The House Pt. 02

Another flash of Henry came to me. He was going to bring a dozen guys to my home, where the boys were. I was going to have my first gang bang. I wasn't even upset because I was out of my mind. Then, the drugs wore off and I got this terrible feeling. I was scum. I had to do something - so, I took a larger dose. I fell at the bottom of the stairs, or down the stairs, who knows? Tim thought I was dead. He was right - effectively, I was dead.

"Elaine, you are going to have a new roommate this afternoon. You must try to be to her what Gwen was to you."

"Oh, I'm not ready for that!"

"Neither was Gwen. It is part of your recovery. Take some responsibility. If she needs help, maybe you can help. If you cannot, just ask one of the nurses. You will start feeling better about yourself."

October 12

I heard my name called on the speaker system. Go to conference room 3. I wondered what this might be about. I got to the door to the room and one of the counselors told me I had a visitor waiting.

A very attractive, younger woman was standing, waiting for me. She extended her hand, "Hi, my name is Grace."

Grace was my first visitor, and it was nearly time for me to leave. I know no Grace. "Hi, I'm Laney, but I guess you know that. Do we know one another?"

"No, I am with your ex-husband. I hope that doesn't upset you."

Oddly, it didn't. "No, I am glad he, and I hope you, are happy."

"We are. I have a story to tell you. It may be hard to believe, but I very much want for you to hear it."

Well, I might as well listen, it all counts up toward getting out of here. "I'd offer you a drink, but the watch everything that goes in our mouths here. Please, let's sit. So, what is your story?"

"I think you are going to find the house you are moving into the most remarkable place you've ever lived in."

Damn it! I wonder who these people are? All I want is to be out of here. I go back and forth, now my mind says give Henry a quick call for some temporary relief. Instead, this bitch is spouting better homes and gardens crap at me. But I must appear reasonable, or they may not let me go. "Oh, how so?" I said, sweetly, not meaning a syllable of it.

"The last two renters who lived in the house won the lottery. The second one claimed an alien watched over the occupant of the house. Now, don't look at me like I'm crazy - I didn't believe it, either. But the story goes on."

"Grace, pardon me, I am fearful of looking like I have lost my buttons - and that if I do, they are going to keep me in this place. I really don't know how to respond to you."

"Elaine, I don't blame you. But Don moved into the house, and he told me, instantly his grief over losing you was gone. He has been able to rebuild his life in a very short time. We have talked about it a great deal. I'm still not sure of the impact of the house, but maybe this will help you make up your mind."

"Maybe what will?" People here claim to see little green monkeys. Now, someone from the outside sees little green men. Next, she is going to give me Dorothy's Ruby slippers (The Wizard of Oz).

"A while back, I proposed you move into the house. Don went nuts. He was against you living in the place that had done him so much good."

That hurt. "Don doesn't want me to get better? Did I..."

She interrupted me, "No, he was so badly hurt, first by your betrayal and then by your younger son finding you 'dead'". Don thinks the house may have helped him. He feared if you lived there, you would use the house to get him back. I asked him if it was the house and it helped him get over you - why it would help you do the opposite.

"I'm sorry to be so blunt, but having Tim call him thinking you were dead was the last straw. There is no chance he will reconcile."

It hurts to hear about Tim finding me. I almost makes me rethink getting ahold of Henry. I would love to get back to my life before Henry. But - new habits; new life. Wanting to get back where we were will end up in failure. I must admit, it is over. "If he thinks this house has magical powers, why does he want me in it?"

"Don wants your sons to have their mother back."

That makes sense. Don wants the boys to have me back, he has moved on. "Why are you here?" This was pissing me off. I don't know why I am like this - so flighty.

"Elaine, this is what I learned from many conversations with Don. He isn't sure whether the house has any effect - but he believes it might. If you ask me, it is his belief that has enabled him to do well."

"And you think if I believe the house will help me - it will?"

"That is why I am here. If the magic of the house is the occupant believes the house will help, then, I must help you believe."

"Thank you, if you're interested, my room opens tomorrow afternoon. They can be so helpful." I am supposed to be reasonable, fuck reasonable.

"Elaine. Don decided he wanted to find someone to share his life with the day of your final divorce hearing. He went out that night, June 14^th, and found me. We were exclusive in a week. I met your sons on the fourth of July. Five months from his walking out your door he proposed, we had known each other seventy-seven days.

"We laugh, it is impossible. Then, we wonder if it was the house. Then, we wonder if it is because we believe it might be the house. Maybe it is just serendipity. But most importantly for you, maybe that same serendipity will come your way."

She turned and left. We were both smiling - it was the thing to do. I think neither of us felt like smiling.

Tomorrow, they will let me leave. I am in trouble. I am happy to work hard at what I want, but what I want changes three or four times a day. I want things like they used to be - then, I remember that bored me and caused me to do stupid things - then, I remember that it was exciting to be a high-end call-girl - then, I remember that got me here. I didn't want what I had when I had it. I fear I am going to repeat the cycles.

The problem is my mood changes. I really want what I want; I want it badly. Suddenly, there is a shift, withdrawal? Maybe. My mood changes and my needs change. Even after a complete mood change, I am obsessed with wanting what I want - it's just that what I want totally changed. Trouble is the want is drugs one minute and never drugs the next. The need is the same, either way. How am I going to survive?

This equivocation led to bad places. My best option seemed to be a "safe" prostitute and "good" mother. What a laugh.

October 13

It was nice of Don to provide a car and driver to take me the house. The driver delivered my bag to the door, used the key he'd been given to open the door, set the bag inside, handed me the key, and wished me well.

In my current state of mind, my first order of business was going to be to call Henry. I had to change that mind-set. I can't have everything I want - that leads to having nothing that I want.

The house had a nice feel. I looked in the kitchen, there were fresh flowers on the counter and a note. I read the note - Elaine, welcome home, please find your favorite - Diet Dr Pepper in the fridge. You'll find your car in the garage and all your belongings in your bedroom. It was signed by the Law Offices of my attorney. Cold, but at least they were thinking about me. Who else would send me anything? My sons are too young, and Henry isn't in the greeting card business.

I opened a Dr Pepper and took a swig from the bottle. I decided I wanted to see the house. It was a bit of a man-cave but had some nice windows and was basically not that bad. The bedrooms were great. Don had set up two rooms for the boys. I knew they would love to visit those rooms.

I decided to sit for a minute and watch TV. It's not that I wanted to see anything, it was just the fact I got to choose what I watched. No housemates and some complicated voting system. I put my feet up and before I knew it, I was waking up, it was dark. I haven't nodded off and slept like that in I don't know how long.

I went into the master bedroom and found my things had been thoughtfully put away. I found a nightgown, put it on and got into bed. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

I woke up at 6:30 am and felt the best I had felt in a long while. I went into the kitchen and found coffee pods for the coffee maker. I looked in the fridge and there were English Muffins and butter. I toasted one, ate it, and looked at the clock, 7:04, The boys are up early on Saturdays. Maybe I could say hi.

"Don," we exchanged hellos, "the reason I called, can I say hi to the boys?"

"Sure, walk into their game room and turn on the TV on the right. They'll FaceTime you."

"Give me two minutes to run a comb through my hair. Thanks so much - well, for everything. The house is great. Two minutes." I ended the call.

<<<<>>>>

I was having coffee and thinking about what an extraordinary morning. It is amazing what feeling good can do for you. Maybe my time at the center had really helped.

The conversation with the boys was like I woke up, all over again.

Maybe it was walking in the door of the house that made the difference?

That can't be right, can it? I have been to rehab. I am doing all the right things, surely that has made the difference. But I remember feeling differently as I crossed the threshold. How can going through a door make that difference? My emotions and thoughts have been bouncing around. It can't be.

I thought about the conversation with my boys. They were bright and cheery and so I was too. They were so excited and wanted to talk to me, to me! They need me and I must get myself together - not for me, for them.

I would go back to work on Monday. I wonder if that is going to be yet another mess.

Don has moved on. My feelings about that are the strangest - I know I threw him away and I accept it. I wonder why? He deserves better, but what about me? I must find alternate support, or I will end up back with Henry.

I have a big hole to fill with the boys. They want it fixed and I must do everything I can to fix it, fix it right, and fix it right now. There is no other priority.

I got dressed and browsed for the nearest grocery store. I went to the cupboard and shook my head. Nothing worth eating. The freezer was worse. I went to the Notes on my phone and started making a grocery list. I wanted the boys as soon as I could get them and needed to cook their favorites.

After the grocery I went back to the house and decided I wanted ice water. I found a big glass and filled it. I sat in this recliner and called Don's cell.

"Hello, Elaine, twice in one day."

"Sorry. Don, I had such a good chat with the boys this morning. I'd love to have them here next weekend. You might think that is too soon. What I would like is for you, and Grace to come by today or tomorrow, so you can see I am ready for them. If you decide, no, I will understand. I ask you to give me a chance, though."

The phone was quiet. Then, it was still quiet. I was about to say his name, when - "Sorry, I was not expecting this. I don't know what to say. I guess Grace and I will come by this afternoon. Maybe about 5:30? Is that okay?"

"Sure. Listen, Don. I know your fear. I do. That is why I say come by. I am happy to talk to both of you, together and individually. Ask me whatever you want. I want the boys to be safe and will provide them with that safety. If you don't agree, we will wait until you do."

<<<<>>>>

I was trying to make the house look like it was mine and visitors were welcome. The phone rang. "Hello" ...

"Hi doll, heard you were out of rehab. How about we get together."

Shit, it's Henry. "Great to hear your voice! A get together sounds wonderful!" I hoped I sounded sincere, though I have no intention of meeting up with Henry. How I hope that is true.

"No time like the present."

"Oh, Henry, I can't. I have guests coming in less than an hour. I am just getting my feet under me. How about next week?"

"Sure, next week is fine. Where are you staying?"

Like I'm going to tell him that. "Henry, I've got to go. Let's talk next week." I disconnected.

This changes everything. Henry wants to make sure he gets me back in the fold. He can't afford me wandering around as a "citizen" knowing about his drugs, prostitution, extortion, and other fun activities. If I were a betting gal, I'd bet he had a way to find me from that call.

<<<<>>>>

I opened the door. "Grace, Don, so nice of you to come. Please come in."

I had some snacks out and offered them soft drinks, apologizing that it would be a while before I allowed any liquor in the house. We chatted for a while. They were being careful to be nice and trying to see whether I was safe to host my sons.

"Don, I got a phone call less than an hour ago. I must tell you about it. It means my request to host the boys is premature."

"I don't like the sounds of that, Elaine."

I wished he'd call me Laney, but that was an issue for another day. "Me either. You are not going to like any of this story, but it is the truth and I need to start being totally honest with you - or I am never going to see my sons."

"That's a wonderful offer, Elaine. I hope you mean it."

"I do mean it. I will live it. Here goes.

"I was raised to believe if I found a great husband and had children, my life would be complete. I used college to find the perfect man instead of to educate myself. I found him and you know the result."

"So, I wasn't the perfect man?"

"Don, sweet Don, of course you were perfect. There was only one bad piece in our puzzle - me. I had love, sex, family, and every material thing I wanted. I also had no self-image and felt bored. I found a man, Henry Marten, who offered drugs, prostitution, money, and excitement. He called me this afternoon. While he is seeking me, the boys are not safe here."

Don looked at me like I was someone he'd never seen before. "Is that who you are?"

"It is who I was. I still fear it is who I could become, but it is not who I am."

I continued to tell him about my time as a call girl/wife and that I was sure Henry's call meant he could find me. We talked about restraining orders, and I told him those worked with people, not criminals like Henry. If I tried to restrain him from seeing me, he'd just send someone else to "take care of me".

Grace had been silent. She sat almost obscured from my view, with Henry in between us. It had been like she was there as his support and did not want to interfere. She leaned forward, "What are you going to do?"

I smiled at her. Her question was legitimate, she cared. "Thanks, that is so nice. Don found a good woman. The simple fact is I have no idea. I must assure Henry that I am no longer available and not a threat. When I do that, he'll quit calling and I'll let you know."

We all looked at one another. A complete lack of ease was on each face. Hoping Henry would just go away was as close to false hope as one can get. There is no real alternative for honest, law-abiding people. There was nothing to say and we said nothing.

We chatted a bit more, agreed to stay in touch, and they left.

October 16

Wow! I don't know how many try to go from normal wife/mother/employee to drug using prostitute - and back. I'll bet it's not many.

I lived for decades as a normal person, and for months as a prostitute. Why is it all the barbs and hooks left which are of issue occurred in those few months. That's not a real question, is it? No matter how long you do things right, you can undo it all in moments, let alone months. There is an unfortunate truth that I am learning - as quickly as you can undo things, getting back to the straight and narrow takes time and lots of effort.

So far, my considerable efforts had been toward getting drugs out of my system and the need for drugs out of my mind. The first took time, I don't know what the second is going to take.

Today is the first day back at work. I am the assistant to a group of engineers in a manufacturing firm. The company has strict no fraternization and sexual harassment policies. So, naturally, Henry had me seduce and fuck my boss at my first opportunity. That way, I owned him.

He is a good man, and smart. Once I applied the squeeze to him, he figured out we held each other over the same barrel. Since fucking me once would get him a boot out the door, there was no downside to fucking me twice or fifty times. Now, I was going to have to figure out how to tell him I have turned over a new leaf.

I walked in the door and saw my boss at his desk. I walked toward him. He saw me and immediately stood. "Laney! Welcome back. It is so good to see you."

"Hi, Mark, good to be back."

"Laney, can we talk for a minute? About your return?"

"Sure?" I more asked than said. He motioned to a conference room. Swell, he needs to convey he is still horny and glad to see me. We went into the conference room, and he closed the door.

"Laney, things have changed in my life. I met a woman, and we are now exclusive. Things between you and me need to stop. I hope you will continue to be discreet."

I broke into a huge smile, "Mark, congratulations!! I am happy for you and happy for me. I need to change my life, too. I am putting the last few months behind me. They never happened. In other words, there is nothing to be discreet about. You and I will continue to be the employee/employer we always were."

What a break. Truth told, if Mark was still single and wanted to carry on a little, I'm sure he'd have talked me into it. Trouble is he is five years younger than I and there is no possibility that it would ever be anything but casual sex. I am new in my journey back to life, but it seems to me there is no part-way back. Everything I did which does not fit who I want to be must go.

I got to my desk and my cell phone rang - it was Henry. "Good morning, Henry."

"Hi doll. You said to wait 'til this week. I couldn't wait any longer. When do we get together?"

"Henry, I am going to be honest. I have lost everything. I must get some of it back. The important thing in my life is my sons. I can't do what I was doing and get my sons back. No hard feelings, but we are not going to get together."

"I'm hurt." The slimy bastard said, "Getting together doesn't mean you need to do anything. Just two old friends catching up."

Two old friends my ass. He liked me because I had been big positive cash-flow. Well, maybe, I can put him off... "How nice. Give me a while to get my feet under me, please."

"Let's not wait too long." His tone was short of a threat by maybe a quarter of an inch.

"Henry, let me offer this. I am going to change my life. A few months from now, who would ever know either of us ever met the other?"

"Let's not wait too long." Same tone. He disconnected.

I can do everything else right and meeting Henry will undo everything. He'll drug me somehow and I will be back off and running. Running in the wrong direction. I'll never get back. The question is whether he is testing me - to see if I will not talk to anyone or planning to get me out of the general population - alive or dead.

<<<<>>>>

I went home. "The house" had certainly become that. I was reassured here. I felt safe here. I was also lonely, too lonely.

The boys would solve that situation, at least for the next few years, but that is not possible with Henry skulking about. Someone to share a soft drink after work and my bed every night was also important - but right now, secondary.