The Only Constant is Change Ch. 14

A few minutes passed before his father softly spoke. "I guess there's really no easy way to say this. Danny, I'm dying."

With those words, Daniel's world stopped. How could this man, this mentor, this friend, be dying? There was still so much to learn, so many things they needed to do together. There had to be some mistake. After a few moments of stunned silence, with tears in his eyes, Daniel quietly asked, "How long do we have?" Not "How long do you have?" Daniel intended to share as much as possible whatever time remained of his father's life.

Jeremy couldn't help but feel a sense of pride at his son's reaction. He was upset, of course, but he moved quickly onto to planning for the future. His son had always been the most serious of his children, a trait that Jeremy was going to be counting on moving forward. "Well, it started a few weeks ago. I'd been feeling kind of run-down for a while, but I chalked it up to working too many hours. I'm not getting any younger, you know." Jeremy couldn't help himself, but he could see that Daniel didn't appreciate the joke. "But I was also having headaches. When I woke up one morning with blurred vision, your mother finally had had enough. She said I was going to see a doctor one way or another, and that if I didn't make the appointment myself, she'd cause me quote, 'great bodily harm,' end quote, and have the ambulance drive me." He paused and quietly said, "I think she feels guilty about threatening me, but she couldn't have known..."

Shaking himself, he sipped his lemonade and continued. "Once I met with the doctor, he wanted to run a few blood tests. When the results came back a few days later, he asked us to come in and see him. That's when I knew things weren't looking good. When we got there, he told us that his preliminary diagnosis was cancer, but he wanted me to see a specialist for confirmation. That quick little getaway that your mother and I took last week? That's where we were. When the oncologist heard about the headaches and blurred vision, he ordered me to undergo an MRI." Jeremy took a deep breath before continuing, "They found a golf ball sized tumor in my brain. We did a few more tests to locate it, hoping that it might be operable. But it's not. If they went in, they'd have to take so much surrounding tissue to make sure they got it all that they're convinced I either wouldn't survive the operation at all, or I'd come out too damaged to live without assistance. I'm starting chemo and radiation therapy this week, but the prognosis isn't good. The doctors believe with the treatments I'll last maybe 6 months, certainly less than a year." With that he broke down and Daniel saw his father lose himself for the first time in his life. It tore him up inside, but all he could do was go and wrap his arms around his dad and tell him how much he loved him.

They sat like that for a while before his father seemed to gather himself a little bit. He put his hand on Daniel's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "I need you to listen to me, Danny. We haven't told the girls yet, but I wanted to tell you now since you're still here every day; you would have known something was up before too long anyway. You're going to have to be strong until we can speak with your sisters. Until that happens, I can't have you dwelling on this when they're around. You haven't realized it, but your sisters follow your lead. It's not in your nature to take advantage of it, but it's been that way for years. You're the youngest, but you're also the leader. They're going to need your strength by the time this is over. Can you do that for me son?"

His emotions were too raw to vocalize his assent, so Daniel just nodded.

"With the time that I have left, Danny, I want to lay my life bare for you. I see so much of myself in you, things you aren't even aware of. But I can't go to my grave knowing that I could've smoothed your path somehow and didn't. I needed the help of a lot of people over the years, or I wouldn't have walked the path of my life. And I would have missed so many things that made my life special if they hadn't been there for me. My hope is that I can put you on a lifelong journey filled with love and adventure, if you're willing to take some risks along the way. You're almost grown now, but I'm going to ask you to grow up even faster. Your role in this family is going to change as my time passes. I'm going to push your boundaries a little bit, and I'm going to have to rely on the trust we've built to help you overcome some doubts."

"I'd like to start meeting with you a couple of times a week to talk about some of the pivotal events in my life, how they happened, and what I learned from them. Some of it you know a little about, but for reasons that will become clear, I've shielded you from a lot of the details. In some cases, the story is not just mine or there are things that even I don't know about. When that happens, I'm going to invite some others into our conversations; I might even occasionally send you on a little bit of a field trip. I've always intended to do these things, but I thought we had more time. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like that's the case."

Still reeling from the shock of learning that his father was terminally ill, Daniel wasn't completely in synch with his father's words. Nevertheless, he'd looked up to his father for so long, hoping to one day be like him, it didn't matter what words were said. He wanted to learn as much as he could before it was too late; so much the better if his dad wanted to tell him about his life. Daniel trusted him implicitly and was prepared to devote himself to whatever course his father suggested.

The two men relaxed in each other's presence as the sun slowly faded from view and day turned to night.

*****

The first "porch chat," as they came to refer to their father-son discussions, took place a few days later. The first thing Jeremy said was this: "Danny, some of the things I'm going to talk about when we meet are deeply personal. There are going to be things that make you uncomfortable, might even make you change your opinions about a lot of things and people. And some things you'll learn will be secrets to be protected. But you're a young man now, and I'm willing to treat you as one. All I ask is that you trust me."

Daniel was curious about his father's life, and even more so with the thought that there were deep secrets about to be revealed. He was proud that his father trusted him enough and loved him enough to share this part of himself, and he'd already promised himself that he would follow through on whatever guidance he got. So that's what he told his dad.

Over the next few months, Jeremy poured out the story of his life. Eventually, Daniel understood why his father had been so cautious in his preparation for these talks. Apparently, these weren't going to be monologues on the importance of education and finding the right job, necessarily. He talked about learning what a deep and abiding love between two people looks like from watching how his parents interacted with one another. He learned about the difference between 'sex,' 'love,' and 'passion.' His father gave him some pointers on what to look for in a lover, in a partner, and the difference between the two. They also talked about demonstrating love, rather than telling love.

Daniel wasn't put off by the sexual nature of the discussion; he knew exactly where his father was coming from. By the time he'd reached high school, Daniel had been fascinated with girls. Living in a house with two sisters and his mother, he'd had to endure teasing for years from his friends about how attractive they were. And as close as he and Katelyn were in age, growing up he'd inevitably been roped into all the games she and her friends played on sleepovers; what's more entertaining than teasing a boy who's obviously flustered by the attention, after all? He'd watched as his sisters and all their friends changed from girls into women. He'd "accidentally" walked in on each of his sisters when he knew they'd be partially unclothed, hoping to catch a glimpse of something interesting.

One of the more useful things they talked about what something that his father almost seemed reluctant to mention. He said, "This is going to sound egotistical, but it can't be helped. There's something about the men of our family—I call it the 'Halperin Magnetism'—that draws women to us. I know, I know, it sounds completely fanciful and made up. But your Aunt Amanda was the one who first described it to me that way, so I don't feel too bad about it."

Daniel's mind was immediately sidetracked as images of 'Aunt Amanda' began to appear. Amanda Sutton was one of Cat's oldest friends. She was also a frequent character in Daniel's fantasies. A statuesque blonde with an hourglass figure and large bosom, she and her husband had been unable to conceive children of their own. The result was that they'd unofficially adopted the Halperin children, showering them with gifts on birthdays and holidays.

She was also quite proud of her body and the work she put in to maintain it. In fact, before his sisters and their friends began to mature, it was Aunt Amanda who'd turned his bedroom into a torture chamber. The problem was, Daniel's room was at the back of the house, looking down from the second story on the family's swimming pool. As soon as temperatures were warm enough for swimming in the spring, and lasting until the bitter end of summer, the Halperin house was the gathering place for the neighborhood teens. But before that, it was Aunt Amanda laying out in miniscule bikinis.

Bikinis and bare flesh did cruel things to a horny boy's anatomy. And so, it was not unusual for Daniel to find himself hanging out in his room and gawking at the swimmers and sunbathers each day. It was masochistic, but he couldn't stop himself from watching either.

Daniel snapped out of his reverie as his father continued. "The thing is, even when I don't feel in control of a situation, there's something in me that makes me say things a certain way or change course at the last second. I've never been on the receiving end of it of course, but my understanding is that, at least for women, it's like I'm speaking passphrases or turning a key to unlock something within them. The point is, that intuition is part of me. And it's a part of you. I may not have recognized it in myself, but I can see it in action."

"I'm not sure I understand, Dad. What does that even mean?"

Jeremy scratched his chin in thought. "Let me give you an example. Maybe that will make it clearer. "You know Mrs. Santini down the street, right?"

"Of course. She's the one whose husband had the heart attack and died the year before last."

"And do you remember how you responded after he passed away? Not long after the funeral, you saw her trying to mow her lawn herself. A lot of guys your age would have ignored a struggling old woman trying to start a lawn mower, but not you. You went up there in 95 degree heat and just took over. You came back here and got the weed eater and took care of the edging as well. When she tried to pay you, what did you say?"

"I told her that I was very sorry to hear about her husband's death, and mowing the lawn was the least I could do. I also told her that she had better things to do with her money, so she should keep it."

"And how often since then have you mowed her lawn?"

Daniel shifted a little in his seat, because he was starting to see where this was headed. "Well, I mow the lawn weekly, and I try to do the edging every couple of weeks at least."

Jeremy was grinning, because he could see that Daniel was getting the point. "Have you ever taken a dime from Mrs. Santini for all that work? Or for clearing her driveway in the winter?"

"You know I haven't."

Jeremy changed gears. "Did you know that Isabella Montez is Mrs. Santini's granddaughter?"

Daniel was shocked. "Izzy is her granddaughter? I had no idea. Why didn't she mention it?"

"Well, you guys weren't together that long; it probably never came up. But I seem to recall that you were a little surprised when she showed interest in you, since you didn't really know each other that well. I wasn't surprised, though. She was spending a lot of time at her grandmother's house that first summer after her grandfather passed. She saw what you were doing, but probably wouldn't have pursued you except that her grandmother was putting heavy pressure on her to go out with that 'nice boy from down the street.' Mrs. Santini even brought it up to your mother and I one night in passing, how proud we must be of you and how much she admired you, and how she had this granddaughter that was just perfect for you. It was a little sickening how she went on and on, actually." Jeremy winked at Daniel so that he knew he was kidding.

"I really had no idea. I kind of feel bad that things didn't work out better between me and Izzy; Mrs. Santini must have been a little disappointed. But we didn't really share anything in common."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about, son. You did something out of your nature that others might not attempt, you got an unexpected relationship, and, in Mrs. Santini's case, an admirer for life. And now that I'm telling you about Izzy, you feel bad that things didn't work out. You care for others almost effortlessly. You don't see it as anything special, but I'm telling you, I've learned that it's actually pretty unusual for someone to behave like you do, especially one so young. That makes me so proud to be your dad. But that's the skill set that we're going to maximize moving forward."

*****

In the years that followed, Daniel would look back on the talks that he had with his father in the months before his death as instrumental in shaping the course of his life. True to his word, Jeremy challenged his assumptions. He shared his own fears and failures from along the path of his life. The way his father spoke about his first wife and their son brought tears to Daniel's eyes. He could feel the depth of his father's pain, even so many years after their deaths.

His father also pushed him to take some risks. One time, he gave Daniel the assignment to approach the first girl at a mall that he thought was completely out of his league, just to see what happened. To his surprise, he'd walked away with a phone number and a date. That was one of the mildest assignments he got.

One of the more challenging ones was when Jeremy explained to his son that there were different skills necessary to seduce different women, and some of that depended on where the woman was in her life, but also how she saw the man in pursuit. That assignment was how he learned that a lonely older woman could be flattered into bed by a confident, handsome, younger man. His affair with a 47-year old divorcee named Heather Tompkins was short, but torrid. She wasn't his first sexual experience overall, but she was the first woman who was deep enough to take him completely, a fact that she exploited as often as she could for a couple of months. Eventually, when the novelty of their physicality wore off, they mutually agreed that they were at different stages of their lives and called a halt to things. He would always remember her fondly, though.

The confidence that Daniel gained from his successes allowed him to bring his own story back to his father. It tickled his dad to no end when Daniel described how he'd managed to seduce and sleep with a pair of sisters that were each friends of his own sisters. Apparently, they each knew about the other. But, like his father before him, they appreciated Daniel's openness in saying he was not looking for exclusivity, and so they agreed to share him whenever they were back on break from school. The way his father has shaken his head and laughed as Daniel relayed the story would remain with him for years to come. His father had said, "I'll never understand how that works, but it's either something exclusive to us, or there are just more girls out there that want casual relationships than most people know."

There were other assignments, things that had nothing to do with his love life. And they were every bit as instrumental, if not more, in shaping his character and life than the other ones were. And through it all, Daniel appreciated the chance to spend so much time with his father.

Jeremy didn't neglect his daughters. Despite the distance between home and school, they came home as often as possible. In between visits, he was able to video chat with them. He left their sexual education up to their mother. Nevertheless, he gave them other assignments, much like those he'd given to his son, but with a slightly different purpose.

One of his biggest regrets, something that plagued his sleep, was that he wouldn't be around to walk his daughters down the aisle at their weddings. Neither of them was involved in a serious relationship, and he knew he wouldn't have a chance to meet their future husbands or task them with the protection of his daughters' hearts. Thus, he did his best to help them to understand their own value, the treasures that he considered them to be, hoping to impress on them the importance of guarding their hearts until the right moment came.

*****

Jeremy looked around the room at those gathered there. He knew very well that the end was near. He was in hospice after all, if he was remembering things right. That was something he doubted more and more each time he opened his eyes. Yesterday, for example, he was playing pool against his best friend, A.J., for three hours before remembering that neither he nor his friend were naïve 18-year old boys anymore. These days, A.J. didn't get around much. He'd lost a leg in a severe car accident that left the rest of his body broken and hobbled as well. He could still walk, but it was more of a shuffling, stumbling gait.

Lying there, he was surprised at the number of people who had shown up to say goodbye. I wouldn't have thought the room could hold so many people, he thought. There were people from all the many phases of his life. There was little Teresa Marquez, his little 'Jalapeno.' He was amazed at how well she'd aged until he recalled that she was now a 51-year old mother of three who worked as a social worker in her hometown in Texas.

He closed his eyes for a second to clear the phantoms, but when he opened them again, Serena Chase was sitting there holding his hand. Damn, she stills takes my breath away, he thought.

"Hey, Jeremy," she said, softly.

"Hi Serena. How's Paris these days?"

She looked at him sadly. "I wouldn't know. Don't you remember? The nightclub bombing?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry about that. Things are kind of muddled up for me these days," he said, apologetically.

Serena smiled. "It's okay, Jeremy. Everything's going to be okay. I just wanted to stop by and say that I never stopped loving you. My priorities weren't always where they probably should have been, but you were the first man I ever loved."

"That's very kind of you to say," said Jeremy. "I loved you too, but mostly I was just in awe that an angel like you ever saw anything in a guy like me."

She placed her hand on his cheek and smiled down at him sadly. "You're still just as sweet as ever. And that's why I loved you. I have to go now, but I'll see you soon. Okay?" With that, she leaned down and gently kissed his cheek. Jeremy blinked and she was no longer there.

"Are you doing okay? Do you need anything?" asked Cat. "You were kind of mumbling there."

He smiled at her in gratitude. "No. I'm fine. Just having a hard time keeping it straight what's real and what's not. You are real, aren't you?"

Cat laughed and teased him. "I'm as real as it gets, baby."