The Pickup Artist

What can you say about Lydia Taylor? Young, single, and beautiful; can have any man she wanted. On a rainy evening such as this, she drove herself home after hanging out with some friends at the local bar. She was still miles away from home, taking the scenic route like she always did. That is until she spotted one lone figure in a slicker, raising his thumb for a ride. Lydia could have go on without batting an eye for this stranger, but instead, out of the goodness of her heart, she decided to pull over, allowing this stranger into her vehicle.

"Thanks a lot," he said.

"No problem," said Lydia, continuing her drive home. "Where you headed?"

"Just head west."

The rain came down in buckets. The roaring and brightness of thunder and lightning soon grew intense and the wind kicked in almost feeling like a hurricane.

"Nice car you have," the hitchhiker asked. "I need to get me one of these."

"Thanks," said Lydia. "What are you doing out in the rain at this time of night?"

"I missed my bus. I waited all night and then the rain came down, and I was out of luck."

"Where were you headed?"

"A party with some friends I haven't seen in awhile."

"They must be upset waiting on you."

"I called them and said I was going to be a little late. No big deal."

"You must have nice friends. It's good to have friends you can trust."

"Yeah, I guess."

"You don't sound so sure."

"Don't get me wrong, I love these guys like my own family. I'd do anything for them in a heartbeat."

"I'm sure you do."

As the conversation grew, the rain started to calm down. Thunder and lightning had passed and the blowing wind had subsided. The hitchhiker practically flirted with Lydia throughout the ride, even telling her his name was Neil. Lydia thought he was friendly enough, even though he wasn't her type and not in the mood for some loving.

"So," Neil asked, "you live alone?"

"Do you?" Lydia asked, already thinking her new friend had some ideas already.

"I asked you first."

"I live with my cat. What about you?"

"No, no pets of any kind. The landlady wouldn't allow it. She gets grumpy around dogs and she's allergic to cats."

"Tough break."

"Yeah, she never was an animal person. It's probably why she's divorced."

"I find that hard to believe."

"She told me he wanted to get a dog and she said no. They had a big fight and the next thing you know he's gone. Packed up his bags and never looked back."

"Over a dog?"

"Yeah. Even she couldn't believe it."

Neil told her to go left and by that time the rain had all but stopped completely. It was nothing but darkness, long puddles and some pot holes along the way.

"You sure this is the right way?" Lydia asked, curious about this particular area. "Maybe I took a wrong turn."

"No," sad Neil, so sure of himself. "I know the way perfectly. Maybe next time I'll get a motorcycle and save myself the trouble."

"Pretty odd area for a party. I haven't seen one vehicle around."

"It's a big house; they're practically hermits. Don't worry, we're almost there. You can come in if you like and I'll introduce you to everyone."

"Tempting, but I just want to go home and sleep."

"No problem. You can pull over here; this is fine."

"Right here?"

"Yeah, I'll walk the rest of the way."

Just as Lydia pulled over, Neil made his move pulling out a switchblade and pointed it in her direction.

"What are you doing?" She asked, keeping her hands on the steering wheel.

"Shut off your engine."

Lydia did just that, even putting the keys on the dashboard, assuming the stranger wanted to rob her of her vehicle.

"Take the keys," she said, "you want my car? It's yours."

"Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea", said Neil, "but I'm not here to rob you. Here's the thing, I don't have any friends and I'm not going to a party. However, you became my friend and we're going to have a party of our own."

Lydia knew where this was headed and prepared for the worse that came her way. She paid close attention to Neil's instructions if she were to survive her ordeal.

"You and I," said Neil, "are going to step out of the car. Then we're going to go in the woods and you're going to give me what I want. You do this and I'll let you live. You try to run away and I'll kill you. You start to scream and I'll kill you. You try to resist and I'll kill you. Do you understand?"

Lydia sat still staring into the night, being as calm as she could in this situation. She thought of one word that boldly came out of her mouth that Neil did not expect to hear.

"I said," he asked, "do you understand?"

"No," she said.

"What?" Neil asked.

"My answer is no."

"I don't think you're in any position to say no to me, Lydia. I got the knife, I'm in charge, and you will do as I say."

"You know you're right. Screaming won't make a difference since we're out in the middle of nowhere. Run away? Where will I go? Who knows what's out there? As for resisting? I only resist to nice guys, not to desperate, pathetic, losers like yourself."

"What? Do you want to die, bitch?"

"So here's the thing, I going to give you one chance, just one, to do the smart thing. You're going to get out of my car right this minute and walk away, and forget we ever met."

"Really?" Neil chuckled. "What happens if I don't?"

"If you don't, then you'll never walk away at all."

"Oh, so you're a tough one, huh? Great, I love a challenge."

"Last chance to back down, you dickless fuck."

"What? What did you call me?"

Neil got so upset he approached Lydia, pointing his knife within an inch to her cheek. Lydia remained still, not feeling intimidated by Neil's threats.

"How about this?" He asked. "How about I cut off your pretty face, fuck you in the ass, while I'm wearing it like a mask? Or I'll kill you first and then I'll fuck you. Either way, I get what I want."

"Listen, Neil, if that is your real name, you must think I give a shit about your feelings. You think you're a tough guy because you got a knife? Does that make you feel like a real man or is it because you can't get it up on certain evenings? Is that it? You got a small dick and women laugh at you? It's probably as small as my little pinkie."

"Stop talking and open your fucking door."

"Do you spend your alone time jerking off to some girly magazines or home made porn on the internet?"

"I'm not fucking around."

"You ever been to prison, Neil? You know what they do to guys like you in there? A lot of those big lonely inmates don't like that shit. They'd take a pretty bitch like you and pass you around for the latest fix or snort. You'll enjoy all the fucking you'll ever want. You won't be able to sit down for a year after they're done with you."

Neil had had enough being talked down, quickly taking action with a quick slash upon her cheek. Lydia cried out in pain as the cut was so deep, blood trickled through her fingers.

"You bastard!" Lydia sobbed. "Why?"

"I warned you," said Neil, "I'm not fucking around. I'll say it again, open that door or I will rip your face off."

"Please, don't kill me. I-I'll do whatever you want."

Neil grabbed her hair and pointed his knife against her throat, letting her know he meant business.

"You think I'm fucking around?" He asked.

"No!" Lydia screamed.

"Do you think I'm fucking around?"

"No! No!"

"No what?"

"You're not fucking around! Please, I promise I'll behave."

"That's right, you will behave. Now open your door, and hurry up, I haven't got all night."

Lydia cried her eyes out and Neil released her hair, feeling like he regained control of the situation, or so he thought. Things would change hands as Lydia went from sobbing to all of a sudden giggling. It turns out that not one tear came down from either of her cheeks. Giggling would soon turn into hysterical and uncontrollable laughter leaving Neil deeply frustrated.

"The fuck are you laughing at?" He asked.

The young lady removed her hand from her cheek, and right before Neil's eyes the wound slowly healed on its own without leaving a scar or any mark behind.

"What the hell?" Said Neil, in shock at what he saw.

"Yeah," said Lydia, looking straight at him with bloodshot eyes, "what the hell?"

Without warning, she rushed right on top of him, plunging her teeth deep into his neck. Now it was his turn to do some screaming and crying like an intended victim. Neil had no idea what hellish nightmare he stepped into but it would be the last mistake he would ever make on Earth.

"I'm really getting too old for this shit," said Lydia, opening her door and dragging Neil out by his feet while he held on to his throat.

She sat him up towards the nearest tree, gazing at the blood gushing out of his neck like a water fountain. Lydia was practically covered in his blood; her lips and chin dripping red crimson. She licked some of the blood off, enjoying the coppery taste in her mouth. Neil slowly lifted his head up, seeing her bloodshot eyes returning to normal and discovering the sharp fangs responsible for tearing up his flesh. He would soon learn his intended victim was no human being; a lonely soul who had walked the Earth for centuries.

"Look what you made me do," said Lydia. "I gave you a chance to walk away and you blew it. Men like you never change, and believe me I've had my full experience since before your great great grand daddy was even born."

Throughout her immortal life, Lydia had seduced every man in all of history. She slept with kings, princes, conquerors, rulers, sheiks, and politicians. Lydia pleasured them as much as they pleasured her, but if any man took advantage of her or tried to harm her in any way would pay a heavy price. Even the vampire who came along and made her, paid in full one night when she tore his heart from his chest.

"Don't get me wrong," said Lydia, "I love men, and maybe I did fuck your great great grand daddy; who knows? The thing is you were rude and I can't stand rudeness. I offer you a ride and this is how you treat me? Sexual assault really just pisses me off. No means no, asshole. Did you not learn that? None of you perverts ever learn and I've put a lot of your kind down like the rabid dogs you are."

Neil tried to speak but his constant gurgling stood in the way. Lydia cupped her hand to her ear, pretending she could actually hear what he was saying.

"What's that?" She asked. "Speak up. I can't understand you while you choke on your own blood. Speaking of which, yours was the freshest I ever tasted in quite some time, even if you are a sick twisted pervert. But the only blood I wouldn't touch are from pedophiles. Now they are the lowest of the low and I wouldn't touch a drop even if you paid me. However, I have made examples out of them by severing their manhood, if you catch my drift."

Neil held whatever was left of his throat, but it was not enough to stop the endless bleeding. He could feel his own life slowly slip away.

"Well", said Lydia, "I've got to go. It was nice chatting with you, and I hope it was good for you than it was for me. Oh, and don't worry, you won't turn into me. I made sure of that when I severed your jugular. Have a good night."

Lydia got back in her car and drove right off. The last thing Neil saw before succumbing to death were Lydia's rear lights turning into dots until they couldn't be seen at all. One last gasp and he was finally gone from this world.