The Sandman Pt. 02

TRACEY'S ACCOUNT

In Tracey's account we fill in a bit of background information. Admittedly it's not as steamy as part one but I needed to flesh out Tracey's character a little more. I like the way it's turned out though and there are ideas floating around in my evil little brain for other spin off stories, like Anita's first time. The character Saoirse is also very appealing as well, I may look at doing more with her in the future once I can get a handle on her character. Kim will also reappear in another series at some point in the near future along with Sandy from Sandy's Destroyers. I'm also looking at Carla and maybe even her mother, so there's a fair few stories that could spin off from this one.

Author's note: Saoirse is pronounced, ser-sha.

*****

I liked reading Charlie's account because it brought back pleasant memories. I've agreed to write my side of the story but I guess because Kim is going to be reading this it feels kind of strange, I mean Kim is my best friend. In that way she's closer than a girlfriend because I tell her literally everything. I've been sitting with this document on my laptop for the last week trying to write something that might help Kim write her thesis and it's like my brain is wired backwards. I've written several accounts but deleted them all and started again and so here I am trying to do it all again on a Sunday night. My eyes are hanging out of my head because I was up all night watching Breaking Bad with Kim. The night before that we went out with Charlie to see Sandy's Destroyers playing at the Manhattan hotel in Ringwood. Afterwards we followed Sandy back to her house in Sandringham, so it's been a hell of a weekend.

Where to start? I'm Tracey Smith, the only child of James and Gina Smith. I was born on July 1st, 1996. It was a difficult birth and mum had her tubes tied. She was a doctor and no doctor could talk her out of getting that done at such an early age. Because of that twist of fate I became the only child and I agree with Kim, it has had a major impact on my life. I had the full attention of both parents, I never had to compete with a brother or sister for attention and my parents raised me with the belief that I could do anything I set my mind to. Admittedly some things are impossible, I'll probably never walk on Pluto but who wants to go there? But you get the picture, I was encouraged to try lots of things.

I started taekwondo classes when I was fourteen and I excelled at it. I loved the comradeship of the class and more importantly I was competing against my peers in a very real way. You learned that you couldn't be the centre of someone's world all the time, other people need their time in the spotlight, your turn will come. It taught me discipline and the importance of exercise. While my girlfriends were mooning over boys, I was sparring with boys. Don't get me wrong, I did go out with boys but I was much more aware that I was their equal. I didn't have to be schooled in feminist ideology at school, I was raised to believe I was born equal. Thus, when teachers tried to drum that kind of stuff into my head it felt strange. I knew I could beat boys in physical fights at the club and I damn well knew I could get top marks in school.

I remember taking offence when a male teacher once told me I could be just as good as a boy. We actually got into an argument because I wanted to know if he was inferring that men were the ideal human, like something we had to aspire to instead of just the male of the human species. Poor Mr. McCainsh just didn't get it. Mum used to say he's so dumb he had to study three days for a urine test. Mum was born in Louisiana and she used to crack dad up with some of her sayings. She could come across as a little too forward but she had a heart of gold and that brings me to the subject of her death.

Mum's cancer was kept secret for about six weeks before she finally came out but in that time she'd learned it was terminal and so she didn't bother with the chemo even though her family and friends begged her to get on it. She just wanted to spend as much quality time with dad and me as possible before the pain got too bad. She lasted three more months before she was too ill to get out of bed but in that time we helped her with her bucket list. One of them was flying a plane, dad arranged for her to sit beside a pilot and take the joystick for about ten minutes on a flight out of Tooradin airport. I was sitting in the passenger seat with a camera and afterwards we emailed it to her family in Louisiana. They came back with, 'I thought you was sick?'

My mother was the strongest female influence in my life, for obvious reasons but with her death I began to wallow a bit, I was heading into my last few months of high school. I managed to hold it together until the very end and then I closed everything down. It was like my world had ended. I still had my taekwondo and there were people at the club who reached out to me in their own way, I had some friends at school but no one older. Dad has brothers but his only sister lives in Perth and while I saw her once at the funeral she was busy with her own life.

I could have gone off the rails, but then one of dad's friends dropped by about six months after mum had passed away. Analyn had known dad for years. She used to be a detective but quit the police force after a near fatal shooting. She became a social worker and eventually adopted three kids from overseas, Kim was my age and although she was born here, her mother was from Vietnam. Gizella and Ilona are from Hungary and a good twelve years younger than Kim.

Analyn became a lifesaver because she was about mum's age but she wasn't the kind of woman to just move in. She and dad were probably involved then but I never saw any evidence but I was too involved with Kim. She became my best friend, we were both at Monash university, she is studying social work and I'm in medical school studying be a doctor. I spent a lot of time at her house and on weekends we'd head into the city to the clubs. It was through Kim I met Meghan who ran a night club out in King Street and ended up working as a part time bouncer.

Meghan is out and out gay, she's not the first gay person I ever met but she was the first gay person I got actively involved with, on a professional level at least. She's a few years younger than mum would have been and a few pounds heavier but she reminds me a lot of mum because she won't take shit from anybody. She and I connected because I was looking for older women to fill the gap left by mum. I did have a crush on her at first, although Meghan will never mix business with pleasure, it just complicates matters when you're running a club. It might look good on the big screen or on tv but in real life it's messy and usually ends in tears.

Because of my qualifications, I was a black belt by then, I was hit on by quite a few women. The club wasn't strictly gay exclusive but it was certainly LGBT friendly. Meghan always had the idea that the club should be for everyone, regardless of race, creed, or sexual orientation. I always said no to the rather generous offers but I became very aware that I was attractive to other women, it's just that I wasn't attracted to them in the same way.

I liked boys, they were simpler and easier to predict. I had four serious boyfriends between the ages of eighteen and twenty. One lasted thirteen months and the other three were six, three and two months respectively. By the time I broke up with Kevin, my last serious boyfriend I'd started to see a pattern. Guys were fine with me for the first few months or weeks but the fact that I was a bouncer kind of got to them. However, to be honest I was never 'into' relationships with boys in the same way as my girlfriends. At the club I was exposed to a great cross section of Melbourne society, I had the respect of older people despite my age as well.

Thus hanging out with a local guy or even someone from uni did bore me, I'd find excuses not to be with them and most of the time they were great excuses. I had my training at the club and that was another thing guys didn't like, a girl who could beat up other guys. Kevin actually walked out on a demonstration at a country show out at Yarra Glen when I did my routine there. I had to call dad to come and collect me because he literally drove away. When I asked him why over the phone he just mumbled that he couldn't do this any more.

"So, why did you just drive away then? My dad had to come and pick me up."

What Kevin did teach me though was that I shouldn't get hung up on the whole happy ever after thing. I'm young, I can make mistakes and as mum proved you can wait until you're older. Make all your mistakes before you turn thirty because that's the age when most women start to hit their peak, sexually. The fact that men hit their peak at eighteen means Mother Nature has a sense of humour after all!

Charlie mentioned Carla in her story and I do have to clarify the relationship between us. She did have a thing for me and probably still does but Carla is one of those high energy people. Her parents are quite wealthy. Her father is an investment banker in Singapore, he lives there six months of the year with his mistress and her mother has her own mistress. Yes, you read that right. They both like women and their marriage is one of those strictly platonic affairs. Carla once told me it had a lot to do with keeping up appearances and reducing their tax burden. Her mother is a film producer and has a house in Daylesford where her girlfriend lives. The fact that Carla sees nothing wrong with that weird arrangement worries me because I couldn't live like that.

Admittedly, after I got with Charlie I did consider 'outing' myself to her but chickened out because I thought she might get the idea that she and I might get up close and personal. Don't get me wrong, I do like Carla but I feel for her the same way I feel for a person with a disability. You're aware of it and its side effects and learn to accept that they are the way they are. You don't make a big deal of it but you're aware that they may not react to certain things the way the rest of us do.

Up until I slept with Charlie I was dating guys on a regular basis but many times it was just a date without sex. Matty for the record did call me the day after to apologise, I said that was cool but that perhaps he should find someone else. I never mentioned Charlie to him. I did tell Kim because I tell Kim everything. Her reaction was comforting.

"That's cool, so are you still coming around tonight?"

We'd arranged to binge watch the latest Vikings season.

This was after Charlie and I got together at the drive in but at the time our arrangement was very casual and loose. There was no hard and fast commitment and we were both free to see other people, but the offer had been left dangling like a carrot. Some people did seem surprised later on that I got naked with Charlie rather quickly but even Kim didn't know that I had checked out women at the club over the last few months. There were women I was attracted to but because I was working and trying hard to act older than what I was, I never let it go far. It was one of the reasons I'd gained respect from older colleagues at the club, I was never one of those dippy girls. When I was on duty I was focused on the task at hand. However after that night with Charlie things did change in an obvious way and I found myself actually acknowledging looks and smiles from gay women at the club that following Friday night.

At the time I worked three shifts a week, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. Once a month I did do either a Friday or a Saturday as Meghan was trying to give me experience on heavy traffic nights when things do get a little tense. I was scheduled to work there on Saturday, June the 4th but the night before I did a friend a favour and did security at her coming out party.

To fill in the back story, I was doing security for Anita's coming out party. It was a private cash job and I took it because I'd known Anita at high school. She was the straightest girl in school. Her parents were Pentecostal Christians, the happy clappy Jesus people and as a result she got shit stirred something chronic at school. It got so bad that eventually I intervened and told these three girls to back the fuck off and they did because I had a reputation. For the next couple of months Anita did hang around me and my mates but gradually she found friends more like her, if that's at all possible and seemed to find her feet.

When mum got sick, Anita came up to me on the oval and gave me a big hug and told me she'd pray for my mum to get better. Apparently the happy clappy people believe you can pray the illness out of people, me I think I prefer medicine but that's just me. I said thanks at the time but she could have told me she'd ask Satan to heal her and I would have said no worries. The more the merrier as they say. After she died, Anita came around with flowers and just sat for a while in our living room, she didn't say much but promised to keep praying.

When Anita came out as gay it shocked me but hey, I got over it but it caused a seismic shock at her church. Mum used to say there's crazy and then there's batshit crazy and her parents definitely fit into the second category. She'd come out a couple of weeks before but on the Monday before the coming out party she came around to see me.

"I need some security at my coming out party."

"What the hell for?" I looked at dad, "you're not expecting trouble, are you?"

"Maybe, maybe not. Some of the guys from church are planning to come around and cast out the devil, they'll probably stand around with signs and pray in the street but it's a nice neighbourhood and I don't want the neighbours thinking I'm some fucking witch."

I blanched at that. Not what she'd told me but hearing her say fucking.

"What do you think?" I looked at dad.

"Where's the party?"

She gave him the address and a few more details and he wrote them down.

"I'll put out the word on the quiet. A patrol car will swing past, just to check on the party. If they see these dickheads hanging about they'll make life hard for them."

He looked at me.

"You shouldn't be needed but it might pay to go along and I'll let the boys know what you're doing there, so if you need assistance just tell them what you want."

It was a big deal for me. My dad gave me a rundown of what kind of information the police might want from me.

"Licence plates, physical descriptions and tell them what's happened. I'll be on duty as well, so if you run into trouble, don't get physical unless it's with your phone. Call me, I can dispatch a car faster than you can say help."

Friday night came around and I dressed the way I would for the club, Meghan insisted we wear white shirts and black pants, I had a black overcoat as well.

The party was in the inner suburb of Canterbury, out of dad's normal beat but he called me not long after I arrived to tell me a car would swing past at about half past eight.

Anita's girlfriend was Colleen, she was also a nurse, so we had something in common. She was a few years older than Anita as well but the bit that amused me was discovering that her family were at the party as well. The people at the party were a pretty even mix of gays and straights, which goes to show that society does move on even if certain sections of it still get misty eyed over the 'good old days' when gays stayed in the closet or went to jail.

It was while I was outside, doing my rounds of the front yard that I first met Saoirse. She stepped outside to have a quiet joint and spied me leaning against the brick letterbox with my phone in my hand. She moved with a quiet confidence, nodding at a few people on the front lawn as she made her way out to the street. It's one of those typical Canterbury side streets with a lot of English trees spreading a canopy over the road. It has an elegance about it and Saoirse seemed at one with the Old World atmosphere. She was dressed in an ivory coloured blouse with puffy sleeves. The buttons were covered in the same fabric as the blouse but the buttonholes had been replaced with loops, it was open to her cleavage and I could see she wasn't wearing a bra. It had a high, ruffled collar and was tucked into loose, cream-coloured trousers, her shoulder length hair was brown and kind of wiry. She looked to be in her late twenties or early thirties.

"It's almost like home," she took another toke of the joint and held it out to me.

"I'm on duty," I shook my head, "security."

"And if you weren't?"

"Even then," I dug my hands into my jacket pockets, "I'm pretty dedicated to my physical routine, I don't smoke and only drink socially."

"An example I should take," she took another toke and butted it out, "they say that God invented whiskey so the Irish couldn't conquer the world."

"You're Irish," I stated the obvious, "are you from the north or the south?"

"I'm a Dublin girl," she held out her hand, "Saoirse, I'd tell you how it's spelled but it'd only confuse you."

"I know how to spell and say it, I've seen all of Saoirse Ronan's movies, I'm Tracey."

We shook hands and she gave me the once over.

"So, have you met Colleen and Anita before?"

I gave her the spiel about how we met at school and she listened with interest. Now and then her faint smile twitched slightly.

"You sound like a good friend," she leaned on the top of the letterbox.

"I am," I turned as I heard nervous laughter and someone hushing another person up. Five guys were crossing the road and I brought up a picture of the guys Anita feared might start trouble. I'd already memorised their names and as they came nearer I moved into the middle of the driveway and brought up the speed dial on my phone.

"Hey, honey," dad answered the phone.

"They're here, twenty feet away, heading this way."

"Are you alone?"

"No, I've got someone with me."

"Stay on the line and do exactly as I tell you."

The biggest of the guys came to a halt as I blocked his path, I had the phone at my ear.

"You Brian Keenan?"

"Yeah, who wants to know?"

"Senior Sergeant Smith," I held out the phone, "would like a word with Brian Keenan."

He stared at the phone as if it was a bomb.

"He doesn't like to be kept waiting," I went on.

Brian took the phone from me and put it to his ear.

"Hello? Yes this is Brian Keenan."

I got half of the conversation but I could guess the rest. He was insisting that he was just dropping in on a friend and my dad was telling him that his details had been passed onto local units. Perhaps he might like to reconsider his plans for tonight? It would be in his best interests unless he wanted to face charges of breaching the peace. My dad can be quite authoritarian when he's on duty and even though he was miles away that authority carried weight over the phone. He handed the phone back to me.

"Sorry, wrong address," he turned on his heel, "we're outta here, but Jesus is still Lord."

"And he's still an arsehole," dad chuckled over the phone, "see if you can get his rego and a make just in case we need to talk to them again."

It was an easy task to accomplish. Brian drove right past very slowly, which gave me enough time to memorise the details and text them through to my dad.

"I'm impressed," Saoirse straightened up, "for a moment I thought I was going to have to get involved."

"My dad's a cop and I've got my black belt," I pocketed the phone.

"I'm doubly impressed," she studied me, "you are a dark horse."

There are three accents that get my attention fairly quickly, the first is American for obvious reasons and the other two are Irish and Scots, and with Irish you could insult me in an Irish accent and I'd still be turned on. We stayed outside for the next hour or two, a couple of tables had been set up on the front porch and she kept me supplied with Coke and food. She was thirty five, so quite a few of the people were younger than her but by the end of the night I'd agreed to meet her at the club the following night.