The Only Time is Forever

"I think the crying made me hungry," she said, with a mix of a chuckle and sniffle. She unwrapped her cheeseburger, took a bite, and added two French fries to her already full mouth.

"I think your crying made me hungry, too," he said, smiling. She chuckled, nearly choking with her full mouth.

They worked through most of their food, when he asked, "You want to watch some TV?"

She said "Sure," as she twiddled her last, long French fry through some ketchup.

"Here," he said, handing her the cable box control, "you choose what we watch."

She picked a just-started Hallmark Romance channel movie (a channel known for the predictably similar feel-good scripts).

Bill saw that they were getting a glare off the flat screen TV, from the setting sun. He reached back behind them to the table lamp, and switched it off to improve the TV's contrast. Before he could bring his arm back down, Mel leaned against him, and tucked her feet up beside her on the couch. Surprised, and unsure how to respond, he left his arm on top of the couch, even though it was not in the most comfortable position.

They stayed in those positions for the whole movie, with Bill quiet and Mel occasionally uttering encouragement, or admonishments, to the female lead in the movie.

When the movie was over, she said, "I gotta go. This was great. Thanks so much for the food, too. Maybe we can do it again?"

"It would be my delight, my dear," he said, adding the last two words quite intentionally, this time.

She put on her jacket, with her dog collar in the pocket. She walked to the door, and dropped her head, and gave him a side glance with the correct grin.

He said, "Be careful with that at school. You could make some boy walk into a wall!"

She giggled and left.

Bill was rather conflicted about what he thought had happened this evening. It seemed most likely, to him, that he had become something of a good dad figure for her. He and Ann never had children, and he never would. However, there was something about Mel that he knew needed his attention.

The following day, Mel came by and found Bill on the porch. He waved her up.

Bill noticed she was wearing her black leather jacket and boots, but no studded dog collar or wrist bands, and no black fingernails, lipstick, or mascara. Her hair was in a simple ponytail. He put a questioning look on his face.

Mel responded to the look, "I never answered your question, last night. I have thought about it, a lot."

"It seems you have made some decisions, given the change in your appearance. And I think it's a definite improvement, by the way," he said.

"We, mom & I, don't have much money, so most of my clothes came from the thrift store. I was getting a lot of nasty teasing last year for my old clothes. I was angry at the kids who picked on me, and I just wanted to hide. Goth was a way to feel invisible. If I am dressed Goth and get teased by the other kids, it doesn't seem so personal, you know?"

"I can understand that, but has something changed in your thinking?" he asked.

Mel said, "The Gothies, as our local group likes to call themselves, are mostly a bunch of downers. It was already depressing me. I have tried flirting at school, but the Goth bit has gotten in the way of that, too.""

She looked at him, "But, it is really you that I wanted to thank. It wasn't just you asking me why I was Goth, but the way you treat me when we talk, and all the good advice you have given me. You have made me more confident and happier."

He said, "Well, thank you. I will add another piece of advice; no matter what you are wearing, or whatever doubts you may have about yourself, never let it show. Always walk with confidence, stand erect, and move with grace; show the world you are quite happy with exactly who you are. It is quite attractive to the right kind of men. Do you have any tall girls at school that slouch down?

"Yeah. Is that what you mean? They are not happy with themselves?" Mel said.

"Yes" Bill responded, "They do more harm by looking ashamed of being taller than the boys, by slouching, than they gain by not sticking up so much. If you want to stay Goth, or whatever style you choose, make sure you 'own it' when you wear it. Come out of hiding showing strength, and have the confidence to say 'I don't care what anyone thinks of me, because I KNOW I am great person! If they don't see it, it is there loss.' So, now you have the summer to create a new you!"

"Maybe" she replied, "My mom just got laid off at the plant. The company says it will only be a month or two, until they get all the new equipment installed. So mom wants to go see her sister in Kansas. We may stay there until the company calls mom back to work. We leave real early on Monday, because it is a 9-hour drive out West.

She went on, "In case I don't get to see you for couple months, I wanted to make sure I thanked you for everything. You are a good friend, and you have been more like a dad in these last few months than my real dad was in his whole life."

"Well, that is quite an honor, you are entirely welcome. I will miss you and hope to see you by mid-summer," Bill added quietly.

"I will miss you too. Hope we come back sooner...Bye." She got up, walked over to Bill, squeezed his hand, and left.

He watched her walk away, while he wiggled his fingers and thought of her hand on his.

------

It had been about a month since Melissa had left. A month in which he had not realized he would miss her as much as he did. The thoughts of the sparkle in her eyes, and that wonderful smile, were with him so often. Sometimes, Bill even had a memory of Ann, but, instead, pictured Melissa (without the Goth makeup).

It was mid-June, when the porch creaked and he looked up to see the mailman walking out of Bill's fence gate. He opened the door, and reached around to get the mail out of the wall-mounted mail box. He thumbed through the bills & ads, but stopped when he found a nearly square, colored envelope that had a return address from Kansas. He opened the envelope up, and read the card. He sat down on the porch and smiled, with his eyes starting to well up. It was a sweet Father's Day card, and it was signed "Love, Melissa."

-----

It had now been two and half months since Melissa had left, with only a week until school started up again. Bill was tending to Ann's rose bushes by adding some soil, when he saw a pair of brown sandals stop outside the fence. He also noticed the light blue painted toe nails.

"Hey stranger!" a familiar voice rang out. He looked up to see Mel...no...not Mel, but Melissa. He stood and looked at her, up & down. She was wearing a simple, but cute, light blue sundress with small daisies on it. She had on a bead necklace and matching bracelet. Her straight, shoulder length hair was a honey brown, and she wore a light pink lipstick.

"Well, hello beautiful. My, we have certainly changed! Come on in," he said as he opened the gate.

She stepped in, paused and looked at him with a strained smile, and then threw her arms around him, while her head rested on his chest.

"I'm so glad I am back and you are here," she said, speaking into the pocket of his shirt.

Before he even realized it, his hand was stroking Ann's hair. When she pulled back and looked up at him, he suddenly pulled his hand away, as he saw Melissa's face. "I'm sorry," he said, "that was out of line."

"Why," she asked, "I thought if felt really nice?"

"I ...I just forgot myself for a moment, and thought of my late wife."

"Ann, right? Did she like it when you stroked her hair?" Melissa inquired.

"It was one of her favorite things."

"I can understand. I think it is one my favorites, too. Please, do it again sometime?" she asked, with a big smile.

"Well...uh...we'll see about that," he slowly responded, "Want to come in?"

"Do I get some of your world famous lemonade?"

"Absolutely," he replied, chuckling.

Melissa sat next to Bill on the couch, and told him all about her Kansas trip: How her aunt had made her blue dress, and a couple more, for her; how her younger cousins, two boys, had a crush on her, and how the small town had just one movie theater, which had only one screen.

"My aunt, mom's sister," Melissa added, "spent a lot of time talking to my mom. It seems to have helped mom, as she is more cheerful, and I can talk about some things more easily with her. But not, you know, boys, dating, or sex."

Before Bill could comment, she continued, "And, I tried 'The Eyes' on some boys. Those Kansas boys did not know what hit them!" she giggled infectiously. "One even took me to the movies to see Spiderman. He held my hand through the whole second half of the movie after the popcorn was gone. He tried to kiss me but I didn't let him."

She whispered to Bill, "It didn't feel quite right...I wasn't sure I liked him that much!"

Melissa continued, "Well, I guess with dad being such a bad man, then that is why mom has told me to not trust men, to watch out when they try to kiss you, and to not let them get you alone."

"That was wise to trust your instincts that way," he told her.

"Yeah, that is kinda what I thought, too. But, what if I want to be kissed? Should I wait, or just kiss him? Say, if I wanted to kiss you?"

Bill was not sure he had heard that right!

He stumbled through his answer. "It...well...it would not be a...fatherly thing...to kiss one's daughter, that way. I...uh...think you should be able to figure that out for yourself...who should kiss who first. It is very...situation dependent."

He added, "Have you finished your lemonade?"

"Yes" Melissa said. She looked at him curiously, as he hurriedly took her glass, excused himself, and quickly went to the kitchen.

When Bill finally returned, he said, "I have a couple errands I need to run, can I drop you at home?"

"No thanks, I like to walk," she replied, feeling a little confused, "Can I stop by again, soon?"

"Of course you can, Melissa."

She waved as she went out the door.

Bill sat down, questioning what was happening between them. He thought she needed a father figure. Had he somehow encouraged her to think of him in other ways? Did he actually want her to see him as a man first? Had he fooled himself?

-------

A couple days later, Bill had just used the bathroom and was going to go back out to the front yard. He looked through the screen door, and saw Melissa smiling and waving, while wearing a yellow bikini top, with a towel around her waist, and flip flop shoes. Her hair hung down wet.

Before he could even respond to invite her in, she opened the gate and bounded up the steps. She flung the screen door open, and ran towards him, losing the towel as she came. Melissa grabbed him in a bouncing hug, while she squealed, "I Got WHISTLED AT! ... I used 'The Eyes' and he wants to call me!"

"That is great, sweetheart!?" he said, fighting choking. With her bouncing, he had instinctively put his hands on her bare waist. Suddenly, he recognized that his hands were feeling her smooth, soft skin pass through them, with the slight impressions of her ribs adding to the sensations.

Tears started down his cheeks. Twenty years without touching a woman suddenly burst into his senses. He tried to turn his head as she pulled back, and he let go, but she saw the tears.

"Bill!?" she exclaimed, "What is the matter? ... Please?"

"I am sorry," he said, "I do not mean to worry you."

"But, why the tears?"

"It was just...well...a flood of emotions, and memories...as I have not touched a woman's skin in about 20 years, or so."

"Would you feel better if I let you touch me again, because I liked it, too?"

"No...I can't...you are only 17."

"But, I turned 18 yesterday. Didn't I tell you? Does that make it okay for you to touch me?"

"No, my wonderful girl. Anyway," Bill said, trying to redirect the conversation, "do you even realize how much you have grown this summer, your looks and personality?"

She took his hand and led him to sit on the couch. He dabbed his eyes with a tissue. Melissa went and picked up her towel, and a small beach bag she had also dropped. She moved to stand in front of him and, trying to lighten the mood, giggled, "I do fit into a bikini alright, don't I?"

"Oh yes," he chuckled, "You 'own it'. I can see why you got whistled at. Is your hair colored now?"

"No, this is my natural color. The black was a semi-permanent that is gone in a couple months."

"It is a beautiful color. It is so good to see that Melissa is not hiding anymore."

She sat down next to him. "Kansas helped, as I was away from all the kids that knew me, and teased me. I tried to just be me, with no hiding behind Goth clothes. Having my mother more cheerful, sure helped. And, of course, I thank you for all your help. Melissa is back!"

She went on, "Can we watch TV? I told my mom I would be stopping here, and my 'new' mom said it was okay. No questions...what a shock! She did ask me to call to let her know if I would be here awhile. So, TV?"

"Sure," he said, "You choose again."

"Can I use your phone?"

"No cell phone?" he asked.

"No, too many bucks."

"The phone is on the desk. I will get some snacks." He heard her making the call as he returned with the chips, Oreos, and root beer.

"All set," she said, as she hung up.

Melissa, true to form, chose a chick-flick. They both nibbled & sipped on the snacks, until they had had enough. The movie had run for about a half an hour, and now the two love interests in the movie had finally stopped arguing about everything, when they (of course) realized they were attracted to each other. The misunderstanding and subsequent cheesy drama, with the tearful resolution, would surely follow, he thought.

Bill noted Melissa picking up her now-dry towel and folding it several times. She then startled him by putting the towel on his lap, and laying down on the couch with the towel as her pillow, for her still-damp hair.

He felt a lovely contentment, and reflexively placed his hand on her bare side, occasionally gently stroking it. She kept up her comments to the movie's characters, but added some happy humming and wiggled, when he stroked her. He thought he may have crossed the line, but thought he could bend it just a little, since it pleased her this much, and because he knew he would never, really take advantage of her.

When the movie was over, she said that she should go. She thanked him, and reached up on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Is that acceptable, for a now 18 year old?"

"I suppose I will let it pass. Good evening, and tell your mother 'Thank you'."

-------

A few days later, Melissa stopped by, dressed simply in denim cutoffs, and a tight t-shirt, and flip flops. She found Bill on the porch, where she joined him, sitting opposite, with her legs crossed under her knees.

"Afternoon, Mel...issa," he said, clumsily.

Melissa smiled at his stumble, "Afternoon to you, and you can call me whatever you want. Today, I was hoping you could help me with something...kinda embarrassing."

"I will do the best I can, honey bee."

She chuckled, at the reference to the meaning of her name.

"The boy from the pool, Rich, wants to take me out tomorrow night. Mom knows about that."

"Sounds like you are interested in him?" he responded.

"I think he is funny, and he is so cute. I feel kind of silly around him."

"That sounds like you are definitely interested in him."

"But he wants to take me to a drive-in movie. Mom doesn't know that part. I talked to a couple of my girlfriends at school, and they were both excited that I was going to get my V-card punched. I don't know if I am ready for that, any of that. What do you think?"

"Wow," he replied.

"That bad?"

"Enough. Okay, my unvarnished opinion is that you are not ready for that. And, I assume 'V-card' refers to your virginity?" he asked, in a concerned manner.

"Yup, that 'V'.

"May I suggest we go inside, so this conversation is not so public?"

"I would like that," she said, as she got up.

They went in, and sat on the couch, facing each other.

"He started, "Okay, I am going to very blunt about this, so I apologize in advance. Just know that I am trying to help."

"Go for it," she replied, promptly.

"First of all, I take it you don't think your mother can talk about this?"

"Not even 'new' mom. The few things she has told me about the way dad treated her, that way, is that she never enjoyed it, and later, he was just brutal. The memories are too hard for her."

"Well, I am certainly sorry for your mom, and how it affects you," he replied, "And, school has taught you about STD's, the basic physical functions on sex, and the potential for pregnancy?"

"Yes, school covered those. Plus, mom had me start on birth control just before I turned 16. I, obviously, haven't needed it yet, but mom feels better that I have it."

"All right, Bill started, "A guy that wants to take you to a first date at a drive-in movie, is either very inept, which I doubt, or very likely, just wants to get you in the back seat to fuck you."

She jumped slightly at the four letter word, which he saw. She nodded for him to go on.

He resumed, "My instincts tell me this guy is charming, suspects you are a virgin, and that is a big part of the reason he is interested in dating you."

"But, he seems nice enough. Why do you think he is that bad?" she asked, with a concerned tone.

"Okay, let's back up some more. First, at my age, I have all those years of seeing many men behave badly towards women. But, certainly not all of men are like that. Hopefully, you want a man who will be concerned about what you want, what makes you feel good, and cares about your happiness. Too many men know how to play a young woman, so that the guy can just put his dick in her. After that, the hunt is over, and they are gone. I suspect your potential date to be one of these."

"I vote for the caring ones!" she chirped.

"Good, and there are still a good number of caring ones out there. A nice, good man is not going to invite you, on a first date, to a place best known for teen sex. He will invite you to someplace public, so that you are more comfortable. Among these 'other' men may be some nerds & geeks, but at least look for kindness to start with. But, even among the nice and polite men, some may be less interesting after you have had sex with them."

"How so?" she asked, with a real look of curiosity.

"Sex may be great for how it feels, but it is, also, an excellent tool to judge people's character. Not only are you physically naked together, but the primal character makes their personalities naked, too. Someone can seem nice, but in bed, they show little interest in pleasing you. I realize I am not sounding too encouraging, but when you find someone caring to make love with, it is another dimension beyond just fucking. And when you really love someone, it is even another level above that."

"Really, wow!" she exclaimed

"I would want you to at least find someone caring to first experience sex with. Then you will understand, much better, what is involved, so that you recognize the less caring ones more easily. Also, some men can even be very skilled at the pleasures of sex, without really providing the kind of closeness that can offer you so much satisfaction, before and after sex. Don't mistake skill for caring."

"This is actually is sounding complicated." she said.

"It is complicated. But it can be something so wonderfully sensual, satisfying, and pleasurable, that it deserves to be complicated. People are complicated, and they bring those complications to the bed. I am just trying to give you some idea of what you may be stepping into, when you open that 'V' door, and hope you can start off with the best choice and a great experience."