The I-word

It started out innocently enough: a couple of drafts in a neighborhood pub, playing some pool with my sister and her friend. Just a quiet Thursday night in the city.

I was finishing a couple of games with a guy I know who had to get home to the wife and kids. Not being married at the time, I was free to stay. At about the same time, my sister Catherine, then 28, walked in with her friend, Penny. Catherine worked as a graphic designer and at the time I was a 26-year-old PhD student.

Penny went to high school with my sister and by this time was well into her career as a nurse. She was a knockout; a small, petite blonde with a great body, a personality that bathed a man in warm feelings, and a lovely smile. I'd always had a thing for Penny, and though she had her pick of any man, she was surprisingly unattached at the time of this narrative. I knew she wanted to settle down and have a family at some point, but I also know she did a healthy amount of interviewing for Mr. Right.

I bought the girls a couple of beers and we settled in to play some pool and get caught up. I hadn't seen much of Cath in the preceding months; I lived in an apartment close to campus and she had a place across town. Our parents were still living then, but their house was well out in the suburbs and our busy schedules didn't allow for many family gatherings. But we still enjoyed each other's company and our relationship lacked any hint of the sibling rivalry that so many people have in their lives at some point.

While Cath was taking her turn, Penny came over and sat on the stool beside me.

"You know, I really enjoy hanging out with you two." She let her hand settle on my forearm for a moment that was long enough to seem significant. Penny is a very affectionate and flirtatious woman, but isn't close to her older brother or younger sister. She comes from a family that can best be described as emotionally reserved.

"Ditto," I replied, taking a sip of my beer.

Catherine soon returned after missing a shot and it was my turn. I was able to sink a few balls to get myself back in the game while the girls sat talking and joking. A miss returned the game to Penny. I sat down next to Cath and we watched while Penny showed some skill on the felt.

"Penny is curious why you don't have a girlfriend," she said casually.

"Probably for the same reason you don't have a boyfriend," I replied. "Was she asking for a particular reason?" I was somewhat hopeful, though guardedly since I considered Penny out of my league.

"I don't think so," Cath said. "She just thinks you're sweet and should have a girlfriend."

"Well, maybe someday."

Penny and Catherine won the game and they kindly let me break. As I stood lining up my shot, I could see the two of them in my line of sight whispering and laughing and looking in my direction. I thought they were doing it intentionally to throw me off, but I was determined not to let it. At one point Catherine's mouth dropped open and her face turned red, but whatever Penny said made her laugh.

I failed to make anything on the break, so Penny stood for her shot, while I sat back down next to Catherine.

"So what's so funny, while I'm shooting?" I asked in faux annoyance.

"I'm not sure I should tell you," she replied.

"Well, now you have to tell me," I said.

Catherine leaned over and whispered in my ear.

"She wondered if you and I are sleeping together."

Now it was time for my jaw to drop and my face to turn a rich shade of crimson. Penny looked over between shots, wondering if Catherine had spilled the beans about their naughty conversation. She's one of those people who enjoys saying the wildest things and then watching the reactions she gets.

I tried to regain my composure and said, "That hadn't occurred to me!" Although that was a bit of a lie.

In my most perverted fantasies I had envisioned what it might be like to get with Catherine, but as a budding psychologist I chalked it up to Freudian issues and locked it deep inside my mind. The way the girls joked about it, I wanted to appear as insouciant as they did, otherwise, they would razz me about it mercilessly.

"How did she come up with that question?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

"Penny just likes to say outrageous things to wind people up."

"Are you wound up?"

Catherine just shrugged with a smile.

"Don't let her fluster you."

Too late for that, I thought. The last thing I needed was teasing. After her turn, Penny handed her stick to Catherine and they exchanged seats.

"So," Penny said slyly. "She told you what I said?"

"Yeah," which was me trying to be cool. Was my face still beet red, I wondered? "How did you come up with something like that?"

"Just came to me," she said with an indifferent shrug. "I think you two would be sexy together, that's all."

Now my pulse was racing, not knowing what she was leading to. Rather than press the issue, Penny changed the subject and the evening went on as before. Well, mostly. While Penny was shooting and Catherine and I sat next to each other, my sister became playfully flirtatious, resting her hand on my thigh, nudging me with her elbow, and when I said something funny, laughing and laying her head on my shoulder. Penny of course noticed these things and smiled approvingly, as if she was engineering us toward something very risque.

After a few games, the girls decided to head out for some dinner, but I'd already eaten and was pretty whacked so I went home.

As I lay in bed thinking about the evening, I couldn't help but think about what Penny said. I was furious for a time. She did this on purpose, I thought, just to see if she could get a rise out of me, and Catherine willingly abetted.

Then taboo thoughts began to crowd out all other considerations and the erection they inspired was not going away. I tried not to think about Catherine as I pleasured myself, but she kept appearing in my fantasies anyway. Resistance seemed futile so I just let it happen. Shockingly, I was not repelled by these thoughts. On the contrary, I was more aroused than I ever thought I could be and when I shot my wad it was an impressive explosion. After cleaning up, I was able to drift off to a fitful sleep.

At some point during the night -- I'm not sure when -- I had an erotic dream about Catherine in which we were skinny dipping in our parents' pool while Penny sat on the edge in a bikini and watched us cavorting in the refreshing water. It was nighttime, the sky filled with stars, and there were no lights on. Cath swam over to where I was standing taking it all in, and wrapped her arms around my neck, giving me a deep wet kiss that surprised me. Then she jumped up and wrapped her legs around my waist. Penny was pleased. The physical sensations felt shockingly real. I could not understand why I felt my erection pressing against Cath's mound, but I did. Not even a trained psychologist can know everything that goes on in the unconscious mind.

For some reason the dream ended before we took that last step and I awoke with an erection. A few quick strokes and I got off again, wiped the come off my stomach with a tissue and rolled back over, wondering if I fell asleep again quickly the dream would continue where it left off and I could make love to Catherine.

The next morning I was awakened by the sound of my phone buzzing on the nightstand. I saw it was Catherine calling and in my groggy state answered with a simple, "Hey."

"Are you naked?" she asked with an evil laugh.

"Do you want to know the truth?" I responded in a voice thick with sleep.

"Absolutely," she replied.

"Yes, I am."

"Fuck yeah!" she said with enthusiasm.

"Are you home alone?" I asked.

"Yeah, where else would I be?"

"I was just wondering if Penny was there and egging you on."

"Nope, just me, Skip." (It was an affectionate nickname she'd given me when we were younger but she was the only one who used it and only occasionally and never in front of others.) "Don't you want to know if I'm naked?"

"Sure," I said, getting into the spirit of the proceedings. Was this really happening?

"I just got out of the shower and I can't figure out if I want to masturbate or have breakfast."

"Can't you do both?"

That made her laugh uproariously. Catherine has a wicked laugh.

"I'll try it!"

Catherine has always been a free spirit, something that drove our parents to distraction during her teen years, but once out on her own and doing well, they did their best to put that aspect of her personality out of their minds, which was probably a good idea. I knew that Cath could be a bit of a wild child, but she's very loving and sweet and very laid back about life in general. Even so, until we talked on the phone that Friday morning I had no idea how open she could be.

Surely she knew what she was doing as I felt us moving further out toward the thin ice between harmless ribaldry and taboo behavior. I'd plumbed the depths of the human psyche pretty thoroughly in my studies, but I'd never before come across phone sex between siblings (phonecest?), which is kind of what we were doing. We were adults, well into our twenties, not a couple of horny teenagers experimenting while mom and dad are at work. I was a little put out with Penny for planting this notion in Catherine's mind, but my annoyance was nothing compared with my arousal.

Then Catherine went on to explain that after Penny had asked her about the two of us, she couldn't get the idea out of her mind and couldn't fall asleep last night without diddling herself to one of the best solitary orgasms she's ever had. I took another step down this forbidden path and said I, too, had needed relief from the steamy images in my head.

"You're such a wanker!" Cath said laughing.

"I woke up during the night and had to do it again," I confessed, feeling liberated that we could talk like this. The room seemed to be spinning around me.

"Are you hard now?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied truthfully.

"Do you need help getting off?"

"I don't think it will take long!"

She laughed again. This was so wrong, but neither of us could help ourselves. We were borne along on a thunderous wave of desire and enjoying the ride. Soon I was moaning into the phone as I had my third climax in nine hours (which I'm certain is a record) and then I heard Catherine sighing as she too surrendered to her lust.

There was a long moment of silence as we both lay in our beds, then Catherine said breathlessly, "That was fucking great!"

"Yes," I sighed. "And I still can't believe it."

"Well, do you think there's any reason we shouldn't sleep together?"

And there it was. The question, bluntly put, about taking this to a whole new level, one scarcely conceived of, at least by me, until just a few hours ago. I could think of dozens of reasons we shouldn't, not least of which was the illegality of it, not to mention the risk of someone, especially our parents, finding out.

But I threw caution to the wind and said, "I don't see what giving it a try would hurt, as long as you're willing."

"I think it would be fun. At this point we'd be crazy not to."

"I just worry that it will harm our relationship."

Catherine seemed unconcerned. She believed it had the potential to enhance it.

"Tell you what," she said with surprising nonchalance. "Why don't you come over later and we'll talk about it, no strings attached."

"Okay, sounds good. Want me to pick up some Chinese on the way?"

The domestic concerns belied the import of what we were contemplating.

"Sure. I'll text you what I want later."

With that, I lay in bed pondering the seismic changes of my life in the past twelve hours, all based on a naughty comment by my sister's friend. I rationalized that we still had time to retreat from the flame; that by the time we had dinner it was entirely possible (nay, probable) we would come to our senses and admit that it wasn't realistic; that while it was a bewitching thought, it just couldn't be. I was sure willing and even eager to try it on with Cath, who is sexy as hell, but the risks seemed insurmountable. What we had just done was bad enough, but it was so good! Was it possible that we actually found one another attractive, or were we just intoxicated by the nearness of the bright line?

The day dragged on interminably, and I was unable to concentrate on work. Every time I got to the literature review of another article, I found myself distracted by researching articles on the internet about consensual adult incest. I wasn't interested in youthful experimentation, or exploitation by a parent against child, the latter being beneath contempt.

I had to take most of what I read with a grain of salt, while a few other pieces were about the sexual attraction of siblings who'd never known one another, or who were the products of dysfunctional homes. Neither case applied to Catherine and me. Every time I stopped to think about what might happen, my face grew hot and my pulse quickened. I was no stranger to carnal delights, even if my graduate studies had put a serious crimp in my sex life.

What was it that we were feeling towards each other? Love? Physical attraction? Or the convenience of two busy people who know each other so well and feel utterly comfortable in each other's company? And would any of this had come to pass without Penny's droll comment during our game of billiards? Would the subject have ever come up otherwise?

Questions and more questions swirled around my distracted mind. I had to admit the truth of it: I was excited by the possibility of getting naked with Catherine. She was so frank and open about her sexuality. I knew she had done some living, but I was not up on the chapter and verse. If I became her lover, would she fill me in on that? How would I feel hearing about it?

Throughout the day I still expected a call from her at any time saying she'd had second thoughts and at the very least we should slow down, think about what we were contemplating, and not see each other that evening.

The call never came.

By 7:00 pm I boarded the elevator in Catherine's building, riding up to her floor, more nervous than when I picked up my first high school date. I knocked on her door, and in the few seconds it took for her to arrive my mind raced through the possibility that she had become so frightened of me that she had left without a word, or she was buried under the blankets on her bed, pretending not to hear me and hoping I would give up and go away.

None of it turned out to be true, but in that short interval a rush of thoughts flashed through my mind, probably more dramatic than called for; crossing that threshold meant my life would be forever changed. We were in the midst of a radical reordering of our relationship, and nothing had really happened yet. When I walked into that apartment I would step onto an alien world, albeit with someone I knew very well.

I stood rooted to the spot for what seemed like an eternity as I fretted over showing up with just a bag of takeout and wearing only khaki shorts and polo shirt. What if Catherine had fussed over her appearance and appeared at the door looking like a film star? I'd look like a real nitwit then. Maybe I should just chuck it and flee.

Then I heard the deadbolt sliding back and the doorknob turn. This was it!

"Hey!" Cath said as she opened the door with a bright smile. "Fancy seeing you here!"

I blushed, but I was relieved to see that she looked absolutely normal, no makeup (she doesn't need it), no fancy clothes, no mood lighting, just Catherine and her natural unaffected beauty. She wore tan cargo shorts, sandles, and a crisp white t-shirt. Her familiar tortoise shell glasses made her look bookish and her wavy brown hair was still damp from the shower. I couldn't help but admire her long legs, tanned and toned from years of tennis.

"I was just in the neighborhood," I said, trying to be cool. "Thought I'd stop by."

She invited me in and closed the door behind me. Her airy, well-lit apartment was tidy, the open windows let in a freshening early summer breeze, which moved through the soft lace curtains. The noises of the street below were audible, but not loud. I set dinner on the table and Catherine moved to hug me.

"I'm so glad you're here," she said, clinging to me longer than she ever had before.

I enjoyed the feel of her body against mine. The press of her breasts, the contact with her tummy. At five feet seven inches tall, she is just a few inches shorter than me. Her hand caressed the nape of my neck.

"For a few minutes I got scared you'd changed your mind."

"No way," I said, not revealing what my fears had been before I saw her lovely smile at the door.

She stepped into the kitchen, removing plates from a cabinet and silverware out of a drawer. She poured two glasses of iced tea from a pitcher. The late day sun cast warm shadows around the living room, giving the apartment a soft, unearthly glow. In the distance I saw a late commuter train heading for the suburbs, where I presumed all was normal. I doubted anyone in the city found himself in the same circumstances where I stood, waiting to sit down to dinner and talk about...

As we ate, Catherine asked me how I was feeling, concerned that perhaps she was trying to force me into something I didn't want to do. I assured her she was not, that having given the matter intense thought over the previous 12 hours, I was excited at the prospect of what our relationship could blossom into.

Then she confessed that she'd been attracted to me since we were in college, when one summer evening, when our parents were away on vacation, she happened on me and my then-girlfriend skinny dipping in the backyard pool. She watched us for sometime out of her upstairs bedroom window, cavorting naked in the water. I had no idea she was home, and then later Catherine sneaked around and watched as Callie and I made love in my bedroom. Listening to her version of the evening was wickedly sexy.

Catherine of course had never had any actual designs on me until Penny egged her on. It didn't have to mean anything, Penny told her, just some safe and sexy fun. Penny then decided to put a diabolical plan into motion whereby she also put the idea in my head. Once there, it wouldn't go away.

After clearing the table and loading the dishwasher, Catherine put her arms around my neck. With a bit of hesitation, our lips met, first superficially, and then I felt the thrill of her tongue probing my mouth. I'm glad we were holding onto each other because the heady feeling might have caused me to keel over.

I returned her passionate kisses and felt completely comfortable doing so. There was no lightning strike, no earthquakes, the building didn't collapse, nothing. As we stood there in the kitchen, our world changing in unimaginable ways, the world outside Cath's apartment went on as before.

"That was nice," Cath said softly as we came up for air. "You wanna get naked?"

I love the word naked. It's ordinarily a pedestrian word, used to describe furniture, or a person just out of the bath, but from Catherine it carried with it the distinct tone of carnality.

In the bedroom we stood at the foot of Catherine's bed and embraced once more. She is a phenomenal kisser. Or was it just the thrill of the forbidden kiss? I didn't care. She reached down and felt the front of my shorts.

"Somebody's happy to be here," she said with a laugh. "Careful where you point that, mister!"

She was so comfortable with herself that she made me comfortable, too, like this was the most natural thing in the world for a brother and sister to do. We took off what little we were wearing and embraced again, naked, unafraid, desperately wanting each other.

We climbed into bed and after more kissing and touching, Catherine unwrapped a condom and rolled it onto my hard cock. She then pulled me over on top of her, spreading her legs and guiding my hardness into her. It was a sublime moment. Shadows and light played across our bodies as we got used to the amazing sensation of being joined. I was so hard it was almost painful, but Catherine's wetness felt like heaven.