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Click hereI stare into his eyes, waiting. Waiting. Nearly there. Nearly. So very nearly.
"C'mon, Lou, use me. Get off on my hand. Come all over me."
And that's how he does it for me, with those words that make me feel gloriously dirty and beautifully loved. It slams through me, a dark explosion that leaves me in bits. Me and a sorry shell of me. All of me and tiny bits of me. His eyes on me the entire time, hardly blinking, drinking deeply, and, as I struggle, his hand tightens around one arm, supporting me, probably bruising me. It shocks me to hear myself wishing it would leave a permanent mark.
"Fuck. Wow, Lou. Louisa."
I fall into him, a shaking, gasping mess, and he has to scramble to keep hold of me, to control our slide sideways to the bed.
"Wow, wow," murmuring to me, holding me safe and tight, arranging my useless limbs around him, "Fuck, Lou. Wow."
His thumb swipes away the tears I'm not shedding. Gradually, my peripheral vision starts to recover but I'm still shaking so much Jude flails around with an arm until he yanks his crumpled duvet over my back and legs. Brushing the wild skeins of hair out of my face, his eyes still wide with wonder. Bright too, a shimmer to them.
"We're doing that again and again until we die. Or until we're too old, Lou. One of those."
I can't form any words in reply so I knot my fingers into his hair, tightening them until I know it's pulling at his scalp. He moves his head closer and closer until we're kissing in the softest, most tender moment of my twenty-one years. Which is when I understand it's not a little bird inside me at all. It's just all me, for good or bad. Just me. After all these years this is a lot to take on. Even when I press my eyes shut to concentrate on the different ideas and feelings rising up inside, I can't see them clearly. Jude's nearness seems more real.
Sounds from the rest of the house rise up to us. Crockery being stacked and cutlery being stowed in the kitchen, a rush of water down pipes, the heavy, clumsy scrabbling of a seagull on the roof over us.
Jude rolls away onto his back, a hand dragging across my body until it comes to rest flat on my ribs.
"It's your birthday next week?" he asks.
"Mmhmm."
"So you should come up to visit next weekend."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Really. Will you?"
I think about how long the coach had taken to drive from Leeds through London then down to Brighton. "Maybe I'll ask Kev for a day off. Friday or Monday."
"Try for both, why don't you?"
"Ok."
His hand twitches against my ribs. "You know, me taking you home -- it's like an indication, you know, that I'm serious about you."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
I smile to myself, twisting to see his profile as he looks up at the ceiling, at the oblique streaks of the last of the evening light falling over both of us.
"Careful, that could sound like you're almost trying to tell me you're in love with me or something," which I'd meant to sound more like a tease than it ends up being.
He rolls back to me and props himself up on one elbow.
"Well yeah, maybe I'm working up to it, Lou. Is that gonna freak you out?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't want to scare you off. You're pretty skittish about that sort of thing."
I open my mouth to protest. But stop myself because, well ok, he's probably made a good point. We lie there in silence, maybe both of us needing the time to absorb what's going on. And after a while I roll on my side to face him, pushing one of my legs between his, wrapping my feet around his, thinking about the scar he should have there, but doesn't.
Eventually, I ask, "You'd give this ownerless waif a place to belong?"
He eases back until his face is more in focus than before. "You remember that?"
"You calling me an ownerless and unclaimed waif? Well, yeah."
"Huh," he considers me, his eyes moving over my face. "But yes. That's what I'm thinking. We could make a place for both of us to be. With each other."
The tight, controlled beat of my heart loosens into something bigger, more generous, less fearful. I imagine that when I'm an old white-haired lady with cataracts in my eyes, I'll remember this moment as something vital in my life. The first time a man -- anyone, actually -- has offered to be part of my future. To imagine it, want to form it and share it with me. His fingertip runs along the line of my ribcage, tracing the possibilities for us, carving them into my mind as surely as if he's drawing them onto my body in black ink.
"What d'ya think, Lou?"
"Honestly, it's about the best thing anyone's ever said to me, Jude."
He flattens his hand out, a press of his skin to mine, a sweet smile pulling at his mouth. "Yeah, we're gonna be ok, you'll see," in a soft voice, dipping his head to kiss me just at the curve of my breast, a touch to the heart. "You'll see."
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- COMMENTS
Purplefizzover 2 years agoVery real writing, warts and all characters, the uncertainty of people with tough lives and wonderful vocalisation, so much so I could hear the accents and saw the body language as I was reading. You are a perceptive writer Sara2000Z, thank you from SE UK.
Sara2000Zabout 3 years agoAuthorThank you so much! I really do read every comment, and take them to heart, so thank you for making them. It took me quite a while to write Waif and Stray and I'm happy to hear that it has hit the mark for some of you. I try hard to write 'real' characters, so I'm glad that this comes through in the writing somewhat. Thanks again for making comments or just for reading.
Lilkahunaabout 3 years agoSuperb writing. I agree with all the comments here that have been written so much better than I can. I hope you have extended into professional stories.
Jazedzedabout 3 years agoI'm coming to this story later than most people here, but it has your wonderful touch, as always. After looking through the comments, I was thinking about LargoKitt's question about formula: I think that you are so deft and delicate in your ability to present full characters, that your writing allows readers not only to become invested in the characters, but also to feel their vulnerabilities in ways that allow us to identity with them in our own insecurities and vulnerabilities. But you do it in a way that gives confidence that their vulnerabilities (our vulnerabilities) will not betray us or the characters. You present wonderfully full and human characters in writing that is captivating and, as I've said before, humane.
Anonymousabout 4 years agoThe writing is wonderful with lovely images of the places and characters, tremendous empathy for them without creating mushy stereotypes. Another excellent story. Please don't change your style to suit a mid Atlantic audience. The speech is brilliantly in the idiom of the characters and diluting it would lose the atmosphere and the toughness of each individual's vulnerable position. It would be like diluting the language in LukasGrey's "Falling" series.
reader1000about 4 years agoAnd more of the same. You are SO good. Thank you. Thank you. Such strong character development plus control of plot. Don't know where you learned to write so well but we could use a lot more with your skill.
caeruleaover 4 years agoSo, so good. I will save time by saying I feel the same about everything Nthusiastic said (and I'm so glad they added their username so I can see what other stories or authors they love). Your sex scenes are wonderfully emotional but they're also just plain hot. Hottttttttt. What turns me on is reading about how much something affects someone sexually, not the dry mechanics of which thing is where. Sadly for me too many stories have the latter. Thank you for a wonderful tale that is also super sexy.
Sara2000Zalmost 5 years agoAuthorI'm overwhelmed at the time you've taken to make these comments, everyone. Thank you. This was probably the most difficult story for me to write, and it was therefore harder for me to judge if the balance of it was right or not, so all of your comments have helped me to 'see' it more clearly. I'll never say never to a sequel, but so far, I think Jude and Louisa need a little privacy to get used to each other and I don't want to pressurise them too much.... which just makes me sound like a lunatic who really thinks these characters are real, so I think I'll stop now! Sara.
Anonymousalmost 5 years agoYou had me at hello. I was deeply into your characters way before the sex came along. In fact I stopped reading your story for about a week before that happened, not trusting you to handle it in tune with your writing up to that point. Pretty stupid hu? You are obviously going to have a career out of this wonderful tallent. Hearty congratulations!
Longtom2
GoneGrayabout 5 years agoI just finished this amazing story, and I had to write this before I lost the impact the emotions had on me. When I first started reading this story, I was interested, but I was a bit impatient to feel more attached to the characters. When they finally were obviously at the point of realization that the other was probably interested in them, I knew I wanted to finish reading the story. From there, I was enjoying it, but finding it kind of difficult to follow at times, what with all Lou’s conflicting emotions, put into abrupt sentences, plus the non-American idioms. At times I felt more like I was reading a poem (something I am not normally fond of).
But, from the middle of page 8 and on, WOW. I was so caught up in Louisa’s letting go of fear, her discovery of trust & love, and the way you made me feel it! Yes, the sex was good, but it not was the actions that were erotic, it was what she discovered through it. I kept stopping to dry my unexpected tears. And I still am, while writing this comment. I guess I am a lot more of a mushy old man than I realized. Thank you so much for teaching me that.
LargoKittabout 5 years agoYou are so good at setting up and continuing the real push-pull of people warming to each other, falling in love. This has the meat of good romance writing, the sex fine, but almost superfluous. A puzzle for me: Why is frustration, misunderstanding, and potential rejection so sexy? The formula seems so transparent: Take to people who are clearly perfect for each other, and have them keep doubting whether the other one cares. Fighting the surrender. Fearing what feels so good. Not wanting the love that one wants so desperately. Sure that what was just so profound is fleeting and illusory. More than sexy eyes or abs with treasure trails, this seems to be the ultimate turnon for most women and certain men. ???
ashleycooperabout 5 years agoreally, just amazing. I almost never read stories this long on lit, but like some others I got drawn in and couldn't stop. This is great prose with essentially zero typos or grammatical errors. If I HAD to find a fault, it would be that some British idioms don't translate well into American English. However, even those were usually understandable in context. There's good reason why I've 'favorited' you as an author.
