The Sanguine Soothsayer

Death had a 2 week short holiday. But he couldn't enjoy it fully. He wanted to know why his job existed. Truth to tell, Death wasn't getting the job satisfaction that he once had. Too often he had to tell himself "its a dirty job but someone's got to do it".

But for 2 weeks he could put aside his scythe, enjoy the Spanish sunshine, say "Salud", sip sangria and speculate when he would see the other holiday makers in his professional capacity.

Death thought it ironic that when he said "Salud" he was wishing them "Health". It felt vaguely unprofessional, even if it was only a social convention.

THE DESERVING DEAD

Death enjoyed travelling the world. He enjoyed seeing the look of surprise on some people's faces when he appeared. He liked being the agent of retribution, especially to those who were selfish and cared not about others. He liked being in front of people speeding to see their faces as they realise that they are to die.

He liked seeing the faces of those taking excessive amounts of drugs, and those who grew, distributed and sold the drugs.

Death had no problem with their early demises. They were all "the deserving dead".

THE JOHNNY BROWN GROUP

Then there was the group he called "the Johnny Brown group". He called them this because of the verse

"Good all Johnny Brown

We'll see his face no more.

'Cause what he thought was H2O

Was H2SO4"

The classic was a lady who died because she put too many marshmallows in her mouth.

Greg Austin Gingrich died in the Grand Canyon after pretending to fall to his death. In the middle of the joke he lost his footing and actually fell. Death had no sympathy. He felt that Greg's death deserved a better joke.

DEATH'S TRIUMPHS.

Most of Death's workload was fairly routine. Old people expect to die, and to many old people Death's presence is a relief.

But Death had a lot of triumphs.

MENES

Death rode upon the back of the hippopotamus that carried the Egyptian pharaoh Menes and then killed him. But that had been over 5,000 years ago.

KING MARTIN

Death had a hand in the demise of King Martin of Aragon in 1410. The Aragonese king literally died from uncontrollable laughing, on hearing a joke told by his favorite jester, Borra. Death had provided the joke that Borra told the King.

THE TYRANTS

Death recalled the satisfaction he had when he took the megalomaniacs from this life to the other world. He had seen Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot and Mao in his professional duties.

DEATH'S HATES

DRACO.

Death hated Draco who replaced the prevailing system of blood feud by the Draconian constitution, a written code to be enforced only by a court of law.

Death liked the old system of feuds between families. He watched duels, not knowing which of the lifeless men he would take away with him. It was like a penalty shootout, except perhaps both contestants might be eliminated.

The court's only penalty was death, even for stealing an apple. There was no sport in seeing someone die because of a Draco court. It was like shooting fish in a barrel.

As an act of revenge Death hid as many patronymic and biographical references to Drago as he could. He took pride that Draco is not now seen as an actual person.

THE WORDS "MARWOLAETH ANGAU"

Death hated the Welsh. This wasn't because he was a Cymric racist. His anger was justified. At national and international rugby games they sang a hymn which included the words "Death of Death", which Death naturally found offensive.

DEATH'S DISCRETIONARY POWER TO DELAY A DEMISE

MOLIERE

Death liked Moliere. He used his discretionary powers to allow the French playwright to complete playing the part of a hypochondriac in his own play "Le malade imaginaire". He allowed him to be carried from the theatre to his house, where he died.

Death liked the ironies of a really ill man playing a hypochondriac.

THE JOCKEY

In 1923, well known jockey, Frank Hayes won a race at Belmont Park in New York - while dead. The poor bloke suffered a heart attack mid-race, but his body managed to stay in the saddle, crossing the finish line and claiming victory.

Death allowed Frank to watch his victory before taking him on his heavenly transport.

DEATH NEEDS TO BE PROFESSIONAL

Occasionally Death had to put personal enjoyment to one side.

Death liked Robin Williams in Mork & Mindy. Mrs. Doubtfire, Good Morning Vietnam, Dead Poets Society, Patch Adams, Awakenings and Good Will Hunting. Death had hoped to talk him out of his suicide but professional etiquette prevented him prolonging Robin's allotted lifespan.

Williams's suicide had a profound effect on Death. It was probably why Death needed this holiday.

BUSY WORK PERIODS

But he had a busy schedule with the Covid pandemic. He was here, there and everywhere, busy day and night. He even asked for (and got) overtime rates and a performance bonus. On balance, Death was glad they discovered a vaccine.

As the Chinese proverb goes "Its an ill wind that blows no one any good".

Because of Covid Death got the Air Miles that meant he had the First Class air transport to Spain free of charge. It meant he could use the First Class lounge before flying off. No one had ever given Death champagne before, though some of the people he visited had consumed too much of it.

Now Death could afford to stay at the Dvora Room (with his own terrace) at Gastrohotel Boutique Hotel on the Plaza San Jaime. Normally the hotel is fully booked a year in advance. So Death had to arrange a timely death to secure the best room for his 2 weeks off work. Every job has its perks. Knowing when someone is due to die, meant he could book leave to take advantage of the person's booking at that Gastrohotel Boutique Hotel.

Anyway, the old man who booked the room had stayed there many times and with many different "wives", none of which he was married to. Death reasoned that the man had lived a good life.

He paid over £3,000 but thought it was worth every penny. The views from the peninsular at night were stunning. It was so romantic that he wished he was allowed to date a real human being. A woman to share the evening meal and the view would have made the vacation even more enjoyable.

But it was strange. In 2020 he saw the Benidorm streets empty and houses full. Now it was the opposite, with people sunning themselves on beaches which were once closed.

(Editor's note - In 2020, because of the Covid pandemic, holiday makers were banned from visiting Spain and residents had to wear face masks even when walking along the Benidorm promenade).

OTHER PANDEMICS

It reminded Death of the balmy days of the Great Plague and the Spanish flu. But Death still feels resentful that most people haven't heard of the Spanish flu. It has disappeared from public consciousness by the First World War. But the Spanish flu killed more people than died in WW1.

In Death's view all his extra workload deserves to be more widely appreciated.

A REASON FOR DEATH

Its almost like Malthus was correct, about population control. But Death was trying not to get too philosophical when on holiday. But Malthus was really praising Death for his handiwork. But who knows about Malthus's work nowadays?

THE AUTHOR

The holiday had nearly ended and all Death knew was that he knew only a little. He knew about the metaphysical concept of The Author. But then everyone knows that.

WHAT EVERYONE KNOWS

No one knows The Author. That person is known as Sara or Will or B (from the Italian) or Q (again from the Italian). Everyone respects The Author in their own way.

Some say Q is evolution, some say Will is devolution, some say Sara means inevitable revolution, many see The Author in the cosmos, many see B only in quarks. The majority say The Author can only be revealed in fantasy stories. A select few say Q must be seen in strict truth.

Some say Sara wants people to vote, others to abstain from voting. All politicians use elements of Q to get the voters to elect them, but not in the way that "the Q Advocates" (which is their preferred name) like.

The fantasy Author Writers are lauded with honour and prestige whereas the Q researchers are left to obscurity. Their work is bastardised and distorted by the politicians. But "the Q Advocates" continue to seek and publicise the truth as best they can perceive it.

THE OLD MAN

Death had spent 10 out of his 14 days on holiday. An old man came up and introduced himself to Death declaring "I am the soothsayer. I once loved humanity but got sick from its imperfections. I have sought the secrets of Sara for the last 10 years."

Death was delighted. Had Sara arranged this as a reward for his Covid work?

The soothsayer said "Humanity needs help. They need empathy. Do not to go back to the people. Enjoy the mountain and the forest and the animals."

The old soothsayer said "I am an übermensch. I am the enemy of all men and no man."

Death said "An übermensch should return to the company of humanity."

The old man said "Humanity does not need such a gift. It cannot comprehend that The Author must die."

The old soothsayer said "The Author is not the source of truth that gives meaning and purpose. It is not in??."

Death thought the scariest thought. It was too scary to say. But the old man had spent 10 years to reach the one sentence metaphysical conclusion. This was no time to repress his feelings.

He told the old soothsayer "Everyone knows The Author is everywhere and in everything. If The Author is nowhere then life, including my own, is meaningless. But that isn't the case. I have a purpose. I am an agent of The Author. I am Death only indirectly understood by Malthus. But Malthus confirms my purpose."

The old soothsayer replied "Then Malthus is your Author."

This couldn't be. Death was alive many centuries before Malthus and now was still living many decades after Malthus and he had met professionally.

The übermensch said "Malthus gives you your moral values and positive life goals. But I am doomed to create my own values, meaning, and purpose. Humans are just a bridge over an abyss between the animal and the übermensch.

But Death said "Why then do you live apart from humanity?"

But the people do not understand Zarathustra, and it seems like they do not find the knowledge of the übermensch very interesting.

The übermensch replied "I cherish this knowledge. But humanity is timid, tame, and obedient. If I reveal my truth I will become The Author. That is why I must be the last human being."

The übermensch said to Death "Recognise the paradox. An übermensch has to be the last human being. I have found my own positive beliefs but must not become an Author."

Death pretended he recognised the paradox. The übermensch recognised that Death didn't understand."

The übermensch tried another track "What is the king of the Jungle and what does he do?"

Death knew the answers "The lion and he roars"

The übermensch "So I can no longer delight in turning my back on human needs. But if I speak I will become an Author. So I must become a lion who rules by his silence.

My lion rule must be hid in madness and then in a life of total silence."

With that the old soothsayer went towards the mental hospital, never to come out of its care.

Death recognised that he had, in his own way, seen a prophet that doesn't want to have followers.

Twenty years later Death met the old soothsayer just before he breathed his last breath. The old soothsayer spoke just one word to Death. "Paradox"

And that is why Death, even though he is wise to the secrets of life, will not reveal his knowledge.