The Tribute of Tender Hearts

"You're not happy with them... and you're not at all like them. Why do you stay?"

His questions seemed very pointed, she thought, yet not unkind. In fact, she had been wondering herself, though she could not have phrased it quite so directly. His question made her a little uneasy mostly because she liked him, and in the group's association, it was only his conversation that interested her at all. The other three sailors were boisterous and colorful, but rather loud and arrogant, and even a little crude... well, in her evaluation, a lot crude. She knew, for instance, from Red's comments in their apartment, that Dean very much wanted to "get into her pants," as she said, and was thinking that would be really fun and that she might let him. Katharine didn't understand a girl being so offhand about something that was to her special and much more private.

Why did she stay with them? It was a question she had been asking herself.

"Money, I guess," she responded, trying to be casual. "We all chip in to make the rent less; and then I don't really know anybody else on the island." That was about as much sense as she could make of her own indecision. At that point, they had been in Honolulu for about four weeks, and this was only the second time the four of them had met up with the four sailors from Pearl Harbor.

The experience of simply striking off on her own, breaking with the past, was not unknown, but she was still rebuilding her own self confidence after the major break away from her family. Finding her way now was still very much a pioneering effort and leaving the three other girls seemed not very practical.

Jake Nielsen was, in relation to the other three fellows, not unlike Katharine. He did not feel he belonged with the other three, who were both in their career path in the Navy as well as in their personal inclinations very much different. They were all shipboard sailors; Zeke Matthews was a real heller on liberty and a very savvy boatswains mate on his destroyer; Willie "Guns" Martin, a hard drinking, sleek-talking, self-styled ladies man, was a gunners mate on a battleship, then, lastly, Dean "Screws" Hubbard was a machinist mate, a real whiz mechanically and a diesel engine specialist on another battlewagon. In striking contrast, Jake was a radioman with an aircrew specialist rating in the navy's big patrol flying boats. Most striking to Katharine, and she picked this out easily, though the four girls had little more that a couple hours association with the four sailors, was that he spoke like a rational human being, discussed things with her, listened to her responses and ideas. He had a year's university work behind him and wanted more, and he was the only one of the four that did not make her feel a little uneasy. He was something like her older brother, kind and gentle. The hurtful image of the Mexican girl kept getting in the way, and she didn't know how to deal with that. Just the same, Jake Nielsen was a friendly personality and she kind of liked him, a little.

And now she wasn't at all sure where the conversation would take them.

"Sure, money is part of it. Apartments are expensive." To himself, he was thinking of options for her that might be helpful. He knew Ken Waterman's girl had an apartment in Pearl City and was looking for a roommate for just that reason. He better ask Ken about that before saying anything to her. He'd met Kelani a couple of times, and the idea seemed practical to him. "There are other possibilities out there, though."

When it occurred to him that she might understand that comment as suggestive, he was afraid to look up at her. What could he say now? "There are some people at the air station that are up on such things. I'll check and let you know." That sounded inoffensive enough, he hoped, and smiled at her.

She wasn't sure what to say at first, and then just settled on "OK." That sounded neutral enough not to get her into hot water.

"Air station?" The fellows used so many terms and words that were new to her, it was almost as if they somehow spoke a different language. In the calmer evening quiet on the verandah she asked, almost without thinking, about what he meant.

He looked up at her, hearing not just her question but also her simple inquiry into a world foreign to her. Without being able to judge it fully, he thought she was unwinding a little with him. "The naval air station on Ford Island is where the Fleet's aircraft base, both the planes from the carriers, the aircraft carriers when they're in port, but also the big flying boats. I was assigned to a flying boat squadron and flew as a radioman in the crew, but now I am rotating into a slot at the radio station ashore for a couple of months. The other guys are in the ships in the harbor. They go to sea but don't fly... I fly sometimes but don't go to sea." He chuckled at the arbitrariness of it. "Same navy."

He thought her immeasurably beautiful in the brief twilight at sunset and the lighted tiki torches around the verandah. Her facial features were delicate and expressive, her eyes full of character, and her long hair flowing down over her shoulders. He could sense that she held herself in a very tight control, and in the fast-paced banter with the others around the table earlier, she had seemed a little lost. She hadn't spoken but a couple of words of greeting.

They both felt like they were only on the shirttails of the others. From the beginning, way back a week ago, it had seemed to all that the eight of them would come and go together, and wherever. Now, very much on a whim this evening, Jake had invited her to go for a walk with him, away from the others. The laughter and merriment in the dark, smoky lounge had receded as he drew her across the verandah to the little table. He had noticed that she had been hesitant to order at first, but when he ordered a juice on ice, she had said she would like one of those too.

It pleased her that he didn't drink liquor, and she had noticed. In her mind, liquor seemed always to lead to dangerous situations.

Their casual talk to get acquainted drew them onward, and they left their empty glasses on the table. She was a little hesitant as he led her down the path between the palms, along the beach for a stretch, and out onto the little pier for the boats in the marina.

He just walked, not hurried and not evidently going anywhere, she didn't think, but just walking. They couldn't go very far, she could see that it was not a long pier. She was about to question him when he suggested they sit for a moment on the little bench at the end of the pier. His voice was quite and not demanding. She felt not threatened at all, and even a little excited at the solitude and pleasant evening. She sat down on the edge of the bench, unsure what to do.

"I come out here sometimes to just watch the sunset. It's quite impressive." The sun had been down for several minutes and the last streaks of color in the sky were fading, and he felt his comment would sound a little phony.

"I've never brought a girl out here with me." How lame, he chastised himself.

She thought his statement sounded sweet and kind, and made her feel special. She had no idea what to do, or what he might expect of her now. She waited to see, on the edge of the bench, a little anxious and with her hands folded in her lap.

"I would like it if we could get together without the others... just do something together on our own." He was trying to be more open with her, but words came slowly and he was not sure himself what he wanted. He liked her, liked her very much, but what could he do now? She was acting like a skittish colt, ready to bolt at the slightest provocation, he could feel it.

"Well, for one, at the Rialto in Pearl City," oh, yes, he thought to himself, a splendid idea, "they're playing Gone with the Wind, the hit movie. Have you seen it? Everyone says it's great. Have you?"

Katharine had been to the movie show just five times in her entire life. Once on the ship with the girls, and four back home, either with her brothers or with her school class... never, she realized, alone with a man. Suddenly she saw it clearly. Jake was neither one of her brothers nor one of the boys back in school. He was a man, several years older than she was, and, she was quite sure, very much more experienced in things. The sight of that Mexican girl coming out of the office that day flashed through her mind again. Why? Was she afraid of Jake? Is that what he wanted too? Could she trust him? She wasn't sure.

But, no, she hadn't seen the movie and, when he looked at her in the soft light, she shook her head.

She didn't know why he should be so quiet, because he sat there without a word for what seemed to her like the longest time.

"The number 5 bus stops in front of the library near your place. We could meet there and take the 5 to Pearl City. It stops just a block from the theater. There is a very nice little Chinese restaurant near there where I go by myself sometimes for a nice meal in a quiet place. Do you like Chinese food, Katharine?

She felt herself on very thin ice; afraid both to go forward and then, afraid not to. She'd never had Chinese food before, though she knew they had served it one evening on the ship. She had been timid and there had been so many new things that she had just avoided it for the refuge of their room. Now what should she do?

"And afterward I'll bring you back home again. Would that be OK?"

That he would ask her so gently helped her a great deal. She couldn't seem to find her voice at all. She had wanted to see that movie since forever, and the chance to be together like that now began to be something exciting and delightful to her. And how would Chinese food taste?

"That would be wonderful, Jake. Thank you very much." Katharine was by inclination a polite girl and as the excitement took over her hesitation dissolved.

"What about Friday evening? Meet me at 5 o'clock?" His voice was very much lightened by her acceptance.

She too felt the easing of the tension, and therewith, her curiosity began to rise. "Chinese food? I've never had Chinese food, Jake. Tell me something, please," in her excitement she forgot to be shy, "about what I should expect."

Done! She had said yes, he thought to himself. He leaned against the back of the bench and sighed, a great sigh of satisfaction that he had been able to arrange such a date with this beautiful girl. Why that should be so very difficult seemed to trouble him. He was not usually so completely tongue-tied. He was thinking about Chinese food now, trying to find something suave and intelligent to say to her.

He managed a couple of details about vegetables and spicy sauces and noodles, and she smiled at him in response.

He wasn't pushy or arrogant, and that helped her feel at ease. What he said about the food made it sound exotic and delicious. She did not realize that his reserve with her softened her trepidation.

With that simple step it seemed as if the dam burst. Conversation hindered by anxiety was deregulated, and the next hour passed quickly as they exchanged a hodgepodge of introductory fragments about first one then the other... home, work, school, interests, family, friends, hobbies, and whatever. Almost without warning the chatter concluded and silence reigned again. He thought about the evening and what all had transpired and realized then belatedly that they had left the others before they themselves had ordered dinner and eaten.

"Katharine," he turned to her, concerned, "we didn't really have dinner before. Are you hungry?"

Virtually as he spoke she felt the emptiness in her tummy and, relaxed and pleased to be with him now, nodded her head innocently and smiled at him.

"My dear young lady," he tried to make his tone playfully formal, "would you join me for a pleasant seafood dinner on the verandah?" He presumed correctly that he would get another sweet smile and nod. Their course decided, he stood and offered his hand to help her rise, then his arm for hers.

The resulting bodily contact was like an earthquake. She stepped to his side and slipped her arm through his, and her motion swept the bare mass of his muscled right bicep past her left breast. The bolt of electricity shocked both of them.

She could not help but gasp and she knew he noticed, and felt herself rendered almost senseless and embarrassed in his embrace. It felt as were her knees about to buckle beneath her. Jake slipped his right arm about her waist and held her to him, feeling his own body reacting to the intensity of their physical contact. Her head on his shoulder hid from him her deep blush, and for the first time in her life Katharine felt the sensory thrill of a man's thoughtful and gentle embrace.

He was so very conscious of his own heart pounding in his chest at the thrill of holding her, he could not have had more than cursory awareness of her reaction to him. After a few moments, wanting not to embarrass her in the least, he kissed her on the top of her head lightly, enjoying the delicate fragrance of her hair, stroked her shoulder appreciatively, and then turned them once again toward dinner.

Jake walked slowly, casually, as if he had not a care in the world. That was fine with Katharine, though she did not really notice. She just hugged his arm and rested her head on his shoulder, oblivious to all else. Shyness and reserve overcome for the moment, she basked in the afterglow of the moment and the company of the man who treated her so nicely.

The others were gone, and that was fine with him. He led her to another place along the beachfront, and an outside table by a tiki torch. He suggested grilled Mahi Mahi, and she agreed, trusting his judgment, though she had no idea whatever as to what he had ordered for them. She found the fish delectable and exotic, thanked him sweetly for his choice, and then they found they could laugh together.

She thought his silly jokes clever, and listened to his deep voice. He told her he liked her beautiful hair, long and glistening in the ribbon she wore, and that she had the most expressive and pretty eyes he had ever seen.

These experiences added substantially to her quite limited fund of knowledge about men. His company delighted her.

It was late when he said good night to her at her door. The evening had been more fun, she thought to herself, than any before, ever. On the sofa, one of the other girls was deeply involved with one of the fellows. It was Red maybe, she thought, and she left the light off and disappeared into the bedroom she shared with Tony. She thought again of the first question he had asked her that evening, then felt the tingle in her entire being at his invitation to go with him to the movie, and then welcomed the slumber that came after a time.

•

So, that's the background and the lead up to the point where I started with Katharine's crying out her hurt in his arms. They had enjoyed their date, the movie and the dinner went very well, and some two weeks had passed and a lot of changes had been made.

Caroline and I, together with Ken and Kelani and Jake and Katherine, had enjoyed a date and a movie together and our friendship seemed destined for good things. The three of the girls struck up a friendship with their very first words. Kelani asked Katharine to move in with her, and within days Katherine had even found a new job at the Pearl City branch library working the evening shift five days a week. Jake and I both had the evening watch, and, delighted with her new place, Katherine had invited him over for lunch.

For her to invite him to her new apartment was a significant step for her. His company comforted and calmed her, even as it excited her. He was kind and easy going, always a gentleman, and she enjoyed their talks. She was beginning to sense deep inside that she was very lonely and even a little frightened at being so on her own in the world. His way with her was a constant reassurance, and she felt strengthened by his company.

When he came he brought a fresh pineapple and a quart of papaya juice. Wonderful, she thought. Then he worked with her in the little kitchenette on lunch and then cleaning up. He presented her with the image of a man altogether outside her experience, and one that stirred up little fires of excitement deep inside her that were new and thrilling, and, she thought, just a little scary.

His earlier comment about her breasts had surprised her, but she had not felt threatened at all. The memory of that moment remained for her. He had been very sweet in his expression, and when she thanked him, she wasn't sure what else she could say. It felt nice that he would just pull her down again into his arms.

Holding her, he could not help the irresistible urge to kiss her. So, wanting to be a gentleman, he asked her.

Since no boy had ever kissed her, and only if she tried hard could she remember her father's casual peck on her cheek, she correctly thought herself to be on the brink of something earthshaking and, her breathing already uncertain, looked up into his grey eyes and nodded.

She was.

He wanted not to hurry this at all. She was, he felt, way too beautiful to hurry a kiss... their first kiss.

His finger touched her eyebrow and lightly swept some of her long hair from her face, and she felt in his tender touch each millimeter of his progress over her cheek to her ear and then down to the nape of her neck. He seemed to pause there, and then she figured out that he was playing in her hair. A thousand sensations assaulted her emotions and she felt herself in massive emotional overload and unsure of what to do, knowing she had no idea how to return his kiss, and wanting now more than anything not to disappoint him. She waited, patiently, half terrified he would continue, half that he would not, and fighting a fear that she could not identify.

His strong hand behind her head soothed her somehow, and when he gently pulled her close she felt his warm mouth on hers, tender, light, inviting, caressing... stirring the very depths of her being, and drawing her out of herself to him. She had no way of knowing the difference, but it was no boy's mouth; it was a man's mouth, powerful, provocative, plundering. The wonder of the new experience quickly swelled within her, spilling over easily to wash away all fear of him, and he emerged in her imagination as the man of her dreams to whom she could give herself totally and without the slightest reservation.

The swirling, mind-boggling experience of his hot kiss forced all else from her awareness and she melted in his embrace, as submissive, pliant and trusting as any maid could possibly be. Time for breathing seemed an unacceptable interruption to their passion, wondering as he gave her a moment to catch a breath if she had done something wrong and why was he stopping?

"Oh, Katharine," she heard his strong voice and felt it vibrating deep in his chest, "you are a very special girl. Thank you for a very special kiss."

Only one, she thought? Was he going to stop now? He continued to hold her close, and being in his embrace was like heaven to her. She watched his mouth move closer to hers again and then felt the tingle inside her as he nibbled on her lip, then, as she opened to him, he claimed her mouth again with a demanding pressure that catapulted her into richly romantic realms of which heretofore she had had not the faintest concept.

The entire external universe slipped away to irrelevance and they explored the little world they had created between them.

He had suspected from watching her that she was not just a virgin, but had very little or no experience with a man, and these were qualities that, together with her striking physical beauty, rated her exceedingly high on his own personal scale of values.