The Maiden at Comfry

"Ay, I will not clash swords with him either." Another agreed. "Let him pass, and his caravan as well."

In anger, the brute kicked at his horse's flanks, and rushed forward in an attempt to run Sir Longenhard down. The old knight once had the reflexes of a cat. He had just enough of them left in his body to sidestep and slash out at the bandit's middle. There was much blood, as the bandit crumpled in his saddle. When the horse slowed, the man jerked forward in pain, groaned and fell harshly to the ground. He tottered to his feet and staggered into the grass. In order to end his suffering quickly, and as was the custom in these cases, Sir Longenhard went to the man and finished him off.

He returned. In broad view of the rest of the band, the old knight wiped their leader's blood on the grass. After, he went again to face them. "I will leave that corpse for the ravens. Unless one of your number contests this through battle, I will take his horse and property as well."

None of the remaining bandits spoke.

"I sent a courier in this direction, one day prior. I wish to know if he made it through here safely. He was a man with a hunch on his back."

"He did come by here." One of the men nodded. "He gave us a shilling if we allowed him to pass and promised us another upon his return. We had no quarrel with the man, as he was a common man like us."

"Very well." Longenhard sheathed his sword. "Have any of you news of Comfry?"

"Comfry!" One of the bandits spat out. "A Toad has taken over that land! Half of the men you see here are from Comfry! We've all had our lands taken away because we could ill afford to pay Rodolfus' heavy taxes!"

"I mean to rescue a beautiful maiden from this man's castle." The old knight revealed.

"By yourself?" The bandit laughed. "You wouldn't get within a hundred paces of the Toad's castle, before his archers let the daylight into you!"

"The more I hear of this Rodolfus, the less I like about the man." Longenhard admitted. "If I gather enough men, perhaps I will lay siege to his castle myself, as I have done to such tyrants in the past. Step aside and allow my caravan to pass, while I ponder this man's fate and how it will be intertwined with my own."

The bandits moved their horses aside. The reluctant caravan went through without further incident. As the caravan entered the copse, Longenhard noticed that the bandits were following a short distance behind. They weren't threatening the caravan in any way, so the old knight simply let them be. In this way, not only had he gained a horse and a few provisions, but an entourage of bandits as well.

Once the night began to fall, Sir Longenhard realized that they were too far from any protected cities to reach them. Since they'd entered another heavily wooded area, the old knight made plans to camp there with the wagons two abreast for protection.

Longenhard noted that the bandits were still following. He went out to them, hoping that the nine men would not present themselves as a problem once it was completely dark.

"Will I have to fret over your number to-night?" He asked them.

"No." One of them said. "We've been talking things over the entire day, thanks to what you did this morning. If you truly mean to free Comfry, we will join you."

"I cannot be sure of that yet." The old knight admitted. "We would need many more than ten men on our side in order to storm a castle."

"Still, we would travel along with your caravan, if only to see if more men will join you."

"Not just me." Longenhard countered. "Us. I am just one man, but ten men together are a thorn in a cruel leader's side. Twenty men are a force to contend with, and thirty men are the beginnings of an army. I may fall dead after the first volley of arrows is loosened upon our heads, but if the rest forge on there may be a victory yet. This is how great battles are decided, I have learned. By the will of the combatants involved, even when defeat looks certain. Now, if you behave yourselves as civilized men, you may come closer and warm yourselves by our campfire."

The nearest bandit stretched out his hand. "I am Hadden of Comfry."

Sir Longenhard shook it.

The bandits were welcomed uneasily into the caravan, but when they introduced several hares and capons to the group as a sort of tribute, the merchant's insecurities lessened somewhat. When the bandits saw that they weren't rebuked outright, they even added a few barrels of savory ale to the mix, which they'd earlier confiscated from a shipment meant for the accursed Rodolfus the Toad.

Hadden proved to be a savvy, calculating man, the old knight observed, and just the type that would follow orders well and keep his underlings under control. "I'm putting my confidence in you, Hadden." Longenhard eyed him sharply, hoping to read how the man's body language reacted to his following words. "That you will not slit my throat while I sleep to-night."

Hadden glanced over thoughtfully, and grinned. "You have my word, old man. Neither you nor your merchants will be harmed. In fact, I shall put sentries all around to keep watch over the lot of us."

The old knight nodded, as Hadden gave every inclination that he was telling the truth. That night, Longenhard slept peacefully, until his sharp senses, honed both in the field and in battle, warned him that something was awry. His sword lay close enough that he could easily reach out his arm to grab it. When he heard a soft footstep nearby, he did in fact enclose his fingers upon its hilt. "Who goes there?"

"It is I, Hadden." The man's voice carried back. "We are surrounded by men, in the trees around the caravan. I am about to make an announcement. I did not wish to startle you by the sound of my loud voice."

Longenhard sat up. "I am awake now." Still, he held his sword close, in case of a sudden betrayal. "Make your announcement, Hadden."

Hadden stepped a little further away from where the old knight rested. "Fuck the Toad!" He bellowed out into the woods. "Fuck the Toad all the way back to Comfry!"

There was a near silence, except for the merchants beginning to stir.

"Hadden?" A distant shout could be heard. "Is that you, man?"

"Aye, it is." Hadden replied. "You may lower your bow and come closer, Filmore. You will not be attacked here."

From a completely unexpected direction, the rustle of footsteps could be heard. "You're supposed to be robbing these people, Hadden, not protecting them." The man's gruff voice scolded. "I can see how you've got your men posted. I almost let loose a volley earlier, except I figured you would be about somewhere around here, watching the caravan as well. I did not expect you to be holding hands with these people."

"I have a man here," Hadden revealed. "A fearless knight who is somewhat past his prime. This knight is trying to collect men together in order to go to Comfry and rid us of that accursed Toad."

"Is he now?" Filmore was close, yet even with Longenhard's keen vision he could still not see the man. "And what be this man's name?"

"Sir Longenhard of Aberfeld." The old knight introduced himself. "Now come forward and make yourself seen, for I will not be addressing a shadow of a man but the man himself."

"Longenhard." Filmore appeared, dressed from head to toe in dull, black garb. It was no wonder the old knight couldn't make the bowman out, as even his face was smudged dark with charcoal. "The name sounds familiar. And you hail from Aberfeld, you say? You aren't by chance the knight with the golden lance, who some say was sired by a steed?"

"I am the very man." Longenhard replied. "I shall remove my codpiece, if you wish to verify the size of my lance."

"Not necessary." Filmore said. "I give you my hand, sir."

In the pitch black, the old knight couldn't even see that Filmore was holding his hand out in salutation, until he noticed the appendage waving his face. He could have been stabbed ten times over, he realized, as he took and shook the man's hand. Perhaps he really was getting too old to be an adventurer.

Hadden ordered his men to rise up a new fire. Once this was done, Filmore whistled out for his own band of thieves to come in closer. Seven additional archers, most of them deserters from Comfry's militia, soon joined them.

Inspired by Longenhard's commitment, and a little more by his cocky legend, Filmore and Hadden began to entertain the notion of attacking Rodolfus' castle. Together, they considered its fortifications, its strengths and weaknesses. And so it happened, that the archers agreed to join the cause. The old knight's troops, including him, increased from ten to eighteen.

The following morning, they had traveled only a few hours before they reached a fork in the road. The entire caravan of merchants would be going in a different direction from Comfry, due to the Toad's heavy taxation on traveling merchants.

Two bandits were being sent along with the wagons, in order to keep the merchants safe and to spread the word about Longenhard's growing army.

As the caravan moved on, the merchant Wayland called out to Longenhard. The old knight galloped to his wagon's side.

Wayland presented him with a pouch of coins. "I meant to keep most of this, you know. But since you've kept us all from being robbed, or worse, and since you've proven yourself to be an honorable man, I've decided to give you the bulk of it. I've deducted only what I paid for your food at Lynn. There are nearly two crowns still left in the pouch. May your efforts be successful, Sir Longenhard, and may your maiden be as comely as the songs tell us she is."

They shook hands and parted ways.

The old knight rode his horse back to the fork, where fifteen bandits waited for him. Longenhard directed his horse to stride next to Hadden's, and he handed the man his new pouch of currency.

"What's this?" Hadden asked, as he weighed the pouch of coin in his hand.

"My earnings for having guarded the caravan." Longenhard explained. "I am hereby placing my confidence in you, Hadden, and appointing you as my treasurer. There are nearly two crowns in that pouch. I would like you to take one crown out and use it. You are to spend half of this amount in purchasing weapons and repairing your men's equipment, and the other half in purchasing dried foodstuffs that will not perish right away. The rest you are to hold onto until my courier returns, for I may require some of the remaining currency to further retain his services."

Hadden stared at the bag of coins in his possession, for it was not a small amount considering the meager lifestyle of a bandit. Then his resolve tightened and he looked once again upon the old knight's countenance. "I will do as you say, on my honor."

Shortly past noon, a single rider was seen approaching on an old and tired horse. This turned out to be the courier, Longenhard could see from a distance. He requested, not ordered, his man Hadden to send two sentries out to greet the courier.

The hunched courier was surprised to see the old knight in the company of not one, but two small bands of brigands.

Filmore and Hadden both joined the knight as he went out to speak with the rider.

"Report, courier." Longenhard stated.

"Yes, sir." The courier nodded, overcoming his initial shock. "I went to Comfry, as you requested. I had a tough time getting into the castle to see the maiden. It is true that Lord Rodolfus is away on business, but his guards are very wary of visitors. I was not allowed to set eyes on her until I told the guards that I was sent by the maiden's parents, the names of which I had already learned as I rode through the town."

"You are a savvy one, courier." Longenhard complimented.

"Thank you, sir." The courier nodded. "I did give her your message, sir, although it cost me great pains afterward. The guards flogged me, robbed me and took my good horse. They gave me this lame one only to be rid of it themselves, or I would have reached you much earlier. I swear this is the truth."

Longenhard reached out and patted the man's shoulder. "You are to be commended, my good man."

"May I say something in confidence, sir?" The courier asked.

"You may."

"I do not wish you to believe that I have deceived you. I hid a portion of your payment some distance from the town, in the case that any ill fortune might have befallen me. The guards did rob me, as I said, but upon my departure from the town, I stopped by to collect the rest of it. One shilling I was going to give to these very same men that stand around you for my safe passage back. It is all the coin I still carry with me."

"You are a wise man, courier." Longenhard said. "Now, tell me about this maiden."

"The minstrel's description does not even begin to do her justice, sir. Her hair is golden and flows to the blades of her shoulders. Her face is as beautiful as the sun is bright. The maiden Wettanreddy told me this herself, that her father kept her within his house when he became aware of how comely she was becoming. It was only through the census that Rodolfus imposed, that the census taker first became aware that she even existed. Knowing that such a beauty would place him into favor with the lord, this man informed Rodolfus of the maiden. It was only then that she was taken from her home and against her will."

"Did the maiden give you a message in return?" Longenhard asked.

"She did, my good sir." He glanced over at the other men. "It is of a personal nature."

The old knight understood at once. "Some privacy, please, gentlemen."

Both Filmore and Hadden rode off.

"Go on, courier."

"The lady had this to say," The hunched man started. "Brave knight of Aberfeld, I am delighted to discover that my dreams have not deceived me. Bring me your golden lance, as you have many times in my visions. Bring it to me both long and hard as your surname implies. My only fear is that your great lance will wilt once your eyes fall upon my Belt of Chastity, and that your fingers will be hard pressed to reach beyond its metal edges to reach the great treasure it protects. Oh, that you would feel my hard pleasure button!

"Your travels will not be without fruit, my dear knight, for I will aid thy lance into its fullness once again. Mine soft lips will I place around it, to strengthen its length and breath into the hardness of steel and return it to its glory. Sheathe and unsheathe your lance within the moist walls of mine humble orifice, that together we may bring forth its wrath, and spew forth thy fire-milk within my mouth.

"I welcome thy lance, and thine fire-milk, that I may cuckold the tyrant who has stolen me away from my home and my loved ones,. I beseech thee, brave knight, to make good on your words, to come to Comfry and to rescue me. And after I am free, to cut away these bonds of Chastity and make an ardent love to me, to fuck me as none have done before." The courier cleared his throat. "That is all, sir."

Sir Longenhard gulped. "Thank you, courier." He noticed that his codpiece was standing straight up. "I must, uh, retire into the trees for a few minutes. Please join my group and have either Filmore or Hadden explain the current situation to you."

Some time later, a more composed Longenhard galloped back to the others, his codpiece at its usual position. By then, the number of bandits had all dismounted and retired to the shade of a grouping of trees. As soon as the courier saw him, he ran out to meet the old knight.

"Sir, I would gladly join your troop!" He said, through gritted and angry teeth."

"That Toad of Comfry has inspired your wrath, has he?"

"Oh, you bet he has, sir!" The courier hopped up and down. "If you would have me, I will deliver any message you so desire to the lady Wettandreddy, without recompense to my person! I will not stand idle while my countrymen suffer at the hands of a tyrant! I may not have the skills of a soldier, but those that I do have are entirely at your disposal!"

"I would not put you in harm's way and have you beaten again."

"You need not worry there, great knight." The courier vigorously shook his head. "I have memorized plenty of threats and rebuttals from a host of chieftains and warlords. If the guards dare to deter my path, I shall give them such a tongue-lashing that it will leave them all pissing in their boots!"

"Very well." Longenhard nodded. "I will have a message ready for the lady by early this evening. You will be paid your wages accordingly, as it is the honorable thing for me to do. Now tell me your name, as I neglected to ask for it earlier."

The courier, who had been pacing around the old knight's horse, snarling and snapping his jaws as he went, strode up to the saddle and gave his hand as his bond. "Odo, sir, and I am your man!"

And so, the old knight gained himself his own personal messenger, along with eight armed bandits, eight capable archers and two others roaming the countryside as recruiters.

By evening, they were within a single day's ride from Comfry, although their slower pace put them at about a day and a half's journey. Longenhard was purposefully riding slowly, in order to allow any other men to catch up and join them.

They came to a solitary building along the road, which served as a tavern and inn for weary travelers. Of course, the innkeeper, a man older than even Longenhard, was quite apprehensive to see eighteen well-armed men stepping into his establishment all at once. Gulping, the old man ordered his two serving girls and his two wenches to hide behind the bar with him. A handful of patrons shifted in their chairs, their hands either at their swords or clutching their purses.

The old knight stepped forward. "Have no fear. I am Sir Longenhard of Aberfeld, a man sworn to the Knight's Code. I bring no ill will toward this place, and merely wish to dine and drink with my men. I will also have you all know that if I am capable, I aim to rid Comfry of its tyranical ruler. I have also pledged to take the maiden he has locked up in his tower for my own."

One of the patrons slammed his wooden mug on the table. "Fuck the Toad!"

Several of the bandits took up the slogan. "Fuck the Toad!"

The innkeeper nervously wiped his hands with an old rag and scrutinized the rabble standing behind Longenhard. "I'm afraid I may not have enough fresh meat for the lot of you."

"No worries there." The old knight respectfully motioned toward Filmore, who in turned motioned for some of the archers to come forward. With them, they brought all manner of hedgehogs, squirrels, rabbits and hares that they'd shot down for that day's target practice. "I have foreseen this, and planned accordingly. I only ask that you charge us a fair price for preparing this feast."

"Yes, of course." The innkeeper nodded. Between the single cook, the two serving girls, and several volunteers from Longenhard's contingent, they took the animals into the kitchen and began to skin and gut them. "Will you be drinking ale as well?"

"Does your ale taste as if it has been fermented in your own piss?" The old knight asked.

The old bartender looked aghast, for a good, long moment. Then he threw his towel down on the bar and walked around it to stand before Longenhard. He curled his hands up into fists and stood in a fighter's stance. "In your mother's piss, perhaps!"

Of course, this set the band of men into raucous laughter.

"I take pride in my work!" The old innkeeper glared at the old knight. "I'll not have it belittled that way by anyone!"

"Lower your hands, old sir." Longenhard smiled. "It was merely a jest. The last tender I had the misfortune to run across, had no qualms about revealing the ingredients for his putrid ale."

"Oh." The innkeeper straightened up. "In that case, you should find yourself pleasantly surprised. You can ask any of the patrons here. They'll all tell you that my ale is the best in these parts, and I dare say, in all of Comfry, as well."