The Morning After

"No."

"Liar."

I can't hide a lie and immediately smile. "You're gorgeous."

"Thank you." She kisses my cheek and puts her arm through mine. "You're pretty gorgeous yourself."

I smile to myself. "If I stay for pizza and Netflix, does that count as a date?"

She shakes her head. "I'm afraid not, no. You have to take me out. Phone me, ask me what I'm doing on Tuesday. I'll say I'm working on Tuesday, but I'm free on Wednesday. You say, great, I'll book a table at such and such a restaurant for 8 p.m., how about it? And I'll say perfect, meet you there? And you say, no, let's meet at the tube and we can walk together, I want to spend time talking with you. My heart will pound, and I'll say, I like that what time, half seven. And you say it's a date."

I laugh. "You are as mad as a box of frogs."

"Am I?"

"You're actually adorable."

"Oh, thank you." She leans into me for a couple of steps, but we walk in silence with her leading the way to the bar.

The streets start busying as we get closer to the pubs and bars and further from her flat that is located near office blocks, small publishers, under the arches mechanics and music rooms the types independent musicians hire and publish their own music from. She slides her arm out of mine and holds my hand. I look down at it, it feels so natural and my heart jumps a beat again with a thud. The more people that are near, the more self-conscious I am of the big trainers. But, no-one is looking at them, if they look at us, I doubt their gazes will reach our shoes.

It feels as though we've been walking for nearly twenty minutes, before she says "we're here." I look up at the front of the bar and don't recognise it.

"Are you sure this is the place?"

"Yes. Pretty much so."

"Pretty much?" I start to wonder if she's running me a merry dance.

"Do you remember last night?"

"Not really."

"So, do you know where we were?"

"No."

"So, is this a good place to start?"

"I suppose so."

She looks at me and smiles. "I'm trying to help you."

I nod back and force a smile. She starts hammering on the metal double door with the palm of her hand, her thin metal bangles I hadn't taken notice of earlier clatter together with the pounding. The door is thick black and looks like it's protecting an armory.

"Hello." She yells and smashes the door with her hands. A young man walks from the side of the building and watches us.

I start laughing at her enthusiasm and annoyance that no-one has immediately answered the door, especially with some bloke watching her, too.

"We're not open 'till eight. What you want?"

"My girlfriend, she lost her phone and purse. We think this was the last place she had them." She says, turning to the man.

"Right?" He looks at us both, but obviously has no interest in either of us.

"Well, would they be in lost property?" I ask.

"I'll have to look. What phone and what was in the wallet?

"My phone is a white iPhone. It's new. My wallet is white leather, about this long, has three credit cards, my driving license, and some passport photos of me and my girl... err, my ex." I hold my hands out, measuring the wallet size as I explain.

"OK. Wait here."

"There's two grand cash in it too." I shout after him.

"Don't hold your breath for that." He yells back.

I laugh and lean back on the door. I look at her in her tight clothes and smile. She smiles back at me and stands in front of me, looking me over. She runs a hand up my side and back down where it lingers on my hip. There's something between us now, a bond, an attraction. I look away and find myself looking up.

"The skies beautiful. Look at the gold and pink." She looks up and I look at her looking. Her smile, she's content and positive, she's so sweet. The light shines softly on her skin, her hair sparkles. "You've been sent from heaven, haven't you?"

She looks at me and laughs out loud. The sun twinkles in her blue eyes. "You're mad, not me." She smiles again, and I reach for her hand, and she gives it to me and interlocks our fingers. I look at her hand in mine and pull her into me. Her eyes widen with shock. My other hand runs up her back and clutches the back of her head.

"Oh!" She moans, and her mouth opens wide enough for a kiss, and I pull her down to my level and lock lips. I suck her top lip into my mouth and lick it before releasing it and sliding my tongue into her mouth. Her other hand holds my waist, and we stand against the heavy black club door, kissing. My senses come to life; I feel her tongue, her touch, her fingers in mine, her knee in my groin, and her breath from her nose on my cheek. We kiss, a lengthy passionate kiss, both lost in the magic of the moment.

"Ahem. Sorry ladies."

We break and stare into each other's eyes. "Sorry." She says to him without looking at him, she's smiling in wonder at me. I grin back but break our stare to glance at him, dabbing my lips with my middle finger.

"There's no money, but... He opens the wallet, is this you?" He pulls the driving license out.

I nod at him.

"You're Clarabel?"

"Yes. Clara"

He laughs. "I'm surprised you're still alive after what you drank last night. I didn't recognise you without your makeup."

"How'd you know that was me then?"

"I heard your friend call you Clara when she was asking you to leave her alone."

I feel shame wash over me.

He looks at my girlfriend. "You need to keep an eye, she's trouble."

She smiles and shrugs. "I know, I saw."

"Hmm, so here's your phone. It was on the floor by where your group was sitting." He hands me the phone and walks away.

"There, all worked out in the end. Come on." She tugs me forward, and we walk back to her flat as the sun begins to disappear. "So, Clara. Clara-bel, Clarabellll." She says my name several times, normally first, then in a French accent and then like an idiot.

"Yes." I look at her.

"Clarabel."

I giggle. "No, just Clara."

"No, you can ring my Clara-BELL anytime." She giggles.

"No. Please I hate Clarabel, just Clara."

"Oh, please be my little Clarabel. Let me call you that?"

"No! What do I call you?"

She stops and stands in front of me, blocking my way. She holds out her hand and puts on an exaggerated gentleman's voice, femininely deep and funny. "I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance Clarabel, I'm Holly." She bows in front of me.

I take her hand and shake it. "You're fucking mad."

She locks her arm in mine again as we continue our walk. "So, Susans in your wallet?"

"Yes." I reply hesitantly.

"Let's see her."

"No."

"Oh, come on. I want to see the woman that's hurt you. Your benchmark for love."

I fumble in my wallet and pull out two passport-sized photobooth photos of us together; I look at them before she takes them from me.

She laughs. "You're losing sleep over her?"

"No."

"Oh, I thought she broke your heart. She was certainly punching, Clarabel. Look at her. If the bars that low, I must have a chance." She hands the pictures back, dropping my hand to skip in front of me to crouch. Her silly face looks up at me grinning. "Look at this, what you could have." She frames her face with fingers and thumbs and sticks her tongue out, making me laugh.

She sniggers and stands. "When you're ready, we'll get you new pictures for your wallet. Do you have a desk at work?"

"Yes, why?"

"For Christmas, I'll put my picture in a silver frame for you."

I laugh, worried she might actually be serious. She puts her arm in mine again as we continue back to hers.

"Your lock screen on your phone. Who is the pitcure of?"

She takes a deep breath. "Oh, Mallory Nelson. My dear Lori."

I wait for her to continue, and then encourage her, "Dear Lori, eh."

Holly giggles, and then continues. "Yes, Lori. That was taken at her sisters wedding. After we'd broken up. She wanted me to fulfill my commitment in going to the wedding as her guest. It was a lovely day."

"I bet it was awkward?"

"No." Holly smiles to herself. "It was genuinely a nice day. We acted as a couple, and forgot for the weekend we'd split."

"Why did you split?"

"Lori was posted abroad with the army. She volunteers, I'm a consultant with the NHS and she's a surgeon. I didn't want to go through all the worry of what might happen and I begged her to turn down the job. She wanted to have the experience and see the world, have an adventure. I didnt want the worry."

"I'm sorry. Do you love her? Do you miss her."

"I loved her, I look at her picture everyday." Laughing nervously, she adds, "Is it sad that I kiss it sometimes?"

I tug her arm and she looks at me, her eyes are wet. "No."

She smiles briefly. "I think I've got someone else to worry about now, anyway. She was my everything."

"You are on a rebound."

"I promise you I'm not. I need to move on, and I know now is the right time. I think you'll be the one to move on with."

"And, when she comes back?"

"Her future isn't with me, she walked away. She didn't consider me or my feelings, when I pleaded with her. Clarabel, its you, its you. I've had dates, I've had opportunities, but fate held me back for you. Fate told me not to move on with those women. Fate knew you were on the horizon. Fate... "

I stop walking and swing her in front of me. "... Fates telling me to kiss you, Holly." I pull her in and kiss her. A quick tender kiss on her lips. She smiles at me. "You know you ask a lot of a one night stand. Give me your phone." I ask dropping her hand and reach for her mobile. "How'd you unlock it?"

She takes the phone and quickly draws a pattern and hands it to me. I look for the camera app and set it up for a selfie. "Ok, the one night stand who rocked your world. Say prunes."

Holly laughs as the flash goes. "Two things."

"Yeah."

"I never said you rocked my world."

I snort, "Hang on. You're telling me, that you're all clingy, and I've not rocked your world?"

"Tell me, what do you remember about last night that tells you, you rocked my world?"

I go quiet, my mind is blank. A black void is where that memory should be.

"You can't answer, so treat me nicely, date me, and you can see if you rock my world, ok?"

I suspect I did rock her world, but she's right, the next time may as well be the first time as far as I am concerned.

"Ok, number two. Prunes? "

I laugh, "Say it again."

"Prunes."

"See, you pout as you say it. Watch."

I repeat the word and leave my pout to prove my point. She laughs and holds my face in her hands to kiss me.

"That picture, we do look good together."

She agrees and starts playing with her phone. "Look." She turns her phone off and on again. She's changed her screen to portray the two of us. "The drunk who fucked me." She announces and we both burst out laughing.

"A nod to Austin Powers?"

She looks at me strangely.

"You know the Spy Who Shagged Me!" I look at her, not understanding why she doesn't get it.

"No, Bond, Jamesh Bond. Double Oh Sheven, Mish Money Penny. " She replies in an awful accent.

"What the fuck was that?" I giggle.

"My best Sean Connery." She shoots me a look. "Was it nah goodenuf for ya?" She says in another poor Scottish accent.

"Don't give up your day job?"

"I'm here this time every week, folks." She laughs. I laugh at her and take her arm to continue home, whilst we discuss pizza toppings and what to watch on Netflix.

"I'm sorry it's come to this, Clara, but your drinking and your harassment of two female staff have forced us into this?" I'm in the glass box, the HR office. It's called the glassbox because it's all glass and they close the blinds when there's a confidential meeting taking place.

This time, it's me receiving a pre-disciplinary investigatory meeting. It's for my behaviour towards female work colleagues. The smart HR Director sits across the table from me, flanked by an administrator and another Director. She's been friendly and cordial towards me since I started here three years ago. I've not seen this stern side to her before.

"Before this goes on, I have a short statement. I don't want to waste your time or the company's time. So.." I focus my attention on the three of them as the Director starts to take notes and The HR Director puts on a concerned listening face. I take a breath and continue, "... I'm disappointed in myself. My behaviour has brought upon me a great shame that I do recognise has made other people feel deeply and unsurprisingly uncomfortable, and this not acceptable. I'd like to personally apologise to the ladies, to both Vicky and Helen if I can? Up to that night, I considered them friends, and I still do, and it brings me such anguish that I behaved as I have. You will know that this is out of character, though my drinking has caused concern to you in the past. It is important that I'd also like you to know that since meeting my new girlfriend, who is a hospital consultant, she has helped me work on my sobriety. She has introduced me to the AA and counselling service, both of which I attend meetings on a weekly and fortnightly basis respectively. I would like to retain my job, as I enjoy it, and I am good at it. This is the first time I've been in any sort of trouble, and I regret it. I now have a level of respect for myself and others and a newfound love for myself..."

I step out of the building and take my phone out of my purse and dial.

"Hey."

"How's my lady? How'd it go?"

"I'm OK. Look, what are you doing tomorrow evening?"

"Oh, I'm working, but I'm free Wednesday."

"Great, I'll book a table at Nobu for eight? Meet you there?"

"I can meet you at the station at seven thirty, we can walk there together."

"Sounds great."

"I'm looking forward to it, Clarabel."

"By the way, Holly, what time are you home tonight?"

"Should be by six. Why?"

"Can I come and stay the night? I need a hug from my favourite lady."

"Of course you can. Are you sure you're OK?"

"Yeah, I'll see you later. I love you, Holly."

I hear her giggle. "I love you too, Clarabel."