The Letter

"Well, yes. I mean, we...we had...you know, that...moment."

"Yes we did," Grant replied rather quietly.

"After it happened I tried to put you out of mind, but I couldn't. Just having someone...having you...be so kind to me made me realized I didn't have to live with the man I married; a man who changed so much I barely knew him anyone. That one short hour with you here gave me the courage to finally leave him."

She looked right at him then said, "I really did try and forget about you. It never worked, but I really did try."

She paused, looked away for a moment then looked back at him before saying, "And then, there was the letter."

"And?" Grant asked again.

"And it stirred up so many feelings and emotions, many of them very, very deep."

"Like me being your student?"

"Among many others," she admitted. "I know that's irrational because you haven't been my student for four years, but yes, you were when, you know..."

"I do know. And I've never forgotten it. Or you."

"Grant? You're a very attractive guy. Surely you've had girlfriends and...you know."

"I have, but there's never been anyone like you in my life, Denise."

"Is it maybe just a memory? A memory of forbidden love or even just lust? Something you hold onto because of how it happened or even with whom it happened?" she asked, as her brain battled itself again for control.

Grant waited for her to look at him before answering.

"No. It was none of those things. It was you, Denise. It was you, the person I fell in love with. Not what she did for a living."

"Fell in love with?" she asked, as her heart began racing.

"I've had a lot of time to think back on our 'moment' and all that happened between us. Yes, you were my teacher at the time, but I have never felt about anyone the way I felt about you."

He paused then told her, "The way I...still feel about you."

Denise was more than a little surprised at how nervous she felt, but it made her laugh a goofy kind of laugh as she looked at herself then said, "Well, how you could you not? I mean, just look at me!"

She sat up straight, kind of flipped her hair then stuck a pose as she said, "How could any man resist...this?"

Grant laughed at her silliness then told her that was one more thing he loved about her.

"Love is a very strong word, Grant," she told him as though he might not be aware of that.

"It is. But in this case I believe it's...the right word."

"But how can you know that? After all these years, and considering how little we knew each other, how can you possibly know that?" she asked almost imploringly as though she were also asking herself the same question.

When he slid forward to emphasize a point, he winced again, and Denise instinctively got up to help.

"I'm okay," he told her as he held his side and moved forward a little.

He smiled at her then said, "Besides, it only hurts when I move. Or turn over. Or lean to the side, or..."

"Grant! Stop!" she said again as though she were back in high school herself.

"Come here," he said, surprising her as he held out a hand.

"What?" Denise asked as her heart began racing.

"Come here," he said, tapping his right thigh.

She gave him a funny look then glanced at his hand but finally took it.

He gently pulled her his way, and when she knew he meant for her to sit there, she asked, "Won't it hurt?"

"Maybe, but it'll be so worth it," Grant replied, a happy smile on his face. "Just don't hit the outside of my left leg, okay?"

Denise turned her legs to land on his right side then carefully sat down.

"See? No pain," he told her even though it made his side hurt a little. But he was right. It was so worth it.

Again, he waited for her to look at him then smiled at her before speaking.

"I'd like the opportunity to let you get to know me better," he began. "I'd say to let me get to know you better, too, but unless there's some huge secret you're hiding, I'm pretty sure that would only confirm what I already know is true."

"And what might that be?" she quietly asked him as she looked into his eyes.

"That you're the most amazing woman I've ever known," he told her in a way that moved her almost as much as his words had in the letter.

"Unless you're seeing someone else," he quickly tacked on.

"No. I'm not seeing anyone. I've been working on getting my master's degree, so between that and teaching, I really don't date all that much."

"Sorry, but I...I need to stand up," he said, causing her to almost jump off his lap for fear she was hurting him. But it was the sudden move that hurt the most and when he grabbed his side, she felt terrible.

"I am SO sorry!" she said immediately as she threw her hands over her mouth.

Grant told her he was fine then asked her to help him stand up. She held out both hands, and with her assistance, he stood up, still holding onto them.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted to kiss you again," he told her as she looked up into his eyes just inches away.

"I think maybe I do," she said so quietly he barely heard her.

"But I don't want to ruin anything before we have a chance to see if this really is something or just an old memory we're feeding," he told her as he gently touched her face.

"I can't say I'm not disappointed, but as usual, you are wise beyond your years," she said just as quietly as he put his arms around her causing her to ask what that was all about.

"It's just a hug. And for now, that's probably all we should do."

She carefully put her arms around his neck and held him, too, as her body and mind reconnected with what had happened four years before.

"Now what?" Denise sweetly asked when it ended.

"Now we do what normal couples do. We go to dinner. We see a movie together. We hold hands. When the time is right, we kiss again. And then..."

"Yes?" she asked, a bright happy smile on her very pretty face.

"And then we see what follows."

"Oh, okay," she replied just as sweetly with a warm, happy smile.

"But for now I should probably let you get back to whatever you were doing," he told her.

Denise wanted more, but she knew he was right. Both of them, but especially her, needed time to understand what was happening. Did she really have feelings for him or was it just wishful thinking based on lust that was four years old?

She told him she hadn't been doing anything important, but before he turned to leave she asked him a question.

"May I see now?"

She looked at his side as she said it, and he understood what she meant.

"You'll only see a large gauze bandage," he said as he slowly and carefully raised the side of his shirt.

She bent down and the moment she saw it, she gasped, and put her hands over her mouth again. He then let go of the shirt and just as carefully raised the pants he was wearing up to his knee exposing two of the four places where he'd been hit.

"There are two others. Here and here," he explained, touching the cloth up higher over each wound.

Denise teared up again, and without asking put her arms back around him and just held him for several more seconds.

"You are so brave," she told him.

"No. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time," he told her.

"Was anyone else hurt?" she asked after pulling away enough to look at him.

He hesitated then said, "Yes."

Her eyes darted with his indicating she needed to know.

"The man to my left in the back seat was killed," he told her. "I didn't know that until I got a call from my former company first sergeant in Germany."

"Can you tell me how it happened?" she asked, as tears fell from her eyes.

He told her what an IED was and how their vehicle went over one, omitting details like blast waves and concussions and shrapnel, and how the captain had been trapped inside and the way the Humvee burned and how the ammunition inside went off with him still in it or how they combed the desert to find anything large enough to send home.

"His poor family," Denise said, barely able to keep from crying. "His wife. Those little children."

"He was a really great guy. A lot of Marines either don't like officers or they just tolerate them, but this guy was really different. He was a true professional, and yet he was like...one of us, you know? And of course, he's the one who was killed."

"Life can be so unfair," she offered supportively.

Grant gently touched her cheek then said, "Yes. Yes, it can. Or maybe it's just...indifferent."

Denise understood what he meant and told him again, "You really are wise beyond your years, Grant Harmon."

"And you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever known, Denise Thomas," he told her with a smile.

Before she let go of him, Grant could tell she wanted to say something else.

"What? What is it?" he asked.

Denise looked down for a moment then looked back up at him and asked, "Do you know how old I am now?"

He somehow managed not to laugh when he said, "Let's see. I did take math up through algebra and geometry. And I passed them both. So yes, I can add."

Denise tried to smile when she replied to his attempt at humor.

"You're also not blind, Grant."

She hesitated again for a second or two then said, "While you've gotten older and even more handsome, I've just gotten..."

He put a finger on her lips to stop her and said, "Even more beautiful to me. Okay?"

As she looked into his eyes, all she could say was a very quiet, "Okay," as they let go of one another again.

When she walked him to the door, Denise 'felt' every painful step Grant took. He had to be hurting, but he never once complained. In fact, when she opened the door for him, he said something that made her laugh.

"As we get to know each other keep in mind the hardest part is behind us."

"What part is that?" she asked.

"You've already met my dad."

He laughed, too, and she admitted she found his father a little bit intimidating.

"He's a paper tiger," Grant told her. "Once you get to know him, he's a big softy. He just puts up this front so no one who works for him will think he's weak."

"Ah. Good to know," she replied, another happy smile on face.

Knowing he was about to leave, Denise told him how happy she was he'd stopped by.

"And thank you for writing the letter."

"I couldn't not write it," he told her with a level of sincerity that nearly took her breath away before shuffling outside onto the porch and then down to his mother's car.

When he got there he turned around and said, "I uh, I don't even have your phone number, Ms. Thomas!"

His former teacher laughed, then walked to his car and asked for his phone.

She entered her information then handed it back to him.

"And now you do."

Grant was staring at her, and that made her ask why.

"Because I want to kiss you so badly that if you don't leave, I'm not going to be able to stop myself."

"Who says I want you to?" she asked, another happy smile on her face.

"You. Turn. Go. Leave," he told her playfully.

"Okay, okay. Gee. Pushy much?" she teased.

She didn't leave. She did take a step backward then stood there and waved until he drove off then went inside to begin sorting through the jumble of feelings that were now overwhelming her mental circuitry.

A few minutes later, when Grant got home, his mom smiled at him.

"What?" Grant asked.

"Oh, nothing," she replied, the smile still there.

"I've heard of mother's intuition, but...seriously?" he told his mother as he watched her smiling without looking at her son.

"I like her," his mom said, surprising him even more.

"How do you there's a woman let alone who it is?"

"I saw the way she reacted when we told her you were alive. And then I saw how you reacted when I mentioned her."

Grant ran a hand through his very closely cropped hair and sighed.

"I really like her, too, Mom."

"I know," she replied.

This time she smiled at her son, and that caused him to just shake his head in disbelief. "Because of the age difference, your father may not warm up to her as quickly, but he'll come around. Eventually."

Grant hobbled over to her and kissed her on the cheek.

"I love you, Mom."

"And I love you," she told him. "And if you love this woman, then I'll love her, too."

"You're amazing. You know that?" her son told her.

"I'm just a mother, honey. A mother who is thankful beyond words that her son is alive and will fully recover. A mother who just wants her son to be happy."

"Thank you, but you're not just a mother. You're my mother," he told her before kissing her again then asking what was for dinner.

"When do you go to the doctor again?" she asked without telling him.

"Oh, right. Tomorrow. At McChord Air Force Base just south of Tacoma."

"I know exactly where it is," his mother replied. "Unless you have someone else to take you."

"You know I can drive, right?" he reminded her.

"You can do a lot of things, but I only have one son, and while he's home, I intend to dote on him constantly."

She smiled then said, "But I'm willing to share his time with a certain former teacher of his if that would make him happy."

"When you say it like that it sounds pretty bad, doesn't it?" Grant said, again running his hand through his hair.

"The important word there is 'former', honey. Now she's just a very beautiful young woman."

His mom smiled again then said, "Who's young...to me."

Grant laughed and so did his mom just as his dad came in asking what was for dinner.

When his wife and son both laughed some more, Wayne threw up his hands and said, "Fine. I'll make it myself then!"

"If you do, I'm not eating here tonight," Grant muttered but loudly enough for his dad to hear.

"I'm not deaf you know!" his father called out.

"Neither am I, sweetheart," Sylvia reminded her much-too-loud husband as she opened the fridge and pulled out a roast.

As he lay on his bed, Grant looked at her number and found himself staring at it as though that particular ten-digit combination was somehow her. He smiled when he thought about her and began began a text.

Within seconds after sending it his phone rang.

He saw her name and laughed as he answered it.

"Yes. I'll take you," she said without even saying 'hello' or telling him it was her.

"Don't you have class?"

"Substitutes like getting calls to work," she told him in a way that let him know she was smiling.

"You do know how bad traffic is, right?" he reminded her even though he hand't been to Seattle or Tacoma in a couple of years since he was home on leave.

"It's awful, but considering who I'll be with, I don't think I'll mind," she told him.

"Hmmm. My mom offered to drive me, but considering who I really want to be with, I had to ask."

"The answer is 'yes'," Denise told him, the smile still on her face.

"Okay. I'll see you bright and early then."

"I'll be waiting," she promised before saying 'goodbye'.

Again, he lay there in the same bed he'd slept in during high school and laughed when he thought about how many times he'd 'taken care of business' while fantasizing about Ms. Thomas. Now, after these last four years, he wasn't even hard, even after talking to her.

It wasn't that he found her any less attractive. If anything, just the opposite was true. She was even more beautiful to him now than she'd been back then, and that made his lack of arousal al the more unusual. He also realized that if she turned out to be as wonderful a person as she was beautiful, that he would quickly fall in love with her—for real this time—and that caused him to wonder whether or not she could ever really feel that way about him.

Grant, of course, had no way of knowing that she was thinking very similar thoughts as she went online to request a substitute. She listed a doctor's appointment as the reason, which was technically true. Then again, she didn't need a reason as she had nearly 40 days worth of time off saved up, the most the county allowed. Denise loved teaching so much that she never took time off unless she was actually ill, and she rarely ever got sick.

As she closed her laptop, she saw his handsome face again in her mind. Her eyes closed as she sat there and imagined him holding her again and wondered how long it would be until he realized she was a 35-year old woman and gave up on this outdated fantasy he was still clinging to—and her, as well. And as she continued thinking about it, she had to admit it was definitely possible that she was using the past and the letter as a substitute for real, genuine feelings of love.

"Love," she said quietly to herself. "After four years of thinking I'm in love with one of my former students, am I really?"

That very pointed question was followed by one that was as equally troubling.

"Or am I just some kind of lonely, desperate fool?"

She knew men, and even other women, considered her attractive. And yet the years of verbal abuse had taken their toll on her. Not her outward physical appearance but on her spirit. She didn't often feel beautiful and she couldn't help but wonder if she'd somehow been damaged beyond repair. And that feeling was reinforced by her belief that she'd been in love with an 18-year old boy and was still in love with him four years later when the truth was she barely even knew him.

After batting those thoughts back and forth for the rest of the evening, she realized she couldn't yet answer her own question. And with that, she did her best to let it go until she could spend enough time with him to find out whether or not any of it was true.

When she woke up the following morning, Denise felt less apprehensive and maybe even energized. She was finally getting to spend some time with Grant so she could find out how real this...belief...of hers really was.

Grant insisted on driving to her place, and that made a lot of sense as a way to avoid having to meet his parents again until they were ready for that, if that time ever actually even came.

He pulled in right at 7:45 and Denise's heart fluttered when she opened the door to let him in. Grant smiled at her, hugged her, and told her she looked beautiful. She thanked him sincerely then reminded him that compared to sweats, anything would look nice.

"On you, anyway," he replied, his words making her feel wonderful inside again.

As always, traffic was terrible. It was slow going on Route 167 or as it was commonly called, the Valley Freeway, that led south toward the towns of Sumner and Puyallup. A few miles further and they took Highway 512 West toward Lakewood before a brief run south on Interstate 5 before exiting to McChord.

Things started off slowly as they talked about the weather and how this was such an unusually nice day. The sky was a gorgeous blue with lots of puffy, white clouds, and it was even more unusual in that they could see Mt. Rainier off to their left and the tops of the Olympic Mountains to their right. There weren't many days like this except during July and August, but when they happened, the view was spectacular. Other than the snarl of traffic.

By the time they reached the 512 Denise was opening up about her marriage, and for the first time, providing details about the kinds of things she'd endured. She had Grant's full attention, and at one point he reached over and took her hand and told her how truly sorry he was.

"You didn't deserve that," he said.

"No. No, I didn't. But I...I felt like I was...trapped. On one level I knew I wasn't. But on another, I honestly couldn't see a way out. So I'd tell myself I'd deal with it after the school year ended and then after the Christmas break."

"And then after the next school year again," Grant said, once he understood.

"I've never told anyone about this other than my mom," Denise explained, her hand still in his as she carefully navigated her way through the endless maze of vehicles.