The Marriage of Princess Lingonberry

The producer stared at Lingonberry for a moment, slightly taken aback by her presence and her gushing complements. "OK?" she said. "And what is it we can do for you? Lingonberry is it?"

"Yes. Princess Lingonberry. And I have an idea for your next series." Lingonberry looked around the room at slack faces. "O Don't look so shocked. I know your ratings are falling and that you need something new. And I know exactly what that is. See, your problem is that you only do remodels on castles that are already grand and opulent to start with."

A few people around the table were looking at each other and nodding.

"Where's the challenge in that?" Lingonberry continued. "What you need is a more dramatic change. Imagine the transformation if you start with something old and run down -- a dingy dump of a tower for example -- and then turn it into a beautiful dream home. And if I may be so bold, I know just the place for your premier performance."

To say that the mood of the room had lifted as Lingonberry pitched her idea would be an understatement. People were up and moving around, speaking in excited tones. Someone tacked a large sheet of paper to the wall and began taking notes. Written on the top in bold letters was 'Extreme Makeover: Dark Tower Edition'.

*

High atop a dreary little tower, at sunrise

"So you see, if you track all of your incomes in this column here." Luna leaned over and gestured to the paper that Solange had laid out on the desk. "And all of your expenditures here, then the two columns must ... O Bother. What is that racket?"

Luna straightened up and walked over to the tiny window in the tiny room high atop the tower and looked down. "What is the meaning of this Lingonberry?" Luna shouted. "And what army hast thou brought with you?"

Solange took a long pull on her mug of latte, pausing a moment to enjoy the rich bold flavor that was produced by Luna's marvelous machine, and walked to the window to join her. Solange wiped the foam from her mouth before speaking.

"Hi honey," she said. "Thanks for coming by, and with an army and all -- wow, I have to say that's quite impressive -- but I'm fine really. No need to rescue me. Things with your auntie are going just swimmingly and I'll be home in time for the wedding, I promise." Solange blew Lingonberry a kiss and turned from the window intending to resume her studies.

"Solange Alexis, you get your black ass down here right now!" Lingonberry shouted. "I did not come all this way to rescue you just so you could give me the brush off."

"Um, technically honey I'm mulatto, and you know how I feel ..."

"Save it! Get down here this instant!"

Solange and Luna looked at each other and shrugged before turning and heading down the winding staircase together. They stood side by side in front of a cross-armed and decidedly red-faced Princess Lingonberry with a rag-tag army arrayed behind her.

"Really baby, I'm fine. I ..." Solange did not get a chance to finish. Lingonberry raised her hand in a halting gesture and Solange immediately stopped talking. "And I thought I was a beast in the morning," Sloange thought, but wisely kept it to herself.

"Save it honey," Lingonberry fumed. "I'm rescuing you from the clutches of my evil step-sister and that's final."

"Step-auntie," Luna and Solange said in chorus. They turned to look at each other, nodding and grinning.

"Uggh! Whatever!" Lingonberry stomped her foot. "I'm rescuing you and that's final."

"OK, baby. Just calm down, alright?"

"Don't you OK baby me! And tell me to calm down, will you? I swear," Lingonberry said, her face turning an even deeper shade of crimson. Above her head, a quartet of finches fluttered, chirping away with admonishments that were lost on all of those present with the exception of the two princesses. Something about all that hair gel and now no song.

Just as it looked like the two princesses might come to blows, a woman with a clipboard stepped forward and thrust her hand toward Luna. "Gillian Rex, producer of Extreme Makeover: Dark Tower Edition." She shook Luna's hand and tilted her head toward the woman to her right. "And this is my general, Claudia Nero."

Luna turned her attention to the woman standing before her in leather armor and a bronze helmet. She looked her over from head to toe and then back again. Luna smiled. "And is this your army, General Nero?"

Claudia Nero looked down at the ground and kicked at the dirt path. "Shoot, no ma'am." Claudia raised her head and offered her hand to Luna. "I'm a general contractor. And this here army is my group of sub-contractors for the project. We're renovating your tower, ma'am."

"Oh, we are are we?"

"Yes, step-auntie." Lingonberry stepped forward. "If you will not release my dearest love, Princess Solange to me, then I insist that you at least make her imprisonment tolerable by fixing up this -- this dump!"

"Dump?" Luna looked at the faces arrayed in front of her, Lingonberry, Gillian, and Claudia. "Mmm, Claudia," she thought.

"It could use a bit of fixing up, ma'am," Claudia put in after noticing Luna's lingering gaze.

"We've got the design team with us right here," Gillian said. "We can get to work right away. Now Luna, are you familiar with reality theater? No? Well let me explain. See, we'll have an audience for the entire project. We'll construct temporary seating over here, and over here." Gillian gestured to areas that were currently overgrown with thickets and dense vines.

"Sure, sure, whatever," Luna said. "You can do anything you want, under one condition."

Gillian Rex stopped talking, clutched the clipboard to her chest, and swallowed. "And what is that?" she asked. "Your condition?"

"It may not look like much to you, but this tower is my home and I want to be sure this remodel is done right," Luna said, running a hand through her hair to tame it. "So I must insist that Claudia is here at all times. I may need her for -- uh -- things. And possibly at odd hours, so she needs to be close at hand."

"Shoot," Claudia said, shifting her weight from one leather workboot to the other while staring at the ground. "I was planning to do that anyway. You know, in case there's any last minute complications that crop up. Late at night even." Claudia looked up to tentatively meet Luna's gaze. "Mustn't hold up the project ma'am, we're on a tight schedule"

"Yes, tight," Luna breathed. She reached out to lay a hand on Claudia's well-defined bicep and gave it a little squeeze. "Mmm, very tight." Luna's gaze wandered a moment before she finally took hold of her faculties once again. "Would you like an expresso, Claudia? I've got this wonderful machine. Got it wholesale."

"Thank you, ma'am. That sounds wonderful."

"Please, call me Luna. Do you always wear this much leather?" Luna was trailing her index finger from Claudia's shoulder, down over her arm as they turned to leave. "And this helmet? I have to say you do remind me a bit of a Roman soldier."

"Construction site's a dangerous place, ma'am. Got to stay safe."

"Oh I don't think there's much that could hurt you." Luna leaned forward and playfully punched Claudia in the arm. "Not much at all."

As the two women slowly wandered off to the kitchen to find coffee, Luna had Claudia's right arm wrapped up firmly in her grasp and was resting her head on the woman's shoulder. The general contractor did not look as if she minded one bit. And as the two women stood in the kitchen beside the coffee machine, a quartet of finches was perched on the windowsill, slicking their hair back and warming up their voices.

*

High atop the tower, early the next morning

Princess Solange opened her weary eyes to a vision of Luna and that general contractor woman standing side by side in the doorway of her room. They each held a steaming mug off coffee in their hands and neither woman looked as if she had slept a wink, yet they were leaning against each other and both grinning like fools.

"Solange," Luna said. "Deary, you're free to go. Pick a few books and pack it up, won't you?"

Solange blinked and rubbed her eyes after she swore she saw the two women sharing a kiss. "Go? As in home?"

"Yes, home. Claudia and I need to discuss turning this room into the master suite, so you've got to clear out." Luna smiled and leaned her head against Claudia's shoulder while giving Solange a little wave. "Quickly now. Tah-tah and all. Your horse Stedman is downstairs waiting for you. I sent the finches after him."

Solange blinked again.

"Oh, you didn't know I spoke finch, did you?" Luna chuckled. It was far from the maniacal laughter Solange had gotten used to hearing only a few short weeks ago. "And I must say it is a very lovely song they have composed for your wedding day. Very moving."

Claudia leaned down to kiss Luna on the lips and the couple spent the next several moments lost in each others eyes. "I do so look forward to getting an invitation, deary. And preferably a plus one." Luna looked up at Claudia and puckered her lips again.

Solange had already packed and was halfway down the narrow spiral stairs by the time Claudia and Luna's lips met. And by the time Solange had made it back to the castle and into her lover's arms, Claudia and Luna had decided that it was far to early to start working and retired to Luna's bedroom instead.

*

Princess Solange's bed chamber, later that morning

A bit of sunlight was streaming through the window in Solange's bed chamber from an angle that was high in the bright blue sky. The window had been opened and the sweet smell of fresh flowers was carried in on a warm springtime breeze. Surprisingly, there were no goldfinches perched anywhere.

"Baby, you were brilliant." Princess Solange looked down into Lingonberry's eyes as she lay upon rumpled silken sheets. "I missed you so much. And I'm sorry for giving you the brush off when you were rescuing me. It was rude, and I'm ashamed of my behavior."

"O Honey, I made some pretty disparaging remarks myself, and for that I am truly sorry. Perhaps now would be a good time to engage in the make-up sex." Princess Lingonberry reached up with her right hand and pulled Solange down for a long and passionate kiss before releasing her with a short gasp. "And you can tell me again how I was brilliant."

"Oh, baby," Solange whispered as she lowered her mouth to Lingonberry's neck. "So amazingly brilliant." Solange drew her tongue up the shuddering princess's neck until she reached just under her ear and stopped. "Thanks to your rescue," she whispered, "we'll have an extra week of planning time before the wedding."

Princess Lingonberry let out a long sigh that did little to conceal her exasperation.

"Maybe we can spend the time deciding on some more flower arrangements," Sloange teased. "That would certainly make Mom happy."

Princess Lingonberry grabbed Solange's cheeks in both hands and pulled her face over to meet her own. "Or you could let your mother deal with the flowers and you could practice rescuing me from my virtue again." Lingonberry mashed her lips hard against the princess she had missed so terribly all these long weeks.

"As you wish, my fair prin-- " Solange was cut off before she could finish by Lingonberry's strong desire for another kiss. And for a short time Solange actually began to doubt her ability to survive the morning, let alone the week until their wedding day, so voracious had Lingonberry's appetite become in her absence.

Princess Solange extended her arms and raised herself up to just shy of Lingonberry's reach to take a much needed breath.

"Get yourself back down on this mattress at once, Solange." Princess Lingonberry demanded. "I am not done with you."

Princess Solange raised her eyebrows in feigned shock, but then willingly rolled onto her back. "As you wish."

"Damn right as I wish," Lingonberry said. "I did the rescuing, I get to do the licking." Lingonberry took Solange's wrists in her grasp and raised her lover's hands to the pillow, and above her head. "Keep them there." Lingonberry smiled. "If you can."

"As you w-- ... Oh my word!" Princess Solange exclaimed as Lingonberry wasted no time on foreplay and simply plunged her two fingers between her lover's thighs. Solange had been having naughty thoughts since the moment the two crawled into bed, so there was only rapture when Lingonberry immediately filled her to the hilt.

"O, Solange." Lingonberry moved in and out a few times, rubbing in just the spot that she knew made Princess Solange's body and mind turn to jelly. "O Solange, I think you missed me quite a bit. Now tell me again how brilliant I was in my rescue of you."

"Oh baby." Solange squirmed under Princess Lingonberry's ministrations, wringing her hands together in an attempt not to move them. "Oooh. -- Brilliant! -- Yes baby, right there. Rescue me Lingonberry! Oh please, rescue me. Just! -- Like! -- That! Ohhh!"

Princess Lingonberry grinned as Solange thrashed her head on the pillow and moaned her name over and over while her body twitched and spasmed.

"I didn't even get to use my tongue, honey," Lingonberry cooed. "I'm going to have to rescue you again."

"As you wiii-IIISH!" Solange slapped her palm against the mattress as Lingonberry held her leg firmly in her arms while trailing a long, slow tongue trail over the sensitive skin of Solange's inner thigh. "Oh yes! As you wish!"

Outside the door young Macy was gesturing to Clara, urging her to hurry as she brought over a drinking glass from the kitchen. "Listen," Macy said. "They have been at this pitch all morning from what I can tell. Perhaps we should leave them a snack outside the door. I fear they may collapse otherwise."

"I'm sure I can find something nutritious in the kitchen," Clara said and giggled. "A little later." Somewhere in the distance the young ladies heard a quartet of goldfinches practicing a wedding song, which caused Clara to nearly swoon and also feel an overwhelming urge to plant a very passionate kiss on Macy's lips before handing her the glass.

*

Outside on the castle grounds, one week later and just past midday

The sun shown down brightly from its lofty perch in the cloudless azure sky. The warm rays of late spring played over an area of the castle lawn just beyond the reaches of the forest, that was arrayed with hundreds of guests seated in a multi-row semi-circular arc.

Standing on the forest side of the boundary were hundreds of woodland creatures who had all momentarily ceased their never-ending quest for food and flight from predators, to all come together in peace. The hare and the fox, the hawk and the field mouse, they all stood silently watching the spectacle playing out before them.

Princess Lingonberry stood in a gleeming white dress, cut from the finest silk and stitched together by the labors of hundreds of birds in the forest only moments ago. Princess Solange was outfitted in dark woolen trousers and a matching jacket that covered a white riding blouse, for she and the horses had made plans to whisk Lingonberry away to the meadow as soon as all the formality was over.

"Princess Solange, do you -- ah -- take this woman, Princess Lingonberry to be your -- ah ..." the bishop began in a rather nasal tone of voice, as bishops often do.

"I do!" Solange shouted.

"Yes, very well." The bishop cleared his throat, for he was getting up in age and his seasonal allergies had become progressively worse over the years. "And -- ah -- Princess Lingonberry, do you ..."

"I do. -- I do, I do, I do!" Lingonberry declared, breasts jiggling pleasantly and threatening to burst forth from her wedding dress as she bounced up and down.

"Very well." The bishop cleared his throat again. "I now pronounce you -- ah -- princess and princess."

Cheers went up from the crowd as the happy couple turned to face the guests at what had turned into a rather sizable affair. Solange waved to Claudia and Auntie Luna and then turned her gaze to Suki and the entire Japanese royal family.

Lingonberry waved to her parents and to Solange's parents as she began walking hand in hand back down the aisle with her dearest Solange at her side. Lingonberry spied Clara and Macy hiding out in the wings and gave them a little wave as well, much to their squealing delight.

Beyond that were the grandstands constructed by Claudia and her crew for the first ever Reality Theater Playwright's production of Dream Weddings: Royalty Edition. The production company had paid for the entire wedding and offered a sizable stipend for the princesses on top of it all, leaving Solange and Lingonberry with a tidy nest egg as they started their new life together.

As the newlywed couple made their way toward the beautiful floral archway that symbolized the entrance to this outdoor chapel, a quartet of finches began proudly singing the song that they had practiced so many times over the past weeks.

Solange and Lingonberry grinned as over half of those in attendance began to swoon and throw themselves at their escorts and love interests, be they male or female, casual or serious. In fact, such was the commotion that the finches chose to forgo the planned reprise of the song and stopped after only one time through.

*

A remote hunting cabin, later that night

A crackling fire in the hearth that cast its warmth and light about the single-room rustic cabin was the only reminder that someone besides the two princesses had been here. That and a small pile of gifts that had been assembled. The princesses sat atop a large bearskin rug, wearing only their loosely-tied dressing gowns.

"O, I simply cannot believe that there are more gifts to be opened," Lingonberry sighed. "I thought we were through them all at the reception."

Solange reached over and took one from the pile. It was cylindrical in shape and elegantly wrapped with a delicate folded paper design. "I think these are the ones that are best opened in private." She showed it to Lingonberry.

"It's from Suki," Princess Lingonberry said. "I almost hate to open it, the wrapping is so beautiful."

The two women looked at each other and smiled, tearing at the wrapping despite their misgivings. In an instant the area around them was covered in hundreds of tiny origami cranes. Lingonberry pulled forth a note with elegantly inked Japanese characters as well as a translation in English. 'Blessings on you wedding day. Love, Suki' it said.

"So sweet," Lingonberry cooed.

"There's more," Solange said as she continued tearing at the paper to reveal the three coils of hemp rope that gave the package it's uniquely cylindrical shape and earthy smell. Princess Solange uncoiled a piece of rope in her hands and grinned. "Think she's trying to tell us something?"

"Perhaps," Lingonberry said, and leaned over to lay a long and passionate kiss on her lover's lips. "Shall we open the rest first though?"

Solange inhaled deeply after being released, and stretched out to pull forth another wrapped package. This one looked to be about the right size and shape for a book. Solange handed the gift to Lingonberry and rested her head on the princesses lap.

"A finance book from Auntie Luna perhaps?" Lingonberry guessed. Solange just shrugged and began trailing her fingers lightly over the bare skin on Princess Lingonberry's calf. Princess Lingonberry shivered slightly as she rotated the gift in her hands. "No, it is from Clara and Macy. O That is so sweet."

Lingonberry tore at the wrapping paper while Solange waited in silence. "O 'Tis a cookbook," Lingonberry exclaimed. "Twenty-one ways to truss a goose for feasting, illustrated edition." She cracked open the binding and flipped through a few pages. "So sweet."