The Way You Say My Name Ch. 11

“What did you take out of that report?” Even whispering as she was, Megan sounded scared to death. Jamie felt sick with guilt for putting her in that position.

“The less you know right now the better, Megan. I swear I’ll tell you all of it as soon as I get it straightened out.” Jamie reached over and squeezed her hand. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m so sorry for getting you into this.”

Megan managed a weak smile. “It was my idea to come with you, remember? No apologies necessary.”

Jamie was about to say something else when Kilgore came back in. He handed a soft drink can to Jamie and said, “All right, you two. Since Sheriff Nash vouched for you, you’re free to go. Your ride is here, and it seems they brought the money to free Miss Nash’s car from impound. All you have to do is pick up your coats and other personal belongings at the sign out desk, and then pay the clerk for the towing charges so you can leave. They’re waiting for you up front”

They? Jamie’s heart sank. He knew without asking who’d come for them. If it had been Bran and Nate, Bran would have been in the office and in his face already. No, Bran had pulled out the big guns. Jamie and Megan left Kilgore’s office only to come face to face with a wounded Dillon and a furious Heath.

Megan tried to speak first, but Heath held up his hand. “No way, lady. You and I are gonna pick up your stuff and get your car out of impound while Dillon and Jamie have a little talk. I think maybe the two of us are overdo for a discussion of our own.”

Megan’s eyes crackled with electricity. “You and I don’t have a darn thing to say to each other, Heath Carver. You’re not my keeper.”

Heath took her arm, gentle in spite of his anger. “Somebody damn sure needs to be. Honest to God, Megan. What were you thinking?” Before she could answer, Heath placed one finger over Megan’s lips. “Unless you want this to escalate into an all out screaming match in the middle of the police station, I think we should go get your car now.”

Megan nodded her head mutely and followed Heath towards the clerk’s desk. Dillon waited until they were gone and then pointed to a row of plastic chairs just outside the booking area. He sat down, and as soon as Jamie took the chair next to his, said, “Would you please tell me what’s going on here?”

Jamie took a deep breath and spilled out the entire story, from sitting in Aunt Sadie’s kitchen eating lasagna to getting picked up by the cops at Burke’s place. When he was done, Jamie glanced Dillon’s way. “I guess you’re pretty mad at me, huh?”

Dillon ran his fingers through his hair, causing it to stand--literally--on end. “Mad, no. But I am confused about a couple of things.”

“Like what?”

Dillon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and turning his head towards Jamie. “Why would you come all the way to Chicago to talk to Burke?”

“I was hoping he could lead me to Ben’s second blackmail victim.”

Dillon clenched his fists in exasperation. “If there even is a second victim. For all we know, Ben stole that money. Either that or he fucked some guy who was stupid enough to pay big bucks for a cheap piece of tail.”

Jamie winced. He was pretty sure Dillon’s crude speculation came more from irritation and worry than anything else. For that reason, he did his best to ignore it. “I believe Ben got that extra twenty-thousand the same way he got the first twenty. Blackmail, right down the line.” Jamie gave Dillon a pleading stare. “And if you’re being honest with yourself, I think you believe it, too.”

Jamie could tell that Dillon was doing his best to be patient. It wasn’t working, but at least he was trying. “Fine. For the sake of argument, let’s say I do believe Ben had another sucker on the hook. That still doesn’t explain why you came all the way to Chicago to talk to a kiddy pimp. What makes you think the other blackmail victim isn’t someone Ben met in Reed? How could Burke have possibly helped you find out who the guy is?”

“It’s just a gut feeling I have. If it was someone from Reed, someone like Ash, then why didn’t Ben feel guilty about it? He felt bad enough about Ash to leave that letter and give back the photos. Why wouldn’t Ben feel bad enough about to do the same for the other guy. Also, if this new guy was someone Ben met while in Reed, how come I never knew about the relationship? Ben told me about Ash. Even though he never mentioned him by name, I knew he was seeing someone. If Ben had something similar going on with another guy, I think I would have known about it.”

“Yeah, sure. Just like you knew that your best friend turned Ash into his own personal cash cow?”

Jamie turned his head, unable to bear the sarcasm and disdain coming from Dillon’s direction.

Dillon sighed and, tucking one finger under Jamie’s chin, turned his head so the two of them very facing. “So what, you think this guy is someone from Ben’s past?” The look on Dillon’s face said he wasn’t sure he was buying into that theory.

For some reason, that bothered Jamie. He wanted Dillon to believe in him, to see things his way. “I think it’s a definite possibility. Ben said in his letter to Ash that Burke took pictures and made videos of his boys with their clients. He also said that Burke used that stuff to blackmail some pretty powerful men. What if Ben kept his own records from those days?”

Dillon sat up straight. “You think Ben had his own set of blackmail pics from when he was a prostitute?”

“I think it’s a definite possibility. And I also think there’s only one way to find out. I have to talk to some of the guys who lived with Burke during the time Ben was there.”

Dillon narrowed his eyes. “And just how are you planning to find these guys?”

Jamie flushed. “I sorta swiped a list of names from Burke Carpenter’s police file.”

Dillon practically screamed. “You did what?”

“Shh. Somebody’s gonna hear you.” In a calmer tone, Jamie said, “In Burke’s file, there was a list of guys who were living in the house at the time of Burke’s death. Out by each name is a phone number where each one can be reached. Now, some of those guys may have come in after Ben left, but a couple are bound to know who he is. I mean, was.”

Dillon stifled a snort. “Let me guess, you’re gonna go home and contact each one.”

Jamie sat up straight and stiffened his spine. “No, I’m gonna check into a hotel here in Chicago, spend the night, and contact each and everyone of them tomorrow morning.” Jamie looked Dillon right in the eyes. “I’m not coming home until I find someone who can tell me something that’s gonna help me find out who the second blackmail victim was.”

“Seems like you’ve got it all figured out.” Dillon stood up and walked over to one of the narrow windows that overlooked the front parking lot. Jamie knew as dark as it was, Dillon probably couldn’t see a thing, but that didn’t stop him from standing there for a full minute, just staring. Finally he turned back to Jamie and said, “There’s only one part of this equation I’m unsure of.” Dillon leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. “You keep saying you’re gonna hunt down information about Ben. You’re gonna spend the night in Chicago. There’s a whole lot of ‘you’s’ in what you just said, and not a single ‘us.’ Where do I fit in Jamie? You have all these plans, and it seems like I’m not in a single damn one of them.”

Jamie stood up. He could see the pain in Dillon’s eyes, and he hated himself for causing it. “I didn’t leave you out of my plans to stay in Chicago because I wanted to hurt you, Dillon. It’s just that you seemed so mad at me when you came in here, I didn’t think you’d want to be included.”

Dillon all but threw up his hands. “Of course I was mad. Did you even stop and think about what could have happened to you. It’s bad enough that you got hauled in here, but God almighty, Jamie, what would you have done if you’d run into the guy who offed Burke. You could have been killed.”

Jamie didn’t know what to say. Dillon was shaking, and Jamie could tell it was more fear than actual anger talking. He stretched out his hand. “Dillon--”

Dillon pressed himself further against the wall. “No. You can’t talk this away, Jamie. I’m not just gonna stand by and watch you put yourself at risk time and time again. I can’t lose you again. I love you, dammit.”

#

Dillon and Jamie grabbed Jamie’s coat and wallet from the desk clerk and caught up with Megan and Heath out in the impound yard. Neither Megan nor his brother looked too happy, and Dillon could certainly sympathize.

Megan walked towards her car. “Who’s gonna ride with who?”

Dillon cleared his throat. “You and Heath head on back to Reed in your car, Meggie. Jamie and I are gonna stay the night in Chicago.”

Jamie gaped at Dillon, seemingly shocked by Dillon’s decision to stay in Chicago with him. Dillon wasn’t sure if Jamie was happy about it or not. Well, that was just too darn bad. There was no way Dillon was gonna leave him in Chicago alone. It was bad enough that he’d confessed his love in the middle of a Chicago police station only to have Jamie stand in mute silence and stare at him, but Dillon would be damned before he let Jamie put himself at risk again. Jamie would just have to deal with it.

Heath raised his brows but didn’t say anything other than, “Fine, but I’m driving.” He glared at Megan, daring her to argue.

To Dillon’s surprise, she didn’t. Instead, at the word hotel, Megan’s eyes began to sparkle. “Okay by me, but I have something in my glove box I need to give Jamie first.” She grabbed Jamie by the wrist and started pulling him towards the vehicle.

Once Megan and Jamie were out of ear shot, Heath said, “A hotel room?”

“Don’t ask.”

Heath nodded, pulling his coat tighter against himself to keep out the chill March wind. “You need any money?”

Dillon shook his head. “Nah. I’m good.” He stared down at his shoe for a second. “Heath, can I ask you something?”

“I think you just did.”

Dillon looked back up at his brother. “This is serious, Heath. Please.”

“Sorry, kid. Go ahead.”

“How, um . . . how do you know when your partner is ready to move the relationship to the next level?”

“You mean sex?”

Dillon’s face was on fire. “I was thinking more along the lines of a serious commitment, but I guess sex sorta goes with that.”

Heath clamped his hand on Dillon’s shoulder. “I’ve never made a commitment to anyone before, but I do know a thing or two about sex. The thing is, the only experience I have is with girls. I’m not sure if it’s different with guys, but I’d say the best way to tell if a guy is ready is to look for signals. Usually when I’m with a girl, she’ll give me some sign that she’s ready to take things up a notch.”

Dillon’s curiosity overcame his embarrassment. “What kind of sign?”

Heath shrugged. “It differs from girl to girl. Sometimes it’s a look they give you, a certain word they say. Others are pretty damn bold about it. I had this one girl tell me once she wanted me to fuck her into unconsciousness. I ended up turning her down. Girls like that really aren’t my style.” Heath’s eyes drifted to Megan as she and Jamie walked back towards them. “I like my women softer, more feminine.” He shook himself out of it and turned back to Dillon, squeezing his shoulder again. “I think you’ll know, kid. I wouldn’t stress over it.”

Jamie and Megan came back up just as Heath finished. Jamie was carrying a small duffle bag, but it was Megan who spoke. “You wouldn’t stress over what?”

Heath crossed his arms, towering over her. “Just never you mind.” He held out his hand. “Keys.”

Megan screwed up her face. “God, you’re bossy. What did I do, grow another father when I wasn’t looking or something?” Still, she handed the keys over and said good-bye to Jamie and Dillon.

Heath took her arm and led her towards the car. Turning back, he said, “Be careful. Both of you. And call if you need me.”

Dillon nodded. “Thanks, Heath. We will.”

Dillon and Jamie walked back across the impound yard to the visitor’s parking lot in silence. The anger and fear Dillon had felt when Brandon called him had been replaced by a new worry. He was about to check into a hotel room with the only man he’d ever loved. He was scared of making the wrong move, but more scared of making no move at all. He only hoped Heath was right about the signs thing. Not only had Jamie given him no indication of how he was feeling, he hadn’t even returned Dillon’s declaration of love. Dillon had never felt so much turmoil, so much confusion, not even when he came out to his folks. He prayed Jamie would give him some signal to show him what he should do. God knows he needed it.

But if Jamie was planning on giving Dillon any hints, he was taking his own sweet time about it. The only discussion once Jamie and Dillon were in the Lumina and on their way out of the parking lot was which of the hundreds of hotels in Chicago they should check into. There was also an argument about who should pay for it. Dillon wanted to pay for it himself, but Jamie insisted on using his credit card. His aunt gave it to him for emergencies, and Jamie intended to use it. Dillon was pretty sure Sadie wouldn’t consider hunting down the foster children of a murdered scum-sucker like Carpenter an emergency, but there was no arguing with Jamie once his mind was made up. Dillon was fast becoming an expert on the power of Jamie’s stubborn will. Jamie was just lucky Dillon was crazy about him. He’d be tempted to strangle him, otherwise.

The hotel debate was settled when Dillon had to stop for gas not far from the police station. When Dillon stepped inside to pay, he asked the clerk, a guy not much older than himself, if he knew of any decent places in the area.

The clerk peered through the Plexiglas. Even as dark as it was outside, Jamie was plainly visible sitting in the car under the bright lights of the convenience store parking lot. Dillon saw the look the clerk gave Jamie, and was fully prepared for some smart remark. Instead, the guy gave him a genuine smile and said, “There’s a place not too far down the road here, a hotel called the Preston Inn. It’s a nice place, clean and all, but since the new owners just opened back up after a complete remodel, it’s reasonably priced, and they don’t ask too many questions, if you know what I mean.”

Dillon caught the meaning all right, but he thanked the clerk, anyway, and waited while the guy wrote out directions. Once done, Dillon headed back to the car. After a quick replay of the conversation--well, most of it--Dillon got the go ahead from Jamie, and the two of them headed towards the Preston Inn.

Dillon was relieved to see that the hotel was in a nicer part of town. Streetlamps lined the sidewalk in front of the building, and a parking garage just behind the freshly renovated, white-brick structure provided safe and ample parking.

Dillon pulled into a spot across the street from the hotel. As soon as the car stopped, Jamie turned to him, a look of surprise visible on his face even in the dim glow of the streetlights. “Why are you stopping here? Why didn’t you pull into the parking garage?”

Time to put his cards on the table. “I’m not pulling into the garage until you and I get a few things settled.”

Dillon heard Jamie pull in a deep breath. “What things?”

“Things like, what is it you want from this relationship?”

“I’m not following you.”

Dillon could tell. Okay, time to spell it out. “Like I told you at the police station, I want to know where we stand. Are we an ‘us’--a real couple--or are we just two guys playing around. I know I’m serious, but I’m not sure about you. The more of these plans you make without me, the more I feel you pulling away.”

Jamie reached for his hand. “Dillon, I swear to God it isn’t like that. I want us to be partners.” Jamie dropped Dillon’s hand long enough to wipe his face with his palm. “I know I shouldn’t have run off like that without talking to you first. I just didn’t want you to be mad at me.”

Dillon picked Jamie’s hand back up. “People in relationships get mad at each other, Jamie. It’s just part of the deal. That’s where trust comes in. Each of us has to trust the other to forgive and move on. I’m not your master here, just like you aren’t mine. I don’t wanna tell you how to live your life, I just wanna be a part of it. Please.”

Jamie nodded. “I want that, too.” He paused. “You said you had ‘things’ you needed to know, as in more than one. What else?”

Dillon cleared his throat. He was gonna do it. He was gonna offer up his heart on a silver platter. “I need to know what you want to happen tonight, Jamie. I mean, I told you I loved you, and you didn’t say a word. God, you don’t know what that did to me, to tell you how I felt and have you just stand there.”

Jamie went totally still. “You’re wrong, Dillon. I do know how it feels.”

Christ. Dillon had said the wrong damn thing again. How many times had Jamie told Dillon he loved him, only to have Dillon brush it off, to ignore it? Maybe this was payback, an eye for an eye long delayed. “Is that why you didn’t say anything? Are you giving me a taste of my own medicine, or is it that you really don’t love me and don’t have the heart to tell me?”

Jamie shook his head with violent intensity. “No. God no.” He let go of Dillon’s hand and laid his own hand on Dillon’s chest, just over his heart. “I didn’t say anything because I was in shock, Dillon. That’s the first time you’ve ever said you loved me. I wasn’t sure if you even meant it or not.”

Dillon placed his hand over Jamie’s and looked into his eyes. “I meant it, every word. I love you, Jamie.”

Jamie’s voice was soft, but his words were sparkling with clarity. “I love you, too.”

To hear those four incredible words spill from Jamie’s soft lips again--to be able to say them back--took Dillon’s breath away. Still, he managed to say, “What is it you want from me, Jamie? Tell me and I’ll do it.”

Jamie leaned forward until his mouth was almost touching Dillon’s. “I want everything you have to give. I want your heart, your soul, your life blended into mine. I want all of that.” His voice turned husky. “And right now, more than anything, I want you to take me into that hotel and make love to me.”

{TO BE CONTINUED}