The Sultanah Ch. 02

The Loyalist Peers sat down in their chairs, cowed and angry. They would not meet my gaze. When I saw the men who despaired at my decision and those who rejoiced, I wondered again if had done the right thing.

"No red...not a drop of it, I don't want anything tainted," Rahip was explaining to his Secretary.

"Cardinal Rahip," I said.

"No, even the carpet, make it green," he said, not noticing.

"Cardinal Rahip," I repeated.

"And, the jewels, I have them...do I have them? Yes."

"Rahip!" I called out loudly and he turned, shocked. I saw anger in his eyes, but I felt my own anger rising as well. I was the Sultanah-Elect and I had extended Tanri an olive branch, the least the Cardinal could do was be courteous, to pretend her respected me. He seemed to sense that it was in bad taste to so brazenly ignore me, and his teeth flashed quickly.

"I apologize Sultanah," he said warmly, "I have been so excited in serving your interests that I did not hear you speak." I looked around the room, and saw my Peers looking at me. They wondered how I would handle such disrespect. I wanted to be bold, to show Rahip that I commanded deference. But he was a man, and I was a woman. I did not know how to begin such a conversation.

"I am retiring to my room. Please leave any notes with Arkadas," I said timidly. I saw Rahip smirk and some of the nobles shake their heads. I turned and finally walked out the back door towards my quarters. I did not want to spend another instant in the room.

As soon as the door was closed behind me and I stood in the hallway that connected the throne room to my father's old chambers, I dropped to my knees on the floor. I felt tears welling in my eyes as the stress of my decision left me. I had been placed on the spot in the room, my ability to lead sorely tested, and I had failed miserably. My decision, whatever its merits, had not produced consensus. It demoralized the side I respected most and had failed to gain the respect of the side most opposed to me. I felt childish and ill-suited to the task before me. It was not just this one decision I suppose, it was the entire uncertain situation and the realization that it all fallen on my woefully inadequate shoulders. I realized I was going to be the last leader of the Empire. What had I been thinking?

"Good, you should be crying," I heard a voice say. I lifted my head from my hands and looked up. For a moment, I thought it was Cin. I thought she'd come to damn me for my choices. I almost hoped that it was. But, after a moment, I realized that it was not.

"You don't deserve father's throne. You are a disgusting...animal!" Nislani said, towering over me. I was shocked to hear the words spilling from my sister's mouth. She must've been in my father's room (she'd spent a good deal of time mourning there, a luxury I did not have) and heard me come out. I knew that she had been angry and confused, but I had not had the opportunity to speak with her. I was completely unprepared for the level of her hatred. I stood up quickly.

"How dare you speak to me like that?" I said quickly. If I felt ready for anything, it was to trade angry exchanges with my sister. At least I was qualified for that.

"It is the truth! You are not...right. Women are women and men are men, you are unnatural and it is wrong that you should lead us!" Nislani said. I realized that as Nislani spoke, that while she was cruder than others might be, she had essentially hit upon the source of my insecurity, both emotional and political. She was right. I was not a normal woman. And while others might not say it, many people, Peers and Commons, felt that it was wrong that I lead the people. Many probably felt, after thinking about it for some time, that it was better that the Empire cease to exist than it have me as its leader. I knew that I had no real power; the men would not let me have it. And I knew I didn't deserve it, being a freak did not qualify me to be the Sultan. Nislani was right.

"You should let Prince Lider marry me and I will rule here with him! That way you won't anger any of the Gods and we can be at peace and I can be happy," Nislani said and stamped her foot like a spoiled child. I felt anger rising in me again, replacing the despair I'd felt just a moment before. I realized now why I had taken the throne, even if I knew I was not right for it. It was probably the reason the Loyalists wanted to fight on my behalf. While my claim was imperfect, it was certainly better than the alternative. The choice was to fight for a freakish Sultanah or give in to those who'd hurt us the most. With only those two choices, what else could we do? I felt a power I had not expected before. I stepped forward towards my sister, thinking about what she'd said. My eyes flashed fire and Nislani backed away, her eyes looking scared. She'd come to kick me when I was down, she had not expected me to rile myself.

"You whore!" I yelled at her, my words chosen purposefully.

"How dare you!" she said, but her voice sounded small. I poked her shoulder hard with my finger.

"What else should I call a woman who would open her leg and expose her rotted cunny to the murderer of her father? The favorite daughter! Father hated me and I am more loyal to his memory than you! You want to fuck father's murderer!"

"Lider did not do it."

"He led the armies to our gates! If he did not want father dead he was indifferent to that eventual outcome."

"Father and Lider liked one another. It was a mistake," my sister said. I realized the depths of her delusion.

"You are a fool as well as a whore!" I said, "You must realize that the negotiations for your hand were a ruse. They were designed to get father's guard down. They allowed our enemies to know that, on the night of the attack, we'd be holding galas and parties and wouldn't notice as their army descended upon us. The long days of negotiation were all a ploy and we fell for it. You are the only one stupid enough to still be falling for it."

Of course, I knew that wasn't quite true. Certainly every thinking person knew that the proposal was a sham, but it seemed that the Collaborationist thought that it could be resurrected. Laying out the situation to my sister made me realize how absurd their plan truly was. Buying peace with my sister's cunny was unlikely to work. My sister was the daughter of a murdered, powerless anachronism; what price could she demand? It was absurd. And, with the choice of a Tanril Coronation, it was partially my official policy.

"No..." Nislani said now. I looked into her eyes and saw that they were watery. Of course she knew, in her heart, that I was telling her the truth. But her delusions prevented it, "It would all work out if you were just gone! Everything would fall into place. The end of your unnatural existence would be a favor to every man, woman, and child in the Empire." My anger reached a new level, something I did not know that I possessed.

"I am here you cowardly bitch!" I yelled at her, "I am wearing only a robe, not father's armor. His sword is still lying across his bed for mourning. If you want me gone then kill me," I seethed. I was alive and had the right to be. Just like I was Sultanah technically by right. Any person, even my ignorant sister, who disagreed with either condition was welcome to try and stop me. My eyes widened and I stared intently at my sister. She took a step back, her eyes dropping.

"Tanri's sake Varis...I wasn't saying I would...I am just..." She was sputtering. It was clear that Nislani had spoken with more haste than she'd intended. The full implication of her words was likely not apparent until I'd argued with her. She just wanted to express her sorrow for the end of her betrothal. She had, after all, been public and outrageously dishonored. But that was not my concern. Lider, not I, had dishonored her.

"I don't have time for this childish nonsense," I said, speaking truthfully, "I had larger matters at hand. Leave me."

"Varis..." Nislani said, whining and wishing to drag it out longer.

"Sultanah Varis," I said. Nislani's mouth opened to speak again. She looked at me intently. And then, still angry, turned and shuffled away. In a moment, she was back in our father's room. I knew that she had not gone to grab the sword. She was beaten. I let out a deep breath. At least I was able to impose my imperial prerogative on someone. I stood for a few minutes, trying to regain my composure.

"You were quite rough on her," a voice said out of the darkness. I jumped a bit. I turned to my right, down a long, narrow stairway leading down to a lower level. I recognized the voice. Kardes walked out of the shadows. I had not spent time with my elder sister either, and I was surprised to find her here. Her quarters were a long way from here.

"Kardes, you scared me," I said.

"Sultanahs should not be scared of widowed princesses," she replied, I saw a wry smile on her face. I wondered for a moment what she was getting at. Was she upset that I was Sultanah as well?

"I..."

"Well I guess there are lots of things to be afraid of," Kardes said. I had a hard time reading her tone. Her face was still in the shadows and I was unsure of what she was doing. I felt uneasy.

"I was just trying to go to my quarters. My old quarters," I said lamely. Kardes seemed to ignore it entirely.

"It is easy now with all your power to hurt Nislani. What can she say back to you?" Kardes asked. She walked over from the shadows now and stood in front of me. I was surprised by what she said. What difference did it make to Kardes? Nislani and I had fought since we were kids and after all...

"She started it, I was just..." I started.

"People will always start things. She is a tempestuous girl. You are supposed to be more than that now. But you wanted to throw your weight around," Kardes said. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks. It seemed my entire family was trying to put me in my place.

"Well Kardes, if I am doing it wrong maybe you can do it better? Is that what this is?" I spat back, immediately bringing the heat that I had left over for Nislani.

"Probably," she said, making my teeth grind, "I have been out in the world a lot more than you, I have seen more. I know more. But I don't have the right to be there. You, apparently, do. So you need to get caught up. Fast." I looked at my older sister, my brow nettled.

"Stop being obtuse. What do you mean?" I asked. Kardes smiled broadly. She looked over to my father's old quarters, where Nislani had fled.

"Good. Decisive and direct without being overly rude," she said.

"That did not explain anything," I responded. I realized that I still did not know Kardes very well. I could not read her at that moment, I did not know what she wanted.

"I was in the throne room for a while earlier," she said, "I watched you. You looked bored. And when you weren't bored you looked confused and terrified at the same time." I felt my stomach tighten. That is exactly what I felt. I hadn't realized that I was making my internal discomfort so obvious.

"I was..." I started, but had nothing to say. I was transparent.

"And, because you were too nervous to use your power and your position in the appropriate forum, you came back here and screamed and Nislani. The history of the Empire is replete with insecure dictators who squandered their power by afflicting the afflicted," Kardes said. She was still smiling and, despite her words, I felt a sort of maternal energy. She was offering me guidance. For a moment I wanted to reject it. She knew nothing of my burden nor of my right to be angry with our jealous younger sister. I almost spoke, but I caught myself. Her smile was not as lupine as I'd initially thought. She wasn't vicious; I could see warmth in her gaze. While I didn't know her well, I knew her well enough to guess that she wouldn't just criticize my actions and then leave. She must've had something in mind. I mastered my pride, controlled myself and spoke.

"What are you suggesting?" I asked, controlling my breathing so that I did not become upset.

"You need to learn to wield your power effectively. And very quickly too. There are many people in the Empire who are not happy that you are on the throne. And I am not talking about Nislani" she said. Her words came out as nearly a whisper and she looked around nervously. I felt a cold stab in my stomach.

"What do you know about that?"

"Nothing specific. But the people are rumbling and many of the Peers are not convinced that you aren't simply a tool used by warmongers to prevent our capitulation to Dusman," she explained, "And that isn't your fault. But you have to manage it effectively," she said. She was alluding to many of the suspicions I already had. I had already recognized the problems she was illustrating. But, I had already realized, I didn't know how to handle them. I was struck by the nature of her insight and the fact that she seemed to have a pulse on everything. I did not know that women were capable of such things.

"How do you know about this?" I asked. Kardes smiled sheepishly now and shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know," she said wistfully, "I suppose you don't spend over half your life in the dysfunctional Dukedom of Astar married to a moronic sixth son, desperately trying to force him into advancing his position without learning something." She did not sound bitter as she spoke, but a slightly wistful. I wondered about the nature of my sister's marriage.

"Dysfunctional?" I asked.

"Let me put it to you this way, as a lesson on how to effectively wield power," she said, "My husband, Tanri rest his soul, attempted to obtain the rents from a mill that belonged to his father. He wanted these rents in order to provide for our family once his father died and his oldest brother became Duke. They did not get along. The second eldest son was supposed to get those rents. I manipulated the old Duke as best I could; I had almost obtained his consent to transfer the rents to us. That is how you do things when you don't have power. You make people think it is their idea. Then my husband, the fool, spoke too openly about our arrangement. He was boastful with his friends about his future economic security. He took credit for my slyness and was heavy-handed. He forgot that when your power lies in being underestimated, it is important to keep quiet," Kardes said and then stopped. I leaned towards here, wondering what happened next.

"Well?" I asked desperately, "What happened?"

"My husband was never a hunter," she said, "He never once went hunting for boar, or even rabbits. One my husband's second eldest brother entered the castle and explained that he and my husband had gone together on a hunt. And my husband was gored. And died. I hadn't even known that he'd left the castle until they brought his corpse back. I saw his wound. How would a man, standing, be gored in the throat by a boar? And why would the wound be the shape of a star, like a pike, rather than round like a tusk?" Kardes' brother-in-law had murdered her husband! His brother. I felt dizzy. Politics was a dangerous business, I knew. But I had not really come to terms with the level of that danger. What dangers did I face now?

"Did that really happen?" I asked, putting my hand over my mouth.

"How many widows do you know who return to their father's courts when their husbands die? Wouldn't that only happen if a woman was...no longer wanted?" she asked. It made sense. I suddenly realized that the stakes were even larger than I realized. If a man could be killed over rents to a mill, what stakes existed for an Empire? Suddenly, I felt silly for quarreling with Nislani, that was certainly not worth my attention. I needed to focus on bigger things. But where did I start?

"What do I do? I mean, wield my power effectively, what does that mean? How do I control this?" I asked desperately. Kardes looked at me for a long time, her eyes looking both intelligent and soft. Finally she sighed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well you must be judicious in your power and you must not alienate your natural allies," she said.

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning don't abuse your little sister. I know better than most the danger of a scorned sibling," she said. She looked over toward my father's door again. My sister was inside. Hardly a natural ally in my opinion. We hated each other. And what good could she do me anyway?

"Do you want me to speak with her?" I said, my voice betraying my distinct lack of enthusiasm for the task. My sister bit her lip and then shook her head.

"I don't think that would be helpful at the moment," she said. "I will try to fix this problem for you this time. You would probably just anger her now." With that, my sister started to move towards my father's chamber, to go to my sister's aid. But I still needed more. I reached forward and grabbed my sister's elbow.

"What should I do now?" I asked, getting directly to the point. Kardes shoulder sank and she pushed some air out between her lips.

"I don't know," she said, "I can't tell you how to be the Sultanah you need to be. You are my sister and I don't know you that well. You need to find what makes you strong inside and you need to project it there," she said, pointing back to the throne room. I felt deflated. That was hardly helpful.

"How do I do that?" I asked. I wasn't even sure what it meant.

"I don't know, I am not the Sultanah," my sister said and she started to move away from me again, over towards where my younger sister was crying in my father's room, going to solve another family problem. "Perhaps pray," she said.

"Pray? You want me to do less than nothing?" I asked. She shook her head gravely and put her fingers to her lips, getting me to silence.

"If nothing else it might bring you peace," she said and she slipped into the door.

* * * * *

Forty-five minutes later I was in a small garden outside of the palace. I was sitting on a bench overlooking the Central Market, a few stories above the people milling about. I had gone to my room after speaking with Kardes and ordered a servant to bring me food. I had eaten quietly, thinking about all of the problems swirling in my mind. The coronation, Cin, Cardinal Rahip, the Collaborationists, the Loyalists, my sisters, my father, my Empire. I felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of conflict in my life. After eating, I decided against my better judgment, to pray as Kardes instructed. I had always found it easier to pray outside in the sun, and so I have found a peaceful, quiet spot. But I did not really know how to begin.

I had never been much for prayer. In fact, it was a well-known in aristocratic circles that prayer was largely for the common folk and that it was little more than superstition. But, apparently, Kardes prayed so maybe there was something to it. At the very least, it would help to let my worries fall by the wayside and focus on something other than the burdens of leadership.

Unfortunately, I didn't even know to whom I should pray, or even how to start. Eventually, I decided that I Tanri was the best bet to have my prayer's answered. He was the God most of the people in the world prayed to. He was the official God of my Empire. Hell, I had been betrothed to him just a few weeks earlier. I got up from the bench and then sat with my legs crossed in a small patch of grass in the middle of the garden. I could smell the sweet flowers and a gentle breeze rippled the air. I breathed deeply and felt some small amount of peace.

"Tanri, grant me the wisdom to lead my people," I said softly under my breath. I closed my eyes and focused on the idea of Tanri, the New God. I allowed my mind to go silent, hoping that Tanri would fill that silence with knowledge. I let the silence sit for as long as I could. But, while the tranquility of the garden was pleasant, I felt no inner peace. As I tried to stamp out all rational thought, fears began to creep in. The things I was trying to escape kept reaching for me. I worried about my Empire and my family. Tanri provided me with no insight. Instead, I felt more and more agitated, more and more certain that I was wasting my time.