- First Time
- The Vine
- Page 2
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Click hereTravis could not ever remember hearing something as sweet as this girl asking so unpretentiously for him to fuck her. Travis amazed himself with him control. Slowly, very slowly he started to move above Kara. He could tell that the pain was well passed and that she was feeling pleasure. She was moaning loudly in his ear and her nails were digging into his shoulders, Travis was pretty sure that she was going to leave marks, but they would be worth it.
Kara could hardly believe just how good Travis felt in her, every time that he withdrew his cock and slid it back in the incredibly feeling seemed to grow. This felt so much better than his tongue and finger had felt. Kara closed her eyes so that all she was doing was feeling Travis's body sliding over and inside of her. All of the sudden Kara felt herself reach a pinnacle and burst over it.
It was not hard for Travis to tell when Kara came. She screamed loudly in his ear and he knew that her nails had pierced the skin of his shoulder. The feeling of her walls squeezing his cock was wonderful. He could not remember a feeling like this before. He thrust three more times before the sensation of her pussy wall milking his cock made him come. With a rumble from deep inside of his chest he spewed his come inside of the condom. Then he laid still on top of Kara.
Kara slowly opened her eyes to look up into Travis's. She could also see him smiling. "Thank you," Kara said as she leaned up and softly kissed him on the nose.
Travis was astonished that Kara was thanking him for taking her virginity from her. Travis rolled off of Kara yet kept her pressed tight to him. "I think I have a whole new appreciation of Renaissance poetry and oak tables," Travis said as he held Kara.
- COMMENTS
ag2507over 7 years agoFar more interesting would be their class report. Methinks you need to finish this story properly.
Anonymousabout 18 years agoRhode,
you have some very unique writing dialect and a keen sense of imagination that many lack. i especally love the part that involved teacher and students, because it happens all the time people just don't confess. furthermore, I would love to see more of your work and good luck.
sencerly a secret admirerer
Anonymousabout 18 years agoI thought this was sweet and sexy, a great fantasy for a innocent girl.. Great read.. who says school cant be fun or that a jock cant like a bookwork
SimonBrookeabout 18 years agoThe framework of this story is nice; the story itself is sweet and charming. The plot is completely believable. Reading sexy poems with someone you find attractive is a turn on, and it's particularly a turn on for someone who is very focussed on words and literature. So your brainy, slightly geeky librarian is likely to be easy to seduce with words. Had we but world enough, and time... You know what you want to tell, and you tell it well. This is good. It's very nearly very good. So what isn't? The dialogue didn't work for me. It didn't feel like the speech rhythms of real people. It might help to try saying your dialogue out loud, as if playing it in a theatre. At present it seems to me slightly stilted. There's also a thing you do with a speech which is what people do, but which doesn't work so well written down: "I have never done this Travis you are going to have to help me along. It is not that I do not know what to expect. It's just that I have never actually done this with a guy so you will need to help me along." Kara said. Firstly, there's the phrasing issue. People on the whole don't speak in well constructed sentences. Hesitations and pauses are key to how people actually talk (especially when excited). Secondly, there's repetition. Speech is highly redundant - people do repeat, frequently. But it doesn't work so well when written. If you want the repeat of 'you will need to help me along' you need to make it clearer that you are consciously using repetition as a rhetorical device - otherwise, it looks as if it's just careless. "I have never done this, Travis", said Kara. "It's not that I don't know what to expect... it's just that I've never..." - she looked down again, blushing - "never actually done this. Like, with a guy... or, or, or, at all. So you'll have to help me... please?" The other thing is it seems to me you're wasting some of the potential of the material you've chosen to use. The Vine (as a poem) seems to me to speak as much about bondage as about seduction - Lucia, in the poem, is bound to be penetrated. Perhaps you don't see it that way, but it is at least a possible reading of the poem, and something you might think about playing with. Incidentally, I don't see what it is in the poem that makes you think Lucia is a virgin. I also don't see what in the poem makes you think that Lucia is unknowing - passive, certainly, perhaps because bound. But, again, if you see the 'unknowing' as being a key part of the sex act in the poem, is there a way that you could use that? Is there a way that Travis could take Kara before she's really aware that sex is going to happen? Or could bind her before she knows that sex is going to happen? It would be nice if when your characters are quoting poetry you formatted it on the page as poetry, but it's a small point and one which Literotica does not make easy. Please don't take this as negative or hostile criticism. If I didn't think your story had potential and was worth developing, I wouldn't have bothered to write so much about it.
