The Twins Ch. 04

Mom's talk was brief. She declined to reveal any details of her relationship with Molly other than admitting, indirectly, that they had sex at least once. That admission was entirely devoid of specifics or any colorful or graphic details. It was private and not their business.

She got quickly to the point. They could have sex if they were careful. But they could not marry, could not have children, and really could not be a couple and still have a full and satisfactory life. Incest is no game. It is dangerous because it is unlawful, socially proscribed, and can result in devastating consequences, especially if pregnancy results.

Nevertheless, she understood that they were extremely close and always had been. She understood their emotions and their sexual impulses and the extreme excitement they experienced together over the weekend.

If they wanted to have a date, or a weekend away now and then, they could probably arrange it. It might require deception unless they were willing to be honest with their future significant others which Mom recommended. "Be completely honest and hope for understanding. You don't need the burden of a guilty conscience, and you don't need the worry that comes with keeping secrets and covering up deceptions."

That was as close as she came to revealing personal history. They got the point, though. Her periodic "girls" trips with Aunt Molly involved more than shopping, and Dad, and probably Uncle Phil, knew. Hmmmmm.

Although they spent one last night together in the family room, most of the novelty was gone. Their love, though, continued to deepen. They made love tenderly that night and again in the morning. They treasured the remaining time that they had together, then they went back to their respective schools the next day.

They both had much thinking to do and needed to work out their priorities for the future. They had to get on with their lives which made them both sad. Still, Mom and Aunt Molly might be a model they could emulate. Time would tell. Maybe, as time went by, they could learn more from the experiences of those women. They were both extremely curious about what exactly those two did with each other when they were alone.

Allie was particularly challenged in getting on with her life. Her fantasies regarding Carly had been put on hold over the weekend as she was thoroughly preoccupied with Alex, their erotic explorations, and the unexpected development of romantic love between them.

After parting at the train station with a firm hug and defiant, full-on-the-lips and lingering kiss, her mind shifted to the future, and to Carly in particular. How would the extraordinary events and emotional upheavals of the weekend affect her relationship with Carly? She did not know, but she feared it would be difficult.

In fact, it was. Carly was in their room when Allie got there. She was clearly excited to be back together, throwing her arms around Allie and squeezing her tightly.

Allie, on the other hand, was clearly experiencing mixed feelings. Carly sensed it immediately and was disappointed to say the least.

Perhaps she had misread Allie last week. Perhaps she had ruined their relationship with her lewd, exhibitionist behavior and suggestions of further sexual explorations.

Still, Allie had been a willing partner in their little escapade. She did it willingly and she said she liked it and wanted to do it again. So, what was the problem?!

They spent the evening quietly studying. They ordered pizza. They spoke little.

Finally, Carly felt a need to do something. "Allie, is there something wrong?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I guess ... I thought ... Well, you seem reticent."

"Yeah. I know." Allie did not think she should explain her reticence but had to admit it.

Carly let it go for a while. But she could not let it go altogether. Over the weekend she had revisited the night they had masturbated together over and over in her mind. She was excited. She thought they might be on a path to an unusually exciting and rewarding relationship. She didn't let herself go too far with planning a future with Allie, but she did think about other things they might do together, sexual things. She thought about little else.

In truth, Carly had always been more interested in other girls than in guys. Guys were alright and could be fun. She had given one her cherry in high school. She had dated him for months, since meeting him on her 18^th birthday. He was a couple of months older than she.

Having sex with him was sort of fun. But she did not get an orgasm from it. It was too clumsy and awkward and, really, she had felt pressured. It wasn't something she was sure she wanted to do at the time, but they had dated a long time, had done a lot of fooling around on second and even third base. She thought it was logical to go on to home plate.

Within a week, though, she broke up with him. And then, before she knew it, she was off to college and a whole new social context. And she met Allie and soon found herself falling in love.

The first time she laid eyes on Allie she was struck by how sexually desirable she was. Allie was wearing a peach tank top under a white cotton, button-down shirt, open in front with the long sleeves rolled up to her elbows. There was clearly no brassiere under that tank. Her small breasts and prominent nipples were showcased and drew the eye.

She also wore white, denim short shorts that allowed glimpses of her firm, round butt cheeks and, at times, threatened to reveal her private parts. Carly felt her mouth water every time she caught a risqué view. For the first time, she thought frankly about licking another woman's vagina.

This was not the first time Carly found herself attracted to another girl, but it was the most compelling. She understood immediately, if she had not previously known, that she was bi-sexual. That girl was hot!

And her smile lit up the room. So warm and genuine, and so very pretty. Her upper lip had this slight upward curl when she smiled that melted Carly's heart. It had that effect on most people, men and women.

This is not to say that Carly didn't make a similar impression. She wore a short, denim skirt that showed her long, shapely legs. Her tight, white tee shirt displayed her breasts quite nicely, Allie noticed without really thinking about it. But she did notice and was instantly curious, much to her surprise.

As roommates, of course, her curiosity was soon satisfied over and over again. She never failed to look when she could, and she never failed to appreciate the lovely, B-cup teardrops that adorned Carly's chest, nor the prominent, dark nipples that always seemed to be excited.

Carly smiled pleasantly through full, wide lips set in an angular face with prominent cheek bones. Her skin was olive toned and lustrous. Her hair was short, very dark, and curly. Her deep, black eyes sparkled with delight at just about everything, especially her new roommate.

They hit it off right away and became fast friends in no time. They were always seen together around campus and in the town, chatting, giggling, looking like fun personified. Carly had a wicked sense of humor and Allie was constantly entertained. They were a picture of happy, carefree, campus life.

Now, Allie, the Allie with whom Carly had been falling in love for months, was distant. It hurt. Carly had to know why. She had to know if there was anything she could do to restore them to where they had been not even a week prior.

As they were getting ready for bed that night, Carly felt that she had to bring it up again. "Allie?"

"Hmm?" Allie did not turn to face her, but just kept getting ready for bed.

"Can I ask you something?"

Uh oh. "Um, sure, Carly. Anything." She did not really mean that last part. She did not feel that she could very well explain her mood. That would require admitting to incest and she did not wish to go there!

"Are you mad about last week?"

"No, it's not that. I ... well ... no, it is not about that."

"So?"

"Carly, I am sorry. I have things on my mind. It's ... I can't really say. It is not about you. I really ... how can I say it? Last week was fun. I actually thought that ... well ... maybe we might ... I don't know."

She realized that this could not sound good to Carly and Allie's mood definitely was not about Carly at all, but she was clearly being affected. Recognition of how Carly was being troubled made Allie still more contemplative and withdrawn.

Carly got into her bed and lay there wondering whether that was all the answer she was going to get. It really wasn't all that reassuring.

Allie knew that her behavior was not only hurting Carly but also giving her all kinds of wrong ideas. But she just could not admit what the problem was. Still, she felt badly and wanted to reassure her very dear friend.

She went over to Carly's bed and sat on the edge and looked Carly straight in the eye. "To tell you the truth, Carly, you were about all I could think about for a while. I wondered whether we might do ... I don't know. Well, that's not true," she admitted. She reached out and touched Carly's cheek tenderly. "My mind ran wild with fantasies about us for a while. I hope that doesn't upset you. I wasn't sure what I wanted, but I knew that I wanted more intimacy with you, more of that special kind of fun."

Carly sat up to listen, hoping to hear more about Allie's feelings. Allie was not sure what else she wanted to say just then. "So, no, it isn't that I am not interested in doing stuff with you, being intimate with you. I definitely am. I just can't right now. Can you just take my word for it and give me some time?"

"Yes, I can. On one condition."

"Oh? What's that?"

"Remember when we fake made out at that party a few weeks ago?"

"Oh yeah," Allie said, brightening a little.

"Well," she said hesitantly. "I ... I think you should know ..." She paused, unsure of herself. But she had to make her feelings known, so she finally continued, "I really liked it. It wasn't just goofing around to me. I loved kissing you. There was nothing fake about it from me."

Allie was somewhat taken aback, but she was not entirely surprised. She had sensed at the time that Carly wasn't really faking. She remembered feeling a tenderness, a sincerity in the kisses and, in truth, she also remembered how her own body responded, much to her surprise at the time. She said nothing then because she was not at all sure about Carly's feelings or her own. In any case, the recollection was having a soothing effect on her, easing the pain of separation from Alex, giving her hope for new, pleasant experiences with Carly. She felt pangs of love.

Carly studied Allie's face as she thought about her confession. She too felt new hope and experienced those same pangs of budding love. She was encouraged to press ahead with her wish. "My condition is that you must kiss me goodnight. If you do that, I will let it go at least for a while." She looked hopefully into her friend's eyes and saw tears welling up there.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to upset y—"

Allie cut her off by grabbing her shoulders and kissing her deeply on the mouth. Her lips parted and her tongue flicked out searching for Carly's. Their tongues danced happily for a long, lovely time, then Allie finally broke it off. She was not ready to go further, although she was sorely tempted.

The idea of shoving Carly back down onto the bed and making passionate love with her was hard to resist, but she felt it would not be fair to anybody involved to follow her carnal impulses until she figured out what she wanted and how best to manage all the love she was being offered by both Alex and Carly. It was just too much at the moment.

She gazed fondly into Carly's eyes for several reassuring moments, then asked solicitously, "Good enough for now?"

"Um, yeah. Perfect! Thanks," she replied brightly.

Allie smiled and caressed Carly's head and cheek sweetly. "My pleasure, Carly. I mean that."

Then Allie went back to her own bed. "'Night!"

"G'night, beautiful."

Allie lay in bed for a while just thinking. She was feeling a little better and more hopeful that things could work out.

After a while, her phone vibrated. She glanced at the screen and saw that it was Alex. She answered happily, "Hiii, Alex!"

Her tone caught Carly's attention. She pretended to be asleep and listened as Allie continued the conversation in a hushed voice. Her speech was clipped.

"Going to bed."

"Yeah, me too." This had a strangely dreamy quality to it.

"No, I can't." An air of mild frustration with a hint of embarrassment.

"I know. Me too."

"As soon as I can. Probably not until winter break."

"Not quite a whole month!"

"Yes, okay. Me too. But remember what Mom said."

"I know. Love you! Bye."

Now, Carly had heard Allie talk with her brother many times. She never sounded like that! She knew they were very close, but Allie's tone was, well, romantic maybe? Something is definitely going on, she surmised.

Carly wanted to pry but thought that would probably go badly. She needed to be careful and not make things worse by pushing Allie. She resolved to be careful and patient.

Talking with Alex did help Allie. She was getting accustomed to his absence again, an absence made bearable by knowing it was impermanent. Nevertheless, her love for him, and her desire to be with him were undiminished. He made love to her so sweetly. It was not just sex, but the highest expression of the deepest love.

No doubt, they had come to make love in a roundabout way, starting with silly games and just "fooling around." Perhaps that was the only way to get around their socialization into norms opposing incest, to just be fooling around until they found their mutual love undeniable and irrepressible. And then they made love, the kind of love to which poets aspire. More agape, less eros.

It also helped that Carly was right there, and their own love was budding, perhaps more slowly than it would were it not for Alex. Still, Carly was a soothing distraction, a profound comfort, and truly loveable in every sense. The mere thought of her made Allie's heart flutter.

It was a conundrum. She lived in a society that demanded monogamy. She was steeped in those rarely questioned norms. On top of that, society frowned even more scornfully on incest. Her relationship with her brother was simply unacceptable to most people, most likely even Carly.

So, if she tried to have it both ways, was there really a chance of it working? Would Carly accept her relationship with Alex at all? Would she accept her having a male lover too, even if only on occasion? Could she accept promiscuity and infidelity? And, even if she were that open minded, even if her love for Allie could be so expansive and accepting, would that acceptance apply in the case of a taboo relationship with her own brother? The odds did not seem to stack up favorably.

Nevertheless, there was precedent. Mom and Dad seem quite happy together, yet Mom and Aunt Molly are incestuous lovers, it seems, at least when they get away by themselves. She would like to have a long talk with Mom and get a better sense of how things work for her, but Mom was not inclined to discuss Molly with her and Alex, so she just needed to work this all out by herself. It was all just so hard!

She fell asleep with these questions unresolved, but at least she could delineate the issues facing her. She knew what questions she had to answer and was slowly gaining the footing she needed to try moving ahead.

The next day was relatively normal except that Allie was having trouble focusing on anything but her relationships with Carly and Alex. She and Carly were in their respective classes most of the day and didn't see each other again until evening when they met, as usual, at the dining hall and had dinner together with some other friends.

As they walked back to the dorm, Carly observed that Allie seemed a little more herself. "Yeah, I guess so," she agreed though she still struggled and did not feel like herself at all. They walked in silence after that, Allie deeply in thought, and Carly waiting as patiently as she could manage.

They spent the rest of the evening studying because the end of the term was coming, and both had several papers due. By midnight, they were both spent and got ready for bed. Carly got the bathroom first, then Allie took her turn.

When Allie returned from the bathroom, Carly was already in bed. She thought it a good time to press Allie just a little further about what is going on between her and her brother, though she had a pretty good idea. She said, "Allie?"

"Yes?"

"You know that you can tell me anything, right? I mean, if something is troubling you, I am all ears and not the least judgmental. I am so very fond of you and would not do anything to hurt you. You understand?"

"Yes, I do."

"Good. Now, please tuck me in and kiss me goodnight."

Allie smiled at the invitation. She found the kiss the night before deeply satisfying. It soothed her hurt and it also reminded her how strongly attracted to Carly she had become, how she did indeed seem to be falling in love.

She crossed the room, adjusted the covers over her roommate as if tucking in a child, leaned over and kissed her forehead. Carly pouted. She is so fucking cute, Allie thought. She leaned over again and pressed her lips to Carly's. Carly opened her mouth, expectantly, and they again let their tongues play a little.

"You're making me horny," Allie observed without breaking the kiss.

"Me too," Carly admitted. Then she paused the kiss briefly, looked straight into Allie's eyes and added sincerely, "And, when you are ready, I will be happy to take care of that for you."

Allie felt the love Carly intended with her offer and leaned in for another long kiss as her answer. "Maybe I can take you up on that soon," she added, then rose and headed back toward her own bed, feeling exhausted but hopeful.

"Allie?"

"Yes?" she answered, turning back to look at Carly.

"You're beautiful."

"Thanks."

"I think I could fall in love with you."

"Uh, me too. But not tonight."

"Still troubled?"

"A little."

"When you are ready, please tell me."

"Uh."

"It's okay. No rush. But I know that something is bothering you and I am here for you if you need me."

Allie's heart panged a little. She thought she was in love with Alex. But she also thought she was probably falling in love with Carly. She desperately wanted to find a way to make it all work out.

"Good night, Carly," Allie said as she turned back toward her bed.

"Good night, Allie."

Allie lay in bed thinking about all the feelings and worries raging inside her. If she could not resolve these things, she feared that she would bomb final exams or worse. The idea terrified her. She had always been an A student. How could she explain bad grades to her parents? Her worries seemed to be piling up.

She was determined to get this resolved. She remembered what her mother said about relationships. Could she have a relationship with Carly and still reserve time and sufficient affection for Alex? Could she be like her mom? Could Carly accept having Alex, her own brother, in her life in that way, as a sometimes lover? She fretted all night and slept poorly.

The next day she dragged herself around campus, failed to learn anything in class, and basically wasted her day. This would not do.

She was clearly distracted that evening during dinner and did not participate in the conversation at all. Their friends noticed but said nothing. Carly was getting worried anew.

As they walked back to their dorm, Carly took Allie's hand, hoping to comfort her and to reassure her of her deep affection. And it did comfort her. But the tender gesture also evoked those giddy feelings of budding love and compelling sexual attraction. Allie could not deny that she was falling in love for the second time in just a week! Would she lose this love too, only permanently?