again.
"It's ok honey. I love you just the way you are." Only it wasn't true. She really wanted a man, the man she'd married so long ago. But he was gone and in his place she now lived with this shell. She cuddled up with him, put her arm around his chest and her leg crossed his hoping she could elicit5 some excitement from him. She reached down between his legs and cradled his member in her hand stroking him gently. But there was nothing. It lay limp, an earthworm of a penis.
And then she smiled to herself. She had an idea.
"Honey, I'm thinking it would help if you closed your eyes. Give this a shot for me would you?"
He so wanted to please his wife that he closed his eyes and listened to her voice.
"I want you to imagine me now in one of those stories." She cooed. "I'm in a room, a bar, and there are men around me. You've just gotten us a beer and are starting to bring me mine when this guy stands up in front of you. "Sit down, sonny boy." He tells you and, though you want to take care of me, want to help me, this guy is menacing6. You look down at him, that's right -- you look down at him, he's only 5'6" tall, but you realize that he could kick your ass and you sit down. You think, 'I'll get him. If only...'"
"I see you there, this wiry man standing now over you. You sitting with my beer in your hand, and I smile at you. "It's ok honey. They're alright. I'm ok."
As she talked he started touching himself stroking his member, coaxing7 it to life. She purred on...
"One of the men singles me out of the crowd and takes me to the dance floor, 'Loving Feeling' by the Righteous Brothers is playing, and we start to dance. He's really good though I wouldn't call him my type."
As she continued, she reached down and touched his hand on his now hard penis. She stroked him, her hand on his and kneeled up straddling him. His loving wife lowered herself down on him taking him inside of her easily.
"We dance slowly at first, normally, his right hand on my waist and his left holding mine. But I want more, you know how I get. I move his hand with my own to my chest holding his hand there on my breast the back of his hand pressed against me."
She rocks on him as she tells the story, she's getting wetter and wetter as she tells the tale. It excites her to be telling him a story while he's inside of her.
"I see you sitting there, the young Puerto Rican man smiling down at you as you watch me dancing with his friend, knowing his turn will come. My head sinks to my partner's neck and I lay it there swaying with him to the music. Our legs are entwined as we dance and we couldn't be closer. I feel his member pressing on me and I'm getting wet pressing myself on his thigh. He begins to press harder into me and reaches down with his right hand pulling my ass toward him. I can feel him bunching my skirt up behind me and reach back to stop him but he's too strong. After a moment of trying, not wanting you to see him taking advantage of me, I give up and let him grope my ass. After all, I started it holding his hand on my breast"
She rocks faster now pressing herself on his pubic bone wanting to feel him, to feel something.
"His hand is now pulling my panties up over my ass cheek and he lets go of my other hand, reaches around and wedges my panties up my crack. My ass is now visible to everyone and his hands are groping me. The others in the bar start to cheer and clap. "Go boy!" And he moves his head, his beard scratching my face. He forces me to kiss him. I hate beards, the feel of rough hair against my skin, and now this man is kissing me, his beard and mustache rubbing me like sandpaper, his tongue invades my mouth.
Faster and faster she rocks...
"And then he slaps my ass, HARD. The sound reverberates in the room. And it stings. I can't help it at this point, my panties are wet, he's controlling me, my ass stings and, when he spanks me again, I climax."
Faster and harder she rocks on him until "Owwwwwwwwww." She soaks him with her juices, clamps down on him and falls into his arms.
She lay there for moments, gathering herself, enjoying the first orgasm she's had in years knowing she'd made him feel more like a man. She feels him go limp again inside of her.
"God you were good, honey. I love you so much... we'll do this again."
And he lay there, wondering what had just happened.
If you've gotten this far, congratulations! I hope you got a smile or two, and that you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. What follows are the footnotes/definitions for the man who couldn't write a story if his marriage depended on it. I encourage you to vote and vote often. Anything more than a '1' will surprise me!
I don't accept messages from people who are anonymous and if I had the power there would be no anonymous comments either. Man up. Oh, and have a profile. Something more than 'over 18 years old'.
Finally, this is the second such story. If you've been missed and feel hurt that no one's written a short story for/about you, well you're too late I'm probably done with the 'response' stories. From now on it's the power of 'delete' for me.
Footnotes
1 - Incite; to bring into being : induce to exist or occur
2 - Impotent; 1. Lacking physical strength or vigor; weak.
2. Lacking in power, as to act effectively; helpless
3. Incapable of sexual intercourse, an inability to achieve or sustain an erection.
4. Obsolete Lacking self-restraint.
3 - Eviscerate; 1. To remove the entrails of; disembowel.
2. To take away a vital or essential part of
4 - Diatribe; a bitter and abusive speech or piece of writing
... his apparent inability to keep his pen from drifting from the main objective of his words into diatribe must have taken away from the sound and otherwise convincing arguments that he advanced. —Henry Petroski, Engineers of Dreams, 1995
*Tirade; synonym* for diatribe
*Synonym; synonyms are words with identical or similar meanings. Words that are synonyms are said to be synonymous.
5 - Elicit; to call forth, draw out, or provoke (a reaction, for example).
6 - Menace; a show of intention to inflict harm
7 - Coax; to persuade gently to do something or go somewhere, by being kind and patient
- COMMENTS
26thNCalmost 4 years agoI am happy to surprise you with a *2. Thanks for the definitions, I learned some new words at least.
impo_60over 9 years agoItis a pity...No comments from A_Nonymous, nor were we blessed to read his wrath...
flabufover 11 years agoAuthoryou guys are the best! A big Bouyaa goes out to Mel, Lickidee, Jon, Britease, and Baranbrat.
Wow a 5!!!! I never thought I'd ever get a 5, especially for a tongue in cheek retort to a not so anonymous reader. I admit it was fun writing this little munchkin of a story and do so appreciate that you had fun reading it.
Until next time then,
Carpe Diem!
Lickideesplitover 11 years agoI have also, more recently, proposed that comments from ANON be filtered through a blue-ribbon panel (BRP mainly consisting of registered users with 'Lickidee' somewhere in his/her user name). IF found meritorious, those comments would be published. If some doubt as to merit existed in BRP, an option to refer to the author for his/her opinion might be exercised!
The author's option to delete, or cease taking comments or ratings would, of course remain intact!
Lickideesplitover 11 years agoA-nonymous is unlikely to be 'tidy' (unless he is obsessively so!)
I would suggest in the 'end-notes' to number your main vocabulary, as you have, but letter {i.e. ' a.) ' } the several definitions.
Overall, I love this demonstration, and the culmination!
I am particularly bemused when an Anon mentions one of his /her prior postings (usually in a multi-chapter series) - DUH - "exactly which one of the 17 Anon comments was yours?"
I was tempted to post THIS comment as ANON. (Not!)
I have, in earlier comments, defended the troll. Everyone on LIT would avoid posting his or her LIT history if running for elected office. We are OUT of the 'public' main stream (although we MIGHT be a secret majority.) Very few of us are, however, attracted uniformly to ALL of the LIT subdivisions. In other words, we tolerate aspects in others that we do not personally enjoy. TROLLS are simply a part of this community, despite being a big Pain In The Butt! <Cannot believe I just said that - please disregard!>
mel_pomeneover 11 years agoI'm glad you weren't aiming this barb at me, flabuf! Then, perhaps you were - who can say ;) !
Anyway, you seem to have go it off your chest, which is no bad thing - and I really enjoyed reading it - and giving it a score of 5.
Thank you for your incisive and amusing contribution.
flabufover 11 years agoAuthorMy last comment for the morning...
I didn't 'ask' for a '1', I said "Anything more than a '1' will surprise me!". Mainly because it seems to me that the first readers of my stories are exactly the people who have written the incredibly negative comments. They are quick to respond and give me a '1' and letting me know what a worthless piece of cowdung I am. It hasn't happened yet on this story, and you don't see all the comments since some forward them directly to me (not public). I've alleviated the anonymous writings there.
My writing itself should have gotten better since I've started editing and rewriting my own stories often. I probably read this one 7-9 times before submitting it and had others read it too.
My next arena is building on my comedy routine. Oh, did I mention that I'm also an amatuer comedian with some following? So, when I say I wrote it tongue in cheek, it really is true. I had fun with the story - perhaps you watched 'A Knight's Tale' where Geoffrey Chaucer was trodding along naked when befriended by an upcoming knight. In this tale Chaucer, in a conversation with his tormentors, said he would "evisceate you with my words" and while his discomfort would be for a few hours, theirs would be for all time. My writing here is in that spirit - an honor to Geoffrey Chaucer if you will.
Now... go ahead and change your rating to whatever you feel is appropriate. Have fun!
Zed56over 11 years agoI agree with some of what you say but the idea that you say "Game On" leads me to believe that there is some anger on your part in regards to this Hell, you would not have written this story at all if not for something bothering you.Right? I have a couple of more comments. I gave you a one on this because that. is what you asked for.Realistically I would give this a three. Grammar was perfect but storyline and preface and epilogue bleed through with your anger at whomever you wrote this for.Like I said and Im not blowing smole up your ass I believe you have a talent. Seems to me your energies could be spent writing a real story like you did in some of your earlier postings. That's just my opinion Stay well Zed
flabufover 11 years agoAuthorYou're back! Good to see you here, and thanks for the compliment on my writing skills, I do appreciate it.
I'm not angry. Really don't care much what happens here or what scores I get. It would be nice to receive a score based on writing skill, story line, grammar, etc. but that isn't what happens here on Lit. The scoring is based on whether or not the reader thinks it should be in (for example) Loving Wives. Or even something like 'I didn't like what he said so I'm going to ALL his stories/poems (I cannot imagine A_nonymous actually reading a poem) and giving him a '1' on all of them. Once, as an author, this scenario is recognized, it's game on.
I've no real problem with anonymous comments if they hold to the 'skill, story line, etc... criteria. However, when authors (oh, and I'm far from the only one who has had this sort of back and forth) are derided, called profane names, and personally attacked, well I do take exception to that. Herein I have choices - delete the comment, which as you know I'm not hesitant to do, and/or write a story for the person who writes the abuse. I've had my fun.
So, really, what do you think of the story itself? An honest rating is always appreciated.
