The Renfield Syndrome Ch. 08

"Yeah, so I've seen," David said softly. He didn't know Lucas well enough to try comforting him on such a deeply emotional matter, but he could smell the man's grief and knew it ran deep and bit to the bone. "You've helped me a lot already, if I can ever return the favor please say so."

"It's kind of you to offer, David. Cultivate that kindness because the Beast has none. Your own humanity will be your armor and your willpower your sword. You must always strive to be better than the Beast, to temper its savagery with mercy, its brutality with compassion. To be a monster is the easy path, to be a man is much much harder." Lucas rose from the sofa and crossed to the bar, pouring himself a finger of amber liquor from a crystal decanter and downing it. "I am being an ungracious host, please forgive me. If you would like to take a shower and put on some fresh clothes, my home is yours."

David suddenly realized that he was still covered in blood that the rain hadn't washed away, he had grime and gore in his hair and under his fingernails, and he stunk to high heaven of his own vomit. As offensive as he was to his own nose, he suspected Lucas' offer was an entreaty in disguise. "Yes, thank you. I don't know if the cops are after me or what. I don't know if it's safe to go home."

"I'll make a call while you shower," Lucas offered. "Angelique always makes a point of maintaining servants in law enforcement. There are currently two, I believe you met them."

"Dickie and Doyle", David grumbled. "And the taser was unnecessary."

"They can at least let us know if your name comes up on any wanted lists. And Angelique has other connections of course, some of them quite influential. We have lived in this city since the days of the lumber barons, and she has had plenty of opportunity to cultivate her influence in high positions. The ferals may be the lowest of the low, but here in Seattle there are very wealthy and powerful people with a taste for what Angelique has to offer. Indeed, were she inclined to exert more direct control over this city, she would be its master in a fortnight."

"God, she's really that powerful?" David asked.

"This city was built in her shadow," Lucas said. "She's an integral part of it and were she to disappear, the power vacuum she would leave behind might tear it apart."

Lucas showed David to the large bathroom and left him to tend to himself. David turned the hot water up as high as it would go, and finding the blistering spray more than comfortable, he stood beneath the showerhead letting it wash the last of the neo-Nazis away. There was an array of expensive shampoos and body washes at hand, and it struck him that Lucas was a connoisseur of fine fragrances. David lathered up with one that had a soothing aroma of vanilla and sandalwood, washed his hair with something orange-y, and emerged from the shower feeling almost human again. Drying off with a luxuriously thick towel, David discovered that Lucas had hung a fresh shirt and pair of pants on the inside of the door. The shirt was royal blue and felt like silk, while the pants were black and only slightly tight on him. David dressed gratefully and exited the bathroom to find Lucas in the parlor seated on the couch, drawing deeply from the mouthpiece of the hookah.

God, he really IS a gorgeous man, David thought to himself as he caught sight of Lucas' profile. His features looked as if sculpted from fine mahogany, and whoever had done his complex mosaic of tattoos was no less than a master artist. The intricate 3D patterns seemed to dance across his skin with every movement of his lean swimmer's body, and the effect was fascinating. Lucas' face was youthful, but his eyes held the weight of years - nay, centuries - of hard experience, and yet still managed to be warm. David retook the seat next to him and said, "Thank you, the shower really makes a difference."

"Of course, David," Lucas said, exhaling a huge cloud of spice-scented smoke and offering the mouthpiece. "If you would like to partake, you are welcome to. It's black opium, I find it soothing."

"I've never tried it, but soothing sounds nice. I've drank so much today that I should be in the emergency room getting my stomach pumped about now. But I hardly even feel drunk anymore, I guess I should get used to that."

"Alcohol does tend to wear off rather quickly," Lucas said. "I've found many drugs lack the desired potency I seek. Heroin is effective, if debilitating, as are some of the stronger opioids such as fentanyl. And this concoction, of course."

David accepted the mouthpiece and drew deeply on it, finding the taste remarkably pleasant, and exhaled with a brief coughing fit that left him feeling lightheaded. "Thank you," he said again when he was able.

"You are very welcome," Lucas said. "I have ascertained that it should be safe for you to go home for now, there are no APBs out for your arrest. I will give you a ride or if you would prefer, you are welcome to stay here, my home is yours."

"I guess I should be tired, I've been awake for..." David tried to calculate the time in his head and was astonished to see how little had passed. The last 36 hours had been eventful to say the least. "How long can we go without sleep?"

"Quite a long time, but I strongly discourage it. Your body can survive an extended period without ill effects, but your mind is another story. It needs rest, especially if you are to resist the Beast's demands. Staying awake for days on end is something the ferals do, and I believe it contributes greatly to their condition."

"God, Lucas, I don't want to be one of them," David said with a note of despair. "I'll do anything to not be one of them. Just please, tell me what to do and I'll do it."

"That's already the first step, David," Lucas said. "There are many who desire Angelique's gifts and consider the curse to be a more than acceptable price to pay for power. Indeed, there are those who embrace the Beast and willingly sacrifice their humanity on its altar. Belial would be an example of this latter sort." His perfectly mild tone wavered upon saying the man's name.

"Jesus Christ, Belial," David said. "He's a monster."

"He's worse," Lucas said in a low voice. "He's a man. A man who has embraced all the evil there is to be found in the human soul. He has devoured his own Beast and made it part of him instead of the other way around. And he has tempered his Beast with his own very human sadism and sense of vengeance. He does what he does because he likes it. My Aaron... my Aaron was a special treat for him."

"I met him," David said softly. "I was trying to get him to the airport when those two cops caught us. I'm so sorry, Lucas, I wanted to help him."

"He was a gentle soul," Lucas said with a hitch in his voice. "I believe that's the reason Angelique took a fancy to him in the first place. He was kind, and she finds it funny when kind people are made to suffer the Beast. But he withstood it better than anyone I had ever seen, better than myself even. My Aaron, above all else, was the most human of any of us." Lucas picked up the mouthpiece and the hookah bubbled as he took another deep draw, holding it for a surprisingly long time before exhaling. He passed it to David who imitated him and both men settled back on the couch as the opium went straight to David's head.

"I've never lost anyone like that, I can't imagine what it's like." Words of comfort didn't come easily to David, but he laid a sympathetic hand atop Lucas' and the man gave him a faint smile of appreciation.

"Cling tightly to the part of you that is still human, David. No matter what it may cost you, the cost of losing it is far greater. I am glad of my sorrow because it means I loved him, and the Beast is capable of neither."

"That makes sense, I guess," David said, starting to feel a wave of euphoria. The soft lights of the parlor left visual trails, and he sighed as the tension in his back and shoulders unclenched. "I don't want to go Belial's way either, Lucas, I swear I don't want to hurt anyone. Those three creeps that jumped me was the first time I've ever dreamed of doing something like that."

"David, is that really true?" Lucas asked, turning his warm eyes on him. "Be honest."

David opened his mouth and closed it again. Then said in a quiet voice, "No, I suppose it's not."

"It has occurred to me," Lucas said. "The Beast may be our own very human appetites, given new life by Angelique just as she does with our bodies. If you are to be its master, you cannot deny it. It's as much a part of you as your own arms and legs."

"So instead of being something she puts into us, it's something that's already there and she just kind of... wakes it up?" David was feeling quite stoned with a deliciously comforting body high, and suddenly wished he had someone to cuddle up with.

"As difficult as it is to think about, yes." Lucas' head was relaxed back on the couch with his eyes closed, and David took the opportunity to admire his features some more. "Man has proven himself to be the true savage countless times. We have all of human history as evidence to that."

"So how do you resist it, Lucas?" David asked. "What's kept you from becoming a feral after so long with Angelique?"

Lucas opened his eyes and turned his head to face him. "I have long sought to embrace my own humanity, David. The part of myself most removed from the Beast. To be human is to be something that the Beast can never be on its own. Kind, compassionate, altruistic, merciful. Your humanity is the one part of you that even Angelique can never take away. You must choose to give it up."

"So, the secret is to be nice to people?" David said, smiling just a bit. "Whoa, that stuff is really potent. I've got some serious tracers going on..."

"That's the salvia," Lucas smiled. "It's more like striving to be better than the Beast. More evolved. The Beast is selfish above all, it thinks of none but itself. And assuming for the moment it is nothing but our own basest desires supercharged and given a name, I've learned ways to satisfy it without doing so much harm."

"I guess I was having a pretty great night before everything went to shit," David said. "At least as far as ultra-risky anonymous sex goes. I've never done anything like that before either. Are you always this damn horny?"

Lucas chuckled and leaned forward to take another hit from the hookah. "It's a frequent problem, yes. Not to brag, but I've been involved in some fairly legendary sexual marathons. Aaron and I..." He fell silent for a moment, and then softly continued. "We could slake each other's thirsts without hurting each other. Or at least if we did hurt each other, it wasn't a large concern."

"It's okay, you can talk about him," David said, sitting up and taking Lucas' hand in both of his own. "I can tell how much he meant to you."

"It's true," Lucas said. "I found great strength of purpose in my Aaron. He was good in ways that I can only dream of being. He gave me hope for myself that I thought I had lost. And it's also true, David, that my love killed him as surely as if I had wielded the blade myself."

"No, Lucas, that's not true," David protested. "It was Belial. It was her."

"It was my love that drove me to betray Angelique, and I of all people know what she's capable of. I should have known what would happen, what she would do. The fault is mine." Lucas sat back on the couch again, staring at the ceiling with his eyes shining.

"Lucas, you can't blame yourself for what she did. Maybe I'm being really forward here, but I know that survivor's guilt is a real thing. I learned all about it when my mother passed away. I was there, I saw what happened. Nobody made her do that, that was... evil."

"Again, David, you are kind. But it was I who misbehaved, and Aaron who suffered for my crime. My sin was hope, for I dared to entertain the thought of escape when I have long known there is none. My fate is forever bound to Angelique's, my life is hers, our souls entwined. I understand that now."

"There must be some way to escape her..." David began.

"No!" Lucas said sharply, turning his eyes toward him. "That is not safe to discuss. It was that kind of discussion that brought on Aaron's death. David, it is best to assume that nothing you say or do will go unnoticed by her. Your words will reach her ears and even your thoughts are not private. No one can keep secrets from her, she can ferret them out by magic if no other means."

"Okay, understood," David said nervously. He took another draw from the hookah, letting the rush of euphoria wash over him and battle down the paranoia. "Fast change of subject, read any good books lately?"

Lucas chuckled. "Actually, I have. I'm a rather fervent consumer of the arts, both classic and modern. It's a way of staying plugged in with human society and not feeling so isolated. Plus, it's soothing and eases the tedium of the years. I have found that boredom makes the Beast restless, so I avoid it."

"Yeah, it never did much for my alcoholism either," David grudgingly acknowledged. "But I bet it does get boring, I can't imagine what it's like to live forever." The visual trails became especially pronounced for a moment, and he experimentally wiggled his fingers before his eyes.

"Me neither, but I haven't lived forever," Lucas said somberly. "Nor will I. We may be ageless, but we are very mortal. And each of us is fated to die by violence."

"Cheery thought," David said.

"Forgive me, David. I fear that opium makes me blunt. I don't mean to discount how difficult this all must be for you. I've had hundreds of years to come to terms with what I am. There are still joys to be had, still peace to be found if you know how to look for it. I have managed to cultivate it here, in my home with my pastimes and diversions. I have found that maintaining a normal life is essential in withstanding the Beast's call.

"Thank you for your hospitality then," David said. "You have a great place."

"I've lived in this house for a very long time, it has always been my safe haven in life. I'm glad you are here, David, I find pleasant conversation to be one of the best ways of spending time. I am always grateful for company, Roach is here quite often as well."

"I like her, and she totally saved my ass the other night," David said.

"Indeed, she's saved my ass on more than one occasion," Lucas chuckled. "She's been a great friend to me over the years, I have trusted her with my life and would again. She's an extremely capable woman, ex-military. The day that Belial inevitably goes too far with her, he may be in for a difficult lesson in humility."

"What about the other one?" David asked. "The chick with paint on her face. The clown."

"I would advise you to treat miss Chelsea with utmost caution," Lucas said. "She's quite mad, and I don't say that lightly. The only thing she enjoys more than another creature's pain is her own. Naturally, she is head over heels in love with Belial, which is itself a testament to her masochism and self-destructiveness. The two are rarely apart, except for when he tires of her and periodically drives her away, whereupon she will take a new fortuneless lover for Belial to destroy in a jealous rage. Truly, they seem made for each other, and I daresay they deserve each other."

"Sounds like a real power couple, all right," David said with a grimace. "I think I'll keep my distance as much as I can, they've already proven hazardous to my health."

"Fiends, the both of them, and they can only be trusted to be undyingly loyal to Angelique. She's very fond of them simply for how much they relish their own status and condition and has gifted them with tremendous power. You would do well to avoid them, I certainly do whenever possible. Belial, unfortunately, has a fixation on me and does enjoy making himself a problem. He's tried to kill me more than once, but Angelique has forbidden him from attacking me outright to his great frustration." Lucas swayed slightly, and then lay back against the arm of the sofa with his eyes closed.

"Roach told me he was almost as old as you," David said, leaning on one arm and letting his eyes roam over Lucas' firm physique, sculpted as meticulously as his face was. A deep sense of relaxation was setting in, which was something David's anxiety rarely allowed him, and it was something to celebrate.

"Angelique took him shortly after we arrived in this city, about the same time as the railroads did. He had already established himself as a prolific rapist and serial killer, and his tastes have only refined since. He's been responsible for countless spree killings throughout the decades that always get attributed to someone else thanks to Angelique. The devil looks after her own." Lucas arched his back and stretched like a cat, then relaxed back to the sofa again. "But enough about such negative things, tell me something about you, David. What drives you, what are you passionate about?" His melodious voice had taken on a dreamy quality from the drugs, and David felt like he could eagerly listen to it all night.

"I hate when people ask me that. You know, I've asked myself that a thousand times, and I don't even know. How lame is that? All that drives me is the desire to not be homeless or starve. Who's got time or money to pursue anything greater than that in modern America?"

"Truly, David?" Lucas asked, raising his head to look at him. "Nothing?"

"Right now, I have a couple of freelance writing gigs, and considering I've already missed two deadlines I probably don't even have those anymore. Before that I was the graveyard shift guy at Kinko's. I'm such a catch, right? Nothing if not career driven. Honestly, I think I've been in permanent survival mode for so long that I've completely forgotten how to live any other way. At least that's what my therapist thinks." David laughed at himself ruefully. "Can you tell I do great at singles bars?"

"I doubt you give yourself enough credit, David," Lucas said. "Much like the importance of maintaining a normal life, I strongly encourage higher pursuits. And as far as time is concerned, that is the one thing that we have in abundance now." He laid a hand on David's leg and gave it a reassuring squeeze, letting it linger. Lucas' tattoos were twice as fascinating under the influence of opium, the optical illusion that they were moving intensified to a dizzying extent.

"No, seriously," David insisted. "I write lifestyle and entertainment for Out magazine, and I dabble around freelancing for a couple of political rags. It keeps me and my cat fed, but it's just a job rather than a higher pursuit. About the only thing I pursue is the next alcohol fix and fifteen minutes of peace and quiet in between playing nursemaid to my Old Man. I don't even date, who's got the energy? When I was a kid my life goal was to be an astronaut, now I'm giving serious consideration to crazy cat lady. Although I guess that's out the window too because my cat won't come near me now."

"That's sad," Lucas said, his hand resting on David's knee. "Perhaps over time I may help you find your calling, as your company is delightful. I think there's much more to you than you realize, David." He sat up and picked up the mouthpiece of the hookah with the intention of taking another hit, then thought better of it as he swayed in his seat. "And I also think that I am quite stoned," he said with a laugh.

"Me too, I'm on the moon," David said. "And I think I might actually be relaxed enough for a nap at least. If I'm going to maintain a normal sleep schedule, I'm going to have to find a reliable way of sedating myself."