The Voyeur and the Exhibitionist

I didn't know what to think. She did tell me her name was Tammy but at the club to call her Crystal. I was so confused. I loved seeing her naked and doing her routine but thinking back it now bothered me that other men were seeing her too. My own head was playing mind games with me. I dozed back off to sleep.

Henry did come by and told me he would run my beer route till I was able. He said we could split the profits fifty-fifty. I would pay the expenses and he would get a young man to help lug the cases around. He would pay the man out of his half.

This was a pretty good deal for me and I readily accepted. I trusted Henry and it was nice to know I didn't have to worry about my business. It was in good hands.

Chapter 3

I had quite a few visitors over the next couple of weeks. My parents and sister came and saw me every couple of days. Tammy stopped in most every day for at least a few minutes. Between her work and finishing her schooling she was a very busy woman.

Whenever I asked her about the Players' Club she would clam up. I wanted to know more but I didn't want to push her away. She told me about the hospital and how she always wanted to be a doctor. Little by little she told me more and more about herself.

Her parents were doctors at another hospital. She had two older brothers, one was a doctor and the other was a businessman. I love hearing her talk about herself. Maybe she was coming out of her shell. I wanted to know everything about her but knew better than to push it.

I asked her what it took to become an anesthesiologist. She told me, "An anesthesiologist is a doctor, an MD, so they must attend the same schools and complete the same internship and residency requirements as any other doctor.

"I had to complete and pass four years of medical school after the undergraduate schooling (four years of college). Then a year of internship which I'm now doing, then I'll have a four year residency program. Then I'll be officially a doctor. People have called me doctor ever since my internship."

"I thought you said you were twenty-six? How could you be so far along?"

"I graduated from a private high school when I was seventeen. I started college and am just doing update courses now."

She usually had scrubs on when she stopped in. One day my parents were there and I introduced Tammy to them. "Mom, Dad, this is Tammy, one of my doctors."

I think Tammy felt a bit embarrassed but she handled the greeting well. I was hoping that maybe someday I could say she was my girlfriend, but I hoped I wasn't just dreaming.

Since that one day when she lightly kissed me we hadn't had any kind of physical contact. A couple of times I went to touch her hand but she pulled back. I knew there was a problem there but had no idea what it was.

I went daily to physical therapy and the therapist said I was really doing well. I was able to use crutches after only a few days. I sure was happy about that. At least I could use the toilet. It was embarrassing using a catheter and a nurse emptying my pee bottle.

Most times when I got back from therapy I got a sponge bath. A few of the nurses complemented me on my body. I always kept my briefs on but they had to notice my hard-on. I did get some smiles.

It went on like this for about three weeks. Then one Friday Tammy didn't come in. I asked one of the nurses who knew her and was told she was off that day and the next. It's when I realized she would be going to the club. I really had mixed emotions.

I did see her on Sunday and everything was going well till I mentioned the club. Without saying another word she got up and walked out. Damn, did I blow it again?

I was getting released on Monday and Summer said I could stay at her house. That way I could come in for physical therapy four times a week. I was able to move around pretty good with the crutches. My brother in law said I could use his pick-up truck to get back and forth to the hospital.

The first couple of times it was hard getting in. After awhile I found easier ways. Thank God he owned an automatic since it was my left leg in a cast. I did see Tammy on Monday before I checked out. What she said hurt me kind of deep.

"Bill, I like you, I really do, but I talked with my brothers and they don't think I should see you again."

"What? You talked to your brothers. What about talking to me? I'm in love with you and am not going to give up that easily. I'll be here four times a week for therapy and thought we could have lunch together. All I'm asking is for you to have lunch with me."

"Bill, it won't work out between us, I'm sorry," she said as she walked away.

I didn't see her my first two days of therapy. I looked around and figured she was doing her best to avoid seeing me. On my third trip to therapy I spotted her in the hall on my way to my truck after I left my therapy.

She had a big smile on her face. She was talking to a fairly young good looking doctor. I went to call out to her but the doctor she was with gave her a big hug and she did hug him back. My heart dropped to my stomach.

I quickly turned and headed for the exit. She had seen me and yelled to me. "Bill! Wait! I need to talk to you."

I acted like I didn't hear and hurried to the door on crutches. I was lucky enough to park in the front row. My therapist got me a handicapped sticker till my casts would be removed. It still took me a few minutes to get in the truck and Tammy caught up with me.

"Why didn't you stop?" she asked me. "I know you heard me." She got in the passenger side of the truck. We were both sitting there.

"I didn't want to interrupt you and your boyfriend. Now I know why you said it couldn't work out between us. I'm not a doctor, just an old no-account beer truck driver. I guess I'm not good enough for your family. I'll see you around."

"Stop it! Stop it right now. Do you really think I'm that shallow?"

"I saw you with the good doctor," I replied.

"The so called good doctor is a terrific man and I do love him very much. You should know he's also married and my brother. I told him some good news which I also wanted to share with you but you're too hard headed to listen."

"Your brother? One of the guys who said you should stop seeing me?"

"That's not entirely true. He told me I should tell you the truth about my past or to stop seeing you altogether. It had nothing to do with my family. I was afraid to tell you about my past because I would probably lose you anyway.

"I realized how much I missed not seeing you and was coming to see you when I ran into my brother in the hall."

"You make me crazy! There is nothing that you can tell me about your past that would make me not love you. So are you going to tell me about your past?"

"Not today. This is a happy day for me and I don't want to ruin it with bad thoughts. I will tell you the good news if you want to hear it."

"Of course I do. I want to know everything there is to know about you," I replied.

"I have two months left on my internship and I have been accepted here at State Hospital for a four year residency." She had tears in her eyes and I know it meant the world to her.

"Congratulations! Can I take you out for dinner?"

"No, not tonight. I'm sure my parents will want to have dinner with me. I will meet you for lunch when you have your therapy sessions if you like."

"Ok, it's a date." She got out of the truck and went back into the hospital.

She still put off telling me about her past. I didn't bring it up. I knew it must be painful for her in some way. She was true to her word and met me for lunch every time I had physical therapy. She even made sure I paid for lunch every time.

Three weeks had gone by and I was waiting for her in the cafeteria at the hospital. I couldn't believe it when Lucy saw me. She was with a man who I assumed was her boyfriend.

"Bill, so happy to find out you're doing good. How's it going? By the way, this is Ted the man I told you about."

I had to wonder a little how Lucy knew I was in an accident. I figured Henry must have told her. We shook hands and they sat down. I was worried that they might see Tammy but I could hardly ask them to leave. "So, what brings you to the hospital?" I asked.

"Ted's mother had a gall bladder surgery this morning and I came and waited with him."

About that time Tammy came to the table. "Hi Lucy, Ted, your mom's doing fine. She'll be in her room in about another half hour. Sorry I'm late Bill but I stood in for another doctor. No way I could contact you."

I looked at Lucy and then at Tammy. "You knew all this time that Tammy was a doctor and lived in Columbus."

"Yes," said Lucy. "I'm sorry to have lied to you but it was orders from Tammy. She's a good friend. I haven't seen you since the accident."

I looked over at Ted. Then Lucy said, "Ted knows where I work and that I was once a dancer there. I told him even though I don't dance anymore that I don't want him there. In a few months I'll be quitting and opening my salon."

Tammy quickly changed the subject and told me we better get lunch. Lucy and Ted told us they would see us later. When Tammy and I sat back down I asked her how long had she known Lucy.

She told me they met just before she started at the club two years ago. It was Lucy who helped teach her the ropes. I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. I wondered who else knew she was a doctor and where she lived.

I asked her and she stared at me and then said Danny and Mel knew about her past. It was then she told me it was about time for her to tell me about her past. After we ate she took me to an office so we could have some privacy, closed the door and we both sat down.

"Bill, this really hurts me to have to tell you this. I've done my best to get above it. As my brother said to me, 'Be honest with Bill or there can't be any future for you two.' I know we're not really a couple and after I tell you my story we might never be one."

****

Tammy tells her story to Bill:

"I am the youngest of three kids. I came along seven years after my younger brother; he's the doctor you saw me with. My older brother went to Ireland after he graduated. He came back to the States ten years later. I know he's a businessman but no one knows what happened while he was in Ireland.

"I know you're more interested in what happened to me so I'll get on with it. I went to college at seventeen, just like I've told you. In fact I want you to know that I have never lied to you from the moment I met you.

"I was smart when it came to book knowledge and learning, but not smart in worldly things. After I went to college for four years I got my first degree and after two more years I began hanging around with the wrong people. I wanted to learn more about life.

"I began taking drugs and partying most every weekend. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I was always the goody two shoes and wanted to shake that title. For the next year I went to party after party. I liked being wanted; I wanted guys to want me.

"One weekend I didn't know what happened to me. I went to a party and met a couple of guys I often partied with. I trusted them and thought they liked me but they used me. I woke up in a house in the inner city with six guys, all were drunk and still sleeping it off. I looked at my body and I was a mess. I had bruises and bite marks all over my body. I think you could figure out what happened to me."

It was then Tammy stopped talking and wiped tears from her eyes. I knew this must have been very hard for her to tell me.

"It was then that one of the guys, John, told me I would be their slut whore from now on. If I didn't give out to them and their friends every weekend they would make sure everyone knew what a slut I was.

"I didn't even clean up. I got dressed and ran out the door. John told me there was no place for me to hide. I would have to show up at school. I ran down the street and flagged down a cab. I didn't know where to go. I didn't want to go back to the house I shared with other girls. They didn't know about my so called double life. I was good at hiding my party side but now I had real regrets.

"I so wanted to be Miss Goody Two Shoes again but I knew it couldn't happen. I told the cabby to drive to my brother's house. I had no money and was scared. Luckily my sister in law and their kids were gone to visit her parents for the weekend. When he saw me he thought I was attacked and raped. I told him in a sense I was but I didn't want anyone to know.

"He told me to go and clean up. I took a bath and he got me some of his wife's clothes to wear. He told me I needed to go to the police and have these guys arrested. I told him I just couldn't do that. He called my older brother and he came over.

"They wanted to know exactly what happened and how I got involved in this mess. I told them the truth; they were always my protectors. I asked them how could I go back to school the next day and face these two guys who set me up?

"My older brother wanted the full names of the two guys. I told them I didn't know any of the other guys. I think John and Ben got them off the streets and had them all pay to use me. As far as I know there could have been a lot more men. I only saw six when I woke up. I just didn't know and didn't want to. I know I kept crying.

"They told me they would take care of it and that I should go back to my house and act as though nothing had happened. I should also take the next couple of days off. Tim said he would take care of me not being at the hospital for a couple of days. They would have a talk with John and Ben. I was not to mention their names to anyone.

"I did nothing but cry and sleep for the next two days. I told my roomies that I had caught the flu and was just going to stay in my room so they wouldn't catch it. On Tuesday night I got a call from Tim. He said everything was taken care of and that I should go to school and work on Wednesday.

"When I asked about John and Ben he asked me who were they? I said, 'Tim, please, did you talk to them? Are they going to carry out their threats against me?'

He told me that they were given a choice by my older brother. They could transfer to another college or die. The choice was theirs. If they ever mentioned my name they would be hunted down. I guess I should tell you that my older brother is Danny. He owns the Players' Club as well as being in a number of different enterprises.

"When I went to school on Wednesday I heard a couple of people talking and they said both Ben and John had transferred to another college, out of state, on Monday. I knew better than to ask any questions.

"When I arrived at the hospital I cried as Tim told me everything would be all right. I went ahead and did my job. I stopped going out and just studied harder, trying to forget what an idiot I was.

"I couldn't date anyone. On the outside I was healed but inside my head I was in turmoil. I found I hated all men and didn't want any of them to touch me. I know this is going to sound crazy but somehow I needed to get even with men in general. It was then I called my brother Danny and told him I needed to see him.

"I made the suggestion of dancing at his club. In my head I had this crazy idea that the men could see me and never touch me. To top it all off they would pay me for the privilege. I know it sounds crazy but it is the truth.

"Danny told me 'No' but I kept after him. I explained that it would be only in his club that I would feel safe. Finally Danny gave in. He sent Lucy to talk to me. She knew about me wanting to get even but not the reason why.

"I then found I had a problem. I couldn't dance worth a shit. I mean I was Miss Clumsy Feet when it came to dancing. It's when I came up with the idea of doing a performance. I didn't want to do this for a living. I just had this passion that I needed to get even.

"It was awkward the first couple of times, but after that I didn't mind showing my body, knowing that it was strictly look but don't touch. I even started going to the gym to improve my body.

"It felt odd performing in front of my brother but I thought of him as my life preserver. A few times men tried to touch me and were thrown out. That's when I got the title 'Untouchable'. I kind of liked that.

"I only performed one weekend a month for nearly two years. There is a couple of more things I need to tell you. I honestly think it worked and I'm going to stop when I become a resident in two months. I don't feel the hatred I once had. I'm not saying I trust men but I'm better with it.

"Also, I haven't been with a man for over two years. I've been afraid that I might not be up to having sex for a while and you should know that. I don't know when I'll be ready, maybe never. It's up to you how long you are willing to wait.

"I can touch men like when I kissed George and Gus on the cheek or you in the hospital. I realize that all men aren't bad and I need to learn to trust again. When I first saw you at the club my heart skipped a beat. I never thought I could have feelings for anyone again.

"My problem is you are a voyeur and go to the club. I'm just not sure it can work out between us.

"Well, you've heard the whole truth. I can't make any promises but I have been totally honest with you."

After our talk, neither of us said a word. Bill looked stunned and I had to get back to work. I did ask Bill not to say anything and to think about everything I had said. We could talk again after his next therapy session.

Chapter 4

I told Tammy that we could work on being together. I gave a lot of thought to everything she said and my feelings for her were still very strong.

It's been nearly two months since the accident and I would be moving back home. I didn't know how it would work out between us with her in Columbus and me nearly seventy miles away.

I was at the hospital getting my arm cast removed. The doctor told me it would be about another month before I could have the leg cast taken off completely. He did put a different kind and smaller cast just below my knee and down to my foot. It felt good to have use of both of my arms. I could even walk a little but it was still awkward with the cast on. At least I could bend my leg at the knee.

I saw Tammy and asked her when we could get together. She told me I could come see her a week from Saturday. Maybe we could go on an actual date. We set it up and she gave me a light kiss before I headed out of town.

On the way home I realized she would be working at the club Friday and Saturday. By what she had said she was going to work this month and next. I wasn't sure what to do. I decided to go to the club. I wasn't sure if it was a smart idea or not.

I talked with Henry on Thursday and I decided I'd start back to work on Monday. The young guy, Larry, that Henry had helping him agreed to stay on and do the lifting for me for another month or so. I told him I'd give him an extra twenty dollars a day.

It was a win-win for both of us. He made some extra bucks and I didn't have to do any lifting. I thanked Henry for being there when I really needed some help. He told me that after working for two months he remembered why he retired.

I remember Tammy asking me not to go to the club the days she worked. She didn't know if she could perform in front of me anymore. I was confused. She could perform in front of strangers but not me. That didn't make sense.

Looking back I could now understand. She didn't want me watching her perform in front of other men. Again I wasn't sure what to do but I didn't want her performing in front of other men either. I decided to go to the club.

I stopped there Friday afternoon and had lunch. I said hi to Mel and he welcomed me back. Lucy asked me what I was doing there and I told her I was just having lunch. I asked her if Tammy was performing that night and she didn't answer me.