The Volunteer

After deciding on my best course of action, I put my mind in a kind of meditative state in which I could function physically but also stay completely in tune with all the other elements that surrounded me. Aside from just hearing her voice, I picked up on every grunt, cry, whisper and moan which escaped from her body. I knew when her breathing changed and her heart rate elevated. I felt every strand of tissue, molecule of moisture and degree of heat which engulfed my manhood in an effort to milk it of the juice that is meant to bring life to that which would normally remain dormant. It was an immensely pleasurable and virtually spiritual experience, that although left me drained physically, gave me a sense of fulfillment, the likes of which could not be measured by any scalable means. Melody was essentially elated with my performance, as we both were anxious to partake in future explorations of one another.

Melody stayed with me throughout the extended weekend, and even fixed a small turkey breast for the two of us to help commemorate the holiday. Although I did miss my family, just having her around kept the loneliness at bay and gave me something to be thankful for, and I am not just talking about the sex. By the time she had to return to her apartment, I had reluctantly convinced her to try and give our relationship a chance, despite our seven year age difference. Although we didn't have everything in common, I felt that we shared enough interest to make it work, and besides, the both of us truly cared for one another. That was something that her previous relationship surely lacked.

So Melody and I started dating, and although things weren't always perfect, I was more than satisfied with the direction of our relationship. My dad, on the other hand, was not overly pleased with our decision to continue seeing each other. He, of course, knew of our intended coupling, but figured that it was a one time coming of age experience, that once occurred, would just remain a fond memory for the both of us. He couldn't forbid me from being with Melody, but he wasn't real open to the idea, and would occasionally voice his discontentment over the situation. This led to us always meeting somewhere other than my family home.

After graduation I talked Melody into allowing me to move in with her temporarily. We both knew that I would be attending college in the fall, MIT to be precise, and we wanted to spend as much time together as possible before that occurred. I could tell that Dad was not happy with my choice of roommates, but again I was of age to make those kinds of decisions myself, so there really wasn't much he could do about it anyway.

They say that you don't really get to know your partner until you begin living together. Sharing your day to day lives together is what truly determines if you are compatible for a long-term commitment. I felt that my connection with Melody was every bit as strong as the bond my parents once shared, and while trusting my instincts in this matter, I decided to use a portion of my reward money to ascertain the perfect token of my affection for her. I just hoped she would be moved enough to grant me my fondest desire.

It was after a truly exceptional bout of lovemaking that I was quietly pondering how to broach the subject of matrimony, when Melody hit me with a bombshell that totally annulated my blissful existence.

"Ryan, would you do something for me?" she asked.

"What do you require, my love?" I asked.

"I need you to promise that you will do it, before I tell you what I want," she replied cryptically.

"Alright, honey," I said, totally trusting her. "If it is within my power and not illegal, you have my word," I told her.

"I need you to promise not to try and find me," she said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, suddenly terrified of her response.

"Honey, as much as I've enjoyed our time together, we are just not right for each other long term," she told me.

"Baby, you're wrong. I love you. If it's a commitment you're worried about," I started to say.

"Ryan, I've met somebody. It was during that week you had to go home and help your Dad. He knows about you, and understands that our relationship is complicated. I am moving in with him after you leave for college next week," Melody said.

"Baby, I though you loved me?" I asked with tears in my eyes.

"Honey, I am very fond of you, and I'll always be grateful for what you did for me," she tried to explain.

"So this was all just payback for getting you released for prison, like your friends said you should do?" I asked.

"No, honey, it was much more than that," she tried to assure me.

"Have you slept with him?" I wanted to know.

"Um, I don't really see where that should make a difference. My mind is already made up," she said, avoiding the question.

"Damn it, Melody, it matters to me. Did you sleep with the guy or not?" I asked more forcefully.

"Well, if you must know, then yes, we have slept together. Baby, I'm sorry, it's just that," she started to say.

"STOP, JUST FUCKING STOP! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANYMORE," I yelled, as I opened the closet and threw my suitcase on the bed.

"Baby, you don't have to leave yet. We have the rest of the week to be together. Believe me, he understands," she tried to explain.

"He may understand, but I certainly don't. Please, Melody, if you ever cared for me at all, even a little, you will take a drive for about an hour or so while I pack, and then I will be out of your life for good. You have my word I will only take what is mine," I managed to request, my voice strained with emotion.

"But, baby, you really don't," she tried to tell me.

"Melody, please do this one last thing for me. Let me at leave here with at least some shred of dignity," I begged.

All the joy that had come back in my life since my mother's passing had once again vanished, leaving me with a feeling of not just loneliness and despair, but utter abandonment. I did the only thing that I could think of short of suicide, and threw myself into my studies and projects at the expense of absolutely everything else.

"Hello, Miss Farnsworth, may I come in?" the gentleman asked as she greeted him at the door.

"Yes of course, Mr. Foster, please do," she replied at the shock of seeing Ryan's father at her front door.

"That's a very handsome boy you have there. He has Ryan's eyes," my dad said.

"How did you find me?" she asked.

"Through a friend of Ryan's, Jimmy, it seems is pretty good at that sort of thing. Not as good as Ryan, I am told, but not bad, none the less," he told her.

"Does Ryan know about little Christopher?" she asked.

"I honestly don't know, Miss Farnsworth," he said.

"Please call me Melody," she requested.

"Alright Melody, you can call me Henry," he replied.

"Henry, please don't tell your son about Chris," she begged.

"Melody, if I thought he would hear me, I would shout it from the rooftops," he told her.

"What are you talking about," She asked. "He didn't do something foolish and run off, did he?" she wanted to know.

"You mean like you did," Henry asked. "No ma'am, that is not his style. You see, Ryan is a lot like me in a way. I'll be the first to admit I don't know a damn thing about those computers he loves so much, but we handle our grief in very similar ways. When my Virginia died I had no idea how to deal with it, so I threw myself into my work, ignoring everything else around me, including my own son. After he left your place, Ryan came home for a brief period. It was never any secret that I disapproved of your relationship, and when he eventually told me what happened I made the mistake of saying that I thought it was for the best. Ryan left that night, and we have barely spoken to each other since," Henry told her.

"I'm sorry, sir. I accidentally found the ring that Ryan had purchased and knew what he was planning to do. I am seven years his senior and my biological clock was ticking away. Ryan was just about to start college. It would have been unfair of me to tie him down with a wife and child at this stage of his life, so I decided instead to stop using birth control without telling him, and when I became pregnant I made up the story of another man. I thought I was prepared for the confrontation, but for some reason I never dreamed he'd ask me if I slept with the guy. I guess the thought of cheating on him was so foreign to me that I completely blocked that possibility out of my head. When Ryan asked the question it threw me off guard at first, and I didn't know how to respond. Then I decided to just go with it, thinking that it might help him accept the situation better. The minute I answered yes I knew it was a huge mistake. I have never seen the color drain from someone's face as quickly as it did from his that night, but worse than that were his eyes. It was like I was looking at a totally different person. They were completely soulless. I knew I had hurt him beyond belief, and it was at that moment I almost relented and told him the truth, but then he begged me to leave for a bit so that he could pack his stuff with what he called a shred of his dignity left in place. I drove down the street, parked my car, and sat there and cried until I saw him leave about an hour later. When I got back home, everything I had ever purchased for him was folded neatly in a box sitting on our bed. He went around the house and collected every picture ever taken of us together and put them in box as well. He even included the one from his wallet. On top of everything was the ring he had purchased for me. It was like he didn't want to remember any shred of our life together. Hell, even the toothbrush I bought for him was in that damn box," she explained.

"Melody, I am not here to put blame on anyone. You did what you thought was right at the time, as did I, but these days I am starting to see things a bit differently. You see, dear, I wasn't always successful. The fact is that I grew up rather poor. Ryan's mother, on the other hand, although not rich, came from an upper middle class family. We started seeing each other in college, although at the time our dates consisted mainly of walks in the park or rented movies at her apartment. I attended school on scholarships, and although I had a part time job to help pay for expenses, money was still very tight. I knew that I wasn't good enough to be with Virginia, and one night out of sheer frustration I told her so. She responded by telling me that I was unqualified to make that assumption. She told me that right or wrong it was her choice to decide who she wanted to be with, and no one else's, including mine. She did say that what I should be asking myself instead is whether or not she was good enough for me. I didn't even have to ponder that question for a minute to know what my answer was. I proposed on the spot, and we were married six months later. My life with Virginia may not have always been perfect, but I wouldn't trade one minute of it for all the money in the world. My grandfather always said that if two people loved one another enough, the rest of life's problems were nothing more than weeds in a garden waiting to be plowed away," Henry said.

"So you are here to plead Ryan's case then?" she asked, her voice showing annoyance.

"No, Melody, I wish it were that simple. You see, after he left home Ryan's school work and the extracurricular projects he was working on became the center focus in his life above absolutely everything else, including his health. With no one around to keep him grounded, he wasn't eating right, that is when he bothered to eat at all, and he would often go for days at a time with either very little or sometimes not any sleep what so ever. You can't continually abuse your body like that and remain healthy. According to his classmates, Ryan came down with a bad case of the flu, yet he still refused to go to the doctor, or even take the time off he needed to get well again. As a result his flu turned into a case of full blown pneumonia. It was just by sheer chance that one of his schoolmates noticed that he hadn't been to class in two days and stopped by his room to check on him. He said that he found Ryan slumped over his computer and unresponsive. Melody, Ryan slipped into a coma two nights ago, and the doctors say the chances of him coming out of it are very slim. The sad fact is that there just isn't any more fight left in him. I never got to say goodbye to my Virginia, as she died at the scene of the crash. I asked Ryan's friend Jimmy to locate you so that I could give you the chance I never had. So now I am asking, will you please come to the hospital with me, so that we can say goodbye to Ryan together?" he wanted to know.

"I am sorry, Mr. Foster, but I can't do that," Melody said.

"Alright, Miss Farnsworth, I am sorry to have bothered you," he replied while getting up to leave.

"No, Harvey, you don't understand. There is nothing on earth that will keep me away from that hospital, but it's not to say goodbye. I am going to go there and beg Ryan to fight for his family," she declared.

"Melody honey, as much as I would love for that to happen, the doctors don't even think he'll survive beyond the next forty-eight hours," Henry told her with tears in his eyes.

"None of those doctors know your son like I do. When we met I was a convicted felon. Even though I had essentially done nothing wrong my life was still over. Nobody would so much as lift a finger to help me. Then this 18 year old kid came along, and single handedly not only gets me released from prison, expunging my record of any wrong doing in the process, but he also turns over half a million dollars of his own reward money to me as partial compensation for my being locked up in the first place. The only reason he didn't turn over the entire million to me, was that he didn't know they increased the reward money at the time he made the deal with them for my release. Did you know that he offered me the rest of the money the night I came to see him at your house?" she asked.

"No, but with Ryan being the way that he is, that really doesn't surprise me. I think we ought to be getting back to the hospital. What do you want to do about the baby," Henry asked.

"I am going to take him with me. Even if he's not allowed in the room, I want Ryan to feel the spirit of his son close by. It will encourage him to fight harder to come back to us," Melody explained.

"Melody, I know that you want Ryan to get better, and so do I, but honey, you really should try and prepare yourself just in case that doesn't happen," Henry warned.

"Mr. Foster, I know you mean well, but you see, sir, I have already lost Ryan twice, and both times it was through my own fears and insecurities that made it happen. I refuse to let it happen again, no matter what the reason. Ryan will get better. I have no choice but to believe that," Melody explained.

So after packing some essentials for her and Christopher, the three of them began the long drive back to the hospital.

I awoke from sheer darkness to find myself sitting by a beautiful meadow surrounded by lush green grass and springtime flowers. The sun glistening off the crystal clear water sparkled like flawless diamonds, creating a rainbow of the vivid colors the likes of which I had never before seen. In that very moment a sense of peace washed over me cleansing my soul of the torment it had previously been in. This place was perfect, perhaps maybe even a little too perfect.

"Hi, Honey," came a voice from behind him.

"Mom!" I exclaimed. "Oh Mom, is that really you?" I asked.

"Yes honey, it's me," she replied.

I stood up and ran towards the figure, burying my head in her shoulder and crying profusely.

"Oh Mom, I have missed you so," I sobbed.

"I've missed you too, baby," she said while squeezing me in a tight hug.

When we finally let go of one another we both knew it was time to answer my questions.

"Is this just a dream, or am I really dead?" I finally got up the nerve to ask.

"Actually, darling, it's neither. You see, because of your actions we are in a rather unique situation here," she told me.

"What do you mean?" I wanted to know.

"Well, Ryan, you racked up a lot of brownie points for what you did to help Miss Farnsworth, but what really got you notoriety up here is when you refused to go with the attorney the day she was going to be released, even though you suspected how grateful she would be," his mom said.

"So you know about Melody," I asked, blushing.

"Yes, honey, and before you ask, yes, I am aware of how intimate the two of you have become," she told me.

"I still don't understand, Mom. If I am not dead or dreaming, then why am I here?" I asked.

"Ryan, honey, you are not dead yet, but you are very close to it. Because of your unselfish acts of kindness, you have been granted the choice of, either staying here and taking your rightful pace in heaven, or returning to your life back on earth," she explained.

"I don't have a life back there," I complained.

"You may have more there than what you think. Take my hand, honey, there are some things you need to know before you make your decision," Mom told me.

All of a sudden I looked down and could see myself in some kind of oxygen tent, being kept alive by machinery. I expected to see my father sitting in the chair next to my bed, but he wasn't there. In his place was a figure of a woman I would know anywhere.

"What is she doing here?" I asked.

"I would guess she came to see you," Mom answered.

"Well, I don't want her here," I said.

"That may be, but it's not like you can ask her to leave now, is it, unless of course you decide to go back and do it," Mom told me.

"I already told you, I have nothing to go back to," I claimed.

"Ryan, the truth is I sent for her," Mom confessed.

"I don't understand. You're dead, Mom, it's not like you can call her on the phone," I said.

"I went to your father in his sleep and told him to contact her," Mom admitted.

"Dad wouldn't do that. He doesn't want me anywhere near Melody," I said.

"Honey, your Dad just worries about you. I had to remind him that the responsibility in choosing a mate lies in the hand of each of us, and should not be made by someone else, no matter how good their intentions may be," she explained.

"Mom, I still don't get why you would want her here. Don't you know she cheated on me?" I asked.

"Honey, you need to listen to what she has to say," Mom said.

"The last thing I want is to hear more of her lies," I replied

"Ryan, I taught you a long time ago the way to determine if someone was lying. Surly you haven't forgotten how to do it?" Mom asked.

"You also said that once we got too emotionally attached to someone, our other senses would no longer give us accurate results," I pointed out.

"That is true on earth, but our intuition is heightened here," she said.

"Then why don't I feel anything?" I asked.

"Because, honey, ever since you broke up with Melody, your soul has been completely closed off, that is why I haven't even been able to come and comfort you in your dreams," she told me.

"Mom, I really don't care what she has to say, why can't you just accept my decision, and let me move onto a better place?" I asked.

"If that is what you still want after you hear her out I will be happy to take you back with me, but you must open yourself up and listen to her first," Mom demanded.

"Fine," I declared in a huff, moving my spirit closer so I could hear what she was saying to my lifeless body.

"Ryan, honey, it's me, Melody," she said.

"Yeah I know who you are, would you please just get on with it," I thought.

"I know that you probably don't want me here," she started to say.

"That's the understatement of the year," I replied back to myself.