The Joke

I answered before this help could get away, "Yeah, I don't know how I can meet next month's rent."

"So come stay with me and my Bobby. Roger says this wasn't his fault and that you might tell me your story some time over a glass of wine. Our garage is empty so you could store your furniture for a month or so. We want to help you up on your feet."

I started crying, "Thank you, I've been so scared. I haven't talked with Roger since." I left that hanging.

Elaine told me, "Come on over right now, and when you get here you will tell me everything. And I mean everything."

I gathered up my clothes and some of my portable items. I loaded my car and went to my sister's. When I got there she told me, "Tell me now before you unpack. Roger said that you would need me but he couldn't help you any more." That statement got my waterworks going again.

I handed Elaine the tape and told her, "I probably should explain this first but I'm just all strung out."

Elaine found a videotape player. When her kid came in the room, I said, "This would be too much for them."

Elaine told the kids to play outside. She watched the tape for a few minutes and then fast-forwarded to the end.

Elaine asked me, "How the hell could you do this?"

I said, "I didn't but I know that it looks like I did."

Elaine asked me, "Assume that I am dumb enough to believe you. Why did you do this and if it isn't what it seems, what is it?"

I said, "Let me answer the why first. Roger is a good but dull man. He does not have any sense of humor that I can find. I was trying to shock him into a sense of humor." I stopped there.

Elaine said, "Now that was the why. Please tell me how this isn't what it seems."

I answered, "Since the last New Year's party where Roger was such a stick in the mud, most of us have been uncomfortable around Roger. Roger has always been timid sexually, so we thought he needed to grow there also. Well, we pretended to have an orgy with me at the center, and we videotaped it. Nobody actually stuck any part of his body inside me. We had it all figured. The last two minutes of the tape were supposed to be a 'wow, this was a joke with us showing how long plastic dildos were used to simulate me fucking and sucking.' Then Clancy was supposed to drop the tape off at midnight and we would spring out to tell Roger it was just a joke."

Elaine said, "I sure didn't see any disclaimer about this being a joke. Did Clancy drop the tape off at midnight?"

I said, "We completely forgot that the tape was only twenty minutes, and Clancy had a date that night and dropped the tape off at 9:30. Roger was gone when we got there. We didn't know what happened until late the next afternoon."

Elaine asked, "Keep talking."

I answered, "George's in laws told him to stay away from his home or they would tear his pecker off. When George asked why, they told him about his porn star role. George called the rest of us. When we contacted our employer for help that's when we found out that we were fired. All of us except for Mike have been served with divorce papers."

Elaine said, "Well, maybe Mike's wife believes him."

I responded, "No, they have children. Mike and I have to be tested and be found disease free before Mike can come back home."

Elaine said, "It's very hard to believe, but maybe. Heck, this is so stupid it must be true. Still Roger may not get a sense of humor out of all this. Do you still want him, or are you still uncomfortable around him?"

I answered, "I'd let him walk me around on a dog collar, if he would have me back."

Elaine said, "I don't think he wants anything to do with dog collars around your neck. Do you want him as he is, or if we get him back for you, will you have to change him?"

I stayed silent for a minute. My sister could convince anybody about anything, but could I keep Roger and do I even want Roger. I said, "I'd better answer you in the morning."

I woke up a bit nervous, but I had come to a conclusion. I do want my marriage back. I honestly don't know if I have to change Roger. Elaine chose to stay home with me today. She was making breakfast when the phone rang. Elaine answered, talked for a minute, then said, "Nancy, pick up the phone."

I said, "Hello, who is this?"

Roger answered, "I'm Roger."

"Oh, where are you? When can I see you?"

"Nancy, before we do any of those things, we have to find out if we really want each other."

"Roger, how can you ask that? Come to think of it, why are you calling?"

"Last night, your sister persuaded me that you might not have done what the tape showed you doing."

I interrupted, "Then you're coming home?"

"Not right now. She also told me why you did it. And to me that is nearly as bad."

"You can't mean that. Everybody needs a sense of humor."

"Where do you get off telling me I don't have a sense of humor. I laugh at what I want to laugh at. What you did, even if it had worked out as you planned, wouldn't be funny to me."

"I'm sorry."

"Yes, you are. But that is not the issue. If we get back together, can you live with me the way I am, or will you keep trying to change me?"

I hesitated but said, "I think I can live with you as you are."

"And if you can't?"

"Then I will divorce you."

"So why shouldn't I just divorce you now instead of trying to please you?"

Epilogue

Six weeks later the divorce was granted. Thirty days after that the divorce was final. The big shocker is Nancy. She used to so cheerful. Granted, she was an unending practical joker, but she had an upbeat personality. Now, she is permanently depressed. All the men including Mike are divorced. Nancy refused to get tested, and Mike's wife told him, "Enough is enough."

Roger stayed in Gainesville for about a year. He got a new job and a promotion to go to Jacksonville. His new coworkers praise him for his happy outlook on life. He still can't find women who will date him, but he can accept being alone if that is the price for his personal integrity.