The Price of Fame

"Aileen and I aren't married, doctor; not yet anyway. She is however my soul mate and we are engaged. It's really just a matter of when our finances are right. I believe Aileen would like a big wedding with all the trimmings."

"Oh, I see, I'm sorry. I didn't realise. Aileen talks of you as if you two are married. I have to ask myself, technically should I be discussing her case with you." The doctor consulted Aileen's notes. "Well, she has listed you as her next of kin, so I can't see any particular reason not to. And you do appear to be the most important person in her life just now."

"As I understand Aileen's problems, she has always been a little disappointed with the attributes that nature has taken it upon itself to bestow on her. And regretfully, lately she's been mixing with some rather well endowed and unfortunately outspoken women at her office."

"What are you telling me? That Aileen's depressed because she doesn't think her breasts are big enough?"

"Yes and no, Mr Price. The size of her breasts is just part of her problem. She lost her twin brother a couple of years ago, and she has taken that quite badly. I don't know if you or even Aileen come to that, realises it, but you, besides being her soul mate, had taken over her brother's role in her life."

"You said had!"

"Yes, something happened that has made Aileen feel that you no longer trust her. She feels that the close connection that she felt the pair of you had has been ... damaged somehow.

"What you mean is, that she doesn't love me anymore?"

"No, no, quite the reverse, Mr Price. Aileen loves you just as much as she ever did. But she thinks that you don't love her as much as she first thought you did; she's got it into her mind that you can't love her because of her flawed body ... or to be precise, the size of her breasts. I know it might sound completely illogical from your prospective, but didn't you get angry with Aileen when you thought that there had been some kind of competition she took part in, where the size of the women participants attributes were being compared."

"Hey, shit, no ... well, yes, I did get annoyed, but we soon straightened that out. Christ, anyone would get angry if they thought that the woman they loved was letting all and sundry feel her up in public, or anywhere else come to that."

"Ah, well, there you have Aileen's problem ... well, one of them. She's got it into her head that you were embarrassed that other people would find out how small her breasts really are."

"That's ridiculous! I was angry because I thought she'd let some stranger feel her up."

"Ridiculous to you maybe, Mr Price, but you haven't got Aileen's phobia about the size of her breasts. That's the trouble with phobias of this kind; all logical thought goes out of the window. She's disappointed with her breasts and so she naturally assumes that you are as well. When you got annoyed with her, her unconscious mind changed the root cause of that anger, not to what you mistakenly thought she'd allowed to happen, but the size of her breasts becoming common knowledge and causing you embarrassment."

"Oh, this is stupid, when we ... you know ... I'm always telling her how much I love her breasts just the way they are. I'm not daft, I know she'd like them to be a little bigger, but I'm perfectly happy with them. Jesus, they'll probably get bigger anyway when she has children. Don't they always?"

"You tell Aileen that often, that you're happy with the size of her breasts?"

"Yeah, every time we make love, and any other opportunity I get as well. I know she'd like them to be bigger, but I think they are great and try to reassure her of the fact at almost every opportunity that presents itself."

"Well, regretfully, Aileen has taken your frequent assurances as proof that you would like them to be bigger. She's taken those comments of yours as you trying to be kind and trying to reassure her."

"Let me get this straight. Are you trying to tell me that the more I tell Aileen that I think her figure is perfect; the more she believes that I'm lying to her?"

"That's about it, Mr Price. It's not logical, I know, but Aileen has got a complex which, as you know, are by their very nature illogical; most phobias are to everyone but that actual sufferer."

"Whatever you say will only convince Aileen more that her breasts aren't large enough for your liking. She's ashamed of that part of her body, so no matter how illogical it sounds to you, she's convinced that everyone else must feel the same way as she does."

"It's not really an unusual kind off phobia. It falls within a group that includes anorexics and some males who get it into their heads that their penis is, er, to be found wanting. No matter how much an anorectic is told by others that they are under weight they are convinced that they are overweight and therefore ugly. And you would not believe the lengths some men will go to because they believe that they are under-endowed, no matter how much their wives and girlfriends tell them that they aren't. I'm afraid the porn industry and a few real freaks who should have a complex have lot to answer for."

"Jesus, Aileen's got a figure that most women I know would kill for. Not that I'm in the habit of discussing other women's figures with them."

"You don't have to tell me, Mr Price. When I was Aileen's age, I'd have given anything to have a figure like hers. But you must remember she lived a very sheltered life and from what I understand she was also a late developer. From our little chats I've learned that she had some very vicious and cruel comments made to her when she was a young girl. I believe she drew solace from her brother, who if I understand things correctly was also what you so eloquently describe as, a bit of a geek."

"Yeah, well, so was I, until I met Aileen and I was always shy around girls. We were both quite geeky when we met and didn't mix with other people very well at all. Maybe that's why we gravitated to each other in the first place. Aileen used to dress like an old maid most of the time; she's loosened up a bit now, but she still tends to dress a little on the conservative side, if you understand me."

"Oh, I understand you perfectly, Mr Price, but you must understand the old maid that you remember isn't the real Aileen. It was a sort of camouflage so that people wouldn't notice her; or rather she thought that they didn't see her. If I understand it correctly, Aileen didn't start to come out of her shell until after you two got together. She's changed herself as much as she dares to please you, not because she thought she'd ever be able to fit in with other people's ideas of what a twenty-three year old should look and act like. Inside Aileen is still very introverted and unsure of herself."

"So what can you do about it?"

"Me, very little, Mr Price. I can try to reassure her and you must do the same. As far as her phobia about her body goes, well, there's only one answer for that, although I'd hesitate to suggest it."

"If it's a cure, why can't you?"

"Mr Price, the obvious answer to Aileen's phobia concerning her breast size is implants. But the problem there is, will she ever be happy once she starts down the surgical road? What will be next, her nose or maybe her ears? Or it could be that she'll get the idea that the implants aren't big enough or maybe even too big. Do you understand where I'm going here? Aileen feels that her body isn't what she would like it to be and once she starts to have it surgically enhanced, when will she want to stop? Look at what Michael Jackson has finished up doing to himself and there's plenty more people like him out there, I can assure you."

"And, there is the distinct possibility that there could be another underlying cause for Aileen's feelings of inadequacy. Although I'm tempted to believe most of her problems come from her disappointment in her figure and the teasing and bullying she obviously underwent as a child because of her late puberty."

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Chapter 03

I'm not sure, but I believe that it must have been our own doctor who suggested to Aileen that she have breast augmentation surgery - implants to the likes of us mere mortals. I suppose he and the shrink discussed Aileen's case together, but if they did, I was left out of those discussions. Had Aileen and I been married at the time, I suspect that I would have been included.

However Aileen was delighted by the suggestion and couldn't wait to have the surgery done. Oh, on the NHS by the way, so it took a good few months to organise. We didn't have that kind of cash available at the time. I was saving to have a large extension built onto the cottage; well, we both loved the cottage and we'd need more room when it was time for Aileen to have children.

I can't say that I was overly enthusiastic about the operation at all. Especially baring in mind some of the comments the shrink had made to me on the subject. Looking back now, I only wish I'd been a little more ... er, forceful in expressing my views that the surgery was not really necessary. But that might be my selfish side coming to the fore, because ultimately I was to turn out to be the only loser in the whole escapade.

Aileen had the operation done in a London hospital. They kept her in for over two weeks because she developed an infection after the op, although the infection — an abscess under one of her wisdom teeth - took everyone somewhat by surprise and wasn't medically connected to the implants in anyway. Unless Aileen's anxiety about having the operation had set the thing off. Anyway once the infection had subsided and the tooth removed, Aileen was fine.

The problem was that I was very busy at work at the time and I couldn't get up to visit her as much as I'd like to have done.

Aileen was overjoyed about her new breasts and couldn't wait to show them off to everyone, within reason obviously, although I gathered that most of her girlfriends saw them in a little more detail than any other guys except me did. Low cut blouses and tight jumpers were added to her wardrobe remarkably quickly; Aileen had some cleavage to show off and she really seemed to enjoy the comments that were frequently made. I was soon to notice that her hemline rose more than a little as well.

It was about this time that someone - I can't remember who it was exactly - pointed out Aileen's uncommon similarity or likeness to Jennifer Love Hewitt. Not that I had any idea who the guy was talking about at the time, but some curious research on the Internet soon told me that she was an American actress and singer. And that she did hold a truly remarkable resemblance to my Aileen; who you think looks like whom depends on your perspective.

Whatever from looking at the pictures of Love Hewitt that I found on the net, she liked to display a fair bit of cleavage just as Aileen had begun to favour. Although in Aileen's case, I thought that she liked the reassurance of looking down at that cleavage to make sure that they were still there.

Just a few months after Aileen's op, all traces of her depression had disappeared completely. And I began to think that Aileen should have had the operation years before, because her whole personality had changed so much. She seemed to be permanently on a high and all of her funny moods had disappeared, even at that particular time of the month.

About this time, things had begun to change in my life as well. Some months before Aileen's op, I'd sent a manuscript of a novel I'd written to Rhoda Steel. She liked it and signed me up on an interim contract whilst she tried to sell it to a publisher. Eventually she'd sold it to some little known magazine for them to publish in serial form.

At first I was a little disappointed. But then just after the third instalment had been published, Stella had come back again to inform me that she'd sold an option on my second novel to a completely different publisher, on the strength of the synopsis and the drafts of the first two chapters that I'd sent her. They were also keen on buying options on my next two novels should the first prove successful. Mind they had only purchased an option on my second novel; they'd have to accept the finished version.

Aileen was on top of the world when I told her the news. It seemed that with the unexpected boost the option money was going to make to my bank account we could afford to get rolling on having the extension to the cottage built and start planning our wedding. We went out that evening for a pukka slap-up meal. I think everyone in both our families was pleased to hear that we'd finally set a date.

It was that second novel that was to be the root cause of me using a different name in my by-line. Stella and the new publisher suggested that it would be a good idea to distance myself as much as possible from the story published in the magazine for the time being at least.

It was Aileen who suggested that I use her brother's Christian name, Duncan, for my main character; we both thought it would be a nice tribute to him. King, his surname, was my mother's maiden name. Stella came up with the idea of using the same name in my by-line; the story was written in the first person anyway so, at the time, I thought it was a good idea. Little did I realise that Warren Price was going to vanish and be replaced by Duncan King.

It was several weeks later before what I consider to be step number two in the actual break-up of our relationship happened. I was away that weekend, actually doing some location research for my novel and Aileen had gone down to the shopping precinct in town that Saturday morning with a couple of her friends from work. They were approached by some woman who claimed that she was working for some photographic model agency and she invited the three of them to some kind of an audition.

One of her friends refused, but Aileen and her other friend attended the audition just for the kick. To both girls' utter consternation they were invited to go onto the company's books as models.

When I heard the news, I was pretty sceptical at first. I heard plenty of stories about these dodgy modelling agencies that invited gullible people onto their books and then charged them the earth to have a portfolio taken; then they never heard from the agency again. To my utter surprise this agency didn't charge the girls anything, though they did recoup the cost from the first few photo shoots both girls did.

What surprised me were both Aileen and her friend getting bookings so quickly. As it turned out the woman who'd approached them was quite respected in the business and had been in the process of setting up on her own after a fall out with the partnership she had been running for sometime. She'd apparently taken some of the partnerships pretty big clients along with her; although most of the models were tied to the partnership by their contracts. Aileen and her friend had apparently stepped into the lift on the ground floor.

Both girls got so much work that they soon had to throw up their full time jobs. The modelling work wasn't exactly constant, but it paid surprisingly well, although I was to learn that the models who were in most demand would be paid far more than some of the others. Aileen and her friend turned out to be very popular with the clients and photographers.

It wasn't all photographic or fashion show work that Aileen was booked for; actually most of it was mundane promotional work. One day early on for instance, Aileen had to stand by a racing car holding a lollipop sign with a racing driver's name on it. That was the first time that I saw Aileen on the television; she was in the background holding that sign whilst the TV presenter interviewed another driver. But I actually thought that the TV cameraman's attention was more on Aileen's cleavage and long legs than the driver being interviewed.

The first time that I had any reservations about what Aileen was doing was when she modelled for a fashion company's sales catalogue. A few days after the shoot an envelope arrived with copies of the prints that had been chosen for use in the catalogue and I was somewhat taken aback to see that some of them were of Aileen in some very sexy and extremely revealing underwear. I'd seen most of the underwear and dresses, of course, because Aileen had been given some of the clothes they'd modelled gratis. Either the company or the photographer hoped to ensure that she'd accept the booking with them again in the future.

But I found it quite disconcerting to see pictures of my soon to be wife dressed in skimpy underwear that were going to be given away for every pervert and little shit in the world to drool over. Oh, come on, every young kid grabs his mummy's or elder sister's fashion catalogue when no one's around and turns straight to the underwear section. Still it was a done deal and it was far too late for me to object.

A few weeks or maybe a month or so went by and Aileen was working maybe six days a week. I can't be too sure because at that time I was flogging myself to death. I had my normal job during the day and most of the rest of the time I was battling to meet the deadline on my second novel. And it could be that I was getting a little cranky through loss of sleep. I know that Aileen's and my sex life had taken one hell of a dive and that was all of my doing. I was too bleeding tired most of the time.

Regretfully Aileen's sex drive had taken an up turn, possibly because she felt so good about herself. We did have sex fairly often, but I'll admit that that was virtually all it was: sex. Aileen would invite me to join her in bed by wearing one of her sexy outfits and I would be only too happy to follow her to the bedroom. But I couldn't afford to spend as much time as I would like over the act of making love and had to get back to my novel. Alternatively, I'd fall asleep almost as soon as the deed was done.

So you see things weren't quite as harmonious as they could be when Aileen told me that she'd been asked to go out to the Caribbean somewhere to pose for the calendar. The particular calendar and its usual photographer in question had become quite famous by then. The models - many quite famous ones had appeared on the calendar over the years — were nearly always pictured nude. But I might add the poses were very artistic and very tastefully done.

Now I don't want anyone to get the idea that that particular calendar could be considered pornographic in anyway. The pictures in it were almost considered works of art, and anyone could display one just about anywhere. Actually the things were very popular and in great demand. Appearing as a month girl on that calendar could make Aileen's career.

However the model did have to be naked and I knew that there wouldn't be just the photographer on the set. I expressed my concern to Aileen that those lighting guys, hairdressers, runners and the like, would see her in the nude.

"Jesus, Warren, what's new? Do you think they don't see us changing when we do those underwear ads? It would take all day if we had to keep running back to a dressing room for every change and those people are back stage when we are doing those quick changes at the fashion shows, didn't you realise?" Aileen replied.

Okay, now you must remember that it was getting near to the deadline for my novel and I was mentally exhausted. I'm afraid that I lost the plot - and my temper - and went loopy when Aileen gave me that bit of information. I have no idea of the actual words I used. Suffice to say I told her she'd go on that calendar photo-shoot over my dead body or we were through. I know I was speaking in anger, but that was how I felt at the time: angry, that is. The trouble was that anger stayed with me for many days following that evening.