The Hunger

"It's okay."

"Isn't that what you thought of me...still think of me?"

"No."

"I don't believe you. I wish I did, but I don't. Did your good buddy Chet tell you how he started me off?"

"He isn't my good buddy."

"Good enough buddy to invite you over for some fun with my mouth." She waited for a response, but I had nothing. "I worked with him during the summer and, of course, I started blowing him. One night, while I had his cock in my mouth, he suggested that I might like doing him and a friend at the same time. I freaked out on his ass. I was so mad that he'd even suggest that, but you know what? ...Do you know what?"

"What?"

"I couldn't shake the thought. The thought of being down on my knees with two guys...being watched...shifting from one to the other. I masturbated to that image about it twice a day. I lasted a week...a lousy week...and then I told him yes. Yes, I'd be a slut for him and some strange guy I never met before. I'd let them paw my breasts, suck my nipples, and come in my mouth. How's that, that enough for you? I let them use me in his parent's living room...they each went twice....Enough for you now?"

Carol was sobbing then, jamming herself as far away from me as she could.

"Take me home now. You don't want me."

"I love you." I said to her for the first time and touched her damp cheek...she cringed away.

"You watched me do four other guys. You want me to tell you how many men I've sucked off...it'll take me awhile to remember 'em all. You know I imagine sometimes what it would've been like if you guys had gotten out of control and raped me...and I fantasize about that too....I just want to move away to where no one'll know me. Where I can fucking change....Where I can meet someone who'll love me and want to marry me."

"I love you and I'd marry you today."

"You need to take me home now. You need to stop talking and just drive me home....How can you even say that? That you'd want to marry someone who did that...who's like that. You saw me..."

"I loved watching you," I whispered...that darkest of truths out, finally and irrevocably.

Moments ticked by.

"You said you fantasize about things...okay, here it is, I fantasize too, about that...about seeing you doing that....Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't know. And I love you...and that's all separate and apart from that."

"I love you too," she whispered.

My head swooned at her words. I leaned in to kiss her but she held me off with her palm.

"I have to tell you something first, and you might hate me."

"Nothing'll make me hate you."

"Remember the week before last when I told you I had to go to my cousin's house with my sister?"

I nodded.

"Chet called me the week before and said he had a couple friends and they were going to the shore for the weekend, down to Wildwood. I said no. And I, you know, I couldn't stop thinking about it, and then he called again."

"It's okay."

"No it's not. I lied to you...there were three of them and we had a room for two nights. One was his jerk of a roommate. After they were all done with me I went in the bathroom and cried in the shower. I was so sorry I went there with them...and I couldn't stop thinking of you...that I'd lied to you."

"Carol, it's..."

"I cried in the shower, dried myself off then went back into the room and sucked two of 'em off again before we went out to dinner. And when I was actually doing it, I loved it. ...I loved it."

She let me brush her cheek, wet with tears.

"I was so worried he'd see you and brag to you about it. And part of me wished he would. I felt so low....Is it still a turn on?"

"I wish you'd told me."

"And what?...They wanted to fuck me and I came this close"--she spread her thumb and forefinger an inch apart--"this close to letting them do it. To letting those three assholes be my first time with..."

I didn't answer...the images of this beautiful girl of mine with those three guys was worming though my brain. The fact that she hadn't done anything seriously sexual with me these past few months while getting herself passed around in a seaside motel room was in the strangest way blisteringly erotic.

"I love you and nothing is gonna change that," I said finally. "And let's promise that we won't ever lie about anything again."

"Everybody lies."

I waited.

"I told Chet never to call me again, but like I said, I've told him that before." She wiped her face. "I don't know how you don't hate me, but I promise I'll never lie about that kind of stuff again. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She sniffled, rubbed at her eyes.

"Can you come back up tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Let's get a hotel room...someplace nice, okay...and buy...I want you to buy condoms."

The thought was so visceral in that instant, that I opened my eyes and could still see that room we'd booked at the Hilton...Carol guiding my silicon sheathed prick into neat triangle of pubic hair...the throaty gasp as I slid myself inside her...how she'd orgasmed with a roiling shriek.

My son was still staring out onto the lake, hunched a bit...encumbered by the weight of my tale.

"I liked to watch," I said to my son's back. "They used to have a section in Penthouse magazine where they'd have stories about different kinks...I had always gotten aroused by the ones about men who got off watching their wife's getting fucked. I got off to those stories before I even had a girlfriend, let alone a wife."

"Penthouse magazine," he said in a kinder tone. "You're dating yourself, you know."

"I'm a dinosaur, I admit it."

"How?" He turned to me, his eyes no longer burning with righteous anger. "How did that turn to...to this?"

"We got engaged that fall...I was graduated and your Mom was still in school. I got a job up in Allentown and we were dating...screwing now at my apartment almost every day...she got on the pill, so there was no stopping us....I got her a diamond after my third paycheck."

"And?"

"And Chet called again."

"Fucking Chet."

"I would've never met your Mom if it wasn't for him."

"If he hadn't pimped her out to everybody he fucking knew."

"I'll let that slide....Anyway, he called her up after Christmas. At her parent's house...which was where she was still living. He was giving a bachelor party for his brother down on campus...he was a year younger than me and was still in school. He said there'd be a bunch of guys there and wanted to know if..."

"How much is a bunch?"

"He wanted her to come down and have some fun...that's how he'd phrased it, she said: 'have some fun'."

"She tells him no and tells him she's engaged now. She tells him not to bother her again. This time she tells me about it. I warned her that he'd call again...and she said she knew he would. The thing is, over the next two days I can see her getting more and more distracted and distant, like it's playing on her mind and in bed...I know this is embarrassing for you to hear..."

"I think we passed embarrassing a long time ago, Dad."

"In bed she was having these really ferocious orgasms, just cumming and cumming, and I knew she was fantasizing about it and to be honest, I was imagining it too. Finally I asked her if she wanted to go with him..."

David stooped and picked up a stone and flung it as far out into the lake as he could.

"She said no. I said we promised not to lie to each other."

I picked up a stone myself and skipped it across the water. I remembered the empty look in her eyes as she hesitated, lying beside me in my small bed. I closed my eyes and kept talking.

"Yes, I want to go...but I'm not going," she'd whispered.

"Did he ask about your fiancé?"

"No."

"No lies, right?"

Carol nodded.

"What if I said I wanted you to go?"

"You're supposed to love me, how can you say that?"

"I want you to go."

"And you can imagine what they're taking turns doing to me?"

"...What if I was there?"

"There? You mean watching me?"

I nodded.

"What I bring you along and say remember this guy, he's my fiancé now, and guess what, and he wants to..."

"Want's to watch."

Her breathing hitched and a certain carnal hunger came into her eyes.

"If I call him up that day and tell him I'm in town and ask if he wants to go out and get some drinks..."

"You've thought about this?"

"He'll ask me over, I'm pretty sure."

"Yeah, what's one more cock for a dirty slut like me to suck."

"Do you want to go?"

She measured me with a long gaze and nodded...a resigned sigh as she pulled herself close to me.

"This will ruin everything," she muttered.

"It won't."

I called Chet the day before the party and told him I was going to be in town...we weren't best buds by a long shot, but he bit like I anticipated. "Hey we're having a little party for my brother tomorrow...fool's getting married...and I got someone coming over I think you'll recognize."

"Who?"

"It'll be a surprise. We're gonna watch the playoff game and then hit some bars later."

That day I checked us into a Ramada near campus. I drove over to Chet's old apartment around seven...he yanked me inside...introduced me as he shoved a bottle of Stella into my hand. I glanced around and counted eight guys...all with beers. There were bowls of chips and pretzels on his wobbly coffee table. A football playoff was on the television. I grabbed a place on the edge of his ratty sofa...my knees were ready to buckle. I held the Stella with both hands to keep my hands from trembling.

"The loser in the Ohio State shirt is our guest of honor," he said. The guy was big...a handsome guy in a way Chet was not. He smiled and saluted me with his beer.

"So what's the surprise?"

"It's a who, not a what."

As if on cue came the knock on the door. I'd dropped Carol off three blocks away. By heart drummed in my chest when she stepped into the room, Chet a step behind, his hand slipping down to her ass.

"This is my friend, Carol."

Carol stopped and surveyed the room...every face in there feral-eyed, knowing exactly what she was there for. A couple of them clapped in appreciation. She wordlessly slipped off her winter coat and stood resplendent in a short black dress that played well on her cleavage. Always a rather plain, almost tomboyish dresser, she looked stunning to me. Are eyes met for an instant that went on forever.

"You've met some of these boys before," Chet said slyly. "That mook over there with the OU shirt on is the guest of honor. He's getting hitched."

Again Carol's gaze flicked off mine and she held up her left hand...she'd left the engagement ring on...

"Me too," she shrugged.

"Who's the lucky guy?" one of the guys asked sarcastically.

"I don't think I'm going to say."

"Get your clothes off," another one hectored.

"Yeah, strip for us. You can leave the ring on."

I heard Carol's sharp intake of air--her fingertips were trembling. "Undo me," she said at last and pirouetted to let Chet run the zipper down her spine.

"C'mon, let's see some skin!"

Carol shrugged the dress forward and in a wispy move let it crumble to the floor. She stood there in the lacey black brassiere she'd purchased two days before, the matching panties high-cut at the thigh. She hadn't worn stockings; she kicked her flat soled black shoes off one and then the other.

Slowly she reached behind her back and undid the bra...her breasts sloped heavily, firm and alive. Her complexion was unblemished, that beautiful olive hue to her flesh...the sight of her stilled their tongues.

"Lose it all," Chet ordered with a playful slap across her butt.

Carol hesitated before a slowly shimmying the panties down those taut thighs. She met my eyes as she straightened back up completely bared.

"What'd I tell you about her?" Chet said, panning her from top to bottom. "And I guarantee this is the best mouth you'll ever put your cocks in. Right, Baby?"

She eyed the floor and answered softly: "...The best."

"And she can start with me," one of the men at the far side of the room barked, rising and coming right up to her, lifting her chin up before he roughly cupped her breasts. "...Jesus Christ, look at those tits," he muttered as he bent to suck a nipple. "...You remember me from down at the beach, right?"

Chet dipped his face down to mine and whispered: "Congrats on the engagement to you too, I guess."

I jerked a bit and gaped at him. He winked knowingly and looked back in time to see the man pull Carol into a hard kiss...I'd never seen another man kiss her, had never imagined or fantasized about it. Seeing his mouth pressed to hers like that pierced me.

"Last kiss you're gonna be getting here," he chortled, fairly shoving her down to her knees. She looked at the leering faces...lingered on mine. The man stripped naked, his thick, heavily veined erection springing free. He seized her left hand and had her take hold of it...the ring glinted bright on her finger.

"Now get to fucking work."

I stopped talking and had to steady myself, not sure of how far to go with the specifics. David was waiting, his hands shoved into his pockets.

"She did 'em all and you just watched."

I nodded.

I played through the images in my mind again...how she shut her eyes as she took him into her mouth...the jeers and bawdy applause as one of them and then another pulled free in time to ejaculate copiously on her face...on her breasts. How it had come down to Chet, me and his brother.

"Go down to O'mallly's," Chet said finally. "I think my brother needs some alone time with her."

"If she's gonna fuck him, we should all fuck her," the first guy who'd had her blurted angrily. "I spent two days with this cunt and she wouldn't spread her fucking legs once!"

"Maybe after, but Jack's the guest of honor and he's gonna have some private fun first. Go on, I'm buying the drinks."

He proffered a credit card and handed it to one of them, watched as they almost grudgingly gathered their coats filed out. Carol was on all fours now, trying to catch her breath--fellatio always left her winded, gasping.

"I told Bob here congratulations on your engagement," he went on, crouching down to grab a fistful of hair and tug her head up 'til they were eye to eye. He nodded: "...One of your dopey sisters spilled the beans when I called looking for you. Bobby, the same Bobby who'd watched you party was going down the aisle with you...what a shocker that was."

He stood and started stripping, snapping his fingers at his bother: "Let's go, c'mon!"

"Chet," I heard Carol say plaintively, shaking her head as he and his brother peeled free of their clothes.

Naked now, he crouched back down and jacked his index finger in her face. "I'm fuckin' that honey pot right now..." he glanced at his brother who was coming abreast of them. "...And so is he."

"Okay Bobby?"

I didn't answer.

"Chet, please..." Carol whispered...a strand of spittle trailing down her chin.

"You know you want it, and I'm lookin' at your fiancé, and he fucking wants it too. Look at him, go on."

Carol twisted her head to look at me. Her beautiful features still glistening with drying semen. I don't know to this day if I nodded...I never asked her.

"Come on," he said, offering his cock as his brother knelt behind her. She nodded and opened her mouth to him just as his brother gripped into her hips and entered her from behind in a viciously hard thrust that arched her spine...

I'd told my son simply that they'd both taken her. That they'd left her lying on her back, hands clasped over her face...sobbing softly.

"And?"

"I got her the hell out of there."

I didn't tell him how Chet had warned me to get her gone fast or every one of those guys were gonna come back here and drill her into the grave. I didn't tell him how the jerky spasms still rocked her as she lay sprawled at our feet, the residual ticks of the multiple orgasms...of the moaning shrieks so loud that at one point Chet stifled them with her own balled up panties....I glanced at my only son and decided I couldn't tell him the darkest thing of all, not now.

"And what did you say to each other?" David pressed.

"When we got in the car I said I loved her and she...she said she still loved me....I drove her down to Virginia because they didn't have a waiting time and we got married the next morning in front of a Justice of the Peace. We got married later up here in church with the reception and all, but that was the day we got married for real....She was so pretty. She wore that same black dress for the ceremony."

"And you kept doing it, you know...with others...like what I saw."

I nodded.

"How often?"

"Not as often as you're probably figuring. We were always discreet."

"Yeah," he laughed.

"I can count on my hands how many times we ever did anything like that in the house. And that was even before we had you kids."

David looked doubtful.

"We'd try to travel a bit. Use hotel rooms. And there weren't that many guy's either despite what you might think."

"The two who were there?"

"One was somebody we'd known for years."

I didn't want to say his name was Jack Caufield or that he was the same asshole who'd first lined up with David's mother at the bachelor party...who'd spent a weekend at Wildwood having her fellate him again and again. That he'd pestered Chet for Carol's number and apparently went wild when he found out we were a couple...and that we were the ones who ultimately called him, mainly because he was dominant and engaged himself, thus, we hoped, ensuring a modicum of discretion. We had him over our place about three months after our marriage and he innately knew both our tastes. He left my wife sore and exhausted.

Twenty-three years. I've lost count of how many times he'd fucked my wife. And Chet too...and eleven other men in total, mainly friends they'd brought along for a fun screw. We'd toyed with internet sites, but always backed away, afraid of the freaks and danger.

"When we were trying to get pregnant we obviously didn't do anything," I felled impelled to say. "And then for about five or six years after you and your sister were born it dwindled down to almost nothing."

I looked at David; his eyes were focused on some distant thought.

I thought of Jack and a friend stopping by our house unannounced one wintery night, surprised to find Carol seven months pregnant with David. I looked at my son standing there and thought of his mother sitting on the edge of our sofa, stripped from the waist up, carrying so heavy, her breasts swollen and pulling downward against the smooth globe of her stomach...sucking their cocks through undone zippers. He'd tugged her nipple and laughed that he loved sucking his own wife's tits when she was knocked-up. When his friend evinced queasiness over sucking a lactating breast, Jack had leeringly ordered me to come over and we each took a nipple and suckled my wife's warm milk.

My wife and I never said it, but Jack was definitely our favorite. And not just the thickness and size of his penis, his muscled physical bulk; my wife saw there was a menace to him, describing him once as a Visigoth.

"So now you know everything. Your Mom's very upset...she's fucking mortified. She thinks it's all ruined and that you'll hate her."

"I don't hate her...or you."

"So we're okay?"

David shrugged: "...I guess, yeah."

After a stretch of silence we started the long hike back to our car.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Weeks went by afterwards and David at times seemed okay. Was there some strain? Sure, but overall things were passably normal. He never uttered a word to Carol about what happened and what he knew...I'd told her that I told him everything, which she agreed was probably for the best, but brought her to tears none-the-less.

In the weeks that went by I often caught my son watching my wife, fleeting glances at her from behind if she bent for something, a glance at her bust as her head was turned. A few times, always when we were alone, his embarrassment evident, he'd asked me about some detail...muted questions as to how I felt about things after they were done. Did I feel guilty when we'd finished? Did she? Once, he haltingly asked me what it was like to fuck his mother after another man had come inside her.