The Private Dick

I have always loved the old dime paperbacks so thought I'd try my hand at writing one. If it isn't your thing, thanks for looking but move on. Otherwise, hope you enjoy.

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Chapter 1: The Dame

The neon sign flashed on and off outside the second story building throwing a strange pattern on the musty walls of the old office. The hand painted advertisement on the window showed signs of neglect and stored an ample supply of dirt and dust for the taking. Even the alley rats had left the building and moved on to bigger and better things. Evening had finally arrived and the rain continued to fall on a long forgotten street.

The quiet of his office was disturbed by the ringing of the phone. Al Johnson looked toward the sound coming from the plain black instrument sitting on the edge of his desk. He stared at it as if he hardly ever heard it ring. Truth be known, he hardly ever did. Once more the ringing broke the quiet of the evening.

Al stirred in his chair and said, "You planning on answering that doll?"

From beneath the desk his secretary removed her pouty red lips from around Al's stiff cock. As she reached for the phone she said, "Does a gal have to do everything around here?"

She picked up the receiver and putting on her best fake smile said, "Johnson's Private Eye Service, how may we help you?" She looked rather put out as she listened to the caller.

After several minutes she placed her hand over the receiver and whispered, "You want to see this dame tonight or tomorrow?"

Al knew he didn't get many calls from people wanting his services. Usually it was another bill collector trying to ruin his day or take some of his already depleted bank account.

Figuring his secretary could finish sucking his dick before the client showed up, he said, "Yeah, tell her to come on over."

"Mr. Johnson could see you this evening if you like. Yes, twenty minutes should be plenty of time, I mean, that will be just fine. You know where we're located? See you then."

Placing the receiver back on its cradle she slid down below the desk and resumed the blowjob. Al's cock was still standing as tall as the flagpole in front of the mayor's office. She spit on his dick and proceeded to move her lips up and down his shaft. Al began squirming in the chair as if his butt was on fire.

She began rubbing his balls like she was kneading dough. He remembered why he didn't care she couldn't type for shit and didn't have much of a personality. Her hands, however, were pure magic and her mouth was to kill for. As she increased the speed of her lips his cock was ready to explode just like a cheap firecracker.

"Damn baby, you get better and better at this. Looks like practice does make perfect," he said trying to sound like he was in control. "Go baby, suck on that dick."

She looked up at him and taking his cock from her mouth she said, "Whatever you say Al."

When he came it felt like his balls had burst and he thought he would never stop. She acted like she'd been without anything to drink for days and proceeded to take every drop of his cum without hesitation. He tried not to make too much noise even though there was no one else in the run down building but the two of them. His moaning seemed to echo throughout the building as he emptied his load into her wet mouth.

"Fuck sweet heart, you were outstanding. Remind me to give you a raise when we get some work," he was finally able to say.

As she rose from the desk she looked like a cat that had just finished a bowl of cream. She wiped his cum from the corners of her mouth and straightened her tight fitting skirt.

She glanced at him and said in a nonchalant tone, "Looks like I'm the one that gave you the raise."

She shuffled back to the outer office and sat back down at her desk.

Al buttoned up his pants and ran his hand through his dark hair. He looked like he had kissed a bus while it was moving toward him. His shirt hadn't seen a washing machine in days and his pants looked like they were in dire need of meeting an iron. He sat back down in his chair and wondered what kind of trouble this dame was in that would cause her to want his services.

There was an almost timid tap at the door. She didn't wait for an invitation, she simply eased through the open door and stood quietly observing the drab surroundings.

The best way to describe how she looked was to check in the dictionary under "Brick Shithouse". There you would find her picture. She had short curly red hair which matched her ruby red lips. Eyes that were so engaging they would make a freight train take a dirt road just to follow them.

A skirt so tight you could see her slip had butterfly designs on it. She wore silk stockings that covered gams that went all the way up to her round ass. And you could hear the buttons on her blouse straining to keep her large tits under control.

She spoke in almost a whisper, "Mr. Johnson?"

The secretary paused doing her nails just long enough to point into the room where Al was trying to become presentable. This was a task which would require more time than he had at the moment.

"Come on in Miss."

She moved like a fashion model walking down a long runway. Her hips swayed back and forth as she moved toward the chair located in front of Al's desk. As she moved her butt looked like two kittens wrestling in a burlap bag. She had the moves that made men on the street stop and stare as she walked past them.

She eased down in the chair like she was sliding into a warm bath, crossed her legs and gave Al the once over.

"Well, I didn't catch the name," Al said trying not to stare at her large, firm hooters peeking at him from over her lace bra.

"My name is Mrs. Noobs," she said in a high squeaky voice, appearing to be talking to no one in particular.

"Well Mrs. Noobs what can I do for you?

She readjusted her ass in the chair and cleared her throat. Leaning forward toward him she said, "I think my husband is cheating on me and I want you to find out if he is or not. You see, I am rather well off and, if he is, I can divorce him without having to pay him one red cent."

Al was hoping for a missing person case or even a murder. Cases involving adultery were either boring or too messy to deal with. But since his stomach wanted to eat and he needed to pay the rent, he knew he'd be taking the case.

"I get a "C" note a day plus expenses. And I'll provide all the evidence you'll need one way or the other."

He was waiting for a reaction when, without any hesitation, she reached in her purse and pulled out a wad of money that could gag a large horse. She casually peeled off three $100 bills and handed them to him.

"Will this be enough of an advance?" she said shyly.

Al hesitated for a few seconds. He hadn't seen that much money since he found that rich dame's lost dog two years ago. He leaned across the desk and took the money. As he did he smelled the most exotic perfume coming from her. He lingered taking in her aroma before she finally leaned back in her chair.

"Would you like to take down some information regarding my husband?"

When Al finally came back from his fantasy where he was helping to undress her, he asked her to proceed.

"His name is Duke Noobs. He's 42 years old, about 5 foot 11, maybe 280, with gray thinning hair. He works at the Shagnasty Advertizing Agency over on Main."

Al jotted down the information and had started to go back to his fantasy about removing her clothes. Unfortunately for him she stood up, picked up one of his business cards and turned for the door.

"Then I'll expect to hear from you in a few days," she said as she glided toward the exit.

As he watched her tight ass walk away Al thought to himself, "This broad has one fine caboose, why would her knuckle head husband want to fuck anything but her?"

As Mrs. Noobs closed the door behind her, Al yelled at his secretary, "That's all for today doll, tomorrow I'm on the job."

He could hear his secretary gathering her things and moving for the door.

"Good, maybe I'll be able to pay my rent now instead of having to fuck my landlord!" she said as she left the office.

Al knew his landlord would be looking for him if he went home. He looked over at the Goodwill couch and thought there was no way he was going home. He pulled himself up off the chair and curled up on the musty old couch. He went to sleep thinking of Mrs. Noobs.

Chapter 2: The Husband or He's Like a Turd in

a Punch Bowl

Although he felt like he'd slept on a pool table and looked like he had tied one on the night before, he was on the job even before the roosters were up and about. He had followed Mr. Noobs when the man left for work. Noobs' office looked like the Daily Plant building off the Superman TV show. As Noobs entered the office building, Al settled down in his car across the street to wait.

The day had crawled along with no action at all. Al had almost finished the crossword puzzle he'd been messing with when Noobs finally exited the building. He figured the guy would be heading home and Al would have wasted the entire day watching the outside of a very dull, very gray, very large building.

Noobs got into his car but instead of heading east toward his house he turned and went west into the setting sun. Al's ears perked up like a bloodhound that had just found the scent. I knew that dirt bag was as crooked as a paperclip.

"Where was this peckerwood headed," Al said to no one in particular.

After a trip through the city Noobs stopped and parked in front of the Ritz Hotel. The Ritz had seen better days. There was no longer a doorman and no telling when it had come in contact with a paintbrush. Noobs slid out of his car and literally skipped up the steps of the place like a kid at recess.

By the time he gathered his camera case and entered the hotel Noobs was nowhere in sight. Al checked the Dining Room and even peeked in the Men's Room. No Noobs.

Al headed for the Front Desk. There he saw a nerdy looking kid in a sharply pressed uniform. The kid was sorting mail. He didn't look like the sharpest knife in the drawer which was usually the case when it came to the night shift people.

Al put on his best official looking face and said to the kid, "You in charge?"

The kid set down the stack of mail he was sorting and looked rather blankly at Al.

"What?" the kid said with a blank look on his face. "Yea I guess that would be me. What you need sir?"

Trying to sound like J. Edgar Hoover Al said, "I'm tracking a guy who just came through here. You happen to notice where he headed?"

"Wha'd he do?" the kid said with a curious but concerned look on his face.

Al looked sternly at the young man. "Listen kid, I hate to see you get into trouble for impeding my progress on this case. Did you see where he went or didn't you?"

Al could tell the kid was thinking whether or not he wanted to get involved. While he was thinking Al laid a fiver on the counter. The prospect of cash seemed to help the kid decide.

The pimply faced kid took a deep breath and quickly said, "Well, yea, he comes in here a lot. He probably went up to room 302 like always. He meets a lady up there. Then he leaves about 2 hours later. Not sure of his name, she usually gets here early and gets the same room every time. After she gets the key she leaves this guy an envelope with the spare key in it. He picks it up on his way up to the room. She's really sweet and very pretty."

As the kid finally took a breath Al leaned toward him and in his best official voice said, "Give me the key to the room next door to his and don't ask no questions."

The kid didn't want any trouble so he slid the key to 304 over to Al. As Al headed for the elevator he thought the kid reminded him of when you're walking down a street at night and see a house where all the lights are on but no one is home. That's what Al thought when he looked at the kid.

Al stepped into the elevator and told the operator he wanted the 3rd floor. The old guy running the rickety elevator simply nodded and moved the lever to "3". You could almost hear groaning coming from the elevator as it tried to carry both men to the third floor. Al wasn't sure who or what was older, the old man or the elevator.

Al left the creaky elevator and walked as quiet as his well worn shoes would allow to room 304. He entered quickly. His eyes adjusted to the dim light coming through a small window. As he looked around the room he could see the wallpaper was peeling off the far wall. In addition to a small rickety bed, a small table holding a pitcher and a glass, and a naked bulb hanging from the ceiling, there wasn't much else to the room. He shook his head and finally moved to the wall adjoining the room which should contain Noobs and this broad.

Al picked up the water glass off the night table and placed it up to the wall. He put his ear up to the glass and listened. Just as he hoped, these walls were thin as cheap toilet paper. He could clearly hear voices next door.

"Lean over the bed for daddy baby."

Al thought this must be Noobs. He knew he would have to make some modifications to the room if he was to get the evidence he needed. He reached in his jacket pocket and pulled out a Philips screwdriver. As softly as he could he pushed the tip of the screwdriver through the wall. It went into the wall just like a hot knife through butter. Al figured as crummy as this place was one more hole in the wall won't even be noticed. Once it was through Al moved the screwdriver around to make the hole big enough to see and possibly get some pictures.

Al peered through the hole. Although the other room was dimly lit, he could make out a dame leaned over the bed. She had her legs spread and her high heels planted firmly on the floor. In this position it gave Al a great view of her sweet young ass and long legs. She wore only a pair of Chantilly lace panties, a frilly bra, and stiletto high heels, the kind that could hurt a man if he wasn't careful.

Noobs was standing next to her wearing some ratty looking underwear and black knee high socks. He looked like a guy out of a cheap Mexican porno flick.

"This dame has to be a pro," was Al's first thought. "No doll could find this palooka desirable unless he was paying for it."

Noobs slowly pulled her panties down to the bend behind her knees. He started to rub her ass cheeks in little circles. Al jumped as Noobs suddenly smacked the girl's ass with his open hand.

The gal barely moved and Al could hear her moan. "I like that Baby," she cooed.

Al pulled back from the wall and wondered where this action was going. He also hoped the camera would be able to capture the two together. He went back to spying.

Noobs continued rubbing her ass with small circles, occasionally slapping her fine little butt. Each time his hand wacked her ass both cheeks would quickly bounce up and down. Based on her movements and moans, she was enjoying her spanking. Al noticed her little ass was starting to look like a large strawberry where Noobs was slapping it.

Soon, in between smacking her ass, Noobs moved his hand up and down to her pussy. Al thought it strange neither one of the two were saying much at all. She would let out a quiet yelp that sounded like a small puppy calling for its mother whenever he slapped her. Otherwise, the room was strangely quiet.

Before long Noobs began a rapid fire onslaught on the girl's ass. Loud smacking noises filled the room.

"Oh Baby, please don't hurt me! Please daddy, I'll be good."

"It's alright cutie, you'll be fine," Noobs said in a voice that reminded Al of a hit man telling you everything would be ok just before he offed you.

Noobs moved his hand up between her legs. His hand slowly rubbed her pussy. When she started to sound as if she was humming he asked her, "Do you want my fingers in your wet little twat?"

"Yes Baby, I want what you want."

Al could almost make out Noobs fingers entering her. He began leisurely finger fucking her. He moved his hand slowly at first. Soon her body looked as if her legs wouldn't hold her up anymore. Al could tell, even from where he was, her pussy was getting very wet. As her body started to shake, she began to moan as he quickened his pace with his hand. As he slammed all his fingers in her snatch she would rise off the ground from his thrust.

He continued jamming her pussy with his fingers until she started to muttered, "Oh Baby that feels so good."

Noobs moved his entire hand into her very wet pussy and began to make a punching motion.

"Oh daddy, ahhh, please daddy, please fuck me."

It seemed she really enjoyed getting her snatch pounded. That's when Noobs moved back away from her and completely removed her panties.

"Don't stop, please don't stop now," she seemed to be pleading with him.

Noobs slapped her ass cheek hard as he continued removing her panties. "Quiet doll!"

It was almost like he enjoyed teasing her. He would start giving it to her, and then take it away. Like teasing a puppy with a bone.

Noobs tossed the panties into the corner like they were old news. She stood bent over with that cute little ass exposed for this numnuts to admire. What did she see in this prick?

"Take those shoes and that damn bra off, then lay down doll."

She lay back on the old bed and kicked her shoes off. Smiling at him she slowly took her bra off, tossing it on top of her panties.

Now let me see that sweet pussy of yours," Noobs ordered.

Al moved to get more comfortable. When he again looked through the hole all he could see was the back of Noobs head in between her legs. Noobs was moving his head around like a bobble doll. He put his hands behind her knees and pushed forward. Al could see this brought her pussy and ass up higher for Noobs to get a better view and angle to lick her moist box.

"Oh daddy that feels so good. Be good to me," she was saying as Noobs seemed to be enjoying himself.

Noobs was eating her pussy like a hog at feeding time. Between her moaning and Noobs slurping Al wasn't sure who was having more fun.

Al moved over and grabbed his camera. He hoped there would be enough light in the other room to identify these two in the picture. He pushed the flash bulb into the camera and went back to the hole in the wall.

By this time Noobs had removed his remaining clothes and had crawled up on the girl. His white butt was slowly moving up and down between her long creamy legs. If Al looked closely he could see a dick going in and out of the girl's pussy.

"Baby you got one hot snatch. I love fucking you." Noobs said sounding out of breath already.

"Oh, daddy I love feeling your great big cock in my pussy. Please daddy give it to me hard,."

Al cringed as he could hear Noobs balls slapping up against her wet snatch.

"Fuck me Baby, yea, work that cock deep in me."

Al waited until Noobs crawled off her and was facing the wall. He placed the camera lens up to the hole and snapped the shutter. The bulb flashed and lit up the entire room. Al only hoped Noobs hadn't seen the light through the hole.

Al carefully looked back through the wall fully expecting an eyeball to be looking back.

Noobs had the girl on her hands and knees and was again fingering her pussy. He looked like a kid in a candy store. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"Oh daddy, that feels so good. You make me so wet," she purred.

He started kissing her ass as he moved his hand in and out of her pussy. Sitting in this position Noobs was facing the wall, so Al tried taking several more shots with the camera. Noobs was too interested in the girl to even notice the flash of the camera.

Noobs moved his hand from the girl's slit and started rubbing around her tiny asshole.

"Do you like that doll?" he asked her in a sweet sickly voice.