The Literotica Xmas Bash

We climaxed one after the other. Her almost immediately I got a firm grip on her hair and pulled her head back sharply; me because as soon as she had finished she scrunched herself down lower to give herself the room to take my balls in her hand. For some reason that always does it for me. After all her vigour she was surprisingly gentle as she massaged my eggs like a pair of worry balls. I know all men exaggerate, but I swear there must have been half-a-pint of cum in the rubber by the time I finished.

'Fantastique.'

I thought she might appreciate a little sophistication. I was wrong. I had slumped off her after my balls had filtered most of my bodily fluids into her pussy and was lying there enjoying the feeling of euphoria. It didn't last long.

'What shall we do with this?'

Annette was standing over me swinging the tied-off condom in front of her. I hadn't felt her grab it as I fell. Neither had I any idea how she managed to appear fully dressed so quickly. I started to try and decipher my own apparel.

'There's a bin at the end of the row. I'd drop it in there. They don't like you flushing them; there's notices in all the toilets.'

We both screamed in shock. I'd like to have said that mine was a manlyI say,/I>, but scream is the only word which accurately describes the noise which left my throat. Sitting across from us in an armchair which matched the sofa was a man of about fifty. He smiled broadly as we stared at him.

'What the fuck are you doing here?'

Annette and I were on a roll. Matching each other word for word. Could this be love?

'What do you mean here? The Literotica festival?' 'No. Here in this room.' Oh. That's easy. I came to watch. We all did.' 'All?'

He nodded towards the kitchenette. There were three more blokes, all similar to the first, all wearing sensible clothes against the weather. They smiled in unison and then started to give us a round of applause. The one in the middle had been eating a sandwich and had to hold it in his mouth while he clapped. They were all grinning as if they were waiting to see what we'd do next.

'How'd you get in? And why, for fuck's sake. Couldn't you see we were looking for a little privacy?'

The man in the armchair looked confused.

'What do you mean? This is the exhibitionist and voyeur section. We're voyeurs.'

He looked at the others for confirmation.

'Man and boy.'

The guy who had now finished eating confirmed. The others nodded.

'We thought you wanted us to watch. It's cold out, so as you didn't lock the door, we decided you wouldn't mind if we came in rather than staring through the windows.' 'You going to write it up?' 'Make a great story.' 'What's your user name? I'll start following you.' 'Been better if you'd got all her kit off. But, you know what they say, beggars can't be choosers, and all that.' 'When you having round two? You're great together.' 'Will you stick something inEditors' Notes?' 'Stop.'

They were all talking over each other until I shouted. They were still all grinning and staring. I looked at Annette. I didn't know whether to laugh, apologise or suggest we join up and beat the crap out of them. She looked like she wanted to say something, so I didn't interrupt.

'What'sEditor's Notes?' 'It's the newsletter.' 'Started this morning.' 'On Facebook. Twitter too, I think.' 'They've got aForthcoming Events section.' 'If you stick in a time and place you'll get a much bigger crowd.' 'Guaranteed.'

She was smiling as their sentences tumbled over each other again. She held up her hand and they were quiet.

'I'm not sure there'll be a next time.'

She looked at me. I didn't have to fake disappointment.

'Not in public anyway. I've never done anything like this before.' 'Should have gone to first time, then. Over the other side.' 'Or erotic coupling, maybe. You were good enough.'

There were murmurs of assent.

'They're over by the pool. Lot of fucking on the beach chairs, but if you go in a room no one follows unless invited.' 'Good to know. Thank you gentlemen. I think we'll probably be getting off now. You'll be able to let yourselves out?'

She held out the hand not holding the condom and I took it. I had managed to reassemble my clothes so I took it gratefully and we made for the door to more applause and requests for us not to forget to post news of round two. We walked in silence until Annette dropped the condom into the bin and then burst out laughing in unison.

'That was?' 'Different?' 'Unexpected?' 'Unrepeatable?' 'Exciting?' 'Naughty?'

We laughed and tossed words at each other until we got to the entrance of the main entertainment centre. I touched her arm to stop her and kissed her again. Just quickly. And softly. It was nice. And I wanted something nice to remember her by.

'You two took your time.'

Cecilia looked her granddaughter up and down. From the look alone it was clear she knew what we'd been up to. Annette went red. I thought I should at least try to throw her off the scent.

'We met these nice blokes.' 'I think they were lost.' 'Had to help them out.' 'Would have been churlish not to.' 'Enough. If you're going to lie to me, at least have the good grace not to look so smug about it.'

We all of us laughed. Cecilia introduced us to the Love For Sale crowd. They were sitting in the middle of what could easily have passed for a bomb site. There were clothes rails which had clearly once been full. Not there were just XXX Large sizes left. Boxes marked 'sex toys', 'lubricants', 'for him' and so on were also largely empty. Who one earth, I wondered, would select radish-flavoured oil even if it was 'wholly organic'.

There was a fortyish woman in charge, Molly. She and her four assistants were drinking what looked like gin and tonics and talking excitedly about the prospects for the arrival of the big shipment the next day.

'They've very kindly agreed to hold back on selling condoms until all ours are gone.' 'That's very sweet.' 'Da nada.'

Molly smiled at Annette after Cecilia explained. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket to remind me of the missed call. I took it out and waved it in explanation as I moved away from them and tried to find a little privacy. It was Angela. I thought I'd better call her back immediately.

'Hello?'

She sounded a little down.

'Angela? It's John. From Saturday? You rang me.' 'Oh yes.'

She was immediately a little brighter. I felt my ego puff.

'Our Darren's been busted. He's in custody until Monday.' 'I'm sorry. Is there anything you can do? Bail? Can I help?' 'No. I've had it with the bastard. I've done all I can for him, for the moment I'm going to let someone who's paid to be his jailer take the strain.' 'Must be hard for you.'

I heard a soft sob at the other end of the line. Then a cough as she composed herself.

'I was wondering whether you wanted to have another go at that date? I'll understand if you don't.' 'I'd love to. It's just...' 'S'allright. I did come on a bit common didn't I? I thought...' 'It's not that at all. I'm a bit tied up at the moment. Work.' 'It's OK. Maybe another time. You'll call me.'

I was not going to let her hang up thinking I had just wanted her for sex. I was probably trying to fool myself as much as her.

'Have you read any erotic literature?' 'Literature? Nah.' 'LikeFifty Shades?' 'Course.' 'Well there's this festival at Sunnydene this weekend. I'm sort of tied up.' 'I didn't know you were into that sort of thing. You should have said.'

We both laughed. I didn't know her well enough to judge whether she was joking or not. I promised to call her as soon as I knew I'd have free time and we parted understanding each other a little bit better. Cecilia, Cynthia, Molly and Annette were deep in conversation when I went back to them. They were talking catering, for some reason, and staff. Cynthia was talking.

'I told him. I said the usual shit wouldn't do. Would he listen?' 'Problem?' 'One of Molly's staff's got the shits. He's only eaten here and when I checked all the stuff Kevin ordered was months past its use-by date. We've had to bin the lot.'

She stamped her foot in sheer frustration. Annette took up the tale of woe.

'Molly was going to lend me one of her helpers so we could cover properly. I can't do all this on my own. Sorry, gran.' 'That's alright dear. If it wasn't for the shop I'd come and do it myself.'

Why they all ended up looking at me I'm not sure. I knew why I started talking; I'm a sucker for sad eyes. I'll just say the first thing I can think of to make it better.

'You've come to the right place. I'm sure theGlobe's small business unit will be able to help you out.'

Cecilia snorted. She had told me how the then-editor had almost led a mob carrying burning torches and pitchforks at the height of her stand on AIDS. I opened my phone and searched it's directory desperately for answers. Then I got it. I held up my hand for quiet and pressed a number.

'Ken and Flo's Caff and Bistro, Ken speaking, how may I help you?'

He had the tone of a man just about to celebrate the tenth anniversary of the day he took a solemn pledge never to be of any help to anyone, ever. I didn't let it deter me.

'Ken. John from theGlobe.' 'Let me stop you right there. I told that spiv from your advertising department we're going to see how the first six months go before we make any commitment for further business.' 'That's not why I'm calling.'

I laid out Cynthia's problems. She was nodding at me hopefully as I talked numbers of guests, expected number of meals and so on. I handed the phone to her when he started asking technical questions I couldn't answer. She rushed to the corner I had earlier occupied talking excitedly. I looked at Annette and clicked my fingers.

'Phone.'

She gave it to me without speaking. Her look spoke volumes. If I ever wanted to get into her pants - well technically under her skirt to be fair - I'd better row back the Mr Big act. I apologised and she looked a little mollified. I reinforced my true image as an incompetent dork when I started to dial only to realise the number I wanted was in my own phone.

I virtually had to prise it from Cynthia's hand; she continued shouting over my shoulder as I quickly accessed my directory and tapped the number I wanted into Annette's mobile. It started ringing immediately, so I almost missed the exasperated frown Cynthia gave me as she grabbed my phone back.

'Angela. It's John again.' 'That was quick. You coming over?' 'Do you want a job? Just for a few days. It's at that literature thing I was telling you about. You'll love it.'

I was touched and a little sad when she told me I didn't have to help her out just to get in her pants. But once we got over that hurdle she was enthusiastic. Annette, when she spoke to her, seemed impressed. The long and the short of it was that she told Angela to get in a taxi and come to the park straight away. One of Molly's minions was sent to the gate with a ten pound note to make sure security didn't cock it up.

We were all sitting round drinking cocktails - I was on virgin Bloody Mary - when she arrived. Except Annette. She was dealing with an orderly queue of customers. Editors' Notes had caught wind of new supplies and word had spread quickly. They were a rum bunch her customers. They ranged in age from about twenty to well over seventy. Some were wrapped up well against the winter weather - I guessed they'd visited Bridlington before. Others were wearing little more than their underwear and seemingly oblivious to the temperature. In some cases, their garments seemed oblivious of their proper purpose, exposing more than they were supposed to be covering.

They were as well behaved as a queue for the Chelsea Flower Show. No pushing or shoving. There was a quiet buzz of conversation as people introduced themselves to each other. The four men who had watched us screwing earlier were there. They bought a single condom each -just on the off chance - and one of them asked her to autograph his for him. They looked well set to continue the conversation we had started earlier until a six foot seven guy behind them interrupted. He was wearing a leather cap, rubber shorts with studded braces and heavy black work boots. Nothing else. The quartet took a mere second to conclude they had held the queue up long enough. They left Annette to find his dozen extra-large and headed for the exit. They smiled nicely when they recognised me and all four gave me a double thumbs up as they passed. Molly was intrigued.

'Friends of yours?' 'Long story. Better check with Annette. I'm not sure whether it's the sort of thing a gentleman talks about or not.'

Angela had been looking around with some trepidation. I couldn't blame her. She stared at a group of sci-fi fans in virtually see-through Star Trek uniforms as they waited their turns to stock up. This was Bridlington, Jim, but not as you know it. When she saw me she rushed over, jumped on my knee and attached herself pneumatically to my mouth. I realised we hadn't kissed before. She was a fast starter. Her tongue was exploring me before I knew what was going on. She pulled off almost as soon as she had started.

'Just wanted to say thank you. I needed to get out.'

I introduced her around and Molly went to relieve Annette so the two of them could talk. When she came over I got a repeat performance of the snog. My brain was confused; my dick would have kicked itself in frustration. If it had feet that is.

'Who knew Bridlington had got so friendly. Stuff the French with their namby-pamby cheek kissing. Give me a full-on tonsil check any day. Hi, I'm Annette.'

I left the two of them to it and went to help Molly. I couldn't help but get the impression they finished their business quickly and had moved on to talking about me. They kept looking over and laughing. One or other of them would blow me a kiss if they caught me checking them out. I was a little perturbed when Annette held the forefinger of each hand about six inches apart and asked Angela something. She measured out about two with hers. There was some banter, laughing and finger adjustment until they seemed to agree that whatever it was they were measuring was about four inches long. They both stood up, smoothed down their clothes and walked over.

'OK big boy, Molly, we'll take over. Thanks for your help.'

I stepped back. I wanted to try and find out what they had been talking about, but Annette was quickly bagging up two packets of three for a woman at least as old as her gran, while Angela was deep in conversation with a person of indeterminate gender. I went over to Cynthia and Cecilia.

'And he's only the ex-cook on a bloody aircraft carrier. Poached five hundred eggs in a force nine gale, that sort of thing.'

She saw me and did a repeat of Angela and Annette's greeting. Only she was somewhat heavier. My cock, as cocks do, interpreted the extra pressure as a prelude to performance. You can imagine our disappointment when she got off me.

'You sir, have saved the day. Wherever did you find them? I owe you big time. You just make sure you come and collect.'

Her wink left nothing to the imagination. I found myself trying to adjust a non-existent tie. I was concerned for Cecilia's sensibilities. I needn't have bothered.

'You'd better get me home. Watching that woman my age buying johnnies has made me feel like going out on the pull myself. I've been counting the years since I last had a good seeing to and the number is far too high.'

She obviously caught my look of terror and patted my arm reassuringly.

'Don't worry, John, you're safe. I prefer my pricks big. And I mean big.'

She closed her eyes in mock ecstasy and then laughed along with Cynthia before kissing her on the cheek by way of farewell. It took us a good few minutes to get out of there. There's something quite unusual about watching a grandmother admonish her granddaughter to keep warm and not do anything she wouldn't do. Especially when said granddaughter has only just finished probing the lower depths of your oesophagus with her tongue. Angela followed suit. I thought grabbing my prick was taking things a bit far in mixed company. I definitely worried when, after she had finished, she whispered something to Annette and they leaned their shoulders against each other smiling at me like butter wouldn't melt.

Paul was nowhere to be seen when I got back to my car. It was shining like never before under the glow of the orange neon streetlight I hadn't noticed when I parked. The hood was up on the convertible and it was rocking slightly on its soft suspension. I thought I caught a glimpse of a boot very similar to those Vanessa was wearing extending over the well-upholstered front bench seat. I almost jumped out of my skin when Bonzo appeared beside me. he had his gimp mask balled in one hand and extended the other to me. I shook it.

'I hope sir is satisfied with the cleaning job.' 'Very nice, er Bonzo, I don't think it's ever been so clean.'

I had caught a whiff of what I thought might be leather polish when I'd helped Cecilia into the front seat. Then, I didn't believe my nose. Now I did.

'Would sir mind letting Mistress Vanessa know sir is satisfied when sir sees her next?' 'It will be my pleasure, Bonzo. Give you a lift?'

He looked shocked.

'Oh no sir. I wouldn't dream of leaving without Mistress Vanessa's permission. Wonderful woman, wonderful.'

He nodded towards the car.

'And they make such a lovely couple.'

I didn't really know how to respond to that. We waited until we were well clear of the park (and spa) before laughing. Cecilia mimicked the salute the uniformed guard - different from the one we had seen that morning - had given us as we went past him.

'There's nowt so queer as folk.' 'We should get a tea towel made.' 'Better a bumper pack of johnnies.'

I'd like to say I went home, jumped into bed and slept the sleep of the just. But that bloody lap top was calling softly to me when I unlocked my door. It was the early hours of the morning before I eventually got to doze off. At least, I thought, I'd got a better grip on exhibitionism and the role of female dominatrixes by the time I let my throbbing penis get some rest.

You know those Xmas movies? The ones likeMiracle on 34th Street where there's one or two ups and downs but in the end there's a really happy ending? The good get their rewards and the baddies get their comeuppance? Well that's what Literotica did to Bridlington. It was amazing.

Eric was smiling when I got into the office. I asked him with some concern if he was feeling well. I was feeling a bit guilty that I was leaving him to do too much.

'Tip-top, John, tip-top.' 'How so?' 'They've been working like Trojans. Absolute Trojans. Paper's virtually finished, just waiting on a report on Town's game tonight - it'll be two-nil to the other side, always is - and that'll be us done.'

I was flabbergasted. And I told Eric so.

'Should say Amazons really, not Trojans. It's those girls. Little gems every one. That lad we've got ought to watch himself. Time was a cock and the ability to spell was all you needed to get on in this game. Not any more, no sir, not any more.'

He shook his head. I couldn't tell whether he disapproved of the long march of women to the top, or not. Or how much scotch there was in the coffee he was supping eagerly for that matter.

'What with the dildos and the spell-check on all those computers... You know, I wouldn't be surprised if we had a woman editor one day. I know what you're thinking.Old Eric's finally lost his marbles. But you'll remember my words one day. And it might be sooner than you think.'

He gave an emphatic nod to indicate he was going to brook no disagreement on the matter. He did it in a way that only a Yorkshireman can. I smiled at him and moved the conversation on diplomatically to the ins-and-outs of the various pages he had prepared. it only took about an hour for me to be fully convinced that what he had told me was true. We had to chase up the old biddy who reviewed Mills & Boons for the books page, but that and the story of Town's latest unlucky defeat would close everything up. I was thinking that a retirement to the nearest hostelry might be in order when there was a tap on the door.