Their 6th St Valentina Wedding

Warning. Their 6th St Valentine's Wedding will out-Bard the Bard. It ends even more sadly and even more nobly than the best of his tragedies. This story shows the finest personal qualities of all concerned. As befits a humanist it eschews the highest moral universal principles.

Shakespeare was right when he wrote

'For never was a story of more woe,
than this of Juliet and her Romeo".

But this was true only until I wrote this.

The Narrator's Background

I am the Chairman of the Manchester Humanists Club. I am licensed to perform weddings and civil partnerships for those who do not believe in the existence of a God or some supreme entity. But the "Romeo" in this story is my best friend, Dave, the Vice-Chair of the Manchester Humanists.

"Romeo's" Background

Dave is an on-line battler with all theists who believe in a God. He wants to convince them to give up what he calls "fairy stories". He wants people to convert to being atheists as a step to becoming humanists.

Dave has 3 topics, some may say obsessions, which he debates with all comers.

The first is that "the atheist, Darwin's theory of evolution proves there is no God". His trenchant atheism gets the God fearers riled. Dave also has to debate with agnostics who say a God might or might not exist. The agnostics quote "Darwin's Bulldog", Thomas Henry Huxley, who invented the term "agnostic".

The second is that "the Catholic Church is responsible for the Holocaust" because of a Concordat they had with Hitler.

Dave advances the Corbynite position that "Palestine belongs to the Palestinians". Had David been there, he would have joined in the spontaneous applause when the Leeds Labour Member of Parliament said "Zionism is the enemy of peace" at a Labour conference fringe meeting.

I must make clear that these are Dave's own views, not those of we Manchester Humanists

I try not to get involved in Dave's online debates. He has a more combative personality than I do. He is like a dog with a bone and will carry on a debate until the other person gives in. I am more nuanced and see my role as helping those who are atheists already to understand more about humanism..

Dave is not a sophisticated, intellectually gifted chap but makes best use of the facts he knows.

Sometimes I do join in the debates. I had to intervene once in Dave's Holocaust debate to say "whole books have been written on Hitler's religious views, it is safest not to assume you know what they were".

Dave's on line debate made a Christian Zionist who believes that Israel will own the land from Egypt up to the coast of Turkey. Dave's Holocaust views made the Zionist decide to research the cause of the Holocaust. He went on to prepare a small book with the title "Hitler's Humanist Holocausts" blaming evolutionary theorists and defending the Catholic church.

The Zionist offered to come to Manchester to debate his "Hitler's Humanist Holocausts" claim with Steven Fry. Steven is a major celebrity who says "rot religion", and has narrated a series of animations for Humanists UK. For added interest Mr Fry also has an upper second-class honours from Cambridge, so he is no intellectual slouch.

We Manchester Humanists never replied to his challenge, though it might have been a good opportunity to let Manchester know about us. Perhaps we could have made some money out of what would have been an interesting debate. Steven Fry would be a draw. Steven being called on to debate would be an even bigger draw.

We are aware that the offer still stands. Perhaps one day we might arrange it.

St Valentina's Homeland

Now starts this tragic story. Dave was invited as a guest of a pro-Palestinian organisation to visit both Gaza and the West Bank. The Palestinians noted his frequent reposting of their internet propaganda. They knew that Dave wanted Corbynite MPs, but was prepared to have pro-Palestinian Labour MPs.

Less attractive to both would be a pro-Palestine Liberal MPs or even a pro-Palestine Tory. The worst outcome for them all would be Tory pro-Israeli Zionists.

Why Dave Was Invited

The Palestinians knew Dave could advance their cause if he came back with first person reports of Palestinian pain and grief at the hands of the Israelis. Obviously the Palestinians already had the support of "Labour till I die" voters in a Jeremy Corbyn led, Labour Party. The first act of a Corbyn led parliament would be to recognise Palestine as a State.

However, Dave might be able to sway members of the non-Labour parties where he lived in South Manchester. Winning the debate in South Manchester might mean a pro-Palestinian majority of MPs if there was a hung parliament. This seemed a likely outcome at the next General Election, according to the bookies.

His first hand experiences therefore could change the UK's foriegn policy towards Palestine. From the Palestinian's point of view it was worth paying Dave's air fare, accommodation and transport costs.

This was a once in a lifetime opportunity for Dave. He also had enough money saved to stay for another 6 weeks, if he could live cheaply. His employers gave him 3 months unpaid leave. They were overstaffed and therefore happy to have someone taken off their payroll.

I have never seen Dave look so happy as when he left to fly to Palestine. As we are the best of friends we agreed to keep in touch via emails and phones.

Dave Meets His "Juliet"

I will skip the official part of Dave's visit, not because it was unimportant, but only because it is irrelevant to this story.

The story really starts when Dave was put in touch with a rich Palestinian family in the West Bank. He now had no money worries as he would be housed and fed. The father would arrange for transport to wherever Dave wanted to go, and his driver could act as interpreter.

Dave made the natural assumption that the family would be Muslim. Indeed the daughter wore a veil tied at the bridge of her nose and which covered her lower face. But the family were Baháʼís.

Their Baháʼí faith was not dissimilar to the humanist belief. Both stress the unity of all people and explicitly reject racism. Baháʼís want a unified world order that ensures the prosperity of all nations, races, creeds, sexes and classes. Obviously they believed in a higher power and Dave didn't. Dave was genuinely interested in how Palestinian people opposing nationalism react to 2 nationalities fighting for the land they both lived on.

Baháʼí do not accept that Mohhammad is Allah's final messenger. The daughter wore the veil as a sign simply that she valued the Prophet and his message. It never stopped her contributing to the discussion. She was well read and gave Dave an insight into the complexity of the situation.

This was not what Dave had expected. He expected all Palestinians to be anti-Zionists.

He, the father and daughter, Ma'soomah, got on well. Dave did not press his view about the Prophet and the father and the daughter found it sufficient to explore the nationalist "dilemma". The daughter became his tour guide. driver and interpreter.

St Valentina Gets To Work

Ma'soomah told Dave about a cute custom of a small Palestinian community who celebrate the female Palestinian St Valentine every July 25. St. Valentina was a virgin who was martyred in Palestine with two others who were brought before Firmillian, the Roman governor.

An Intellectual Challenge From Ma'soomah

As I said previously, Dave has 3 obsessions, which he debates with all comers.

Ma'soomah did not have many people who she could debate with. She took the opportunity to discuss his obsessions. She was not trying to make Dave into a convert, She merely wanted to use her expensive education.

She researched "Darwin's Bulldog" on the internet. She said "Do you accept Descartes' proposition that I think therefore I am shows no other evidence can be trusted?".

Dave replied "Yes"

Ma'soomah then said "So if no evidence can be trusted why do we have to accept the evidence of science?. After all, science is always provisional. What was thought true yesterday may be shown to be false tomorrow. So why put all your trust in a view which may be disproved tomorrow?"

Dave thought he had an answer "But Darwin has been proven right. Creation can not be as stated in the Bible"

Ma'soomah said "But all that shows is that a wrong account of creation is in the bible. That, of itself, does not mean that there is no God. It's a bit like saying my father don't exist because someone says he wears a blue jacket".

Ma'soomah's reasoning (which Dave thinks it is the only thing that should change a person's mind) forced Dave to concede that God was unprovable.

I Notice A Profound Change

Dave told me about his discussion and his change from atheism to agnosticism. He still didn't believe in a God but accepted this was now "on the balance of probabilities". He still pointed to inconsistencies in the biblical account of creation.

But he was no longer insisting that "there is no God" rather than "God may exist but that doesn't mean the bible should be followed". He remained a humanist since he rejected the idea that any religion should tell people how to live.

I thought at the time that Dave was swayed quite easily. It showed that he rated Ma'soomah's intellect highly. I thought that he might have fallen for her. Unlike Dave, I see people change their minds when they fall in love and not because of "overwhelming evidence and reasoned argument".

When, a week later, Dave said Ma'soomah had shown him evidence that the Catholic Church had opposed Hitler. Indeed he accepted her view that Hitler had made use of the Concordat to suppress internal opposition. But he had made greater use of violence against his enemies within Germany.

Dave now accepted that the Catholic Church had, like the British and French governments, tried to stop World War 2. Ma'soomah had convinced Dave that had Britain and France stopped Germany taking over the Rhineland then the Holocaust may not have happened. That, and selling out Czechoslokia and not enlisting Russia in an anti-Hitler pact, were more important factors.

With this amazing development I was certain that Dave was in love with Ma'soomah. I suspected that Dave was blissfully unaware of this.

Falling In Love

Ma'soomah recognised that she had fallen in love with Dave before he recognised that he was in love with her.

Her invitation for them both to go and see the St Valentina celebrations was partly to be with him. More correctly it was the main reason for asking him. She took a chance that his liking for her would grow into love. She knew that Dave would return to Britain soon. She must give Cupid as much help as she possibly could.

A long weekend away from her friends and family was that extra bit of help.She was not a Westerner who would have a one night stand or a dirty weekend. They would, of course, have separate bedrooms. She was virgo intactum and would remain so until properly married.

They booked into the hotel and went to their separate rooms. They had a simple meal together. They had a romantic walk. The next day they joined the people who were celebrating St Valentina. The highlight would be a bonfire. Dave explained about Fireworks Night and Guy Fawkes.

Ma'soomah explained that, on the day following the bonfire, it was an auspicious day for couples to get engaged or married,

Ma'soomah mentioning getting engaged was a deliberate, pre-planned ploy. She wanted to see if her love was returned. It did in fact plant a seed in Dave's mind. He didn't believe in auspicious days. He was impressed with Ma'soomah's intelligence and command of English. He got on well with her father.

That afternoon he spent a long time thinking of the problems and difficulties of asking to be engaged. He was distant at their evening meal. They walked towards the bonfire. He had decided not to ask to be linked romantically with her. They watched the bonfire late into the night.

Instinctively and unplanned he reached out and held Ma'soomah's hand. Overjoyed, Ma'soomah held his hand.

Dave realised that he must strike while the iron was hot. He would wait until the next day. He would use the cover of an auspicious day should he be turned down.

After breakfast he would ask Ma'soomah to marry him. On what was an auspicious day for them both she said "Yes, I can not wait to tell my father".

The Idea Of Multiple Marriages

When they got back the following day, Ma'soomah wasted no time and immediately told her father of their engagement . He was pleased as he saw how she had been so happy together. But he was also concerned about Dave's partisanship on the issue of Palestine - Israel rapprochement and his absolute rejection of any higher power.

Ma'soomah wanted a Baháʼí wedding in Haifa and Dave wanted me to officiate in a Humanist wedding. Out of the blue Ma'soomah's father suggested having weddings that validated all the major religions in Palestine & Israel as well as having a humanist wedding.

Ma'soomah was attracted to the idea for 2 reasons. Her faith wanted to validate all religions and she also loved her father.

In friendly discussion Dave found himself not only agreeing to investigate the possibility of being married on multiple occasions. He would agree to get married in many faiths and only then would they be married in a humanist manner.

My Reaction

I was pleased that Dave wanted me to officiate at his wedding. I hadn't even heard of St Valentina. I was flabbergasted that Dave had agreed to have a series of religious weddings and only then have a humanist wedding.

Dave said "Ma'soomah wants the final wedding to take place where St Valentina was born. The bad news is that St Valentina was born in what is now Hamas controlled Gaza. The even worse news is that Ma'soomah's father wants his 2 elderly friends to attend the humanist wedding. This is because they had been friends before the Jews were sent from Gaza by the Israelis".

Dave explained the background as I am not as interested in the Middle East as he is.

The explanation went "In 2005, this Jewish man was dispersed from Gaza as part of a "land for peace" initiative. The Jewish friend got the money for his house from the Israeli government. But it meant that the Jewish and Muslim friends could no longer eat fish in a Gaza seaside restaurant together.

They were now approaching the end of their lives. They want one last chance to eat fish together. They knew the risks of doing this but were prepared to take the chance. They accept that they might die. Hamas and other groups and individual extremists don't take too kindly to Israelis".

I was surprised that Dave spoke against Hamas. He usually just said things about Palestinians.

Dave then gave me the fuller details "Ma'soomah will not feel married until the final humanist wedding. I respect my fiancee's wishes. I swore not to have full sexual relations with her until the final Gaza wedding. She is happy that, like St Valentina, her virginity is now linked to her faith".

I was sceptical that Dave would keep to his promise of celibacy. I felt that it was all rushed. I felt it would end in a divorce court in short order. But I was wrong. Dave told me that they had booked the Grand Palace Hotel on the Gaza coastline. They wanted to be finally, fully married on our St Valentine's day.

Dave said "It's a big favour to ask, I know. But are you prepared to come to Gaza. It will be very hush hush. It could be dangerous".

I was also alarmed by voluntarily putting myself into danger. I asked for time to think things over. Dave was my best friend. This series of marriages showed his dedication to peace, rather than his former position that "Palestine is right". But it took me 3 days before I said I would go.

Dave Starts His Learning Curve

Dave knew about Christian and Humanist wedding ceremonies, but had to get to learn about Baháʼí, Muslim, Druze and Jewish wedding patterns. This involved him also understanding at least the major differences between the religions.

There was also the question of organising a humanist wedding (with a Jew as a guest) in militant Gaza. Everyone involved knew the need for secrecy. It was not just in the Second World War that "Careless talk costs lives".

Before The Baháʼí Wedding - Parental Consent

A Baháʼí father can not interfere with the selection of the person a daughter or son wants to marry. But offspring have to get permission to marry. This need for parental consent may seem strange to modern Westerners, but having disunity between two families is not conducive to fostering unity in the world. And Baháʼís want unity.

The consent of all parents is needed even if one of the partners is not a Baháʼí. Dave's parents were therefore surprised to receive an email from their son asking permission for him to marry.

They had reservations about him marrying so soon after going to Palestine. As they said "Marry in haste, repent at leisure". But Dave managed to convince his parents and they gave him their blessing via email.

Then, as Dave's best friend, I arranged the technology which enabled the 2 families to see and talk to each other. I took time with his parents so they could get used to video conferencing. After 3 sessions they were quite au fait with "this modern nonsense".

Dave's parents spoke to the father and daughter via video link. They were impressed that the daughter was multilingual and sometimes translated the conversation.

Ma'soomah's father then left the video call so the parents could see Dave and his intended together. Dave and Ma'soomah were happy holding hands. Dave's mother cried at the sight of her son being so happy.

Dave's father said "God bless you both" and Ma'soomah replied "God be with you both as well".

The parents were disappointed when the video call ended. But I assured them I would provide as many video calls as I could.

Conversion

Some Palestinians raised in the 3 Abrahamic religions convert to the Baháʼí faith. Ma'soomah's father didn't raise the issue of, yet alone insist on, Dave's conversion. He appreciated the humanist / Baháʼí overlaps and Dave and his daughter's love Dave. He would be proud to have a son in law who, despite his hostility to all religion, was prepared to wed his daughter in any religion, yet alone the major religions of the State he supported so strongly.

Attending the non-religious wedding was a bit of a challenge for him. But, if it meant his daughter finally would feel truly married this was an easy challenge.

He looked forward to Dave and Ma'soomah providing him with grandchildren. With grandchildren he could die a happy man. He hoped that Dave and his daughter would then live together in his large house to see their own grandchildren.

Both Ma'soomah and her father saw marriage as an eternal bond that survives past the physical life, and into the spiritual world. Usually the husband and wife would be united physically. Ma'soomah remaining a virgin until the couple had married in the different faiths, and a non faith, would improve the spiritual life of each other.

Unlike Western thinking and practice Baháʼí marriage is mainly spiritual. Dave delaying the deflowering of his daughter meant both were spiritually advancing towards God. This mutual denial of self was the surest sign that there would be harmony, fellowship and unity between the two partners.

Their marriage would be a beacon for peace. Just as you can not destroy energy, no one can destroy a spiritual act. So their temporary celibacy automatically made the world a better place. It need not be a John Lennon and Yoko Ono "laying in bed media fest" to be a spiritual enhancement for the world.

Dave and Ma'soomah's sacrifice was equally spiritual to the world famous pair's Amsterdam stand for peace.