The Serpentine Bodyguard Pt. 03

"It's kinda flattering we've got a secret admirer out there," Hssara added with a grin, "Their camerawork's ametur, but the sentiment's nice."

Jimmy let out a small chuckle, then turned to a more serious topic with a smile lingering on his face. "You know, not everyone has such a lighthearted opinion... some people out there are calling for legal action on account of the whole interspecies shebang."

Hssara squinted, then leaned in with a similar mock intensity, fingers steepled as she glanced toward the host. "Maybe my human history is a little rusty," she pondered, "But haven't we done this before? I mean, first there was the whole segregation thing, then the gay rights thing... do we really need to keep doing this a third time?"

"You're talking about the anti-alien-relationship movement?"

"Yeah, haven't we seen this before?"

The subtle grin on the host's lips revealed he intended to agree, but customs demand that he play devil's advocate. "But isn't that a bit of a jump, from two humans to a human and an alien?"

"Hssara's more human than some humans I've dated," Clark replied, "Granted, she's got some quirks, but she can binge shows with the best of us, and I think she's every bit as affectionate." As if to demonstrate, the viper leaned up against him and squeezed his hand, her smile widening just a hair.

"And there aren't any... biological issues?"

"Well, of course there's differences... the full-body hugs, the slithering, the fact that I need a crowbar to pry her off when it's cold out..." He couldn't help but think of all the inhuman things she'd done to him in the bedroom as well, all the deepthroating and tongue-jobs... "But that's just what makes it interesting."

"Certainly seems interesting from those pictures," Jimmy quipped, "But there's another issue our viewers have brought up: how's this romance play into your professional relationship?" When Clark raised an eyebrow, the host quickly explained further. "Hssara's your bodyguard, right?"

Clark couldn't help but be caught off-guard by the question, but Hssara quickly stepped in. "Yeah, it started like that," she replied, "But... it's evolved into something different. After the attack, we realized that I'm not much protection against a whole team of psychos, so we got help... brave men and women from Civil Security." The men and women bit was a bit of a stretch, seeing how ADVENT's grunt force seemed oddly androgynous, but no one was about to correct them. "As for us, well... I feel like being in love isn't a hindrance. Would you rather have someone who'd take a bullet for you both literally and figuratively, or just someone who's day job is keeping you safe?"

"Hmm... but don't you think this might be considered sexual misconduct?"

This time, Clark spoke up. "As far as I know, it's only misconduct if it's one-sided, or if it interferes with one of our jobs. I know from experience it sure as hell isn't a one-sided thing, and ADVENT doesn't seem to see any issue with it." He was tempted to add something about how ADVENT cared, how they were human enough to give a young couple a bit of slack, but he decided not to spew straight bullshit.

"I see... and you agree, Hssara?"

The viper shrugged. "Wouldn't be working with him if I didn't."

Jimmy leaned back in his chair, perching his ankle on his knee once again. "Well, I suppose that makes sense... but I'm a bit curious as to how it all plays out. Mind walking us through your average day?"

"Not at all," Clark replied, "We start in bed, same as anyone else, though I've usually gotta pry myself away from miss clingy over here..."

"It's not my fault you're so warm," she muttered in mock offense, folding her arms across her chest.

"Are you... cold blooded?" the host asked.

"As a matter of fact, I'm not," Hssara replied, "I'm as warm-blooded as any human... but then again, who says no to some midnight cuddles?" She punctuated the half-lie by suddenly leaning over and gave Clark a quick kiss on the cheek, enjoying the way he blushed ever so slightly under the glaring lights.

"From there it's pretty normal," Clark continued, "Take a shower, get dressed, cook breakfast... basic stuff, same as anyone else."

"Are there any dietary differences?" Jimmy probed, "I don't mean to sound rude, but would an alien eat the same things as a human?"

"It's not rude at all," Hssara replied with a smile, trying not to feel like a circus sideshow. Just a while longer, and then they could get back to their own little sanctum. Although the stage lights reminded her of the heat lamps they'd had for the dorms back in Nevada, she could see the film crew flitting about like ghosts behind the light's shroud, watching her and her human lover like lizards in a terrarium. "There's some human food I can't eat in bulk, but there's plenty of overlap, and I can stomach most stuff for a few meals."

"And is it you doing the cooking?"

"Eh, depends on the night... sometimes he'll cook, sometimes I'll cook, sometimes we'll work together..." Most of the time, they just had food delivered to their penthouse, but that didn't seem nearly dignified enough.

"It's amazing how fresh the stuff from the hydroponic plants is," Clark added, throwing a brief glance toward what he thought was Dr. Calkins. True, he wasn't required to kiss ADVENT's ass, but he'd learned from experience that a little kowtowing went a long way.

"You still work at the California Computational Agency?" the host asked Clark.

"Yeah, same as usual. Wouldn't want to bore you with all the tech geekery we get into, but the short version is we're doing good work." A slight lie, seeing as how ADVENT wouldn't let him anywhere near government infrastructure without an armed escort. Too much of a security risk, they'd said, though now he had to contend with their finicky remote system. "Once we're done there, we head home and relax, maybe head out to dinner if we're feeling like it." They'd been out to eat precisely once since their dinner date, and having an armed escort standing beside them somewhat ruined the experience.

"So, pretty mundane all things considered?"

"All things considered... yeah, minus a few quirks here and there." Over the next few minutes, he answered the host's questions with a smile on his face, working with Hssara to toss out tame yet funny stories of a viper in a human's world. Along the way, they gradually got used to the pocket world of the stage, ignoring the crew shuffling about behind the lights and focusing in on Jimmy's kind grin. They knew it was probably all an act, but the casual chat was comforting all the same, and Clark couldn't help but feel some twinge of pride at being the center of attention.

"Well, I think we're getting near the end of our time," Jimmy eventually sighed, "So I've just got a few more questions... and I hope they don't seem too personal. Clark, I think I speak for most of our listeners out there when I ask, what's it like being with an alien?"

At first, Clark didn't get what the man's subtle grin was implying. "Like I said, it's pretty normal..."

"Even behind closed doors?"

Although his initial reaction was to act squeamish, a quick squeeze and friendly nudge from Hssara was enough to overpower his inhibitions. "Well, behind closed doors it's another matter entirely," he admitted, "I don't think there's a human alive who can do half of the things she can..."

"Nope," Hssara concurred with a lusty grin, "I think I might've even ruined humans for him." After looking at her lover's expression, however, she realized she might've gone a hair too close to reality.

"Well, I wouldn't go that far," Clark rebutted, "I like humans just fine, it's just... I like you even more."

"Mmmm..." Clark leaned in to give her a kiss on the head, and while it felt all too genuine for the stage, Jimmy's brief pause told him it was just enough schmoozing to boost ratings.

"And how about you, Hssara? How's a human measure up to one of your own?"

Her knee-jerk reaction was to say that her kind didn't really "do" anything lewd beyond breeding duty, but she quickly realized that was just the kind of thing ADVENT wouldn't want told to the public. For other vipers, sexuality was a baser urge to be avoided, but for humans, it was a naughty little secret everyone kept in their back pocket. "He's actually pretty great," she replied, "Handsome, soft, warm, caring... not to say that we vipers can't be all that, but it doesn't hold a candle to Clark here under a fluffy duvet." This time, it was her turn to pull her lover close for a peck on the cheek, earning a semi-forced grin of endearment from their host.

"Well, I'm afraid that's all the time we've got tonight," Jimmy concluded, "Thank you both for being on the show, and for giving us such an in-depth look at what you two have been up to."

"It's our pleasure," Clark said with a smile, giving a small nod of thanks to the fiery-haired host.

Hssara followed suit, which seemed to prompt Jimmy to turn to one of the cameras. "Next time," he said to the audience, "We'll be seeing how gene therapy has been treating Felicia Nikatina, San Francisco's resident diva." He remained staring at the camera for a moment more, seeming to wait for some que...

"And... cut!" The director held up a hand closed in a fist, and in an instant, the stage snapped back to its active state. The glaring spotlights switched off, the rest of the room lit up, the crew began busying themselves with their duties, and Jimmy Yates seemed to relax in his cushy armchair, all while Clark and Hssara remained on the same ivory couch. Their host seemed to contemplate saying something to them, but when his phone buzzed with a notification, he merely offered a smile before hastily heading off-set.

"Well, that wasn't too terrible," Clark sighed while taking a look at his phone, "Felt longer than thirty minutes..."

Hssara, meanwhile, leaned back to take a look at the lights, eyes narrowed in thought. "You think we could get a bunch of heat lamps?" she pondered half to herself, "Stick 'em up above the bed, maybe?"

Her human companion followed her gaze, and it didn't take long for him to realize she was after the raw warmth those lights could provide. "Eh, we'd probably have to get them specially made... might be easier to just get a heated blanket."

Hssara's expression revealed she'd never heard of such a wondrous device, but before she could probe further, Dr. Calkins stepped up onto the stage to approach them with her tablet in hand. "That was great," she began, "Relatability and authenticity are great, and according to the simulations..." The woman trailed off as she saw interest fading from the couple, unamused by the intricacies of public-relation-simulation AI. "Pretty sure that's all we need," she finished.

Clark raised an eyebrow. "So we're free to go?"

The doctor made as if to say, "Yes," but quickly remembered something as a notice popped up on her tablet. "Actually, if you could post something about the interview sometime later, that'd be great, but other than that... yes, we're done here."

"Perfect." With that, Hssara took her human by the hand and led him back through the thronging set, straight back down the hall to where their armored escorts were waiting. In their haste to return to the familiar, they hardly noticed all the looks from the other humans, and the troopers' inanimate silence seemed downright convenient. As if compelled by some simple algorithm, they immediately fell into place as the pair left the door, guarding in front and behind as they made their way back to the van. Clark and Hssara climbed in, and their heavily-armed chauffeur started it up before waiting for an order.

"Just take us back home," Clark said, slipping off his suit jacket and laying it on the couch beside him. With an imperceptible nod, the trooper in the driver's seat punched in the destination, and the van began driving on its own toward their apartment.

His viper companion, meanwhile, was busy typing something out on her phone, and once Clark grew curious, she offered a brief explanation: "I forgot to ask when the show's airing."

"Right..." Ever since their first televised interview, they'd made something of a habit of watching their own appearances for the ego kick if nothing else, occasionally ribbing each other about stumbles or egregiously cut film. It was also rather entertaining to see how makeup and post-production editing turned them from normal schmoes to TV characters, all their little blemishes and imperfections wiped away as if by magic. True, it was a bit awkward knowing there were probably thousands of people watching along with them, but when you spend most of your time in a heavily-guarded safehouse, the general public isn't too much of an issue.

Once her phone dinged with a reply, Hssara switched over to a different app and posted a quick little message, and judging by the noise, she was finally getting around to the obligatory social media post. "Looks like we're on at seven," she finally revealed, then tucked away her phone and slid a bit closer. "Until then... how's a midmorning nap sound?"

Clark sorely wanted to agree, to just snuggle up under the covers with her and sleep like a pair of hibernating snakes... but his more dutiful side couldn't help but chastise his loungy habits. "Actually, I should take another stab at the remote desktop system... Liam and I might be able to figure something out."

"Oh... alright." He could tell she was the slightest bit miffed at not having her favorite bed-warmer, but they'd been getting used to splitting up every so often: Clark would do his remote work (or wrestle with the uncooperative remote system), and Hssara would catch up on girly sitcoms that Clark was lukewarm towards. Then, once they got bored of their prospective pastimes, they'd get back together and curl up on the couch... or just strip naked and rut like animals.

The journey back home was less than uneventful, with not even a pothole to spice things up or a rogue jaywalker to make use of their security guards. The van simply pulled up in front of the apartment building, dropped them off, then headed back to the parking lot while they made their way back to the elevator. A trooper sent a radio update to his coworkers on the top floor, but neither human nor viper was in the mood to care, and they boarded the elevator back to their home without issue.

Upon stepping through the penthouse doors and entering their private abode, Clark and Hssara immediately made their way to the walk-in closet. Both stripped out of their business attire, with Clark donning sweats and a t-shirt and his viper lover remaining nude. When she gave him a seductive glance from the closet's doorway, he was sorely tempted to give up on work entirely and just bury his face in her chest for a while, but he managed to work up the gumption to plod over to his home office. "Hey, Liam," he said as he connected his video-chat software, pulling up the necessary windows to begin the task of connecting to his desktop. "Ready for another go?"

"Yeah, boss... got your computer pulled up right here."

"Right... let's see if we can't get the network nodes synched up."

When Hssara haphazardly flopped onto the bed and threw some covers over her scaly form, she could just barely hear her human's calm, collected instructions. When she awoke, his collected cool had been replaced by a minor irritation, the kind Clark's subordinates dipped into whenever they were "rubber ducking" (which had been a most curious thing to look up). Hssara simply pulled on an oversized woolen sweater and headed to the living room, settling her coiled length onto the cushions while she turned on the latest episode of Crimson Cove. For someone who'd never set foot in a high school, the teenage antics seemed just as supernatural as the vampires and werewolves they happened to, and even though parsing it all was like watching Game of Thrones out of order, it still excited her to know that Stacie the witch had just found out about Veronica's hookup with her werewolf boyfriend, Chet.

"Oh, come the fuck on!" The enraged shout came straight from Clark's office, and it was the same sort of disbelieving wrath she'd exuded when the TV suddenly lost internet access for a full hour. "I just reset the fucking network key, how could you screw that up?" There was a brief pause, followed by a murmured response from Liam. "No, I know it's not your fault... it's whatever hack programmed this interface!"

Sensing a perfect opening for a little R&R, Hssara gently slithered her way off the couch and into the office, taking care not to alert Clark too early. Liam saw her through the webcam right as she slid in the door, but Clark didn't notice her until she suddenly hugged him from behind, resting her scaly chin on top of his head while glancing at his computer screen. "Hey, Hssara," he sighed, doing his best to hold back his irritation.

Liam, meanwhile, had seen that gleam in Hssara's eyes many a time before, and while he agreed his boss could use some TLC, he didn't want to bear witness to whatever carnal acts they'd get into next. "Y'know, maybe we can just try again on Monday," he sighed, "Maybe it's some localized issue that'll clear up by then."

As much as his belligerent sense of duty compelled him to keep going, having Hssara draped over his back like a scaly cloak sapped what little strength he had left. "Yeah, sure," Clark halfheartedly replied, "See you then..."

With a final wave and sheepish smile, Liam switched off the video feed, leaving Clark alone with his serpentine lover. He gratefully let her spin him around in his swivel chair, then broke into a small smile as she slithered into his lap. "So," she murmured, "What can we do to blow off some steam?"

Clark's burning annoyance had cooled and hardened, keeping him from getting too excited by the beautiful alien on his lap... but that didn't mean he wasn't interested. "I dunno... got any suggestions?"

After breaking into a tiny smile, Hssara simply pulled him close and planted a kiss on his lips, pushing him back against the padded chair while her arms hugged him close. It took all of two seconds for Clark to reciprocate, holding her scales tight and pushing back, going so far as to press his tongue past her lips and taste the sweetly familiar flavor of her mouth. Then, he felt her own tongue pressing inward, rooting around with dexterity and power he still found so damn exotic, teasing every corner of his mouth with inhuman prowess.

He couldn't help but sneak his fingers under her sweater's hem, and with that slightest bit of provocation, she pulled the whole garment over her head and tossed it aside. It felt liberating not to have anything between her scales and Clark's intimate warmth, especially after the stiffness and formality of that interview... on impulse, she pulled back and put the human's hands right on her breasts. Having his soft hands eagerly groping sharpened her friskiness into palpable arousal, and she could feel a growing stiffness poking her through his sweats. "Wanna try anal again?" she blurted out, eager to have Clark inside her in the most perverse way she could think off.

Clark, meanwhile, was the slightest bit fazed. "Anal? You mean the tail-sex thing?"

"Yeah."

"Didn't that hurt?"

While Hssara remembered their first foray into it as a mild stinging affair that devolved into more traditional sex, her forays into human smut had taught her that anal was something of a holy grail for normal couples, and after some personal experimentation with a dildo, she felt ready for a second try. "Yeah, the first time," she replied, "But it wasn't that bad. Besides, if you're really worried about it, you can always make it up with that tongue of yours." To emphasize her point, she reared up slightly and flashed Clark with her already slickening slit.