The Way You Say My Name Ch. 04

Jamie lifted his chin and closed his eyes. Dipping down, Dillon could almost taste him. His own eyes fluttered shut. They were almost touching, when the door flew open.

Sadie stood in the doorway, wearing pink pajamas and a long, fuzzy white robe. She hid a grin as the two of them scrambled to opposite sides of the bed. “You’re awake. Thank heavens. I was starting to worry. Are you feeling better, then, Jamie?” Her tone was even, just as if she found her nephew in bed with a half-naked man everyday.

“A little.” He looked at Dillon from the corner of his eye. “Dillon helped me through the worst of it, I think. For tonight anyway. Dr. Nash said grieving is a process, but I think I’m at least on my way.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” She gave Dillon a knowing smile. “I assume you’re spending the night?”

It was Dillon’s turn to blush. “Yes, ma’am. Um, that is, if it’s all right.”

“Of course. Though, perhaps it would be better if you passed the remainder of the night in the guestroom.” An order, not a suggestion. She might be open minded, but even that had its limits.

“Yes, ma’am.” Dillon started to get out of bed, but remembered he was wearing only his underwear. “Uh, Miss Banks?”

Sadie laughed. “I’ll just make certain the guestroom bed has fresh sheets.”

As soon as she left, Dillon scrambled into his jeans. The rest of his things he gathered into his arms to take with him. He was all loaded up and on his way to the door when Jamie said, “Dillon?”

“Yeah?”

“Sweet dreams.”

Dillon smiled down at him. “You too.” He knew Jamie’s would be anything but sweet, right now, anyway. But someday soon, he hoped they would be. And maybe, if he was lucky, those dreams would include him.

#

Dillon parked his car in the usual space. Shutting off the ignition, he turned to Jamie. “You sure you want to do this? Your aunt said she’d write you an excuse so you could stay home today.”

Jamie zipped his coat and donned his gloves. “So I can do what, sit at home all day and think about Ben? About how much I’m going to miss him? I’m better off here.” His voice dropped so low that Dillon could barely hear him. “I’m better off with you.”

Dillon reached over and squeezed his hand. “Okay, then. Meet me back here for lunch?”

“How about meeting me at the lockers, instead? It’s too damn cold out here.”

Dillon laughed and got out of the car. “I’ll see you then.”

If days went any slower, Dillon had never seen one. Besides a myriad of cracks about the fact that he was wearing the same clothes he wore yesterday, Dillon’s school day started with a thirty minute period of mourning for Ben Lewis led by none other than Dan Morgan himself. The auditorium was filled to the brim with crying girls (most of whom had no idea who Ben Lewis even was) and a passel of laughing jocks who saw this as a prime opportunity to perfect the fine art of the spitball. Dillon did his best to catch a glimpse of Jamie, but the throng of pseudo-grievers made it impossible. Megan sat beside him through most of the assembly, rolling her eyes every time Morgan started in about the “brevity of life” and the “utmost importance of living each day to its fullest.” A few times, Dillon was certain he’d laugh out loud. Once Megan even stepped on his foot to keep that from happening. The mark of a true friend. The one bright side during the whole assembly was that he didn’t see his mother either. Time enough for the crucifixion after school.

The three remaining classes before lunch weren’t much better. Lots of talk about Ben from people who wouldn’t have spit on him if his guts were on fire. Not while he was alive, anyway. Seems that sudden death made a guy downright popular.

When the fourth period bell rang, Dillon was ready. He had vivid fantasies of kidnapping Jamie and keeping him for the rest of the day, the two of them shutting out the whole world. Unfortunately, Ashton Barnes and Chad Minton put a stop to that.

They were waiting for Dillon at his locker. Ash and Chad made quite a contrast. Ash was tall and slender, whereas Chad tended towards to the short, chunky side. Ash’s hair was a rich black, cut fairly short and shot through with auburn lights which made his brown eyes seem even darker. Chad was a blue-eyed blond with a buzz cut. Ash was old money, and Chad was no money. Even so, Dillon could count on one hand the times he’d seen one without the other. Hell, they even went out on the weekends screwing girls together: Ash and his girl in the front seat of his BMW, Chad and his girlfriend du jour in the back. Now that was devotion.

Dillon was hoping Jamie would come so he’d have an excuse to leave, but he saw no sign of it. Hell, he’d hoped to squeeze in as much time with Jamie as possible, but it looked like he was gonna have to make small talk with Barnes and Minton, instead. He motioned Chad, who was leaning against Dillon’s locker, out of the way, and fumbled with the lock. “What’s up?” It wasn’t until after he said it, that Dillon noticed how angry Ash looked.

Ash stood with his fists balled, his feet braced, and his spine rigid. “I heard some rumors about you, Carver. I was

hoping you might clear ‘em up for me.”

Dillon threw his books inside and slammed the locker door. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Megan and a several others gathering in the hall. An audience. Well, wasn’t that just heaven on a stick.

Dillon leaned one shoulder against the metal door, keeping his voice calm and his posture relaxed. “Rumors, huh? You don’t say.”

“That’s right. Word has it you spent the night at James Walker’s house last night. Considering those are the same clothes you had on yesterday, I’m guessing it’s true.” Ash was doing all the talking, but Chad stood beside him, bobbing his head in agreement every time Ash spoke. He reminded Dillon of those little flocked-plastic dogs people put on the dashes of their cars.

Dillon was the poster boy for who-gives-a-damn, but inside he was seething. Damned if he’d let it show, though. As calmly as if he were discussing the cafeteria’s mystery meat special, Dillon said, “I’d be glad to clear that little rumor up for you, Barnes, but seeing as how it’s none of your business, I don’t think I will.”

Ash stepped closer. “I’m making it my business, Carver. Word’s out that you and Ben Lewis were fighting over James that night at the dance. I also heard that you had lunch with him yesterday.”

Dillon crossed his arms over his chest. “What are you, Barnes? The friendship police? I wasn’t aware that having lunch with a friend or spending the night with a buddy was a crime.”

Ash wasn’t giving up. “Yeah? Well, the way I hear it, you and Walker are a lot more than friends. What’s up, Carver? You fagging out on us?”

Oh, this was just great. Ash was the one who called him about the planned gay bashing at the dance. What was with this homophobic jock routine? Well, to hell with him. Dillon wasn’t going to play his little games. In as clear a voice as he could muster, he said, “No, Barnes, I’m not fagging out on you.”

He heard a noise behind him and turned to see Jamie, his face pale and stricken. Dillon had been about to clarify his last statement, but Jamie didn’t know that. He though Dillon was going to deny him yet again. The spark of anger Dillon had seen last night was now a blazing inferno.

Jamie threw his books on the floor and faced Dillon, not caring that he was six inches shorter and about forty pounds lighter, or that half the school was watching him. He looked so small and so cute, that Dillon would have laughed over the whole damn thing if it weren’t for the look of pain in Jamie’s beautiful eyes.

“So much for coming out, huh, Dillon? Tell me something. Exactly when weren’t you ‘fagging out’? Was it when I was on my knees sucking your cock that you weren’t a fag? Or were you just a straight boy in disguise all those times you fucked me?”

That was it. The whole city of Reed could watch for all he cared, but Dillon was gonna show Jamie how he felt about him once and for all. “I never fucked you.”

Dillon could see the tears forming in Jamie’s eyes. He started to speak, but Dillon put up his hand. “Not yet. You’ve had your say. It’s my turn now.” He turned his back on Barnes and all the rest, using his body to force Jamie backwards until he was up against the lockers, with Dillon in his face. Putting one hand on each side of Jamie’s head so he couldn’t get away, Dillon spoke, his voice loud enough for everyone within twenty feet to hear, his eyes only for Jamie.

“What I was about to say when you walked up, James, was that I wasn’t ‘fagging out’ because that implies that I just woke up one morning and became gay. How can I ‘fag out’ when I’ve known for sure that I was gay for over six years?”

The gasps and whispers behind him following that little announcement reminded Dillon of something you’d hear in a cheesy movie. If they thought that was a shocker, the illustrious student body of Plunkett High hadn’t seen anything, yet.

“And as far as the other part goes, I stand by what I said. I never fucked you, James.” Jamie tried to protest, but again Dillon cut him off. “I was a selfish bastard. I got off on you without ever giving anything back, and for that I’m more sorry that you’ll ever know. Even as lowdown and rotten as I was, though, I never once fucked you. Every time I slid into you, every time you took me into that sweet, tight body of yours, it was making love.” Then Dillon lowered his head and covered Jamie’s mouth with his own.

{To Be Continued}