The Perverted Poet Society

While Mrs. Hastings was in their office writing the check, I asked Mr. Hastings what he did.

He seemed surprised. "I'm a publisher. I work for Simon and Shuster. Why would you ask?"

"Just wondering. I heard you talking about a poet a few minutes ago."

He sighed. "I was, Jill Parker. She's like a ghost, and no one can find her."

"Probably because her name is Jill Montgomery now."

The look on his face was priceless. "You know her?"

"Fairly well. Tell me, who do you make my checks out to?

"Jack Montgomery... wait, are you related to her?"

"Only in the sense that I had the name before she did."

"SHE'S YOUR WIFE? WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?"

His wife came out to see what the yelling was about.

I shrugged. "It never came up in conversation."

His wife had caught up and suddenly smiled. "So, if she's your wife, that makes you the Naughty Nursery Rhyme Guy."

"Please don't spread that around."

He begged and pleaded, and I talked Jill into meeting him. They wanted to offer her a two-book deal. One immediately, on what she already had, and one in 18 months for new stuff. It was a ridiculous amount of money, so she took it, with reservations. She would never make what a good novelist could because it was basically a niche market, but it was still a pretty good chunk of change.

"I won't give up teaching. It's what I trained for my whole life and it's what I love. If you have book tours and signings as part of your deal, then it's off. I will agree to a limited number during school holidays, and I'm off all summer. I'll give up half of that. Not negotiable."

He went back and talked to his company and they agreed to her terms. When her book came out, it got a lot of really good reviews and I never knew poetry paid so well. Amanda Gorman praised it publicly, and sales soared. During the summer she went with her on a four-week speaking tour, to packed houses. Jill told me later she felt like a warmup act to someone like Beyonce, but she still got a lot of attention. She told me it surprised her that so many people knew she was married to the Naughty Nursery Rhymes guy. Mr. Hastings hinted about a book of them but I said no. I was a carpenter and that was enough.

By the fall, she was back in the classroom like nothing had happened. Our club became famous as the home of Jill Montgomery, and the place was always packed. Every once in a while, we'd show up and word would spread.

Years later, after four successful books, I asked her what her greatest accomplishment was.

"Marrying you and having our daughters."

That right, daughters: three to be precise.

"How odd, that's exactly what I say when people ask me."

She snuggled to me and whispered in my ear. "You know, it's not too late. Wanna try for a boy this time?"

THE END

Many thanks to the Special Iguanas for the contribution of some of the nursery rhymes. You should have seen the ones I didn't include. I don't know whether to be impressed or disturbed. Edited by Randi, of course. Thanks for reading.

Q