The Solitary Road Leads to You

I was about to burst into tears.

"My dearest Tessa." He said, in what seemed to me to be a very tender voice.

My tears streamed down like gushing rain upon hearing him utter endearments in that manner. Why on earth did he think it fit to flirt now? Perhaps he was trying to console me in the only way he knew how; which was to be the great flirt that he was.

"I'll be fine." I managed to say in a meek-sounding broken voice which I did not recognize as mine.

"I know you'll be fine but I just want to make things easier for you. Tell me how I can do that." He said.

"I want to drink something." I gasped out.

I dared not speak more. If unchecked, I was going to sob uncontrollably. I could not bring myself to look at him. Now it was my turn to look everywhere except at him.

He proceeded to make me a cup of coffee from the coffee machine behind the counter. He pressed the button but it did not work. No coffee came out of the nozzle.

"Coin." I finally managed.

It seems strange that even as Lena and I served customers from behind the counter, we had to insert a coin into the machine to make coffee. It was a new machine that I have acquired. Lena and I tinkered with the machine for an hour and yet could not disable the requirement for the coin setting. I had asked the supplier to disable the function as this was not supposed to be a vending machine. Yet so far the supplier had been taking his time.

Stefan fished out a coin from his pocket and out came the welcomed caffeine boost for me. He brought the cup to my lips and as I scented the aroma of black coffee, I started to feel that everything which had happened was only a bad dream. It was a matter of time before I woke up. Maybe it was almost breakfast time. That was why I scented coffee.

But I did not wake up from my nightmare. Nothing was going on like clockwork anymore. I started to sob. First I gulped as I tried to control myself but control was futile today. I sniffed but my breathing became ragged and never had I been in such a total mess before.

"It's alright, Tessa. I am here for you, Tessa, and I do want to be here for you." He said, in a voice which seemed to show that he thought of me.

Upon hearing his words, I sobbed into his chest; ungracefully and unbecoming of what I would normally regard as decent behaviour. My flailing arms went around his as tight as I could go. I sobbed my heart out. I was not thinking straight anymore. His voice became the one constant again and his warm fingers stroked the small of my back repeatedly.

"Let me take care of you. Let me be your friend." He said softly.

His eyes were kind and his voice was very tender.

Helpless, I lay in the embrace of his comforting arms and snuggled against his chest like a child. I sobbed until I could no longer sob. I did not know how long he had held me in his clasp like that. He did not seem to tire of me. Finally I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I slumped against his chest- all motionless. He tenderly whispered into my ear that I was a strong woman while his warm fingers stroked my back still.

Strong? This was the weakest I was in the history of the clockwork independence of my life.

Hearing his well-meant but fallacious words, tentatively I gazed upwards at him. He brushed runaway strands of my hair away from my forehead and tucked them behind my ears. His eyes settled on mine lightly. His utterance of my name, however betrayed his true emotions.

"Tessa." He said.

Never before had I heard my name pronounced with such gut-wrenching intensity which made me want to sob all over again.

"Stefan." I said softly.

My voice was raspy from all the sobbing.

His hands gradually made their way to support the back of my neck as I arched up towards him from the refuge of his chest. I had soaked up his shirt with my tears. I felt so ashamed now that I could ascertain what it was that I felt.

"I'm so sorry to have taken up your time. I'm fine now, really, and please do not feel that you have to stay with me." I said, in an uncertain voice, looking into his eyes for the first time since that moment outside the restaurant.

"Dearest Tessa, I have no where better to be tonight. I was just going to spend the night in my truck." Said Stefan.

"Oh." I said.

Perhaps he was thinking that I was thinking about something else, and he added "Alone."

I had no ready answer to that and did not reply. I was not sure if he wanted company or otherwise.

It had been a long hour before the police and ambulance arrived due to delays caused by construction on parts of Route 61. By the time they arrived, I had calmed down considerably. You could say that I had sobered up. I felt as though I had gone through a terrible state of drunkenness in speech and action despite not being drunk. Stefan had that negative effect on me. I made a mental note to stay away from him as much as I could. His presence made me want to be with him because I was vulnerable, and I figured the best way to counter that was to avoid him at all cost. The avoidance would start precisely tomorrow. Not tonight for I... I have no wish to dwell deeper into this.

The police took my statement and the paramedics examined my face and my body. The police informed me that they would thoroughly investigate the matter based on the description I gave. It was hardly any. I was unable to describe my assailant. Even his voice was a blur. I could have heard him on the street again and not be able to recognise it.

The superintendent informed me that his team would do roadblocks at every exit. They would also search the Route 61 stop but I doubted that they would find my assailant. He was long gone.

The paramedics tended to the gash on my right eyelid and my right cheek. They informed me that whilst it took time for the wounds to heal, there was no cause for concern of long-term injuries. The bleeding was caused by a tear in the right eyelid and broken blood vessels from the nose. They gave me a whole tonne of anti-inflammatory pills, antibiotics and painkillers.

Stefan asked intelligent questions about the extent of my injuries and about how to replace my bandages properly when I had to do it on my own, in addition to the medication. To be honest, I barely took in all the technicalities. For me, it was not important anymore. I know I would be able to manage on my own somehow. My foot was no longer asleep, and that was what I was thinking about. I needed to be able to drive home.

It was a relief to finally see everyone go. Everyone except Stefan who lingered on. I was dead tired and upset but still, I was a good actress. If you acted like nothing happened, nothing happened. All these years in hospitality made me one. I attempted to smile broadly.

"I am glad that the day has finally come to an end! Everything is in order now, precisely as it should be." I said.

Like I said, Stefan was mostly good for barking or flirting except when he was forced to console me with sweet words. He really had the gift of the gab. Now back to his type of normal conversation, he could not say anything agreeable like "Alright, I'll leave now and see you when I do."

"Where do you live?" He asked instead.

"The old historical centre of Thor." I said.

"Where do you live?'' I asked in return.

"The edge of Bad Holburg. Right next to the highway exit." He answered.

"I'll give you a ride home." He said suddenly.

"They're in direct opposites. I can drive now that the tyres are all replaced." I said.

I was thankful that the police had gone beyond their duties to assist in replacing my deflated tyres.

"I must insist, Tessa." Stefan said.

There was sternness in his tone which indicated that it was non-negotiable.

I wanted to say that I insisted on my will too but I did not want to sound rude. I was a little intimidated by him although I should not have been as I know now that I was indeed seventeen years older than he was.

I gave him my car keys. He propped me in the passenger seat while he drove. All the way, there was only silence. Since I had a long, eventful day, I fell asleep without meaning to.

My eyelids only fluttered open when I felt a light tap on my shoulders. Disorientated, I gazed at his long fingers on my shoulders, then at him. I looked around me and recognised familiar surroundings.

"You're home." He said.

"How did you know where I lived?" I asked.

Stefan was caught off-guard. It turned into a guilty look of sorts. Then he pointed at my car's in-built GPS.

"I set it to home. I thought that you could do with the sleep. I did not want to wake you up so I tinkered with the GPS." He said.

"I did not think of that." I said, before continuing "I appreciate all your help today."

Our gazes locked and he brushed it away lightly, saying that he was at the right place and time. Plus he reiterated that he had nowhere better to be tonight.

"You drove me home with my car. How are you going to get back to your truck at the rest stop?" I asked.

I did not think about it beforehand about how inconvenienced he had been by driving me home.

"I will sleep on your couch if it's alright with you. Tomorrow morning we can drive back together and then I can get back to my truck. I'm only expected at my destination in the afternoon, so there is plenty of time." Stefan said.

"Of course you can sleep on my couch. That's the least I can do for you." I said.

I motioned the young man to my couch in the living room and provided him with some pillows and blankets. I told him to make himself comfortable, watch television if he wanted and get something from the fridge if he got hungry.

He nodded in appreciation. Then I went to bed. I did hear some background sounds from the television and knew that he was making himself at home.

I slept the whole night through. When I came out of my bedroom at dawn, I saw that he was already staring out of the window. He must have been eager to get going. I thus did not offer him breakfast, and neither did I eat anything myself. We drove to the Route 61 stop in silence. This time I drove while he sat at the passenger seat. Most of the time, he looked outside the window at the long, dull highway.

During intermittent intervals, we passed fields of wild poppies. The poppies always captured my attention. So striking in their bright red; but not as striking as Stefan's lush, blue eyes...

I gulped hard at that thought, trying to concentrate on the monotonous drive instead.

"Do you like poppies?" He asked.

"I do." I said.

I glanced swiftly at him; and he reciprocated my gaze.

"They bring life and colour to the otherwise dull highway." I continued.

"Your hair, which I like so much, is the red of the poppies." Stefan said in a serious voice.

I could only look at him because he sounded so serious that I wondered if he had intended to flirt but it did not come out right.

"You bring life and colour to my otherwise dull life." He said.

I thought that I could say the same about him.

"I do mean it, Tessa." He said.

His voice went notches lower.

"Stefan, it's so sweet of you to say that. Thank you." I said.

"I do not want you to thank me. What I want..." He trailed but did not continue for I have spoken.

"But I do have to thank you for being there for me last night, Stefan. I did not handle the aftermath of the robbery well, and I am indebted to you because you went out of your way for me." I said.

He turned towards me now, and with a fiery spark in the pupils of his eyes, he said, "I would not have forgiven myself if anything were to happen to you."

We arrived together at the highway stop amidst chatter about the robbery yesterday. News had travelled fast particularly via social media. Regular customers asked if I was okay and I said I was fine. I did not mention that Stefan had been the one and only support by my side as I was not sure if he wanted to be associated with me.

Stefan purposely came in the restaurant a few minutes later than I had and started chatting to his fellow truckers. He acknowledged me with indifference as if yesterday did not happen and he was seeing me for the first time after the robbery.

"You're alright now?" He asked, in a rather gruff voice.

Yet from want of trying too hard to be indifferent, he sounded concerned.

"Yes, I am alright. My face looks worse than it is. In time, I will heal." I said.

"Good." He said, looking right at the monstrous version my face had become.

For a moment, our gazes lingered longer than necessary. I wondered how much uglier I looked now so much so that he could afford to give me more attention. So it was the beautiful and the ugly which stood out, not the plain woman who I was in between them.

He was still gripping the menu; his fingers scratching the laminated, waterproof cardboard. I noticed his discomfort with me and I felt that it was time I headed to the kitchen and practiced what I preached to myself. Avoid him when I could. I called Lena out to get his order instead.

I started with my work afresh at the restaurant. Customers came and left. Stefan also left after having a quick breakfast. Lena had dutifully attended to him.

I did not see him for the next couple of days. In the meantime, the police investigation reached a dead end. I did not pursue the matter further. The bad memories must be relegated to the recesses of my mind and money lost could be made again.

Stefan appeared the following Friday evening. He was rather rude and barking out orders towards me as he always did. He said hello and asked me how I was. I said I was doing fine, whether or not I was really fine because fine is the standard answer you gave to people.

He asked me whether I thought of enhancing security at the restaurant. I said I thought of getting security cameras and an alarm system. He grunted his approval and then he ate his meal quietly. When he came to the counter to pay, I informed him that it was on the house.

It seemed for the shortest period of time, his gruff resistance collapsed because he looked at me somewhat humanely, albeit with an impenetrable composure on his face. He then said he had matters to attend to. I asked if it was the same livestock delivery, and he shook his head. He said it was a personal matter.

In between quiet moments at the restaurant, I had been thinking of revamping my life. My life had been turned upside-down by the robbery. Was it some emotional scar lurking through, whispering to me that I could never really be safe no matter what? I did not know but I know that it had been affecting me. I no longer felt pleasure in doing what I did. I felt a sense of unease and deprivation, and I felt a longing for Stefan because I reasoned, he happened to be there when I was most vulnerable.

It occurred to me that if I had lost the joy in these twenty-four years of managing my restaurant, something was amiss. I had to do something to get the pleasure back. It hurt a lot that I did not enjoy ticking my time sheet in the kitchen even though I was more precise than ever. That was the one thing in the world I loved to do more than anything. What came a close second was waking up exactly at 5.00 am in the mornings.

When the alarm system was installed, I felt a little more secure but not yet back to my old self. I kept myself busier then. I tinkered with the coffee machine. It was with such vigour until Ernst offered to help. I said that it was something I had to do myself. Ernst left me at that. I finally managed to get it to work without requiring that pathetic coin. I then called the supplier and trumpeted to him that I did not need him to come anymore.

In this brazen mood, I sought to widen my horizons. I thought of my life so far. Not much achievement except for a restaurant or is it achievement enough? I guess the question was whether I was satisfied with my life now. Why had the robbery such an impact on me? Why was I not satisfied with my life after the robbery? Did I realise my mortality somehow?

And Stefan... I had to get him out of my head. He did not like me; nor did I; him. He was always rude. If he was not rude, he was a great flirt. Yet he did go out of his way to help me the night I was weak. Well, I told myself, I could have latched on like a limpet to anyone who showed any semblance of compassion that night. Even a total stranger.

I decided to make my life more interesting by taking up mountain-climbing. Dear reader, around the area of Bad Holburg, we have quite a few mountains. When I was a child, I disliked the mountains because of stories of witches who ate naughty children. Do you not know that legend has it that witchcraft was prevalent in the mountains here? I was terrified.

So as you can guess, being rational, the next logical thing to do was to avoid mountains at all cost, the same way I had proceeded to avoid Stefan. I have never hiked up a hill or a mountain in the region.

Yet, this was something I wanted to change. I was getting braver now, in my own view at least. The mountain was not Stefan. I could not lump them in the same category.

On Saturday, I wanted to hike up one mountain, the one closest to home. At the end of the thirty minutes' drive there, it started to rain. I was cursing and swearing as I had made the effort. Furthermore, to add salt to the wound, I was extremely restless since the robbery. A thought flashed into my mind. Why not I do something indoors that is active as well?

I ended up at a rock-climbing centre in Bad Holburg. It did not matter then should it rain cats and dogs for a hundred years. I just wanted to start on something. So there I was, for the first time, in a rock-climbing centre. I was in awe, from a layperson's perspective, with the array of fake plastic-like mountains they had. Once I was roped in, I tried to climb by holding on to those little plastic rocks (at least they looked like plastic to me) to propel myself higher.

I succeeded in the first few lower ones but had difficulty with the higher ones as I could not reach the rocks. When I could, I found that I could not lift my body higher nor could my feet get into the right position on the higher rocks. I did not realize how unfit I was until now. I lacked hand strength to propel myself upwards. And I thought I was a very capable cook; capable enough of tossing fried cod in a heavy iron-cast pan! At least my wrist-strength was indisputable there.

I did not realise that the lone instructor on duty was watching me all this while. He must have seen the novice that I was. He came to me and offered to teach me how to climb. He was a friendly man and at times he placed my legs at the right rock because I took too long to get it right.

I was terribly embarrassed at my antiques but he made me laugh when he cracked jokes. The tone of his voice was simply melodious and he spoke cheerily. It was such a welcomed difference from the gruffness of the one young man who had affected me so.

If everything was easy on the heart, it must be right. This instructor was right for me.

Under his watchful eyes, I did progress in rock-climbing. I managed to reach a peak of one of the mountains there. I was satisfied. Now I had a big grin on my face. The instructor released the rope latch and I slid down to the ground. It was quick and I felt a burst of adrenaline in me for I had never done this nor felt this burst of excitement before.

This was something new for me. I had never felt so alive! The surge of excitement gushing through my veins... it was like an addiction. It worked to cleanse my thoughts of Stefan.

The instructor's name was Karl and he invited me for a drink at the adjoining café after the session was over. I was gushing so much about my climb, talking ninety to a dozen. He looked genuinely interested in my self-proclaimed feat, and he said that he looked forward to seeing me here again. I said that I would definitely be back for more.