The Rose Diaries Ch. 15

"Secure?" Peter chimed in. "Can't we spare the bondage?"

"For you? Absolutely not." Doctor Johnson continued to smile as he motioned to a chair in front of him. Peter threw up his hands in surrender flopping down in the chair to his utter dismay. He did not want to be here. He did not want to do these stupid things. But he lacked any and all choice in the matter. As soon as he sat down Nurse April was standing up. She fastened the leather straps on the chair around his wrists and ankles securely before she gave him a small pat on the head.

"Ladies, Miss Stone has left you a surprise gift in the other room if you'd like to check on it. My session with Doll won't be short. If you need anything, our lovely receptionist would be more than happy to oblige. Alternatively, you can always sit in, but I'd require your silence." Doctor Johnson picked up the pad and pen from before and gave a small nod to the door.

"Gift?" Mistress Charm asked in surprise. "I guess we'll check on that." She gave a small look of concern to her friend before the two of them quickly left the room shutting the door gently behind them.

"Alright! Take two!" Doctor Johnson clapped his hands together with a smile. "How are you today, sweetheart?"

"Fucking awful." Peter hissed.

"So, I was actually hoping to start from the very beginning with you. Can you state your name?"

"Peter Baker." He rolled his eyes. More asinine questions.

"Excellent, and you are how many years old?"

"Twenty-one. Don't you know all this?"

"I do, yes. But it's more so an vocal confirmation from you. To help you. To understand you."

"I don't want your help."

"Look, killer, this isn't so bad. It's just a few questions. Hell, think of it as a test where the subject is yourself. That's an automatic a-plus! Just answer my questions as truthfully and honestly as possible and I swear to you that you'll be out of here in a jiffy." Peter rolled his eyes at the good Doctor's words.

"Fine." He sighed. Doctor Johnson gave a small nod as he picked up his pen and pad again before jotting more notes.

"Good! You have any hobbies or interests that you'd like to share?"

"I like video games, I like superhero movies, and I like technology."

"A gamer, huh? You know my nephew is a gamer too. Though he's still a child unlike you. Weird word, right? Gamer?"

"Sure." Peter groaned. "Can we move on?"

"Alright. When was your first sexual experience?" He tapped the pen against the pad before pausing. "That's not just sex. Could be as simple as first kiss."

"Third grade?" Peter wasn't exactly sure. Hell, he wasn't even sure if it even happened.

"You sound unsure. Care to take a moment to think?"

"No. Third grade."

"Alright," Doctor Johnson quickly continued writing. "That would be with a member of the opposite sex, correct?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. You lived with your family until your eighteenth birthday?"

"No, I left when I was seventeen."

"That's young! Why did you leave?"

"Family issues."

"Can you elaborate?"

"No." Peter growled through grit teeth. "Not to you."

"Alright." He smiled as his note-taking increased in speed.

"When was your first experience with a member of the same sex?"

"Never." Peter hissed as he gripped the arms of the chair.

"Don't lie to me, Doll." Doctor Johnson gave a small sigh. "When was it?"

"I was raped maybe two months ago."

"And that was your first time?"

"Yes."

"Why do you continue to lie? Lavender was your first time, wasn't it?" For the first time, Doctor Johnson's eyes narrowed a flare of anger flashed across his face.

"What?"

"Lavender was your first sexual experience."

"How do you know that?" How had he forgotten about that? About how Lavender forced herself on to him. How he had sucked her cock in that stupid small room in the Blackstone brothel.

"Because I know everything." He laughed. "You enjoyed yourself, correct?"

"N-No." Peter's voice shook at the prospect as his cheeks burned.

"Lying again?" He clicked his tongue dismissively. "I know you did. I have a short clip that I'd like to show you. Nurse?"

Nurse April hopped out of the chair as she retrieved a smartphone from her pocket and began quickly tapped the screen. It was a video and his eyes widened as he realized what it was.

--

-1F, Brothel, Camera 1

23:00:28, 5/21/2016

"Fuck me!" A female voice screamed out as a young girl in white lingerie bounced on top a large man who gripped her hips as she moaned with pleasure. Her pace was frantic and seemingly increasing. She giggled as a group of men began to stroke their own members as they approached. She dove headfirst on the nearest one quickly bobbing up and down as she stroked the two men beside him. The man underneath her convulsed until he pulled out of her back entrance with a satisfied groan. She wiggled her bottom in the air with another giggle.

"Give me more! Please daddies?" Her wish was immediately granted as another man mounted her with haste. She moaned loudly as he slid all the way inside of her before beginning to pound away at her from behind. Her moans was silenced as another man forced his hard cock into her open mouth.

--

"STOP!" Peter roared as the video came to an end. "STOP IT!" He thrashed in the chair as tears welled in his eyes. Nurse April was quick to support the chair from falling. He felt sick. His stomach felt sour, his head swam with so many emotions that he couldn't comprehend, and he retched loudly.

Doctor Johnson just continued to smile. Never looking up from his notes. Never even regarding Peter's dismay as anything else but normal.

"That's you, isn't it?" He began as Peter screamed again. His voice was nothing less but primal and filled with fear. He knew the answer to the Doctor's question. He wanted to die. He wanted to choke on his own tongue and just fucking die.

He knew that he had vanished. He knew that Blackstone had used his body when he was gone. But, now faced with the actual reality...

"Take a deep breath." The Doctor's voice echoed over his own sorry. Peter continued to thrash wildly in the chair as tears flowed more and more.

"NO!" He screamed. "PLEASE. NO MORE." He sobbed.

"Doll!" The Doctor finally raised his voice. "Enough!" His voice joined the cacophony of his own screams. He didn't know how to respond. He didn't know how to stop. He retched once more tasting bile on the back of his throat. He could feel himself getting dizzier and dizzier. He could feel himself slipping away.

"Guess we should just hop right into it," The Doctor sighed. Peter choked on another wail as he continued to cry. He looked up into Doctor Johnson's now-cold eyes. "Nurse, if you would."

He felt her hands on his shoulder, her breath on his ears, as she simply gave a small smile and said in an eerily familiar voice:

"Sweet dolly, soft dolly, silly dolly, sleepy dolly." Peter barely had time to respond to the revelation of her words before darkness quickly enveloped him.

--

The overpowering sweet aroma of cinnamon, chocolate, and vanilla filled the air as Peter came to. Like the air was filled with scent of the finest hot chocolate after a long wintry day. He closed his eyes and took deep heavy inhales of the sweet scent before allowing himself to open his eyes. He was on his back in what appeared to be a meadow somewhere. In the distance, he could see snowy mountain peaks that just barely caressed clouds dotting the blue sky. Beside him, a cool mountain stream fulfilled its destiny as it emptied into a large pond.

He felt at ease. He felt at peace. Slowly yet surely, Peter returned to his feet. He scratched his chin feeling the coarse stubble underneath his fingers and gave a slight smile.

In the pond he could see his reflection, he wasn't the strongest man but echoes of promise of unfulfilled masculinity sparkled in his eyes. If he just kept at his afternoon exercises. If he just continued to eat protein-packed foods and stick to his pre-planned diets, then he would get there. He could get the muscles, the abs, the definition that he so badly craved. He could get the girl that he so deeply desired. He could become fulfilled finally. He had a good face. Sharp cheekbones and soft features, sure. But a sort of roguish charm that he could perhaps tap into. Perhaps as he filled out, his face would as well.

He laughed at that. Making promises that he wouldn't keep. He knew that no matter how hard he tried, it would be harder than simple words to shake his vices. He'd need assistance. He'd need someone to help him stay on the right path.

He chuckled to himself as he lay back down in the grass. Staring up at the beautiful cerulean sky. Feeling the warmth of the bright shining sun upon his face. In the pond, he could see small little schools of fish swimming by. He didn't know what kind, but he didn't care too much to know. A little black one swam up beside the pond then scurried away as his fingers disturbed the crystal-clear surface of the lake.

He sighed contently as the cool waters hugged the tips of his fingers and caressed them ever-so-gently.

This was heaven. He was certain of it now. He had died and finally passed on. Finally found his peace.

But what had disturbed him? He tried to think of it. This nagging feeling of dread and panic in the back of his mind. But he knew nothing but peace. So what was it?

"Peter?" A young woman's voice spoke from beside him. He didn't know her name but she was so familiar. From her slender hourglass frame, her beautiful hazel eyes that beckoned him to stare deeper, and her blonde hair that trailed past her shoulders like threads of gold. She had a soft lovely face with rosy cheeks and soft pink lips that were curled up in a smile. In the bright afternoon sun, she was simply radiant.

"Hey." He smiled patting the grass beside him. "Want to sit?"

"Sure." She nodded quickly before laying down beside him. "It's nice here." Her voice was soft and beautiful like a wonderful song from a fine instrument.

"Yeah." He smiled. "It is."

"What brings you here?" She snuggled up close to him as she focused her gaze up at the sky.

"Don't know. Do I need a reason?"

"Only if you want one." She laughed. "If you ask me, I'd say you're welcome here."

"Well I appreciate it." He grinned. "Why are you here?"

"I live here!" She giggled again. She raised her finger towards one of the mountains. "See that peak?"

"Yep." He nodded.

"I live in a crystal castle there."

"Are you a princess?" She laughed at that.

"I've been called that before. But not really."

"What is this place?" He gazed at the peak. There was something glittering in the distance far above the snow, but he couldn't tell if it was just his imagination.

"I don't know." She sighed. "I was hoping you did."

"No." He shook his head. "Not a clue."

"So, I guess we're both clueless, huh?" She gave a small sad laugh. He recognized it. Though he couldn't place where. He could hear the notes of her voice bouncing around his skull. Where had he seen her before? Where had he heard her before?

"Yeah." He muttered. "Do I know you?"

"Uh-huh!" She perked back up. "You sure do."

"Okay." He couldn't think of anything else to say back to that.

"Hey Peter, would you like to see my castle?"

"In a bit." He sighed contently again. "I just want to stare up at the sky. It's calming, y'know? Just a sea of endless blue with little white fluffy islands."

"Okay." She leaned back to stare up at the sky with him. "It really is beautiful." The girl sighed.

"I don't know why I love it so much."

"Love what?"

"This sky. This place. It's so relaxing, inviting, and warm. Even the air smells like the hot cocoa my mom used to make in the winter after school." He smiled slightly at the memory.

Of Oscar and him racing home at 3PM. At the playful arguments and teasing over who would get to watch television or sit in the recliner. But it would always end the same way. With the two of them watching animal documentaries with a hot cup of hot cocoa from their mother. She'd always wear an tired smile having been hard at work upstairs in her studio. But she would never miss a moment to spend with her boys.

"Really?" The girl asked sniffing the air with a look of confusion. "Just smells like mountain air and grass."

"Interesting." He muttered to himself. "I guess it smells different for me."

"Is that possible?"

"Maybe." He shrugged.

"I have a confession to make." The girl sighed sadly standing back up. "I know you."

"Yeah," He laughed folding his hands behind his head. He recognized her finally. Why she had those hazel eyes. Why her voice drove him mad. Why she even approached. "Of course, you do. You used my name when you first approached."

"Well, I sort of-"

"Doll, it's okay." Her eyes widened as she heard her name. It was cute to watch the shock spread across her face slowly.

"You knew?"

"Who else would be here? Same eyes, same voice, just different." Peter chuckled. "Good to meet you finally."

"I thought you'd be mad."

"Not mad." He shook his head. "Just surprised." He couldn't feel anything over the cool waves of calm that washed over him. Even if he wanted to. He just felt so at peace.

"I just wanted to talk."

"So, this is you?" He cocked an eyebrow. It would make sense why everything felt different for the two of them. Why she claimed she lived here while he just randomly appeared.

"Sort of. It's hard to explain."

"Well we're already in the realm of Hollywood bullshit." He laughed. "So, try me."

"Hollywood bullshit?"

"It means that this," He waved his hand around in the air. "It's just ridiculous."

"You're ridiculous." She pouted.

"It's not an insult."

"Feels like one."

"Doll." He shook his head with a laugh. "Is this what it feels like? Talking to myself? God, I actually feel bad for them now."

It felt like a truck had just slammed into his body. Memories, experiences, and emotions flooded back into him at once. He was now fully cognizant of his own tragic past. Of the Misses, of Blackstone, of the people who tortured them to this day.

But he also remembered her. Doll, the name that they both shared. Given to him by Miss K. but embraced by her fully. He had hated every moment of his disgusting treatment but according to everyone else she loved it. She was everything they had wanted.

Yet here she was. Standing before him with an annoying pout like a child would as they talked like old friends. As much as he hated her existence, he wasn't cruel enough to deny it.

She was real.

A part of him that he could not control. Some delusion, some haywire psychotic break that had taken on a life of its own.

"I think we can get along."

"I think so too." He smiled. But she just rolled her eyes as she sat back down.

"You hate everything that I am."

"That's harsh." He sighed.

"I hate everything that you are."

"Also, harsh." She rolled her eyes again at his comment.

"It's easier on everyone if you just let go."

"Let go?"

"Uh-huh! Let go. Stop fighting this. Let me come back. The chances of you escaping Blackstone is-"

"Shut up!" He growled. "I am never giving up. Not to you. Not to Amanda Stone. Not to anyone. This is not up for debate. My rape is not your fantasy."

"Okay." She sighed. "It's not very nice but you know I'm right. That's why you're here. It's only a matter of time before you lose." She paused as he clenched his fists. "I'm not here to fight you, Peter. Just consider letting me help from time to time."

"How?"

"I enjoy having sex. I enjoy pleasing others. Just try to be more like me."

"You want me to become you?"

"No, I want to help you. Just consider it okay?"

"Fine. I'll consider it. Now can you just go?"

"I wish I could. But I'm not the one who has to leave." She sighed sadly.

"Then how do I leave?" He growled. He jumped back to his feet before turning quickly and walking away.

"The way you came."

"Stupid fucking Hollywood bullshit." He grumbled under his breath. "I'm never giving up, Doll." He spat back to her.

"I know." He heard her voice echo sadly from behind him. "But you will anyway."

He whirled around to scream at her but found only a chair in her place. He spat curses and frustrations into the air while he approached and flopped down into it.

"Fuck!" He screamed as he closed his eyes and fumed to himself. It didn't take very long for the smell of hot cocoa to vanish and his body to become heavy.

Then, there was nothing.

---

"Sweet dolly, it's time to wake up." Nurse April's voice echoed in his ears. He opened his eyes and sighed as the cold interior of the good Doctor's office came back into view. He clenched his fists down around the arms of the chair and grit his teeth. He wasn't angry. He just wanted to feel the rough wood against his soft flesh and the feedback of his own teeth in his mouth.

"I'm awake." He groaned. "What the fuck just happened?"

"You fell asleep." Doctor Johnson smiled from behind his desk. "We had an enlightening discussion. Though if I may ask you to not use such vulgar language in my office?"

"You can ask." Peter grinned. "I'm not going to listen, but you can ask."

"Of course." He nodded. "I knew that you wouldn't have it any other way."

"So, what now Doctor? You going to ask me more questions? Are you going to pry into my past?"

"No, Doll, I think I have plenty for one day. You are free to go when your Mistresses return."

"Good." He smirked. "I appreciate the time for a nap."

"I appreciate your cooperation as well. You'll be just fine without my further attention. I'll send a letter to Miss Stone with your progress."

"It was really nice to meet you, Doll! I hope we can play together when you start feeling better." Nurse April beamed as she gave a small girlish giggle. He rolled his eyes at her display before taking a deep breath.

"I have to know. What exactly is that voice?" He narrowed his eyes at her. She had the exact same voice as the recording. Even knew the exact same words to speak. What was it? Some sort of phrase? Command? All he knew is that whatever it was it was insidious.

"What voice?" She bat her eyelashes with another smile.

"Yours. You have the same voice as the recording. What is it?" He growled. His anger was beginning to bubble to the surface once more. How sickeningly familiar it felt. That sour feeling in the pit of his stomach. The acidic taste of his hatred on his tongue.

"Well, it's like you said. It's my voice. I don't know what you mean by recording though."

"Nurse, I believe she means your mantra." Doctor Johnson continued to smile as he placed the notepad and pen back in his desk.

"Oh! It's just something that I recorded awhile ago. Sometimes it helps to have a nice voice cheer you on and offer helpful advice."

"That's it?"

"Yeah! Does it help you?"

"No. It's just stupid." He lowered his head with a sigh. "I'm just going to sit here in silence."

"That's fine. We'll give you the room then." With only another nod, he stood from his desk and began to walk away with Nurse April at his heels. He closed his eyes and counted the seconds until he heard the door shut once again. Finally, he was alone.

"I will not lose." He muttered under his breath. He would not lose to Doll no matter what she thought. Even if escape was impossible. Then he'd just need to do the impossible.

This was not over.

It was only just beginning.

Author's Note: Back to normalcy next chapter!

Preview of Chapter 16: Peter finds some strange new friends and some old enemies.