The Holiday Park Incident

She repeated herself. "Are you accusing me of having an affair?"

"If the cap fits, wear it." That shut her up. That was bollocks of course, but it had a result.

It was a bit frosty after that and we didn't do anything, not even cuddle. It was going to get worse for her. But I loved her, and I was planning a way out for her, if she would take it.

But I was also planning to protect myself if she didn't.

Thursday evening I got home and I had everything prepared. When I got in Caroline looked lovely, I think she was trying to work out between making up and not coming over too needy. It wasn't one of my favourite dinners, but one that was pretty close. There was a bottle of wine, and it was a pleasant meal. We chatted about mundane stuff, my projects, her college, the plans they had to get out of the mess they were in, and how things were getting on.

Then to break the rhythm I did something out of the ordinary. She normally clears the plates and puts them in the dishwasher. But I did it this time. In a hurry, it all just went in the dishwasher, all in the wrong place, but I didn't care.

She was a bit taken aback by that, I sat down at the table, leaned across and indicated she give me both of her hands, she did. "Sweetheart we need to talk." Her face fell.

I looked her square in the eyes and said, "I love you with all my heart, I don't know how I would survive without you." I paused, then carried on." But this Julian thing has got me worried. We have both worked so hard to make this a nice place to live, a place we brought our son up in, a place we both love, but if one of us cocks up we both lose it. So, I've come up with a plan. You won't like it; I don't like it. But it's the best I can do."

She looked utterly confused. That was good.

I got a sheet of paper and a pen out of my pocket; I turned it round and showed it to her. The heading across the top said, 'Post Nuptial Agreement. ' I could see she was getting angry.

"Why?" She said.

"Look, in this country if I cheat on you, I still walk away with half of everything, and vice versa, if you cheat on me, you get half of everything including this house and the caravan and the cars. Anyway, you've not cheated, I've not cheated, so what's the problem."

She paused for quite a bit and then came back with, "I don't want to."

"Why?"

"It just doesn't seem fair."

"Why, what have you got to hide, I've got nothing. I love you and I would never cheat on you. I've got nothing to risk. And if you've got nothing to hide, then what's your worry."

"I just don't want to," she paused, "and it shows a lack of trust."

I acted like I was thinking about that, I had already thought that would be one of her replies, and she was right. I had an answer for her: it was bollocks, but I had an answer.

"But signing it shows you have faith in our marriage." Like I said, it was bollocks. I carried on. "What have you got to hide, what have you done? If you've not done anything or not trying to do anything, then why not. I'm happy I haven't cheated; I don't intend to cheat, I'll sign it." With that, I took up the pen and signed the paper. "The only reason I can see that you wouldn't sign this is that you have cheated on me or you're going to."

"I would never do that to you." She was in tears, there was guilt all over her face. I was pretty certain I had the right of it. I just need the confirmation.

"So why don't you sign?" I asked.

"This is a big step I need to think about it. This is for the long term you're talking about, forever. What if we just fall out."

She was correct, it was a valid argument because I had already thought of that.

I stood up. "I'll let you think about it, and I'll think about what to do if we just fall out. But I'm going to the club for a beer while I think." I'd already decided to pop to the rugby club. Thursday was always a busy night.

The thing about British rugby clubs is that they are full of learned people, doctors, solicitors, lawyers, psychiatrists and the like. But the one I was looking for was a solicitor mate of mine. We had both played rugby together, but we were getting too slow and too old, and it hurt more. So now we play cricket together.

I bought him a beer and asked him for a favour. I showed him my post-nuptial agreement. Without looking at me he said. "Do you think Caroline is having an affair?" I just smiled as he lifted his eyes off the paper and looked at me. "I need to confer with my colleagues." He said to me and walked away.

In our rugby club, there are corners where discussions happen, there is a doctor's corner, and sometimes they get into a huddle. I believe they are discussing symptoms and the like and the best way to sort out problems, no names no pack drill, that sort of thing. The same with solicitors, psychiatrists and lawyers. Us plebs get the rest of the bar. Can't complain, it seems to work.

My friend came back to me. The first thing he said to me was, and this surprised me. "You need to buy that crowd over there a beer or two. That way they've given you advice and you've paid them for it; therefore, you are their customer. And if your marriage goes to rat shit," with that he paused, I think he was on a bit of a roll where he wasn't normally talking to a friend. "Sorry mate, if it goes to rat shit, she has lost all the best lawyers and solicitors in this town, all those that are left don't play rugby or cricket." He smiled at me. I went and paid for several rounds of beer.

He took me to one side and we sat at a table. He started. "If everyone wrote their contracts like this, we'd all be out of business."

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

He said, "You lay things out simply, no nasty words like 'reasonably' or 'considering'.

"You say that if any of the two partners named, is caught having sexual relations with another person not named above, this agreement will come into force. A sexual relationship is defined as;-

Placing any part of your body inside another person's body not named above.

Allowing somebody, not named above, without objection to place something inside your body.

Cunnilingus on a person not named above.

Fellatio on a person not named above

Any contact with a sexual organ and this includes, but not limited to, breasts, vagina, anal passage and penile member from anybody not listed above is included as a sexual relationship."

"Will that hold up in court?" I asked.

"Our resident divorce lawyer took a photograph of it as an example, so I think so. There are some tweaks you could do, but it's pretty solid as it stands."

The financial side was quite generous, he said. The cheater gets one third of all savings and their car. But the offended party that keeps the house, two thirds of the savings and their car.

We've got about 160 grand in savings so the cheater wouldn't be destitute.

That was when he dropped the bad news on me. "This can't be retrospective. It can only be for the future. Otherwise, it would be seen as entrapment if she is having or has had an affair."

"Why?"

"If she is having an affair, and you know or suspect about it, this would seem like you're taking advantage of the fact to gain something over her, the house and most of the savings in this case, that would be seen as entrapment. If, however, she is having an affair and stops on the presentation of this paperwork, well, then you'll have to find another reason for divorcing her and keeping the house."

That wasn't my plan.

Bugger. But that would do even if she was having an affair, it would stop, and we go back to normal. I would sort him, whoever he was out later.

Well, that was it.

I thanked him and agreed to meet up next week sometime. I paid my dues and headed home. I love this woman that I've been living with for the last 20 odd years. OK, there's been changes. Jason arriving, growing up and then leaving. We've been good together. I was prepared to give this woman another chance, possibly stupid I know, possibly wimpish but I had loved this woman for 20 plus years, so I'll give her one chance, but if she refuses then the hounds of hell will come visiting. Well, actually I might just set next door's yappy Jack Russell terrier onto her.

I got home and she was sitting in front of the telly. I don't think she was watching it; I could see she'd been crying. She didn't look as pretty as she normally did, but I still loved her. I sat on the sofa next to her, and then I got her to turn around to look at me.

I could see there were several things going around in her head, but none of them made their way to her mouth. So, I started.

"Sweetheart, this Julian thing has worried me, and I have to do this. I've been to see my mates in the club with my postnuptial agreement. And they said I can't backdate it, if you or I have had an affair in the past, then that's it, It's in the past." Her face looked at me in a flash of anger. I ignored it and carried on "I know 100% I've not cheated on you, and whilst I believe you've not cheated on me, I cannot prove it. If you have, then it's in the past. So, when you sign this, and I know you will. It's only moving forward, what is behind us, is in the past."

I was utterly gobsmacked by the outpouring of relief and love and tears from the woman in front of me, it was hugely over the top. The woman was a wreck. Which convinced me even more she had been cheating. Fuck, now what do I do.

I laid awake all night, if she had cheated, whilst I was now certain she had, I had no proof. What the fuck do I do now. The woman I love, the mother of my son who I love. I did not sleep well. Whilst previously I was willing to forgive now in the cold dark night, was I so sure?

I awoke from my slumber; I did not feel rested. I smelt toast and coffee. I managed to make it downstairs and there was Caroline bustling around, she seemed awfully happy. And there was a pot of tea in front of my chair with a lovely tea cosy on top keeping it warm.

She got her coffee and sat down in front of me, she took my hands, she said to me, "Sweetheart I'm sorry I didn't see it from your point of view. I thought about it last night and you're right. What this Julian did, and whoever he was with, it was wrong."

With that she pulled out my postnuptial agreement and a pen, an ink pen not a cheap Biro like I'd used, and she signed it and more importantly dated it.

At that point, I decided that what was in the past, was in the past. I would have to get over any worries and concerns that I had. There were still going to be niggling doubts of course and I'd have to keep an eye on that, and on her.

I'd sort of forgotten about the weekend away in the van, there would always be next weekend, never mind. But then all the worries came back. Caroline came in on Friday evening telling me she had to go to Bristol for a meeting on Monday because one of the other admin assistants had dropped out. 95% of me wanted to believe her. 95% of me did believe her, but the 5% 'verify' stuck its ugly head up. I pushed it to one side for the weekend but planned.

Caroline was a happy bunny for most of the weekend. On Saturday I told her I was going to pop to the football club for a beer. She didn't bat an eyelid when I took the car, it's only a quarter of a mile away. I could have walked that far, and for Christ's sake I don't like football, I never go to the football club, I'm a cricket and rugby man. Her euphoria must have blighted her sight to the bleeding obvious.

I popped in to see another mate of mine, I wanted to borrow his car on Monday. That was all sorted.

We talked about her trip over the weekend. She's going to Bristol on the train first thing Monday morning and will be home Tuesday evening. They had a hotel booked for her and she would let me know where it was, and I always had her mobile number if I needed to make contact. She was going to go by train, so I offered to drive her to the railway station on my way to work, but she told me there were several of them going and the plan was to go to the college and get a minibus from there together. Couldn't quite see the logic myself. She would have to go past the railway station to get to the college, but I let it ride and added it to the list.

It was a fantastic weekend, I think that she nearly shagged me to death, and I did my best, she had problems walking Sunday. But in the back of my mind, it was guilty sex.

If my wife gets onto the train and goes to Bristol, I will be a happy man and when she told me which hotel she was in, she may get a surprise visit that evening from the man who loves her. But if she didn't, a little yappy dog from next door would get released.

Monday came around and I was definitely looking to verify, the thought was still popping into my head. I couldn't shake it. I managed to get the tracker into her handbag, like most women it was big enough to hide a dozen trackers in, but as long as the tracker and her mobile phone stayed in the same place, and headed West, I was going to be a happy man, well mainly. I would have to get over my guilt for doubting her. I'm sure I would manage it.

Another strange thing, there was a small carton of milk in the fridge next to the nearly full 2 litre one. I asked Caroline about it; she told me she'd been asked to bring some. Why would you take milk to a hotel? Now I was certain something was going on. With the aid of a very sharp knife and a syringe, I replaced about a third of the milk with vodka. She wouldn't have to drive anywhere so there's no risk to her licence or having an accident whilst drunk.

My boss was a bit pissed at me when I took yet another day off. I sat with my phone and tracked both her phone and the tracker. They both got to her work and then her phone went 'off', but the tracker stayed 'on', and it started moving South towards the coast, not West towards Bristol.

Now my plans swung into action. I gave my mate a call and arranged to pick up his car. I wanted to leave mine at home, along with my phone. I didn't want my car to be seen anywhere but here, if anyone checked my phone it was in our house. I set my computer up and another device I'd made over the keyboard, it would strike random keys every couple of seconds, and I was logged on to the Internet and it would stay logged on all the time somebody was using it.

I checked the cameras in the van. There was nothing there, nothing was moving, but they were working. I phoned the College, and I asked them for the hotel my wife was staying in. I got the answer I didn't want. They told me she had a day's leave. That was it for me, better call next door and see if the Jack Russell is available tomorrow night. Action time.

On the way out of the house I went through the garage and picked up a tube of super glue and some gloves.

I got into my mate's car and drove past the college, there was no red Mercedes estate. Was there still a chance?

I drove to the local sex shop to pick up some anal Lube, a couple of small butt plugs and a pair of handcuffs. Walking out I saw something else that took my fancy. I paid cash, and I tried not to leave a trail.

I got to the holiday park I didn't want to swipe into the holiday park, so I parked my mate's car in a nearby street and walked in. And yes, there was a red Mercedes Estate, it wasn't parked outside our van. The phone had made several notification sounds on the drive down, and as the only notification I had set up was from the cameras I guessed what it was. Now I logged on to the WiFi and I could see what was happening in the van and my worst fears were realised. She was in there with him. They must have had a quick one, there were clothes everywhere. It was all being recorded on my phone.

She got up and made some coffee, she moaned about how crap it was, but as I had removed all the tea, that's all there was. He told her to use more milk to help disguise the taste. They both got back into bed, and I heard her say. "This is the last one, I can't risk it. I would lose most of what we've worked for. You've been fun, and it's been exciting. I will miss the excitement, but I do love him. And I think he's starting to suspect something. Although I don't know how we've been so careful. And I have to worry about the postnuptial agreement."

"Oh, come on he'll never know, he's just a spanner monkey. I had a chat with the school lawyer. The post nup won't stand up in court. Anyway, you'd miss the sex."

That's funny, according to my friends in the rugby club, and one of them was a divorce lawyer he said it would and unfortunately, I was going to find out.

"I will miss this though," he said. "It was a good idea to use the van, I might have to persuade the old bag about getting one, a posh one though. She keeps a tight rein on my funds."

"But you've got that flash Merc."

"That's her money, you don't think a college Deputy Principal could afford one of those do you? But I do better than your spanner monkey."

"Don't knock him, it doesn't become you. I've just told you I love him, he's a good man and you try and run him down. And the sex, you're OK. He's actually better, it's just the excitement that makes the difference. I never say anything about your wife, and why you've got to chase young ladies."

He ignored what she said, and he carried on. "Perhaps we can restart when he's not so suspicious, when I'm Principal, I'll need a new secretary and you know what that'll mean."

I saw her smile at him. "Yes, I do, you'll want more of me. I'll think about it," she paused. "'No' this is the last time. I love him and can't lose him, you've been fun." She yawned; it must be catching because he did as well.

"Do you know I'm feeling quite tired? We've got time for another one then a kip before we go out for something to eat. I've got to be ready for his phone call at about 7 o'clock."

I didn't watch them, it was too painful, but I was still recording. The little I saw it was obvious something was entering her vagina and she wasn't objecting.

They didn't seem to last long, and I didn't hear any sounds that made me think she was enjoying it. I'm sure I was better than that, or perhaps it was because they were tired. It didn't take long for them to fall asleep. I knocked sharply on the side of the van whilst watching the video, nobody moved. Good

I went inside the van and found his trousers, car keys, his phone, her phone and her handbag. I got the carrier bag that I had brought from the sex shop and a bin liner.

I put the pair of gloves on that I had with me, I was not going to leave fingerprints on what I was going to touch now, and I certainly wasn't going to touch him with my bare flesh. I couldn't decide whether to put the cock cage on first or the handcuffs around his bollocks and cock. I went for the cock cage and a small brass padlock. I just managed to get one of the handcuffs around his bollocks and the cock cage. I enjoyed every click of the ratchet of the handcuffs around his man parts, I got it as tight as I could. Then I got the Super glue out and put a drop or two or three into the brass padlock on the cock cage and the keyhole of the handcuffs.

The next part was a little tricky, good job I thought of bringing the bum Lube. A butt plug went up each of their arses, they were quite small, uncomfortable I would imagine, that is what I was hoping for. But a great relief when they got them out after the super glue had dissolved, I possibly should have done the butt plug before the cock cage, handcuff skit. Then I smiled, who cares, it's all there.

I then handcuffed Caroline's left wrist to the other end of the handcuffs. I then set about removing every piece of cloth from the van that I could find, towels, curtains, I even rolled up the rug in front of the fake fireplace and threw that outside. Everything they could use to cover themselves up with.