The Hug

I confided in both Sally and Bec the following day that I had seen the New Year in over the phone with Hamish. They were both really excited for me. Of course, the radiographer on duty was Dereck. At one stage I took a patient to radiology for an x-ray and Dereck decided to flirt with her in front of me. I knew he did it to get a rise from me. This woman was not at all unattractive and in her mid-30s, but she was also very ill having returned from overseas with a nasty chest infection. Always advocating for my patients, I told Dereck that I did not think her husband would appreciate him talking to her like this and afterwards she thanked me.

The following day I was excited to be seeing Hamish again. His plane arrived as I was leaving work so I knew I would simply be collecting him from the stop, pickup and go area. As I was walking out after my shift I was stopped by another colleague, Sandi.

"Lucy, I know he's your ex, but what did you ever see in that creep radiographer?"

I pushed further and Sandi said that some of the things he was saying to her as she went over to transport patients was bordering on sexual harassment.

"Sandi, I'm so sorry, I have gotten used to him flirting with patients in front of me, however I didn't know he was doing it with other staff too. I would not stop anyone putting in a complaint against him."

Sandi thanked me and said she would think about it. I advised her to at least jot down what he had said today in a notebook so she could remember if she needed to in the future.

I texted Hamish to say that I had been held up briefly at work, but I was on my way. He replied with a smiley emoji. The airport was not far out of town and I made good time.

"I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting," I exclaimed as I pulled up and wound down the passenger window.

"I made you wait for a text for several weeks- I wouldn't have minded if you made me wait another hour or more!" Hamish laughed as he climbed into the car and gave me a sort of hug around my neck. "Honestly, thank-you again for collecting me- it is so nice to see such a beautiful and friendly face."

I blushed and asked Hamish where we were off to. "No way!" I exclaimed, "That's where my sister and brother-in-law live. They moved here a few months ago and I have been meaning to come over and use their pool, but I have never found the time."

"That's funny because on more than one occasion I could have sworn I saw your back as you were leaving- my apartment overlooks the driveway!" Hamish explained. "I did wonder if I was seeing things I wanted to see because I knew I liked you from our first meeting."

"I'm so sorry again about that," I tried to clarify, "but I had recently broken up with Dereck, or at least he had broken my heart and I knew I didn't want a rebound relationship and I think I felt something in that hug and I was scared."

We arrived at the apartment complex. "Lucy, I haven't been here in a month and there's probably only stale milk in the fridge, but I'd really like to keep talking if you want to come up." Hamish looked almost scared as he asked.

"Hamish, I would honestly love to, but I am still in my scrubs and I'm not sure what is on them so how about I head home and shower and change and then grab some fresh milk and come back in an hour or so?" I asked.

"That sounds good. I'll call mum and Becky and unpack and see you when you get back. Text me when you're close and I'll come down and let you in," Hamish said with a smile.

I reminded him that I knew the code on the gate thanks to Pen and Richard and ascertained which unit he was in. I also told Hamish I might not need a whole hour.

"I'm timing you Ms Lucy now go so you can get back here!" Hamish laughed.

I took 47 minutes and most of that time was spent trying to work out what to wear. Being hot I settled on a sundress and strappy shoes. I contemplated shorts and a t-shirt but figured that was perhaps slightly too casual. I washed my hair, but instead of drying it, I simply tied it back in a bun. I stopped at the grocer for a carton of milk and arrived at Hamish's.

Hamish again threw his arms around me after he opened the door. It was a long hug, but it was one that we both needed.

"I really am sorry about your Dad," I said as we broke the hug. Hamish squeezed my hand.

"How about I make us both a cup of tea?" Hamish asked.

He remembered how I had mine and we both took a seat in his lounge room on the same couch, but at different ends. We sipped in silence for a bit. I could see Hamish was deep in contemplation.

"Penny for your thoughts," I offered.

Hamish smiled over his cup of tea, "When we first met all those months ago, were you thinking of getting back with Dereck?"

I explained that that was a definite no. I had set boundaries early on that I would not tolerate infidelity and when I found another woman's underwear in his pocket that was it.

"Ouch!" Hamish replied, "That's cheap. I really don't know what it is with guys thinking they can souvenir women's underwear. It's not like we own the woman, or she owes us anything after all."

I did not want to pry too much into Hamish's past, especially as I recognised he was still grieving his father so we sat in silence for a bit longer.

"You don't mind silence, do you?" Hamish asked after a while.

"No, it's nice sitting here next to you. I'd like to think I say things and mean them, but it also means that I overanalyse and overthink things a lot too." I offered.

"Lucy," Hamish had a concerned look on his face, "I almost made a huge mistake in Brisbane. I know you don't tolerate infidelity and I know that technically we aren't going out as such, but I like you a lot and I think I'd like to explore a future with you, but I am scared that I am going to tell you something that will make you run away from me."

"That sounds ominous," I replied, "but I will say that when you were down there, we had made no commitment to each other and you were grieving so I'm pretty open minded."

Hamish sighed, "Oh Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. I'm wondering what I have done to deserve you. But here goes. So, I mentioned Hannah, my ex who happened to be the girl next door. We grew up together. Our dads were both blue collar workers- her dad was a builder and my dad an electrician, a sparky. Our mums both had part-time admin type jobs, but both did the books for their husbands. Hannah was a couple of years younger than me. Her brother, Dean was my age and we were great mates. Dean decided he was going to follow his father into a trade, but Hannah wanted to be a doctor like me."

Hamish went on to explain that when Hannah started medical school the two became an item. They would travel together to uni and she made it clear she was into Hamish. He had another girlfriend at the time, but they weren't that serious, so he broke it off and started up with Hannah. She had never had a serious boyfriend before.

"I spoke to Dean about it and he was thrilled. He thought we were the perfect couple. We were good together at the start. Our parents thought it was serendipitous and before long she would stay in my bed overnight or I would stay in hers. I hadn't had a lot of sexual experience, but I had had more than her. When I graduated, I decided to move into a flat and Hannah decided she was going to move in with me. We hadn't talked about this at all and I was actually thinking I would move in with a couple of mates for my house doctor year. It was tough because I was the only one working. Hannah thought I was making millions I think and wanted to go out all the time to bars and clubs, but I wanted to stay home. I was tired and trying to get used to shift work."

"It all changed though because Dean was killed in a car accident. It was wet and he was travelling at speed and he missed a bend and wrapped his car around a tree. Hannah was distraught. I mean, I was too, but he was her only brother."

Hamish went on to explain that he had thought that Hannah should move home to be close to her parents, but she wouldn't hear of it. She had found a freedom living away from them and did not want to return to those boundaries.

"I knew by this time that she wasn't the woman for me, but whenever I broached the subject she would bring up Dean and his memory and how he had always pictured us together forever."

I learnt Hannah failed fifth year medicine spectacularly however the faculty decided it was under extenuating circumstances with the death of her brother, so they allowed her a second chance. She had only just passed. Likewise, she only just scraped through her final year. She had set out for her house doctor year not that well prepared and was floundering.

"By this stage I had spent a term with your father and learnt more about medicine and people in general than I had learnt with any doctor in the past," Hamish explained.

It was strange hearing someone talk of my father like that. I knew he loved junior doctors and he had had several he had mentored over the years.

"Hannah met your father for her second rotation. She had managed to get through her first and put her errors down to an unknown environment or some shit, but your dad saw right through her. And he failed her. The reason I ended up here was because Hannah made me go and see Dr Constable and plead for her to not fail."

"Dad would have hated that- he hates people sending others instead of fighting their own battles," I added.

"Well, yes," Hamish continued, "But it ended up being one of the best conversations I have ever had. What Hannah had not told me was that she had started undoing the buttons on her blouse and suggested to Dr Constable that there might be a way she could pass."

I burst into laughter, "Dad would have had a coronary on the spot!" before I realised what I was saying, "Oh Hamish, that was so insensitive after your Dad, I'm so sorry." I was mortified that I had put my foot in it.

"Lucy, it's fine," Hamish smiled, "I confided in your dad that I knew Hannah wasn't the girl for me and he suggested I head north for a year or two. He told me 'Mackay, Townsville, Cairns, they've all got their charms, but one has a certain beauty!' I now think he was meaning you and I'm glad I made it here!"

I paused thinking my father had never meddled in my life before. "I never really dated doctors. I was a little wild in my youth until I met Dereck, however I've always thought of the cliché of my parents' marriage being a doctor and a nurse and set out to avoid it," I mused. "But sorry, Hamish, this is your story."

"It's fine, Lucy," Hamish smiled. By this time, I had taken his hand and was holding it gently. "I told Hannah I needed a break and I had been offered a training position up north. She was not able to move as she had failed and had to repeat, but she told me she was going to follow me when she had finished. I tried to tell her it was over, that we were over, but she wouldn't hear of it. She texted me every day for three months after I arrived, and I ended up blocking her number. I never went to visit my family, and this is what upsets me the most- I blame Hannah for me not seeing my dad before he died."

Hamish was sobbing by this stage. I leant over and hugged him. After a while he regained his composure. "I've barely got out of the taxi once I heard Dad had died and wanted to see my mother and sister when who should bound out of her parents' home but Hannah. She acted as if nothing had changed and tried to kiss me. I told her that I was there to see my mother and sister and that we all wanted to be left alone. Hannah even tried to argue that Jimmy was there so she should be too. Once again I had to tell her that we were over, and she was not part of my family's life anymore."

I listened to Hamish and my heart was sad. It was fairly obvious he had no feelings for Hannah. Hamish went onto explain that his mother and sister thought he should cut Hannah some slack as she had been an integral part of his life for 8 years after growing up together and they had lived together for four years.

"After Dad's funeral we had a big wake at home. So many people came, and it was great to see some of Dad's workmates and their families who I had gotten to know growing up. Hannah wouldn't leave me alone. She walked arm in arm with me. I drank to try and stop it all. I knew I was drinking far too much, but it was Dad's prize bottle of Scotch and I didn't want it to go to waste."

Hamish started crying again. "We've all drunk too much before," I offered but Hamish simply wailed. We held each other.

Eventually the wails turned to sobs. "This, is where, you, are, going to, hate me," Hamish said between sobs.

"Hamish," I said as I stroked his hair, "I don't think you could tell me anything that would make me hate you." I was being honest.

"Lucy, I passed out," Hamish explained, "I woke up the following morning fully clothed in my bed, but Hannah was lying next to me asleep, naked. I screamed when I realised and she woke up and Mum came running. I told her to get out of my bed and out of my house and I reiterated to her that it was well and truly over. She tried to argue that we had spent a night of passion, but I was still wearing my suit pants and there's no way anyone could have dressed me after I passed out so I am fairly certain nothing happened, but I don't want you to think..."

"Hamish," I said stroking his face this time, "It sounds like you dodged a bullet by drinking too much, but even if you had slept with her, it's not like you went down there with us being an item or anything."

"I know, Lucy," Hamish tried to justify, "But I did know I went down there with strong feelings for you and when I found her in my bed in my mind I had cheated on you. You know, as soon as you left me after we shared that cup of tea I raised my phone to text you when Mum rang to tell me about Dad, The irony of how we met and him then having a heart attack out shopping was not lost on me."

"I was disappointed when you didn't text, but I also realised there must have been a reason," I clarified. "You never struck me as being a player and if you were your reputation hadn't made it as far as ED where we pride ourselves on knowing who the players are around the hospital!"

"Lucy, that morning I apologised to my mother and sister and caught a bus out west to Dalby, outside Toowoomba where Dan, a former student colleague of mine is working. It was one of the best things I've done. He lives outside any mobile reception and he took me in and left me with his DVD collection for about a week. He'd come home at night and we'd talk. He knew Hannah and he wasn't surprised that she was trying to wangle her way back with me, but he also asked about you a lot because I had mentioned you more than once."

"I think I'm liking Dan already," I quipped.

"He was the one who came up with the idea of the general text. Some of my mates up here had messaged me but I had ignored everyone so it wasn't a total lie, however it was the only thing I could think of to say to you rather than 'Hey Lucy, my Dad died but I'd love to have a drink with you when I get back!'

It was getting late and I had missed a few pings on my phone. I knew it would be and I knew what she would be asking.

"So, Pen wants to know why my car is parked in the carpark," I explained to Hamish.

"Remind her she's not the only one who lives here!" Hamish retorted, so I sent a message to that effect!

It was getting late and my stomach was rumbling. "Hamish, I was going to grab a take-away on the way home, but I'd be happy to grab something to be delivered here if you're hungry?"

"I am hungry, Lucy, but would you stay if ordered something here?"

"Was that an invite?" I asked smiling.

"Thai or pizza?" Hamish enquired.

"Pizza does sound good!"

"What, really?" Hamish had a puzzled look on his face, "Hannah never ate pizza because of the carbs."

I smiled and reminded him that I'm not Hannah. My phone pinged again.

"Invite them for pizza if you want," Hamish said with a very neutral look on his face.

"Is it ok if I keep you to myself for tonight?" I replied.

Hamish again smiled and brought me in for one of his big hugs. This time, however, as we broke away, we leant towards each other and our lips met for the first time. Its tenderness shocked me as much as the electricity that flew from it. I was immediately back for more and our mouths opened with our tongues exploring each other's mouths. We were both lost in our own world when Hamish's phone rang. He looked at it and told me he had to take it.

It was Becky. I only heard one half of the conversation. It was clear Hamish had a soft spot for his younger sister, but it was also evident that she also had the ear of Hannah.

"Becky, tell Hannah once and for all that it is so over. Tell her I have moved on well and truly and am enjoying the company of a gorgeous woman I have met up here.

"No, I didn't tell you over Christmas because I was not sure about things and didn't know how serious we were, but we are serious, well I am and she's pretty amazing." Hamish was smiling at me and I caught a glint in his eye. I was smiling back.

"Yes, she knows about Dad's wake and she knows about Hannah. Bec, I know she's your friend and all, and who knows in the future I might be able to become friends with her again, but at the moment she is toxic for me.

I went downstairs to get the pizza and left Hamish to his conversation with his sister. As I went down Richard arrived home.

"Ooh, Pen didn't mention pizza! I thought she was cooking tonight!" Richard seemed excited.

"Sorry Richard, I'm not here with Pen, I'm here with another friend and we're eating pizza. Depending on when I finish I'll be up or else I will text at some stage with the gossip, but please tell Pen not to worry about me!"

Richard gave me a peck on the cheek and walked up the stairs with me. He waved as I went back into Hamish's apartment with our pizza. Hamish was off the phone and laughed when I told him about bumping into my brother-in-law.

"You might have to get used to it, Lucy because I'd like to think you will be around here a bit more!" Hamish said again kissing me.

We were eating when Becky rang again, but Hamish sent it to voicemail.

"No one interrupts meals. I'm sorry, Lucy, but that's one of my things." Hamish appeared apologetic.

I laughed and told him that that was one of my peeves as well. Hamish offered me a beer to have with the pizza, but I stuck with water telling him I try not to drink the evening before an early shift.

"I'm sorry Lucy, I forgot you needed to work. I still have three days off."

"It's all good, Hamish," I replied with a smile, "After tomorrow I have two days off and I'd like to think that on at least one of those days we can have an adventure!"

"If you are up for adventure, I can cook dinner tomorrow night for us?" Hamish offered.

I told him that sounded wonderful and that I ate anything and everything.

"I might even bring a bottle of wine with me if you tell me what genre of food you will be cooking!" I hinted, but Hamish was having none of it telling me it was all going to be a surprise.

When I came back from the bathroom, Hamish told me he had listened to Becky's message and played it for me, "Hame, it's Bec. I'm sorry about bringing Han up again. I do recognise it's over for you two even if she doesn't and I look forward to hearing about your lady sometime soon- she must be pretty special to have gotten into your heart and I look forward to meeting her sometime."

My phone had pinged again. This time it was Lincoln who I had almost forgotten was still staying with Pen and Richard. 'Luc, Pen has made it clear that she and Rickyboy want to have a day in bed this weekend and it's grossing me out so I'm going to hang with you. I'll make her sweat on it though, so we'll make it Sunday. Fancy a trip to the reef?'