The Power of Steve - Broken Husband Pt. 08

-The power of Steve. Conclusion,

So, would I do it again. Yes.

My life with my husband was very nice, he provided for me in a way that took care of nearly all my needs. We had a wonderful home, went on luxurious vacations. Our 3 children were beautiful and loving and were doing well. Amongst our friends and family, we were the perfect marriage and family. Brett was also quite sexy, and could have been a male model. He though, had a very dark side. He was worried about the future, always saving and planning. He struggled to be happy. He was hurt emotionally as a child by his divorcing parents who quarreled and used him as bait. He felt abandoned and really never trusted anyone. He struggled constantly to be happy. I would worry often that he might one day just kill himself, and this scared me to death. I tried to be the happy one all the time, particularly when he was down. We had amazing sex, his body was beautiful and he was super strong. He had real passion and would try to completely take care of me, sexually and in every way possible.

But Brett was not fully living, he was in a constant cloud of darkness. When we met, I was stuck by Brett's beauty, and his presence as a stoic and intelligent young man. He seemed confident -- he had money, had an important job and goals. He was hiding though, something that I only discovered later in our marriage... depression. Deep depression that he could not shake, and I could not solve.

Steve on the other hand was alive, and full of joy. He was full of living, and playing. He was always surrounded by friends, and was always the most gregarious man in the room. He would lead the fun and laughter, he would share with everyone and would worry about tomorrow when it was tomorrow. He might not have known all the facts and history stats that my husband did, but that didn't matter to him. He lived for now. Steve's beauty was beyond any man I'd ever seen, every single piece of his body was amazing like a god. But it was more than physical, he exuded pleasure, and happiness, that seemed to solve all issues. For me, I finally felt alive again. Worrying about our careers, our savings, and all other dilemmas that were so constant with my husband were 100% gone with Steve. Of course the sex was beyond amazing, but that was just the representation of Steve's exuberant view of life -- live it fully, enjoy it all now, be alive.

Years later, my children were all married, and began to have children of their own. They would send me announcements of new babies. I was saddened that I was missing all of this, deeply saddened. I did not know, but Steve was working in the background to help rekindle my relations with my children, as he knew how important they were to me. He of course was successful in winning my kids over, as they (my kids) were also impressed with this man, and how thoughtful he was about caring for my happiness, and that while we weren't at the same financial success level as I was before, Steve and I clearly were happy. Our children knew and could see this.

Finally, Steve and I were invited to my daughter's house for a Thanksgiving. I was beyond joy to go, and see all of them. I arrived nearly 2 hours early. I stood at the front door, scared to death to knock. Steve knocked for me, and eagerly greeted my daughter, and my son in law, they has 3 kids, my grandchildren all standing around them. I burst into tears. My daughter reached out to hug me, and I grabbed her and held her so close, oh my god, it was amazing to hold my daughter again. I just balled crying, sobbing, uncontrollably for what seemed to be a long time. Steve and my son-in-law, and my 3 grandchildren all gathered around me into a big group hug, all showing their love for me. I was being hugged by all of them at once. This was the beginning of the rebirth of my relationship with my children. When my sons arrived, I repeated this same group hug experience with me whaling in tears with each of them. They know I loved them so deeply, and that I missed them so deeply as well.

Later, long after the Thanksgiving dinner, after all the dishes were done, it was now late. We sat in the living room. My daughter then asked me. "Do you miss dad?, because I do"

"Oh my god honey, I sure do. Your father was an amazing man. I always loved you father so much. I know you also know he suffered with some very dark depression. He and I worked hard at times to help him see through his depression. Please don't misunderstand my words here. But for the love of your father, I do think he is in a better place. I never meant to hurt him, but I know I did, and I am responsible for so much pain, for him and for all of you. I know that I can never be forgiven, nor should I be."

My 3 kids were now out of control with crying and weeping uncontrollably, they were so shaken by my comments. I know though that they already knew my words were true. There was no denying that their father had suffered in life, and struggled to be happy, to make friends, to trust people and to just simply enjoy life.

Steve had his hand on my back gently rubbing me, with a loving gesture, but keeping his eyes down as to not interfere with the deep bonding that was occurring with my kids and me.

My daughter then said something that changed my life forever, "Mom, I have hated you for killing dad, for ruining our lives, for torturing all of us with your selfish sex crazed life with this man. I have been so full of anger, and I finally need this resolved. I cannot live hating you. Mom, I forgive you. I want us to be a family again."

The end.

-The power of Steve. Conclusion,