The Pharmacy Voyeur

Whenever we hear the word "voyeur" what comes to mind is the peeping tom looking in windows at the unsuspecting. Some years ago I had a fraternity brother, who we will name Rick, who used a different and, to my mind, innovative technique. To say that it was a gutsy approach would be an understatement, but to the best of my knowledge he was never arrested, thrown out of an establishment or even slapped.

Rick was a good enough looking guy who had an engaging personality and as I recall from my last contact with him had gone into marketing and was very successful. I'm going to allow this story to be told by him. Keep in mind that he was in his late 20s or early 30s at the time.

Willie Sutton was famous for saying that he robbed banks because that is where the money was so if I want to meet young women then I want to go where they are. Simple enough but since women make up half of the people on the planet it means that they are everywhere. Well, yes, but I want to meet young women in general, and attractive ones, specifically. Also I want to meet some that will talk about personal things as a way to break the ice.

Let's face it, people are generally want to be helpful and the more helpless you appear, at least up to a certain point, the more they will be willing to assist you. Also, it helps if you appear to require assistance outside of your comfort zone. So let me explain that I have met lots of very good looking women in the feminine hygiene aisle at the pharmacy or at the supermarket. I know that it sounds unusual because most guys will try to avoid anything that has to do with menstruation, even those men who have been married for some time. But bear with me.

I begin by making a short shopping list that if at a supermarket will include bread, milk, and cereal, you know, the usual items. Then will I add tampons, panty liners, or douche. This is my entry ticket to the feminine hygiene section because that says "I'm a legitimate shopper," or at least I may appear to be one.

So I stand in front of the tampon section for which there are numerous brands, sizes, and types and look totally confused. I'll take a box off the shelf, read the back, and replace it on the shelf. I'll do this a couple of times and eventually another shopper will ask me if they can help. So the dialogue will go like this:

"There are sure a lot of choices here. What are you looking for?" she asks.

"I have no idea. My sister/girlfriend/wife just put tampons on my shopping list."

"Do you know what she usually uses?"

"No, not really."

"Do you know if she has a heavy or a light flow?"

"I'm guessing that her flow isn't all that heavy."

"Oh, well then a regular absorbent kind will work. The xxxxx brand is good."

"Is that what you usually use?"

"Yes, unless it's my first day which can be pretty heavy. Then I'll likely use supers."

"Oh, really?! Thanks." It works every time and on more than one occasion a very attractive store clerk has engaged me in this conversation.

On another occasion I was in the aisle and a very good looking woman was there selecting some disposable douche. Instead of tampons I feigned that that is what I was looking for and took one off the shelf and read the back of the package.

"Don't get that one," she looked up and said. "This other one is a far better fragrance and what's really nice is that it doesn't fade right of way."

"Oh, thanks," I said. "I wouldn't have known that."

Then she offered, "Plus you can get a discount if you have their flyer. I have an extra one here and it will save you $1.00." She handed me the store's ad even pointing out the item in question.

Now bear in mind that you cannot offer your expertise in reciprocity. For example in the pharmacy that I normally go to the family planning section is right next to the tampons and douche. Again, it was a very attractive woman who was looking at a box of condoms. I decided to just ignore her rather than starting a conversation, but if I had my guess is that exchange would go pretty much like this:

"I don't think you would like that brand. They aren't sensitive enough. You really want to feel the warmth, don't you?"

"Oh, thanks. Yes, I do like to feel my boyfriend. What about these?"

"They're OK, but for me reservoir tip isn't big enough on those. If he cums a lot, those aren't very satisfactory."

"That's good information. What do you use?"

"I really like these," I said taking a box off the shelf.

"Oh, thanks for the help."

No, that conversation would never unfold that way, but what would happen is that you would be labelled a pervert and likely get slapped. Moreover, her ex-Marine husband just happened to be in the next aisle. Here's another scenario that does not work too well either:

An exceptionally good looking woman is looking to buy a disposable enema and is torn between buying Fleet and buying the store brand. Both are twin packs of the same size.

You have been watching her compare the two products and sense some trepidation on her part. You decide to help and take a box containing a red rubber combination syringe off the shelf, turn it over and make like you are reading the finer details.

The good looking woman looks in your direction and you sense that she noted what you have in your hands. You look in her direction and your eyes meet. She smiles albeit meekly.

"My guess is that this is a far better buy than those disposables," you tell her.

"Really, but these look a lot more convenient to use," she replies.

"Yes, but if you need to have a use for more than two, the enema bag is far more economical. I suspect that you would certainly get your use from it."

"You're probably right. No telling when my husband or one of our kids might need to get an enema," she says putting the disposables back on the shelf and taking the bag kit instead.

Finally, there is a third item that you probably don't want to engage any woman about—namely personal lubricant. Let's try yet another scenario:

You are still standing in the feminine hygiene aisle when a cute blond stops and picks a tube of KY off the shelf. Like most women who shop for these items she is hardly self-conscious and it is likely that she has bought this before.

You look at your shopping list, not really, but it is part of the ruse, do a scan of the shelves and reach in front of her to retrieve a tube of Astroglide, which you inadvertently drop of the floor. "You say 'sorry, I guess it's slipperier than I thought!"

She manages to crack a smile, blushes demurely, and says, "but it is supposed to be slippery isn't it?"

Your reply is "Well I guess if you want slippery, Astroglide is far slipperier than KY."

She responds with just a sweet innocent giggle, but also never tells you what the purpose of the lube is for.

This type of voyeurism is much more active, and perhaps much more dangerous, than the passive form where all you do is survey the contents of a woman's shopping basket. You need to be confident at what you're doing and not easily embarrassed by the items found in this aisle. There are a couple of useful tips for being successful at this:

1. Don't try this if a woman has a guy with her. That would be asking for trouble.

2. A good time of day is late afternoon when the working women are heading home and potentially are having that time of the month and just realize that they are short on supplies.

3. A woman with a child might not be willing to engage in as much conversation because the kid will likely get antsy and she just wants to get out of the store.

4. The more clueless you act, the better. Also, it pays to have a written shopping list that you can make reference to. Misunderstanding an item on the list is also beneficial and I know of one guy who was looking for "noodles" when in fact his wife's list had specifically stated "Modess."

5. It should be obvious, but you cannot be a feminine hygiene aisle voyeur if you are with your wife, girlfriend, sister, of for that matter your mother. I'm not sure I want another guy with me either unless he is observing my technique from a distance.

6. Be creative. If you happen to be single, who knows because you might wind up getting a date for your effort.