All Comments on 'The Long, Broken Road'

Didn't work for me. Was a good story but he should of just moved on from her after all she did to him. Not only did she cheat but she went and got married to her lover and took his kids from him. Ruined a great character in Brette just so you could reconcile them together.

Wow! Just wow. Not the ending I would have picked but it does work.

did you change the ending at some point during writing?

Brettes sudden change in behavior, and him forgiving the ex... does not add up 100%

She did not only cheat but took his life (kids) away in cold blood.

All in all Ex was the last person he should end up?

I like a good RAAC but unfortunately this was not one. The conclusion feels forced. Sometimes writers find their stories choose their own ending as the story comes together. This seems the ending was written first and kept locked.

is the MC's narrative to "drop some eaves". I stopped, thought for a minute, reread it, then figured it out - excellent play on words. Quite clever actually.

Willowghby

I liked it but don't buy the reconciliation. Too much had happened. Also felt like you ruined Brette's character just so you could reconcile him with his ex. She deserved better.

I liked the hell out of it. My only suggestion is that Brett disappeared too quickly without sufficient explanation.

Really good story, love that it was a failed BTB, not so happy about the reconciliation. Felt there should be more resentment and anger on his part to work through. I agree with Texican1830 that Brette gave up on him way too quickly after proclaiming her love for him. Needed a few more pages before the ending played out.

Although quite wordy, I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Great story! Thank you.

Thoroughly enjoyed it. Tend to agree with some of the previous thoughts on Brett. Doesn’t change a great story .

OK, Love the story but like the rest of the herd I'm not buying the idea of giving up Brette and kissing up to Melanie. As an almost sane loser in the loving women business I wouldn't fuck Mel with your dick, much less mine. So far I've liked all of Azpiri's work - looking forward for ........

An enjoyable and accomplished piece of story telling. The ending felt a little rushed, Brette disappeared from his life far too quickly and the divorce party reunion was a tad contrived. More of a romantic fairytale than gritty realism but still much better than most offerings in this genre.

LA

I hate reconciliation stories, but you got 5 stars anyway, got something in my at his meeting with his daughter for the first time in years. Pretty said with girls losing their dad and the asshole mom married, woman! can't live withem and you can't kill em! To our author you really dated yourself mentioning that guy got his first 6 string at the 5 and dime store. This was a good one.

It was a great read, I must admit I stopped partway when the Ex came into the storyline and the RAAC plot lines started to take effect. I just picked it back up today and must say like a lot of readers, the way how Brette was cycled out of the storyline and replacing with the woman responsible for ruining his life and depriving him of being in his childrens life; that’s just hard to swallow.

Well, written story. However, the reconciliation was not believable. It was a RAAC. When you are planning a story like this you don't write the worst case scenario. You need to describe a mild cheating situation. There is no way back from what your MC ex-wife did. You don't also present a much better female counterpart for your MC and expect readers to accept that your MC will take the slut back without thinking he is a wimp.

Well written, entertaining, but as reconciliation tale it didn't work for me.

Way too long

Interesting story well crafted and told. 5*

Sooooo looooong winded.

IMHO, this is a very weak sauce reconciliation. The ex wife should have gone through more though I must say the writing is top notch.

Love the story pm but she never sad sorry

Not a great explanation on why she cheated or how sorry she was he spent 5 YEARS in prison. Plenty of room for a f/u story here.

I feel so sorry. I could only give this story 3 stars. So well-written and artfully crafted. But, ...BUT, and its a big but - this is such long-winded BULLSHIT. 5 years in prison under those circumstances. 10 years without the slightest contact from his daughters. How could he speak civilly to such slut? Why would he want to? And a relationship? Fuck her in the ass like a whore, no grease, and throw her slut ass out the door. The reactions of the daughters was unrealistic. 10 years of them being worked on by Asshole and mommy, couselors, in-laws, grandparents, etc. Rriight. And the character of Brette could have been handled better. She ends up pregnant by a producer, MAYBE they'll get married. So she was really stupid after all, and learned nothing the first time round. Bad job!

Total moronic story , she cheats and puts him in jail and he has no problem whatsoever with being such a stupid cuck, and she gets him back with ease … BUULLLLLL!

Been in prison, you don't get “stony”, you get PTSD. This guy is a class A asshole. He damn near kills a guy and then whines “poor me”

And you sure as fuck dont get ripped in prison, you get starchy foods and poor quality, then you get parole and probation.

And somehow he turns into father of the year?

I divorced my wife for cheating on me. I didnt get violent even though the courts fucked me up the ass. In fact, i was glad to be rid of her, she became someone elses problem. And even though I paid child support AND any extra expenses like the Rotary Club (living in Europe for a year) various trips, university….not one of them has ever cone lived with me.

And thats ok. They have their own life and i’m the supporting actor in their story.

But this bullshit, he’s still the central character. Everyone else revolves around him and its bullshit.

Good story! Even though I follow you, I never left a comment.

5

Good story. 10* I liked it. I read some of the comments, and for those who didn't like the fact that he forgave her, tough! Why did you read it? After all, it is listed as a reconciliation story. This is the type story I like. I like happy endings. I read to be entertained, not to become depressed. If I want to be sad, angry or depressed, I'll just listen to Joe Biden.

LONG, BUT OTHERWISE VERY GOOD. LET THE HATERS HATE. THEIR PROBLEM. IF THEY CAN'T TAKE A HAPPY ENDING, THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM.

I'm really glad that Steve/Stony got to get his daughters back. As for Melanie, she said the right things in those text messages. The rest, well I have my fingers crossed for them......

Almost gave it a thre, but due to the post divorce from Doug it got a 4* rating/

I feel he should have been with Brette and his ex-wife stayed as his ex-wife. He all a bit sugary with his ex-wife. Good to see his girls were back and never forgot him. I would have liked to see them open up all their cards that were returned over the years. Had Brette been with him his ex-wife could have pined away seeing the girls and Brette together with her on the side lines looking in crying away.

5 Star. Indeed a long hard road but they all finally got there.

3 stars and just barely.

Friends with benefits is about as far as it would ever get, because the MC can never truly forget his total lack of TRUST in Melanie.

I'd have rather seen him end up with Brette, and her being friends with his daughters. The mom could have been there, but on the sidelines. Consequences!

It's a good story. The rules in life change after many years go by as does ones life. It has a realistic quality to it, especially when your characters find themselves in a situation where normal rules don't really apply anymore, and they find themselves in a situation that's out of the box. You make a great point when your characters did what was right for them. Thanks for writing a good tale.

Cuck

Well written but not a good ending.

Really? The c(a)nt cheats on him the result of which is five years in prison? And now he’s a pussy? I guess white peephole be crazy yo. .

Almost unreadable. Too many cliches and references to music lyrics. Get on with it…

Holy fuck, idk who needs to hear this but you don’t need a backstory after every sentence. Thanks for dragging a 10k words story to 30k with all the bs

Cut 50% of the words, and there is a very good story.

For me, the story is overly long. She admits that Steve worked his ass off to provide for her and the family yet she still cheated. Typical women. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Great idea but the ending Really? Raped, Buttfucked for 5 years and he wants to comfort and protect her. Don't think so.

Good story 4.5 stars!! Lose a 1/3 of the filler.

4* + 1 for the reference to Fortran and Cobol.

It seems like it was just yesterday.

Loved it!

The best part of the story is Melanie never apologized to Steve. Not fucking once.

Intersection story but kind of bloated.

I am reminded of a Larry Miller joke about couples who divorce and then remarry.

He said it was like drinking from a bottle of milk and realizing that it's sour, and then putting it back in the fridge thinking, "Maybe tomorrow it'll be fresh."

The woman was instrumental in putting him in prison for five years and cutting him off from any contact with his kids. How could he ever trust her again?

Where is revenge here? )

⭐⭐

Turned into wet catshit halfway through, a shame since it has potential. *** for half of a good story.

Hot mess, wish I had passed on it.

Like it 5 stars-disagree with taking her back.

I have to agree with Waif's comment "The woman was instrumental in putting him in prison for five years and cutting him off from any contact with his kids. How could he ever trust her again?". This is an RAAC that should not have occurred.

Wonderful story, so realistic. A cheating wife destroys her hubby's life, He gets some nice fresh young pussy, but realistically returns to his ex-wife. Where all the feelings are, and memories. She betrayed him so badly, but is clearly very remorseful. Having lost so much because of her betrayal, she has realized that she owes her ex BIG TIME. She has learned her lesson, NOT to cheat. She is more than willing to make up for all the heartache she has caused him. I loved your story. 10 big blazing stars for great writing, great story, great effort. Thank You, I love a happy ending. Buster2U

Quoting Mal Reynolds deserves this, as it dies seem a bit relevant to the storyline.

Take my love, take my land

Take me where I cannot stand

I don't care, I'm still free

You can't take the sky from me.

Take me out to the black

Tell them I ain't comin' back

Burn the land and boil the sea

You can't take the sky from me.

Leave the men where they lay

They'll never see another day

Lost my soul, lost my dream

You can't take the sky from me.

I feel the black reaching out

I hear its song without a doubt

I still hear and I still see

That you can't take the sky from me.

Lost my love, lost my land

Lost the last place I could stand

There's no place I can be

Since I've found Serenity

And you can't take the sky from me.

Good read, I liked it.

Liked it so 5 stars. I’m ok with reconciliation and prefer it to BTB mostly, so thanks for risking the comments from people who won’t let you see their names. Well done

I can't imagine giving this anything but 5 stars.

The story was so well-written and Stony's character so well developed that you had to feel for his loss of his family - especially his daughters. Finding a way back to them was the Karma he deserved, & the good kind of karma.

Taking back the ex-wife who punished him so badly was a twist that might strain credulity a bit, but certainly doable.

Overall an enjoyable read.

Seems like a contrivance that he didn't stick with Brette. The argument was ridiculous and there was zero reason for him not to go on the road, child support for one isn't that massive a burden. It's a shame because it rubbished that whole period of his life.

That he ends up back with the one person that destroyed him, when he could have stayed and reproduced with a much younger and more exciting model just doesn't make any sense. At the very least he spent 5 years in prison and lost 10 years of relationship with his daughter's because of her. Sure forgive her for the sake of the daughters and on going familial relationships, but getting back with someone like that when you're poor and have no future, fkn crazy.

Well written well thought out plot, good character set, and a believable story, bit long , the dream bits were not to my liking, but who can have it all?

Nicely done thanks.

A great written story. Remember those with a reward card get a punch out for any language errors they find and after 10 punch outs they are entitled to their own writer's "At-A-BOY ! " I'm an silly old grouch ... but I sure enjoyed this twisted bit of BTB. A "5" if I ever read one.

Alright, I generally try not to insult stories right off the bat, but this was fucking stupid.

Let's begin: Being an ex-felon does not mean you can't be a programmer. That's true now, and it was true way back when. The only time you have restrictions placed on your activities is when you were convicted of cybercrimes in the first place. Considering he was convicted of a violent crime, he's in the clear.

No fucking way, no how, is he gonna go back to his ex after 10 years of not only no contact but then there's a restraining order, the fact that she denied him his daughters for 10 years, etc.. No damn way is this a RAAC. The author was delusional when he wrote the end.

How is it that LW category writers manage to so consistently fail at writing coherent and logical endings?

Well written though too much bloat and backstory / memories. Characterization was good. Liked the oldest daughter. Was never going to work with Brette. Different age, different goals, different everything. But not sure understand get backing together with ex wife. Yeah she is remorseful but how does she make up for his five years of hell. His PTSD would scar him forever. Her betrayal was too massive in that she was directly responsible for him going to jail and then for 10 years no contact with his daughters. Yeah she changed but the pain and hurt is too massive. Maybe FWB status. Maybe. Sad it escalated into such a nightmare for him. And since when does being an ex-convict prevent him from software development? Maybe certain financial or cyber crimes, but an assault on a guy stealing his family? Nah. He is a programmer. He can do contract jobs and build references.

I enjoyed it... Mostly.

The dream students address nothing for me. The descriptions were too long though well written. It could have been 1/2 as long without losing anything I think.

I was thinking the same thing as announced 2 posts ago that nothing stopped him from programming. His prison time may make it more difficult to find a job in that field and I can buy he was it if practice after 5 years not programming but he could have gotten back into it. No need to be a machinist for ten years. He could even start his own business.

I don't understand the ease with which he left brette. Someone below called it s contrivance and I agree. That said given the time past and learning she wasn't the one in the end keeping him from his daughters I can almost see the reconciliation.i won't trust her though... But this is not my universe. It wasn't crazy unreasonable other than the door at which he fell for her again and brushed off better.

Finally, Stewartb called this a great but of btb. I saw no btb in this one except a little of what she did to herself.... He got burned to ashes though... So more of a burn the innocent guy really. Is btig a thing?

The idea of this story is better than the execution of it. Leaving Brette to go back to the ex who destroyed him? No one who went through that pain would ever. This story has no feel of any real emotion except for his rage at the ex in the beginning. The back story and dreams took away from the story. The ridiculous getting his family back at the end sucked because in real life it wouldn't happen. There would be too much pain for it to go that way. You barely deserve one star for this mess of a failed story. Not everyone is a good storyteller. Look at Hollywood screen writers lately most of them can't tell a good story to save any production. You would fit in with them.

People who are saying, "Being a felon doesn't mean you can't program!" are pretty much wrong. Most mid to large sized companies will do a background check on you and if they have multiple applicants, they will pick the one without the felony every time. Being an ex-con is hard and job issues is a big part of it. I do agree however that his profession - programmer, lends itself heavily to entrepreneurship - it would be easy enough to start a consulting firm and work as a consultant and there would be no background checks involved.

I also didn't like the nerdy dream sequences, I know the main character is supposed to be this uber nerd, but it really didn't match the tone of the rest of the story.

I don't mind stories where spouses reconcile, but I wish that there was more interaction between the main character and his ex-wife. I mean, she REALLY did him dirty with the way she launched the divorce and her forgiveness was too easily earned. She should have sacrificed something, and I don't consider her being a trophy wife to a wealthy dude a sacrifice - she almost got there with the daughters, but they forgave her too easily. A bit more dwelling on her complete isolation or some abuse from her new husband would have worked, especially with an attitude like she was punishing herself for what she did. I dunno, it was an okay story, I give it a 4. I think the premise was good but was let down a bit by the plot.

Not a bad story… MC definitely has some major problems, some of which were there before he went to prison, but the hardcore ones became solidified in the joint!

Ending is so ‘sweet’ it just makes you want to scream AAAAAHHH!!!

Good one. Though the end appeared rushed. Brette was disposed of rather unceremoniously to pave the way for reconciliation.

It’s really difficult to trust M. After all, Steve is still struggling financially and soon the honeymoon could be over.

However, Abby and Alli will make this worthwhile.

5

Well written, and edited which is less common here. A tightly planned and well executed piece. Ia giving no stars because a mark of 1 that says something about the writing that I don't think is accurate. I absolutely detest the whole take-her-back-after-she-cheats-and-guts-you school of story writing, though, so can't assess a higher score.

Was very well-written right up to the point where Steve goes back to being a pathetic doormat by taking his cheating ex back. A lack of self-respect in the male lead is a serious issue in this story.

OK, sex with her I suppose I can see... but there would definitely be a lot of talking about anything and everything that might have contributed to her cheating.

After all, it doesn't sound like he's pulling in major money now so what's gonna keep her from getting twisted up again...?

Sure, she knows the pain she caused (to all for of them)... and sure, she likely knows her eldest, at least, would hate her forever if she fucked him over again... and, sure, he'd probably insist on a prenuptial covering infidelity if they *did* get married again... but , all that being said, the big question is would he ever trust her enough to make anything official?

Once a a cheated always a cheater! Stony shouldn’t have even touched the skank!

Love a happy ending 5*****

It was a great story. I loved the pacing but I'm not so sure I buy him taking his ex back. After all she was the one who got lonely and cheated and then threw the guy in his face. Then he went to prison and she refused to let him see his daughters for five years. There would be no way he would ever take her back. That hurt and the lost time would never allow him to love her completely.

Steve (definitely not a Stony) showed himself to be a classic cuck. You can send a beta man to prison, but it seems you can't toughen him up enough to become an alpha. The immediate reconciliation with the woman who betrayed him and then abandoned him to serve 5 years behind bars with no contact is simply absurd. The author's distain for men, and the MC's lack of respect for himself, leaps from every page once Melanie arrives at the apartment. It is a pity to such good quality writing squandered on this storyline.