The Power of Prayer

Authors note: There is a truism regarding nurses and hospital doctors; namely that a large number of nurses deliberately set out to catch themselves a doctor to marry and guarantee a comfortable life for themselves and future children. This is untrue and besmirches most nurses unfairly as gold diggers. Whilst some individuals do marry for money and status, I prefer to think that most of us marry for love. If large numbers of nurses and doctors do end up forming long-term relationships it is a consequence of the long hours they spend together when working in what is often a high-pressure environment.

This story is set in a hospital Intensive care unit and by necessity and to add authenticity some medical terms are used. If you don't understand them don't worry, just read past them. It won't interfere with the flow of the story.

This is first and foremost a romance. Although the ending is erotic this story does not have multiple descriptions of wall-to-wall sex. They would have been inappropriate. If this is what you are looking for do not read on. I have authored other stories which might be more to your taste or there are many other excellent alternatives on this site.

As usual, any errors in editing are mine and mine alone. I make the familiar plea. Please take the time to comment constructively. Without feedback, a writer can't improve, and positive feedback encourages most of us to write again.

In 1990 I was working as an anaesthetist in an intensive care unit (ICU) in a university hospital situated in a city in the English Midlands. The job was an extremely busy one and I worked shifts opposite two colleagues; for six days followed by six nights and six days off. The shifts were each twelve hours long and there was never much time to rest whilst involved in the care of twelve critically ill patients on ventilators and with a myriad of serious medical problems. If you do your sums, the shift pattern I worked was equivalent to fifty-six hours a week. Every one of those fifty-six hours was busy.

I started to work in the ICU at the end of the summer. The morning I started I went to the senior sister's office and introduced myself to the pretty blond but painfully thin woman sitting behind her desk. We shook hands and observed the formalities and then Faith Gordon, for that was her name, explained how the unit was run, when individual consultants made their rounds, and other practical matters. Faith was in her mid-thirties, and I guessed a couple of years older than I was. It was apparent that she was a no-nonsense individual who took her job seriously, and I listened politely to everything she said.

I had already learned that good relations with a ward sister were an invaluable thing. Often the consultant on the ward will ask the sister their opinion of medical staff and a good report is invaluable, and senior nurses have a wealth of practical experience and clinical knowledge that a young, even moderately experienced doctor would do well to learn from.

When Faith had finished talking she asked me a little about my training, and then as I got up to go onto the ward, she called after me before I had opened her office door.

"Dr James."

"One last thing. I don't sleep with doctors."

It passed through my mind to make an equally blunt statement. Maybe, " What makes you think I'd want to?" or perhaps, "you should be so lucky." Instead, I made a neutral reply. I needed her as an ally.

"I already have a girlfriend, Sister Gordon."

In truth, she was not my type and neither did I have a girlfriend.

The reality was that I didn't want one and was quite happy to sleep around for the moment, not wanting any long-term entanglements, and there were plenty of young women happy enough to accommodate me.

Over the next few weeks and as I worked my first twelve shifts I was on my very best behaviour. When a doctor starts work at a new post he is scrutinised by the doctors and nursing staff who are already there. Your prescribing and clinical skills are all closely watched until a picture of your degree of competence emerges and until people feel they can trust you or not.

Within a few months, I had settled in and had become part of the team. Faith and I became good friends although our relationship was entirely platonic. I learned that Faith had been warning me off because she was gay. She went out with doctors but only if they were ladies and I found out later her last relationship had not ended well.

In April, Heather joined us. I had come back from my six days off and had arrived at the unit just before eight am when the handover of care was due. Standing and talking to Faith was a tall, well-rounded, dark-haired, and extremely pretty nurse whom I did not immediately recognise.

Faith introduced us. "This is nurse Heather Watson who will be joining us. She will be a valuable addition to the team. She has experience on the Cardiac ICU and the renal dialysis unit. Nurse, this is one of our registrars, Dr James."

"Hello," I said and offered her my hand.

She hesitated, took my hand, and loosely shook it. "Hello Doctor, "she said impassively and with no eye contact, and then she rapidly stood away.

More recently I have seen the same body language in my thirteen-year-old daughter when it was often associated with her uttering the word "whatever." The impression that Nurse Watson gave at that first meeting was that she wanted nothing to do with me even though I had never seen her before in my life. Faith must have noticed Heather's attitude because I saw her frowning thoughtfully as Heather walked back to the nursing station.

"Have you met before?" she asked.

"No. And I would have remembered. I haven't done anything to upset her of which I can think. I haven't developed a bad reputation around here just yet, I said smiling. But I'm going to work on it."

***

Heather turned out as Faith expected. She was an excellent nurse; punctual, disciplined, efficient, and caring. But there was something else. She was quiet and demure, and very serious. She gave the impression that something was troubling her and rarely smiled. I saw her smile just once when a young patient who had been expected to die was taken off life support and spoke for the first time in months. When she smiled her face lit up and I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.

Our relationship was cordial and professional, but outside of the ward, we did not interact. Not even to sit at the same table in the staff canteen for lunch or supper. Nor did we ever have any conversation other than for work-related reasons.

They say that we desire most what we can't have, and soon I began to hope that Heather might start to think differently and warm a little to me. In the meantime, I admired her from afar. Her movements were precise and measured. Her nurse's tunic, deliberately designed to hide any hint of sexuality, could not conceal her lithe body. She was kind and considerate to her patients. Although she was respected by her colleagues she continued to keep herself to herself and studiously ignored me.

About three months after Heather had joined the team I was talking to Faith in her office when Heather poked her head around the door.

"Excuse me, Sister," she said. "If you're busy I'll come back later." Then she was gone.

"She's a good nurse," I said. "But somethings eating her, and she's taken a real dislike to me. Goodness only knows why?"

Faith looked at me. It was a long hard look and she appeared to be thinking about what to say next before she broke her silence.

"Alex, what I'm going to tell you is in strict confidence, Nurse Watson and I had a long talk a few weeks back when her mood seemed particularly low, and I asked her what was troubling her. It may explain a few things. I know you like her. I've seen the way you look at her and it must be very difficult for you. Whilst I didn't say our talk was in confidence I think she thought it was, so do not repeat what I'm going to tell you. Please."

I nodded.

"Until spring this year she was going out with a doctor who worked in the city across town at the District General. She believed it was a serious relationship and hoped they might even marry until it all went pear-shaped. She told me that she found him in bed with her sister and following that she finished with him and hasn't spoken to either of them since. She told me she was betrayed by the two people in the world she loved the most. She was particularly close to her sister since she is her only close relative. Her mother and father are both dead.

Now she has major league trust issues. She is off men and doctors in particular. She described you as good-looking and knowing it, and insufferably arrogant. I told her that I didn't believe you were arrogant but simply confident. There's no room for a doctor to hesitate in an ICU. I'm afraid I was also a little unprofessional. I told her Dr White, your boss, WAS an arrogant bastard. Let's face it.... He does think he's God.

Apart from her problems with men, she has not forgiven her sister and they are still estranged

I asked her to keep her personal issues away from work and she told me she'd try."

After that Heather's attitude softened just a little. She occasionally sat with us at lunch and even laughed at one of my jokes once, but she remained sad and aloof. All summer and into the autumn I admired her from afar and although I didn't appreciate it at the time I was starting to fall in love.

I am only human and slept with a couple of nurses, but I was not in the mood for a relationship with anybody but Heather.

***

Then at Christmas, something happened that changed the nature of our relationship. On the Saturday before Christmas, a group of us from the ICU met at the pub. There were about a dozen of us including Faith and her current girlfriend, three other nurses including Heather, a couple of doctors, and assorted partners. Faith wasn't drinking because she was working an early shift the following morning, but I was on my six-day break and had no such constraints. Heather sat at the other end of the table between two female nurses. She looked beautiful and was fully made up and wearing a long red satin dress that clung to her figure. She was drinking advocaat and lemonade; snowballs, and I watched her slowly relax as the alcohol took effect. She saw me looking at her and caught my eye and, miracle of miracles, she held my gaze for a few seconds before looking away.

After the pub shut, we returned to the nurse's residence where there was a staff party in progress, and it was there under the influence of too much alcohol and under the mistletoe that Heather and I kissed. It was a mistake and no sooner had we started to kiss that Heather pulled away from me.

"Alex Stop! This is wrong. I can't do it. Don't ask why."

Then she turned and fled the room and the party leaving me sad and bewildered.

When I returned to work three evenings later it was Christmas Eve. Heather was working day shifts after Christmas, and it was not until three days later we were working together that she did her best to ignore me. Following that she became the frosty young lady that I had met nine months before and I adored her from afar.

By then I was starting to understand the folly of my feelings, but love is, as they say, blind. I started to dream of her, and my appetite started to suffer.

***

Then catastrophe threatened but offered hope.

One afternoon in March, Faith called me into her office.

"I've had to send Nurse Watson home," she said. "She felt ill and looked terrible. She was pale and sweating and looked as if she was going down with something. I don't want the rest of us to catch it. I'm off from today until Thursday but will arrange cover for Heather before I go."

The following morning, as usual, I arrived at the Unit at a quarter to eight. As I entered the locked doors I was immediately aware of a hushed atmosphere and several of the nursing staff appeared visibly upset.

"Where's Dr Ramon," I asked.

"Room five."

I could see the figure of Dr Ramon through the glass of the cubicle called room five and I entered through the door at the front. He was talking to the chief nurse. I looked down at the new patient who had been admitted to the unit overnight.... and froze. It was Heather.

She lay unresponsive on her back attached to a ventilator. A myriad of tubes entered her body. Some pumped drugs into her and others measured her blood pressure and other vital functions. Around her stood banks of pumps and monitors showing any number of vital signs.

I did not want to interrupt Dr Ramon's flow, so I listened. I was so shocked I don't recall everything he said. I heard the words septic shock. multiple organ failure, respiratory failure, and renal failure. haemodiafiltration, inotropic support, triple antibiotic cover, and blood cultures but did not have to hear them to know that the frail tiny-looking individual in the bed was extremely likely to die.

I suddenly felt sick and dry-mouthed and heart pounding I left the room.

Even in my anguish, I knew I had to pull myself together.... and quickly! In a matter of minutes, I would be in charge of Heather's ongoing critical care, and this would have to be done clinically and dispassionately. There is no room for emotional involvement in an intensive care unit. It crossed my mind to disqualify myself from her treatment but that would mean admitting my feelings for Heather; feelings only Faith suspected. I also desperately wanted to help her by doing what I was trained to do and what I did best.

As I had been thinking I had been walking down the main hospital corridor and found myself outside the door of the hospital chapel. For the first time in many years, I felt the need to pray.

***

I closed the Chapel door behind me and entered the chapel. it was a small dimly lit room with a couple of dozen chairs in rows of six standing in front of a simple altar behind which on the wall stood a large wooden cross. I sat quietly and felt myself slowly calm down in the tranquil environment of the place, and then I knelt and prayed.

I asked God for forgiveness for not having prayed recently and for the forgiveness of my sins and I asked God to spare Heather and let her live.

"I love her so very much and I never told her. Please don't let it be too late."

Then I asked for strength and guidance to help me do my very best in the coming days.

As I rose from my knees to stand I heard the chapel door close quietly behind me. Somebody else had been in the room whilst I was praying, and I wondered what they had heard. I didn't have time to dwell on it because when I looked at my watch and it was approaching eight o'clock and time for the formal handover of care, so I hurried back to the unit.

As I reached the ICU door I heard footsteps behind me and then a familiar voice called gently out to me

"Doctor"

I turned and was astonished to see Heather standing in front of me. Tears were running down her face and she was extremely distressed. My first thought was that there had been a miracle worked, but I discarded the idea almost immediately.

"Heather?"

"Yes."

"Then who?"

"My identical twin sister Georgie. Please save her. She's all the family I've got left. I'm going to the chapel to say a prayer."

***

As I returned to work my mind was a turmoil of thoughts. I was so happy that it was not Heather lying in room five but guilty that I was glad it was her sister and not her. I was unhappy to see Heather so upset over the likely death of her twin and wondered if they had made their peace following her sister's betrayal. I resolved to put all of this mental baggage away and do my job.

I took a deep breath, cleared my mind, and entered the unit.

Georgie Watson was extremely unwell, but she was strong and young, and we were able to stabilise her condition. it was thought that she had developed sepsis (or blood poisoning) following an insect bite on her ankle a couple of days before.

In the mid-morning, I went to talk to Heather who was sitting in the visitor's lounge. Faith was sitting with her, keeping her company, and providing moral support.

"You know the score," I said. "Georgie's stable. Her blood pressure is up, and her sats are good. She's going to need the ventilator and hemodiafiltration for the foreseeable future. She's on dopamine, dobutamine, and antibiotics. I can't make any promises. If she goes off it could be very quick and recovery if it happens will be slow. Her chances are not great. I'm sorry but that's how it is. I can promise you that we'll all do our best. But..... continue to pray."

I paused......."Do you have any questions?"

"Can I see her?" she asked.

"I don't see why not. But you can't be involved in her nursing care. You are far too close," I replied.

Faith chipped in. "Don't you need some time off?"

"No, I'm best working it will distract me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Sister. Earlier this week when you sent me home I felt her pain and suffering, and I knew she was ill. She and I have been suffering for a while now. She's at peace in there right now. No pain" ...... Her voice trailed off and she sat for a moment with a thoughtful look on her face. "Is it ok to see her now?"

I took her through to Georgie's bedside where I pulled up a chair and she sat. As I turned to walk away and leave them alone I saw her take Georgie's hand in hers and gently whisper. "Wake up, Georgie. I love you. I'm sorry."

I felt like an intruder as I closed the cubicle door behind me and walked back to the nursing station which sat in the centre of the unit.

***

The following day I was sitting alone at a table in the canteen eating lunch. It is a characteristic of many hospital doctors working at that time that we ate quickly, and I was no exception and was shovelling food into my mouth. There were two reasons for this. One was that my bleep could go off at any moment calling me back to an emergency and the other was that the canteen food was tasteless and not worth savouring anyway.

I was about to get up when I saw Heather approaching the table holding a tray of food.

"May I join you, Alex?"

"Of course."

I expected her to ask me how her sister was doing but she surprised me when she spoke.

"I'm going through a difficult time at the moment and what I'm going to say is very difficult for me, but still has to be said and If I don't say it now I'm scared I never will. I seem to be doing a lot of apologising lately and I owe you an apology too. I've treated you badly through no fault of your own. I had my reasons but everything that has happened has forced me to take a hard look at myself."

She paused, took a deep breath, and continued. "I'm damaged goods and have caused nothing but hurt to the people around me. Before I started to work here I worked at the District General and was going out with a guy who worked there. He was a medical reg and I loved him. Then one day I found him in bed with Georgie and I finished with him, and I haven't spoken to her since. Not one single word.

We are identical twins, and we have a special link that other people don't have. From the time we were young children we each felt what the other was feeling. I felt her joy and pain and she mine, even when we were miles apart. For the last year I have lived with her guilt and my anger, and so has she. I could have stopped it, but I didn't. I was blind to the suffering I was causing each one of us.

Now because of a tiny insect, she is lying in a coma somewhere between life and death feeling nothing, and I feel nothing but guilt. I just want the chance to make my peace with her.

And then there's you. I know you like me, and I like you too, but I couldn't find it in myself to trust you. It was nothing about you. It was about my ex. He hurt me in the worst possible way even though he may think he had his reasons.