The Third Date 01: Clueless of Cotham

But we'd spent hours together yesterday and she'd made no overt move, though perhaps the song was a move. Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen. I mean, wow. Cheesy maybe, but it had thrilled me. I'd been on the point of asking if she was attracted to me when her housemate came in. After that, it seemed too awkward, even when her housemates had clearly conspired to give us some time alone. I mean, it was so obvious what Melissa was up to, yet Priya didn't seem to realise. I'd been blushing and eyeing her up all evening, touching her whenever I could, but she'd seemed completely oblivious.

I really didn't want to fall for a straight girl or somebody so deep in the closet that they were in denial. Been there, still had the emotional scars. And I could so easily fall for Priya; she was captivating and talented, clearly deeply loyal to her friends, obviously bright, and, yes, extremely easy on the eye! A few inches shorter than me, she had gorgeous curves, warm, golden skin, deep brown eyes and incredibly kissable lips. I'd spent much of Friday night after work fantasising about running my hands through her long, silky hair and snaking kisses down the insides of her slender, taut arms. Since last night, I was desperately trying to row back on those fantasies but I was fearing it was too late. I was in dire straits. Or should that be straights?

"Hey Kate!"

Priya, Jenny and Tom were all waiting outside their house as I turned the corner. Priya bounced up to me and slipped her arm into mine. "I hope you don't mind walking," she smiled up at me, as we turned back to Cotham Hill.

"No, not at all."

Jenny and Tom fell in behind us as we headed down Whiteladies towards the Triangle.

"Melissa, Nadine and the band are meeting us at the tapas place."

We chatted as we went, her arm still through mine. Was this flirting, or just friendly? Sometimes I envied men (not very often, mind you) - swap our genders and there would be no doubting the intent behind such a gesture. But with us girls, it was so ambiguous. I looked down at her, taking in the touches of golden highlights she'd added to her eyes, making them pop out and seem even larger.

"That's a great coat; where did you get it?" I asked, admiring the way it flared over her hips, gripped her waist and accentuated her breasts.

"Charity shop - one of the great things about Cotham Hill, right?"

"Yeah. But it looks brilliant on you, almost as if it was tailored to you."

"Thanks! I feel like I wish I was a little taller though with the length. If only I had legs like yours - they're amazing. You look great in those jeans."

Well, sounds like it had been worth spending 20 minutes trying out different legwear earlier.

"Hey!" called Jenny from behind us, "Melissa just texted. Are we ok with veggie sharing platters and sangria? She wants to order. I think Nade must be getting stressed that she won't be back on time."

We both agreed and 10 minutes later, we were at the restaurant, and a large glass of sangria was placed in my hand. Priya introduced me as her "new friend and inspiration" to Nadine's band, Sam, Leila and Yuki, whom she obviously knew reasonably well: "we were all on the Music course together". Leila was particularly interested to meet me, as she was going to try to imitate Priya's cello part on trumpet that evening, which was surreal.

"You're making me self-conscious! I feel like I need to live up to something now!"

"Sweetie, I watched you walk in, and I get it!"

Looking at her, with her short cropped hair, man's shirt and studded jeans, I guessed she was family. Though given how my gaydar was working at the moment, I didn't want to trust anything.

Food came out quickly after we arrived, and it was delicious. The conversation was mainly about the gig. I hadn't realised that Nadine wasn't headlining, but rather supporting a band I hadn't heard of called This Is the Kit. When I asked about them, Nadine and Yuki immediately started singing one of their songs, which I recognised from hearing on the radio. Say the magic words, say the magic spell. The others soon joined in, Leila and Sam adding harmonies, Melissa and Jenny sticking to the main melody. I was captivated.

"Is it always like this with you people?" I asked somewhat awed as Tom and I applauded.

"Pretty much, yeah! Why? Don't you and your Science buddies spontaneously break into song in the labs?"

"Sure. On a daily basis. We have a rota. The Physics guys do a mean Metallica."

That got a laugh.

Soon we were finishing up, and there were 30 minutes before Nadine and the band were due on. They were keen to leave, and the bill was soon sorted. I noticed Melissa making eye contact with Leila and jerking her head in my direction, to which Leila nodded. What was that about?

"Have I got time to go to the loo before we head down?" I asked.

"Sure," said Melissa, "I'll come with you." Turning to the rest of the group, she told them to meet us in there and she'd make sure I got in ok.

Hmm, something was up.

She kept up impersonal small talk initially, but as we were both washing our hands, she just came out with it.

"Kate, sorry if this is rude, and just to be clear I have zero problem with it, but are you gay?"

Ah, I thought it might be this. "Yes. Why?"

"And are you into Priya?"

"Well... I like her... I could be..." I wasn't quite sure what the safe answer was here. "Are you warning me off?"

"No, no..." she sighed and scratched her head, "well, maybe." She paused.

"Look, firstly, you seem like a wonderful person, and Priya quite obviously agrees. But she doesn't know who she is or who she wants. I've known her since she was 11 and watched her make fucking horrendous decision after fucking awful decision romantically. Seriously, all her relationships have been crap. Three of them were with gay guys for fuck's sake! She's a sucker for romance stories, but seems to forget that none of them are real and none of those people actually exist. God, some of the twats she's been out with..." she shook her head. "And she is the queen of ignoring the obvious. Seriously, except when it comes to music, something needs to be right in front of her fucking face for her to recognise it."

I wasn't 100% sure where this was going, though I had my suspicions. I figured it was best just to nod and let her talk.

"Anyway, Jenny and I are increasingly convinced that Priya is actually gay, but in denial about it. In fact, I don't think it's even that: I don't think she's in denial so much as she's never even considered it as a possibility. Nadine isn't so convinced, though I think the way Priya is talking about you is swaying her."

"She's been talking about me?" I couldn't help myself.

"Yeah. A lot. She was practically acting out your text message conversation earlier. It was a bit hard to listen to, actually."

There was a wistful note in her voice. A sudden possibility came to mind.

"Listen," I said, "Leila's a lesbian, right?"

"Er, yeah. Though they consider themself non-binary, so I think they'd say pan-sexual? But they are definitely into girls."

"Right, ok, so my gaydar isn't completely bust then," I muttered. "Look, Melissa, I really appreciate you talking to me, but are you sure you aren't warning me off? Are you sure you aren't a bit more... um... invested... in this than... just a friend?" She looked at me, puzzled. "My gaydar is pinging a little..."

I watched as comprehension dawned on her face.

"Oh no, no," she smiled, "No, definitely not. I mean even if I was, Priya wouldn't be my type, I'd be more likely to go for..." she trailed off and her eyes seemed to turn inwards. "Oh fuck!" she said quietly. "Oh fuckity fuck!" The colour drained for her face and a haunted look came into grey eyes.

"Are you ok?" I put my hand on her arm, as she seemed to sway.

"Yeah, I just... Ha! Fuck! Here I am criticising Priya for not seeing what is right in front of her fucking face and there's me..." she trailed off again, and laughed, though there was no humour in it, "well, fuck, it's definitely not Priya."

Suddenly, it hit me what, or rather, who, she was talking about. Oh. Fuck indeed. I didn't know them well, but I could immediately see how hard that was going to be.

"Oh Melissa! Do you... do you need a hug?" I winced. I really didn't know her that well, and some girls felt odd hugging out and proud lesbians.

"Yes please..." she croaked.

I wrapped her up. She shuddered and sniffled a little in my arms. My heart went out to her.

"I'm sorry," she said, wiping her eyes, "that wasn't how I expected this conversation to go. And I do really want to talk about Priya and, well, you."

"Are you sure? Because, we don't even know if there's anything there, while there's clearly something here..."

"Thanks... but no, I need to think about this. I need to work out what the fuck I'm feeling here."

"Listen," I said, "take my number. And then if you ever want to talk to somebody about this, you can text or call any time."

"Thanks," she said, pulling back, "that would be great actually. Here, put your number in my phone. Then we'd better go. They'll be wondering where we are."

"Actually," she said, as we left the restaurant and turned down the steps to Frogmore Street, "I wanted to ask for your number anyway. Jenny's got a plan. But, look, ignore me if you like, but I think it would be best if you didn't tell Priya how you felt or even that you're gay. I'm not saying lie exactly, but I'm saying let her come to you."

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. I'd known I was gay since I was 15, and had been out for the last 10 years. I went on Pride marches, but I wasn't in people's face about my gayness. Sure, I didn't wear dresses, but I was still fairly feminine. But I had no intention to go back in the closet and hide who I was. As much as I liked Priya, I wasn't sure anyone was worth that. The more Melissa spoke, the more this just sounded like a recipe for me being hurt.

"Is she worried about her family?" I asked.

"Um... hard to know. You know she's actually mixed race, right?"

"No."

"Yeah, her mum's white. It's just her Dad who's Asian. So they faced a lot of prejudice when they got together, not least from his family I think. His parents live in Kenya. Priya's only met her grandparents on her father's side once, and it was a fucking shitshow by all accounts. So, you'd think that on the face of it her parents would be a bit more understanding having been convention breakers themselves, but who fucking knows. They are still ridiculously in love though, it's so sweet to see. Priya's always said she's wanted something like that, so I just think it'll take a while for her to let go of that ideal. If you present her with an alternative now, I think she'll fucking reject it out of hand, but if you let the idea grow on her..."

I was torn. Heart saying one thing, head the other. For all she seemed to be encouraging me, that was a massive warning light going off right there.

"So what are you thinking? Just bombard her with lesbian propaganda?"

"Pretty much, yep! Jenny's going to raid the LGBT section of the school library and we're going to force her to watch Carol and Heartstopper."

I laughed. "Mmmm. Cate Blanchett. That'll do it." As if it would be that easy.

"Funny, I'd pegged you in the Cate Blanchett role and Priya as Rooney Mara."

I laughed again.

"Well, this explains all the mixed signals I've been getting from her. One moment she's singing me a love song, the next she's..."

"Wait, what?! She fucking sang to you!" Melissa was actually shouting. "Like, live, in front of you? In the same room? You're shitting me!"

"Yeah, er... is that a big de-"

"Oh my fucking God yes!" Melissa had grabbed both my arms. "Kate, Priya never performs for anyone. She has such a hang up about performing, I can't even... wow, just wow, and you've known her a couple of weeks and she's playing to you. Fucking hell! Kate, my new lesbian friend, this is a fucking great sign."

By now we were at the venue, jumping past the long queue to the VIP entrance, Melissa pointing out our names to the doorman.

We moved into the cavernous auditorium, mostly empty with a smattering of people. I could see Priya, Jenny and Tom right near the front. God she looked gorgeous! I really hoped Melissa was right, otherwise I was setting myself up to get hurt. My crush was strengthening.

"I've got to go watch the merchandise stall," Melissa yelled, "enjoy the show. And... good luck!"

"Ok thanks. You too!"

Priya

There was a pretty big crowd, maybe a couple of thousand, by the time Nadine came on, which was great. This was a big audience by her standards and I was super excited for her, but nervous too.

Kate was next to me, wedged up close to me by the crowd. I threaded my arm through hers. It felt nice, warm. Strange that I'd known her for such a short time but that I felt so comfortable around her. God I really wanted her to enjoy the evening. I mean, I wanted everyone to like Nadine, but I really, really wanted Kate to like her. I don't know why her opinion mattered so much, but I realised it did.

Nadine was great, a consummate pro, getting the audience going from the get go. Her opener "Smash" had us bouncing, Kate and I improvising a little shuffled step dance in the small space available to us. On "Sing me a song" she had the audience chorusing back the refrain, while you could hear a pin drop on the acapella verse of "We can't stand for this".

"Thanks everyone! This is a new one. And it's for two special ladies, Kate and Priya. It's called "Morning"."

I smiled up at my new friend, who gave my arm a squeeze and grinned back.

Leila did a great job, though the trumpet's tone, sweet as it was, didn't quite have the resonance of the cello. The song went down well though, and Yuki's drumming really filled it out. Nadine was right - she'd want that on the recording. As the song ended, Nadine stepped forward and, as Leila continued to play, conducted the audience to sing back the wordless refrain. They caught on quick, and soon a massed choir of two thousand was singing back the quick quick slide step slide step hook. I felt my eyes pricking and a lump forming in my throat as I dared to add my own voice. Kate was also singing along, adding a pleasant alto. Nadine brought it to an end, encouraging us all to hold the final note and raise our hands, Kate and I lifted ours together, hand in hand, and I felt a buzz of pure bliss run through me.

Thunderous cheers and applause broke out. I was jumping up and down, cheering and turned to Kate, kissing her on the cheek impulsively. Suddenly, I felt like I was on fire, and desperate to hide my blush, hugged her, ducking my head so I couldn't see her face. Unfortunately, this meant my face was pressed up against her breasts, shoved right in her cleavage. Oh God! Heat was running through me, and I was breaking out in a sweat. Kate was hugging me back and still bouncing, which was pressing my face even further in her chest. God she smelled good!

Mercifully, the next song started, a fast paced one called "Talk to me", and so I pulled out and started doing a little shimmy, my eyes down, shaking my hair with my hands up, trying to hide my face. Next up was a cover of an early This Is the Kit song called "Do more dancing". So we did.

Luckily, I managed to make it through the rest of their set without embarrassing myself. Kate was gushing in praise afterwards, and fortunately Jenny and Tom were more than willing to pick up that theme. We were all having to stand quite close together, and I was hyper aware of Kate's presence beside me, her breast pressed against my upper arm. I felt a flush spreading across my chest. God what was going on with me? I was clearly wearing too many layers and the crowd was getting to me. I had to get away.

"I'm going to check on Melissa and see if she needs help with merch," I shouted.

"Shall I come help too?" Kate asked.

"Ok." I glowed a little that she was willing to help: it obviously meant she loved Nadine's set.

We pushed back through the crowd and found Melissa practically under siege by the merch stall. The teenager selling This Is The Kit stuff was helping out, but they both looked at us gratefully as we joined them. Lots of people were disappointed that "Morning" (or "the one with the trumpet part" as most called it) wasn't on a CD, but they were buying them anyway, plus vinyl and T-shirts. This was going to be a profitable night for Nadine.

We were still busy as This Is The Kit came on stage and I realised we would never make it back to the front now. I took a moment to send a quick text to Jenny, though I doubt she'd think to check.

Their set was great. It was the third time I'd seen them. I loved their whimsical lyrics, hummable tunes and the way their voices interweaved. Their lead singer, also called Kate, was effusive in her praise for Nadine, which endeared me to them even more. Melissa, Kate and I danced along behind the merch stall, having a great time.

A couple of songs in and Nadine and the band made an appearance by the merch stall, getting a round of hugs and high fives from Melissa, Kate and me. I was full of praise for Leila in particular.

After an encore, This Is The Kit brought their set to a close, the house lights went up and the audience began to stream out, bringing another mini-flood to the merch stall. This time, Melissa, Kate and I were helping sell their records and T-shirts, though there were still a few customers for Nadine, and she was kept busy signing things for those who had bought stuff earlier.

Jenny and Tom joined us, but said their goodbyes pretty quickly: they both had an early start the next day. They asked if Kate and I wanted to come back with them, but I said I'd cleared my morning so I could help out. I was really gratified when Kate said she'd stay and help pack up too.

Kate:

We were among the last to leave, saying bye to both bands as they headed off to drop off gear at their lock up. I hadn't had to pretend to enjoy anything, but had genuinely had a good time. Still, I wondered if the evening might get even better. Priya had been a bit stand-offish since nose-diving into my cleavage, but as we began the walk back to Cotham, she once again slipped her arm through mine.

The streets were mostly empty as we sang snatches of lyrics to each other as we walked. She was complimentary about my singing, which was generous of her. Given what Melissa had said, I also tried to tease some family history out of her.

"My dad's side were Indian labourers the British brought over to build the railways in East Africa. But they never went back. My grandparents own a whole series of factories across Kenya. My dad was their eldest and they groomed him for the law; he met my mum in Birmingham when he came over to do his degree. She was there studying Music. They fell in love and his parents told him to choose her or them. He chose her, which is like, soooo romantic. But it's sad too, that he had to choose."

I nodded in agreement. It was something I'd experienced too.

"What?"

"Oh nothing."

"No? What? You're thinking of something."

Oh, how could I tell her this without outing myself. I didn't want to lie, but I was still aware of Melissa's advice. Actually, this might be a good way to take her temperature.

"I was thinking of a girl I knew at Cambridge. Anastasia. She's Russian. She fell in love with a girl, who loved her back but she knew her parents would never accept her as a lesbian."

"What happened?"

"She chose her family. Her girlfriend was heartbroken."

A year on, it still hurt.

"Aw, that's so sad."

We fell silent, both lost in thought. All too soon we were back at her door. I really wanted to put the moves on: half of me just wanted to see if there was a chance, so I could make a clean break if there wasn't. But I'd had such a good time, I didn't want to ruin it. We had a long, lingering hug on her doorstep. I loved the way she fit against me and how her breasts pressed into me. I had to force myself not to let my hands wander.