All Comments on 'The Network'

"Sounds like plan Mayor.

SHOULD BE:

"Sounds like A plan Mayor.

The woman was too shammed to tell them she had no where else to go.

SHOULD BE:

The woman was too SHAMED to tell them she had no where else to go.

"That was for all the woman Augustine who won't find themselves in the hospital."

SHOULD THIS BE?

"That was for all the WOMEN IN Augustine who won't find themselves in the hospital."

"I so sorry, I am moving to fast. I always move to fast.

SHOULD BE:

"I so sorry, I am moving TOO fast. I always move TOO fast.

don't you just love NIT PICKERS...like most readers ...I don't give a dam about anything ...except ...a good read....and.. THIS...like all of ..DreamCloud's stories was a VERY GOOD READ....thank you so much for writing and.. GOD...what a mind you have....lmao....

Delightful and creative. I would love to see a sequel and kids with the twins as well as developing Riberts business interests. Thank you for your stories. I've read most of them multiple times. They've become soothing when I'm bored or need a lift.

Yes, there typos and errors. SO WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you want "perfection" write your own.

Story just kept building and the intrigue never stopped.

Thanks for the effort.

Keep coming back for more of your stuff!

Agree with SteveWallace, acup...looseness at end got very distracting, but still...what a story! ...still a 5, but if you'd only enlisted an editor....

Holy shit man.. That was vivid!! What are you on?? :D loved loved loved it!!!! Keep writing!

I don't know whether to thank or hate you but this one took me by surprise. Besides the story on the mountain your stories don't usually contain any fantasy element. This one contained that and more connection than all of your others combined. This story was raw and an emotional trebuchet of extremely powerful feelings. By the way, I activated an account just to post this non anonymously unlike all my other comments. You're welcome. I liked this one but don't mess so hard with my emotions next time, okay?

I like your writing, always 4 or 5 star. This comment is not a critique of the story, since I am on page 1. Way too many mistakes compared to your other work. Is that bad editing? Things like than instead of then, could care less instead of couldn't, too instead of to, paybacks instead of payback's a bitch. It does detract from the pleasure of the reading.

Too different from your usual fare. Can't say I don't like it, but it lacks the emotional punch of even The Neighbor (let alone The Promise or The Rehab). Entertaining stuff though. You have my usual 5*s.

I wasn't expecting that. I always skipped over this one because it was in the "Group Sex" category, so my expectations weren't very high. I really like your romance stories. I should have known better when it comes to your writing. I did notice a lot more typos than usual, like you got typing so fast the order the of words mixed up got. I guess you could call it conceptual typing. Then I noticed that this was the first story you posted on this site. For a first story that's pretty impressive. Damn, I love the way your mind works, the way you look at things. You have a gift. The only problem is I want more. This would be a great story to add a second and even a third part. You know how people love stories about special children. "The Link", comes to mind Thank you for the entertainment!

FYI- I used to work commercial construction in the summers while in college. The first time I yelled out, " The cement's here". The whole concrete crew, yelled in unison, "Cement comes in bags, Concrete comes in trucks. Get it right, dumbass." Now on page 4 you referred to a cement company which do exist like Ready-Mix but I think you meant concrete. No biggie, just thought you would like to know. It's amazing what you retain from your younger years. Of course, with that many people yelling, admonishing you in unison you tend to remember.

I really loved this story, but it felt more like it should be a series with multiple chapters. I found myself flipping back pages to see if I had missed something, because I couldn't reconcile the speed in which he fell in love. It felt like I had missed entire pages. I do really love where you went with the story, a much slower pace to allow readers to really join the journey would have made all the difference. Thank you for all your stories, they really are wonderful!

-AD

Dream,

This drives me nuts. You have a great sense of writing stories and your stories are interesting. Your stories are mostly well written. BUT you have a tendency to leave words out of sentences. Example from chap 4 in this story. "Susan finished while looking me eyes."

I suggest you need a different editor.

After the handjob in the shower with Rebecca, suddenly Rebecca is "there" when she wasn't "there" and you're leaking something which was construed by me as pre-cum. Another comment suggested some mystery to the mental connection and a build up to the full realization. I couldn't agree more. The shaving scene the morning following the handjob was very erotic but the "leaking" was very distracting.

As for typos. wow. Way too many to ignore.

I stopped reading after the shaving scene but wanted to review the comments. You definitely know how to weave a dream and I will try a few more of your stories. This one simply progressed too fast after the shower and had too many typos I could no longer ignore.

this is one of the best stories i have read, not only on this network but all others

please bring it further into the future

Ah! I have it now. I should have read all your clever tales instead of being selective. Hmmm . . . two different genres in a matter of hours. The common thread as I see it is love; equality; empathy; telepathy. Stir into your various story themes and . . . voila. Keep the typos, it simply gives your stories authenticity in my book. Still envious. Note to self: get writing again. Chapeau.

This may be a story. It is not fiction. I connect that way with my wife. She is not clear enough to connect with me. I know what she feels and sometimes what she thinks. She never tells me I'm wrong.

Well all have this power if we can drop ALL our anger. Anger is a signal. It should not be a life.

And yes. We are all connected. But you have to be very quiet to get the signals. Most people spend most of their lives screaming. And that is why we are so evil to each other.

Good job, Dream Cloud.

It would be nice to see the next chapter and their adventures and that of their children, How he learns to connect with the ancient souls,etc

Thank you for writing this

Amazing, simply amazing.

thank you for your writing

Don't get me wrong. I really liked it though I think i was not your best story. Of coruse we're talking about an A or A+ difference. By now I'm certain you can't write anything wrong. It reminded me an Isaac Asimov Novel, I'm not sure if it was called "Foundation and Earth." Any way a fine unusual reading.

Thank you

Another great read

I liked this. Do some more please.

You continue to surprise and delight me with your stories. The emotion that you bring to the fore in me, is almost overwhelming! Once more, I wish to thank you for sharing your gift with the rest of us. Thank you.

The story is of the exceptional quality I've come to expect from everything I read from you (#favoriteauthor), but the grammatical errors had me thinking someone else actually did the typing this time...

Love your work!

I don't know if it is grammar so much, as the occasional missing word, or two, or three in some instances.

TOTAL CRAP AND FULL OF SKANK WHORES...

DreamCloud, your writing is great. Really enjoyed the dozen or so that I have read. Please keep them coming!

Thank you very very much!

I don't go for these supernatural type stories but the 'Link' was described well and seemed organic to the story as it was explored.

The plot progressed in a direction I didn't expect, but enjoyed a lot.

This story is definetly very different but is definitely one of the best I’ve read so far here. Would love a sequel. J

So many misused, misspelled & missing words it detracted from the story but overall it was a great story and I enjoyed the twists and turns! :=)

I

The Mentor

when you land in hell ,and still feel like your in Heaven,must be what it's like,to be loved, who knew that you could find a place like that here on earth , I always thought it had to be some where out in space, with rocket ships zooming all around you,Light sabers and laser guns, defending the innocent. I don't know who you are as a person in reality, Butt from your stories, you must be a really level headed person, with lots of friends. I'm thinking that I want to be a writer, and I'd like to use you as a guide line and Example for my style, you bring such hands on personal touch to your work…. your my new most Favorite Author "DreamCloud " and I'm very "picky"

Very imaginative twist on the ESP theme. Powerful and engaging emotional content occasionally veering dangerously close to sentimentality and mawkishness. Repeated spelling and grammatical errors interrupt the smooth flow.

This story begs for further development of the main character along with the twins and their network.

another very good read . how can you rate something worth a fifty out of ten with just a lousy five. the more i read the better i enjoy. i know all this is old stuff and would really love to see some up-to-date.

hornyoldgoat6969

I was confused for about a page when you introduced the psychic link concept, but it was a great plot twist. I just had to go back and re-read a bit to fully understand what was going on.

I reread the " The link" more than I should. This story is a great alternative version. What I REALLY wish is that DreamCloud was still writing. Thank you

As Tony the Tiger would say, “ Great”!81BE

From what I gather you are no longer writing or are writing but not sharing the results.

I would dearly love for this story to continue as it seems thave so much still to give. I would also like to add my voice to the plea for you to share your creations with us again. I understand a little of what caused you to stop but the optimist ln me can't accept there not being a solution to the issue. Please reach out to the lit community for anything you need.

I lost marsh alien, I don't want to lose you as well.

Thanks

Brian

Was almost over the top about how good it is. Then came to the impossibility of them anticipating the zoo trip. Enthusiasm cooled. Once the mental telepathy took hold strongly, I abandoned the story on page 6.

If I had been warned of the other worldy--SciFi/Fantasy nature of it, might not have started it.

Paul in Oklahoma

I felt the passion!!!! Would love to read more!

AGAIN !!!!!! Negative comments mean less than nothing. .... If you can't feel the greatness in this story then......Shut Up

I love this story very much! Very likable characters, good storyline, great drama at the end. Great! Easily 5*.

I only have two minor quibbles;

Robert wasn't surprised enough at the discovery of the power they all shared. He took it very much in his stride,

Plus my usual complaint, the story would benefit greatly from the loving touch of a editor. There is a huge number of very simple mistakes in it, those could have been avoided easily.

Not really a complaint, but I would have liked a follow up of some sort on Susan/Darla, I liked her a lot, I wouldn't have minded if she joined the family in some way.

But on the whole, a wonderful story.

As long as Lit leaves your stories online, you will be remembered and admired.

Dont comment a story you dont fully read! You didnt see or feal a good story if are hit whit it.

Thank you DreamCloud for a story about love(maybe fantasy) in todays times of negatives!

This, unfortunately, is the first of your stories I’ve read. I was 100% with you until the shower scene. At that point, I had to come full stop then try to piece things together. It was fine by the end, but honestly that was just a ridiculously sloppy transition from a group sex story to a high fantasy story. Add the bad editing to it and this is a total miss for me.

That said, usually after a piece like this I’d leave that writers page and never look back. But the comments section seems to think this one is just the one off. So, gotta give something else a shot.

What’s annoying me with this one is that this story could have been saved with a more careful transition. It would have been much longer, but it wouldn’t have been as bad of a brainslap as it was. Could have been amazing.

mmmmmmmm I’ve never been in to SF or anything like this before, can’t quite get it into my mind but a good story what ever.

Your writing is a salve for my soul.

I always feel better about everything after your stories. Going to find another one now.

Thank you so much. .....Tom

This was a really good story, it was as good as many of the stories on e books. More please.

The story was seriously damaged by the lack of editing, with typos, usage errors, grammatical mistakes, and misspellings on every page. As a single example, a big deal was made of sending a prostitute to a top university, but the name of the school was spelled incorrectly every time. It’s Vassar College, and not Vasar, and it’s coed.

There’s a decent story there, but one in dire need of an editor.

a great story, please don't stop!

You have set a new standard: Early on page 4 we learn that Susan did not “...phase there sensibilities.”

Double, double. Toil and trouble.

Excellent!

And Delightful. No, no, I am not a grammar snob. In fact, it adds a bit of spice to the story.

Let's get the bad out first. This story needed an editor (actually a couple of them). The story was disjointed at parts with characters being introduced at random. This process needs to be tightened up. Made it very hard to follow.

This did not detract from a really good yarn! Way to go!

I just read through this story for the second time and I loved it just as much as the first time. There were a few spelling mistakes and grammatical errors, but they didn't take away from my enjoyment of the story; and what a story it is! I hope to read more about the druids from you at some point!

I truly enjoyed this story. There definitely needs to be more installments. It does need some spelling and grammar cleaned up a little but, I was easily able to follow it. I did think that the leaked thoughts and emotions and his acceptance of it happened too quickly. But, perhaps that was because he's an Arch Druid and just understood and accepted it instinctively. Anyway, I don't know if you're still planning to post here but, this story deserves to be unfolded and explored deeply.

Lots. Love it. Don't care about the grammar. Just enjoy them. Thanks for your hard work

How do you think of such unique plots?

I want more. The idea of a link creates wonderful stories and I really like to fantasize about such love. It gives me shelter from a sad and distanced reality. DreamCloud is a extremely talented author and he is very perceptive, which makes the stories illustrative. Some typos, but high-quality content!

An entertained user.

by page four. The list kept getting longer and longer. I don’t care if the storyline was unique or great, so many awful mistakes drove the whole product into the ground. I know it has been years but I hope you’ve decided to use an editor if you’re (not your!) still writing

Incredible! Your imagination is amazing. As a fairly recent commenter stated, “this story deserves to be unfolded and explored deeply.“ I agree wholeheartedly and yearn for its continuation. The emotions it brought out of me were incredible, I truly could not stop reading it. Please Write More. One more thing, do NOT let the misplaced words and small errors keep you from writing. We’re they annoying? Yes. But they were 0.1% (0.001) annoying while the story’s 99.999 score completely overrode them. Thank you for writing this story. PLEASE Write More!

I’m sure these errors are planned to stop the many thefts and reposting that has happened. Why? Because they start and stop and are not consistent enough to be natural. Protect your work however you are able I say.

...still a good story

I enjoyed this very creative story and gave it five stars. The errors were many but forgivable and one even made me chuckle. You clearly understood the meaning but had never seen it in writing. You turned one word into three. The word is albeit, not all be it.

I would have enjoyed this story more if I could have understood it.

Read this more than once and still LOVE it...

them mining his mind to know what he needs before he realizes it...

them 'playing' pg 6..SO hot....!

...and knowing they'll both make incredible moms...

To those who may not understand the story. You need to read a little more scince fiction. This deals with people with powers of the mind, telepathy, sensing feelings and sending out feelings and even some telekinesis-which is what he was doing when detaching the tumor from the girls brain. The use of 'powers' does not come without cost. This story was even better the second time around. Very good writing.

Thank you for Sharing your thoughts, Your imagination.

I would give you a great deal more than 5 stars if I could!!

If I had known this was going to be sci-fi I wouldn't have read it. Once I realized I was back in the genre I left many years ago I was tempted to get out, but like Robert I was tied in. It was indeed consistent with my memories of stories by A E van Vogt in the mid 20th century. Not that I'm putting this author in that distinguished company. So what started out as a strange example of "Romance" ended up very differently and to be honest it wasn't an outstanding example of either romance or sci-fi. It was, however, a good read and I'd give it a grudging 4*.

Just finished it, and am overwhelmed...the twist with the sudden mind links was totally unexpected and while it took me a while to come to grips with it, the whole of the story was excellent. Will definitely read it again.

Must say tho', I really want to read more about "Darla", she sounded perfect to this old man.

You're probably never going to see this comment, but let me just tell you that I really really hate you leaving Literotica.

I understand your reasons for having done so, but you were one of the best here, and ever years later and re-reading your stories your loss is felt...

This is a great love story with the bonding of minds, hearts and souls between twins Rebecca and Samantha and Robert. The merging of their thoughts and souls made the story come alive which was fantastic. This story definitely could have had additional chapters but sadly it appears the author no longer wants to share his writing talents with this venue. Well done 5++ stars

Awesome. Truly one of the best here.

THANK YOU!

'kin fantastic. A story has to end, but I could have handled many more chapters of that. Excellent suspense, the opening was beautifully disguised to keep me guessing at how the twins were doing it. Hope you are getting paid for your creations. Five and a Fave from me. It doesn't get much better than this, or does it?

I think this one may well be your best. For others, he is sillt writing, you can find him on Wattpad.com under mike potter.

I am new hear but this has been the best story I have read in a long time. I thank you

Interesting, a real tear jerker. Like how smart the Twin Girls were i anticipating your needs and business. Like Strawberries and Blueberries, swimming, etc.

Great Story. It seems like it should be an actual tv show or series. There would have to be an apposing force (instead of illness) and probably less sex (on tv), but the general plot line would be great. I love how these two angels made everything work. I was hopeful to see what happened to Darla/Susan (to enjoy more descriptive sex) but I guess we can use our own imagination for that. Thanks

The more I read your stories the more I think they all need to be movies. Just amazing stories! I love them!

Truly one of the best on this site. You have a very special talent. THANK YOU!!!

Someday it would be wonderful to read about the children born of Rebecca, Samantha and Robert.

Amazing concept of Druids, really love the connection (bonding of people and love shared between them) in all your stories. Would be wonderful to feel that someday

Truly one of my favorites on this site.

I would love to see you explore the next generation, as they grow, love and share.

Fucking amazing. To me, this and the mountain is my absolute favorite. Thank you

It was optimistically awesome.

Incredible, I can find no words, Thank you, I hope one day we will see more of your amazing work. Every one of your stories has me in tears (a 63 Yr old ex Serviceman)

What the He'll is going on with Literotica? So many MANY Authors writing the Heroine as a Flipping REDHEAD. REDHEADS will rarely appear as one of the evil women, but it's rare. The Bad Women are mostly (85%+) various shades of Blonde. Sometime a Black haired woman, then the various ethnicities are represented.

In my Experience Redheads are Airheads, or so much in love with themselves as to have their Head firmly and Deeply inserted up their rectal passage nearly past their tits. Finally there is THE RAREST OF THE RARE - A nice Redheaded Girl/Woman. Smart, loving, funny, friendly and a pleasure to be around. In 64 years, I have NEVER met one of the last type, sorta like the Loch Ness 'Monster', Big foot, or a Unicorn.

Just for the record, my Mother in Law is the SECOND type of "Bloodnut" or Redhead. Her head is so deep up her Rectum that her Belly button takes pride of place where her face should be. Her and her siblings are all vacuous intelligentsia TWATS. Happy happy joy joy.

Blondes all the Way Baby!!

I can't praise the author enough for this story. So original, so engaging, so damn good! The grammatical errors that peppered it didn't even take me out of the beautiful prose. If ever there was a story that deserved publishing with sequels and movies and fame, it's this one.

My favorite story on this site...hands down. DreamCloud, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, I hope you understand your talent and are pursuing your writing as a professional career. A book of your collected stories would be a bestseller. You are dearly missed here.

What an incredibly crafted experience!! So much raw energy. Thank you!

Very nice! Wish there was more! As a side note Red lion should not be allowed to view anything that has words in it. He should stick to coloring books, then he can paint the heroine any color he wants. Maybe that will keep him happy & his mouth shut, assuming that's even possible

Would enjoy a second book in this series, thoroughly enjoyed this one, well done DreamCloud

If only! The storyline was excellent and totally not expected. Loved it through and through. Well done! Finn

You keep amazing me with your stories. Brilliant!

Thank you - 5 Big Stars.

Happy Frank

You arean absolutely brilliant talent. I deeply miss the ability to read additional stories as you no longer contribute to this site.

Agree with Anon. of 3 months ago.

Agreed!! Chapter 2?

Such a wonderful story. Im not sure how many times I've read it, but it has been fantastic everytime. The love shared and the strength of the characters is fascinating. Great plot. Superb characters expertly developed. The pace of the story is perfect. Thanks for the share, John. Hate the A...holes of life have taken the author from us. John

Beautifully imagined. Such an enjoyable romp. One of the best i have read here .. erotic in the right places but in love and not salacious. 10 out of 5!