There and Back Again Ch. 181

Chapter One Hundred Eighty-One: Cactus Club

Still having no idea what the plans were for the day, Alistair and I were up early, prepared to leave at a moment's notice, but we were the only ones. We had breakfast in the dining room, a buffet that was far more comfortable than the formal dinner had been, but aside from a handful of other guests, we were the only ones there. Aedan stumbled down as we were finishing up, flushing and changing the subject when we asked about Zevran; it made me want to ask inappropriate questions about what sort of bondage he had Zevran tied up in, until I realised I probably didn't want to know the answer.

Fergus strolled in a while later, dressed informally and clearly not prepared to leave any time soon. He took some fruit from the buffet and then sat down silently, staring at it rather than eating.

"Your Grace?" I wondered if I'd ever feel comfortable calling him by his name, but doubted it. Even his brother is using his title now; I wonder if anyone ever says his name anymore? "I was wondering when we will be leaving?"

He frowned, but I didn't get the impression he was angry with me, for once. "I don't...know." He sighed and took a bite. "We will discuss it later -- not here."

I nodded, confused, but it wasn't long before he pushed away his plate and stood. "Come to my room."

I rolled my eyes at the imperious command, but got up anyway. We followed him silently, taking seats in the little sitting room he'd been assigned.

Fergus cleared his throat. "It would seem we need...approval, to go to Lhanbyrde."

I raised one eyebrow, head tilting in confusion. "Approval?"

He sighed. "This inn is apparently owned by the sanctuary, and Hetty and Dom work for them. The only boat that is permitted to dock at Lhanbyrde leaves from here, and we won't be allowed to board until Hetty is convinced we're not a threat."

"A threat? To whom?" Alistair looked outraged.

Fergus finally sat down, almost collapsing in a comfortable armchair. "To Lhanbyrde and the other...guests. Apparently, the facility is extremely protective of their privacy, and that of the clients who live there. They risk a lot if the Chantry gets wind of them, and because some of their clients and families are rather important people, there's been problems in the past. So, no one travels to Lhanbyrde until Hetty says so. And as we're travelling using a fake name, and she can't confirm which client we're going there to see..."

We all exchanged glances. I finally asked, "Do you think she knows who we are, really? I mean, if Ena could figure it out... Hetty did guess rather uncannily which of us would be staying in the main building and which were guards."

Aedan twitched, and I thought he might be suppressing a laugh. "That part isn't hard to figure out." When I frowned, he continued, "White teeth, clean hair, unblemished skin...we don't look like mercenaries, dear sister. Not once the helmets come off, anyway. You do remember Duncan saying you could never pass as a commoner, right?"

My mouth fell open in shock. "I...but...what?" I couldn't say I'd never noticed the teeth and hair -- without dentists and health care and adequate nutrition, it was awful what happened to the human body. I'd just never realised it was so noticeable that I was different. "I thought he just meant my attitude!"

While I was stuttering, Zevran crept in; I noticed he avoided eye contact with all of us, just leaning against the wall by the door and staring at the plush carpet thoughtfully. I got up and went over to him, leaning against the wall and putting my head on his shoulder. "What do you think, Zev? Does Hetty know who we are?"

He shuffled, looking a bit awkward, but eventually relaxed and nudged me teasingly. "I have no doubt tales of the beautiful new Fereldan princess have travelled well beyond the country you call home, cara mia, but I doubt they've reached the shores of Llomerryn, yes?"

I flushed and giggled, poking him indignantly. "That's not what I meant!" I sighed. "Alright so, if she doesn't know who we are, we should just...tell her, yes?" I rolled my eyes at picking up Zevran's quirks of speech. "If she's associated with Lhanbyrde, I'm sure she knows how to keep a secret."

Fergus just looked at me, not saying a word, and after a minute I flushed. "So, that's a no, then?"

He sat back, his fingers steepled under his chin. "Well, we could. Consider: we start with who I am -- a Teyrn whose sister is on the island. Then Aedan, same story. But tell me, Princess, what are we supposed to say about you? That you 'might' be that same sister we're here to see, but somehow magically transported off the island? That you're an imposter and we're here to learn the truth? How do we justify a Prince and a Steward, whose relationship to Lhanbyrde we can't explain?"

I slumped, thinking about it. It seemed, surrounded by friends and family as I usually was, I always forgot not only how messed up my history was -- and how few people we could confide in about it -- but also how untrusting Fergus was. It hit me like a punch to the gut, and I crossed my arms in front of me as if that would somehow shield me from his disdain.

I felt Zevran put his arm over my shoulders protectively, just as Alistair leaped from his seat to step between me and my liege lord, and I heard Aedan growl like a wild animal of some sort.

"You made her come here," Aedan shouted, just as Alistair took me in his arms. "You told her about this place when I specifically asked you not to. You made her feel insecure, made her want to prove herself when she doesn't need to. Don't you dare blame her! You're the one who made this happen -- you figure out how to fix it. Your Grace," he spat.

Turning towards the door, the three men who loved me herded me in front of them, but I stopped them before we reached the hallway.

I didn't even look at Fergus as I spoke. "If you trust her...just tell them that because your parents died without telling anyone about this, and you only just found out about Elissa, it's of great import to the Crown to know what's happening on Lhanbyrde. Tell her Cailan sent Alistair as a royal envoy, or something. Don't mention me at all. I'm just a wife, here because I can't bear to be separated from my husband."

I took a breath, lifted my chin, and stepped out into the hallway, feeling the men follow behind me, hearing the door slam shut behind us. I didn't cry; for possibly the first time in my life, it felt like I couldn't. I was so angry and hurt that my emotions just went...numb.

"Hetty mentioned picnics, right? Anyone else want to get out of here, at least for a while?" I could have kissed Alistair -- and so I did.

*****

In the end we did have a picnic, just the four of us -- with two guards watching from a little distance away. We settled onto a blanket, with a large basket packed with food and wine in the center. We didn't talk much, just sitting quietly and watching the river flow past, the birds flying overhead, and white fluffy clouds cross the sky. The weather was warm, like Ferelden in the summer, and it felt quite luxurious to be relaxing outside without multiple layers and warmth runes.

Alistair had sprawled out after we ate, his head in my lap, and I stroked my fingers through his hair as I tried not to think about Fergus, or Lhanbyrde, or the Crows...Denial is a good thing. We stayed out all afternoon, only going back inside in time to get ready for dinner.

I contemplated feigning an illness to avoid Fergus, but I couldn't stand giving him the satisfaction of knowing he hurt me. Damn my pride! I was stressing about what I'd wear -- even fashion-oblivious me knew wearing the same dress to dinner two nights in a row was a no-no -- only to find a large garment bag draped across the back of the couch when I got to the room I shared with Alistair. I peeked inside to see a gorgeous gown made of turquoise silk, with a sweetheart neckline and poufy layered skirts.

I gasped, and Alistair came up behind me curiously. He whistled as I pulled the dress out to admire it. "Where'd that come from?"

We both looked, but there wasn't a note anywhere; I had no way of knowing who'd sent the dress. I'd have credited Aedan, except I'd been with him all afternoon -- and Zevran too; who else would buy me a dress to save me from the embarrassment of not having anything appropriate to wear?

I struggled not to hope it could be some sort of indirect apology from Fergus. He'd never done anything to indicate he was capable of something like that when it came to me, but I honestly couldn't come up with any other ideas.

Regardless, I had little choice; I had to go to supper, and I had nothing else to wear. I stripped and slipped into the gorgeous silk, and Alistair helped me lace up the back before going to get dressed himself. It fit me perfectly, emphasizing my few curves, propping up my cleavage enticingly. It was probably the most expensive dress I'd ever worn, and I gazed at myself in the full-length mirror in shock. Now I wish I had brought Maeve to do my hair and makeup. I was embarrassed to admit I was the kind of woman who needed servants. I sighed tied my hair up into a simple braid, leaving a few curly tendrils to fall around my face. I'd just finished when Alistair came down the spiral stairs dressed in his own formal clothes.

He came up behind me so we could both see in the mirror. He looked dashing, as always; so tall, so broad, with a cheeky grin and mischievous, glinting eyes -- and the scar giving him just a hint of danger, as I'd told him.

He kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Maker's breath." I could feel his hard chest pressed against my back -- and something else that was hard too. "You're exquisite."

His lips made it to my neck and I whimpered. "You'd better stop now, or this dress will go to waste -- we'll never make it to supper."

He groaned and pulled himself away, clearly reluctant. "Fine. But you'd better make it up to me later." He held out his hand, and I took it with an impish grin.

Supper was far more enjoyable than I'd predicted; unlike me, apparently Fergus had no qualms about pretending to be unwell, and he didn't join us. I tried not to cheer out loud, even as I kicked my feet happily under the table. Instead, there were just six of us -- Avanna had borrowed another dress, looking lovely, and her counterpart, Charles, wore the same clothes as the night before -- and everyone gushed in surprise about my gown, answering the question of whether my brother or his boyfriend were responsible, but leaving my mysterious benefactor a mystery.

When we'd finished another elaborate meal, Hetty approached us before we excused ourselves for the evening.

"Oh, your Highness, I just knew that colour would look ravishing on you." She walked around me, smiling broadly.

"Oh, thank you so much!" I was shocked; the idea that the dress had been provided by the elegant innkeeper had never occurred to me. "It's so beautiful. Should I...I mean, how should I return it to you?"

She chuckled, the sound rich and sophisticated. Even her laugh is graceful; I think I hate her. "No, no, please, it isn't a loan; it is my gift to you. I had no idea I had royalty staying under my roof, and it's the least I can do to make up for my lack of manners."

It sounded sincere, but as always when reminded of my relationship to the Crown, I winced. Before I could respond, though, she turned and curtsied to Alistair, who bowed awkwardly before offering her his hand up. "No wonder she doesn't let you out of her sight, though, your Highness, with those shoulders."

Alistair flushed beetroot red, and I took an annoyed breath -- but she was gone again, now hanging off Aedan's arm. The plastic smile she wore turned to something a little bit more genuine, and she squeezed him noticeably. "My Lord...I am so sorry for your loss. I should have realised at once who you were -- you resemble your papa as a younger man so much, it's uncanny." I saw her gaze pass over Zevran, and then stop on me speculatively. Her forehead wrinkled with a brief frown, but then it was gone again leaving me to wonder if I'd imagined it. Aedan muttered some sort of thanks, which I barely listened to.

"I knew your parents well; they came to visit us many times. I remember the first time they came with dear Elissa like it was yesterday." She artfully blotted at her eyes with a handkerchief pulled from...somewhere. "I was devastated when the news from Highever reached us. I'm quite relieved that traitor got what he deserved." She shook her head sadly. "I'm glad you came. I'm sure your sister would appreciate your visit greatly, if she was able." If she knew anything about whatever concerns Lhanbyrde had about Elissa Cousland, she kept them to herself.

Aedan didn't respond, though his jaw tensed slightly. He very carefully didn't look my way -- though Hetty was watching for his reaction, I could tell.

She let go of Aedan's arm and turned to face all of us. "His Grace, the Teyrn, asked me to inform you that you will be embarking for the sanctuary at high tide -- tomorrow morning after breakfast. You should arrive there near supper. All you will require is enough clothes for a few days and your personal items -- everything else can be stored here. No weapons are permitted on the island; as you will see, it is impossible for anyone with ill intentions to harm you there. So please, enjoy your rest, and we will have you called in the morning to make sure there's time to get ready."

We mumbled something -- I wasn't even sure what I said, never mind anyone else -- and then we were alone, standing in the hall where she'd left us. In unspoken agreement, we all hiked up to the room I shared with Alistair, collapsing onto the comfortable couches gratefully. I pulled Avanna in with us before she could call for another guard.

"Well that was..." Aedan's expression was bemused.

"Yeah." I sighed. "Before we start, Avanna -- if no weapons are permitted on the island, I wonder if it wouldn't be better that you all stay here to wait for us."

"I'm not staying here, your Highness."

I winced again; clearly she wasn't impressed, if she'd gone back to that title. "But there won't be anything for you to do there. You won't be able to protect us, and there won't be anything to protect us from."

She levelled a stern glare in my direction, and I shrivelled. Which of us is the boss here anyway? Not that I'll ever ask that question out loud. "You're not going to that island without me. If you insist, everyone else can stay, but Charles and I will be on that boat." She gestured at the man standing outside the door.

I sighed. "And what are you going to do, stand guard twenty-four hours a day? Don't be ridiculous."

She sniffed archly. "We will alternate. Don't underestimate me, my Lady."

It was clear that the fuss required to force her to stay behind wouldn't be worth it. "Fine. Both of you pack your bags and be ready at breakfast. Civilian clothes and no weapons."

She nodded and excused herself, closing the door on her way out.

I slapped myself in the forehead as the men laughed. "That went well," I groaned.

Alistair pulled me down onto the couch beside him and kissed my temple. "I'm not complaining. She cares if something happens to you." I shot him a dirty look, and he amended, "To us. I'll take it, honestly."

Aedan nodded, then sighed, changing the subject. "So clearly Fergus spoke to Hetty."

"She knows," I blurted. "Or suspects. When she pointed out how much you resemble Bryce, she was staring right at me. And you've said I look like Eleanor..."

"She couldn't," Aedan argued. "If she knew them, she'd know that we didn't have any other sisters. At worst she thinks you're a cousin."

"Maybe." I hummed, thinking about that little frown. "Or maybe she does know about whatever problems the people at the sanctuary were alluding to when they wrote to Fergus, and she suspects."

"As long as she lets us go to the island," Alistair soothed, "it doesn't matter."

"Did they really visit here that often? They couldn't have." I turned to Aedan.

He shrugged. "Obviously not that I was aware. But it's not like they couldn't have managed it in secret -- they were always travelling somewhere or other for Maric, or for trade negotiations for Highever. It wouldn't have been that hard to arrange a little side-trip."

I didn't know how I felt about that. Bothered somehow on Aedan's behalf, that they'd never told him he had a twin, never mind that they visited her regularly...but strangely warm inside, at the same time.

I shook my head. "Nah. She's exaggerating. They probably met twice or something."

No one contradicted me, though Aedan's expression didn't shout 'agreement'. I changed the subject again.

"So...tomorrow, then?"

*****

Alistair had his work cut out for him to distract me well enough to sleep -- he managed, thanks to Grey Warden stamina, and we both passed out, exhausted. My panic returned in the morning, but despite nearly hyperventilating, I didn't want anyone consoling me. It felt stupid to panic, and I was tired...it left me feeling like a giant cactus, prickly and irritable.

I made it through breakfast like that, and insisted on carrying my own bag down to the dock, but got distracted from my fit of pique when the boat we were going to board came into sight.

I couldn't decide if the apparent luxury of the craft, or its diminutive size, was what I noticed the most. It was beautiful, made of wood and lovingly polished, with a single, thick mast. It sat low to the water -- there'd be no ladder to climb for this boat -- and had only a small, covered area for passengers to sit. Compared to the other boats I'd seen, even the small pirate ship, it was tiny.

And we were going out into the open ocean on the thing.

Fergus and Aedan were openly fascinated, forgetting their differences for once to chatter together about the ship and how it compared to some boat they'd grown up sailing on near Highever. I exchanged an apprehensive glance with Alistair, glad to see I wasn't the only one nervous.

"What if there's a storm between here and Lhanbyrde?" I whispered. He shrugged and took my sweaty hand in his.

We weren't alone on the dock; there were workers of some sort loading crates into a small hold, a few sailors climbing around the ship doing...something or other, and five other passengers watching us approach silently.

And, of course, Hetty and Dom. Dom eyed us all professionally -- though I noticed his eyes linger on my guard captain, and her cheeks flush slightly -- and I assumed he was looking for weapons. I'd left my dagger belt at the inn, and I hoped he wouldn't notice the two thin stilettos strapped to my forearms. Never thought I'd see the day I felt safer with weapons than without. I imagined Zev and Aedan -- and probably Avanna and Charles -- were also carrying concealed weapons, and I wondered if we'd be searched before boarding.

Hetty, on the other hand, was smiling broadly. She greeted us and the other passengers, spoke briefly to the captain of the boat, and then ushered us on board. We settled in the seating area; the benches were well padded with beautiful leather, and the wood shone, but it was a tight fight, getting twelve of us comfortable. The other passengers didn't speak to each other -- there were apparently two couples and a single man, and none of them knew each other -- or to us, and it felt awkward enough that we were mostly silent as well.

Despite my prickly pear morning, Alistair didn't hesitate to tuck me up against his side; he'd have pulled me into his lap, I thought, if it wasn't for the residual weakness still plaguing him since his injury. Aedan sat on my other side, with Zevran, Avanna, and Charles between us and Fergus. I almost felt bad about how isolated Fergus was until I remembered how unkind he'd been for the entire trip.