There and Back Again Ch. 190

Chapter One Hundred Ninety: Still Alive

I watched the four people in my great hall -- Leandra Amell and her youngest two children, and Karl Thekla, Anders' ex-boyfriend -- stiffen as I called them by name. Carver and Bethany exchanged wide-eyed looks, and Leandra blanched. I immediately realised my mistake, and winced. Maybe I can distract them with my wit? Nah, that only works for Alistair. Regardless, it was done, and I'd have to roll with it, no matter how weird it felt. I cleared my throat and tried to project confidence, interrupting the young man before he could lose his temper, which, if his red face was anything to go by, was a near thing.

"I am Sierra, the Steward of Soldier's Peak. You must be tired after your journey. I think it's important we talk first, briefly, but then we can provide you with rooms and whatever you need after that. Would that be acceptable?"

They all exchanged weighted looks, and I knew they couldn't figure out what to think of me. Finally, they agreed, and I turned to lead them out into the hallway with Alistair following me. I had a sitting room on the main floor for just this sort of thing -- it was private and more intimate than trying to have a conversation in the main hall, and more comfortable too.

It was incredibly surreal, walking down the corridor with four living ghosts following in my wake. I'd only played the second Dragon Age game all the way through once, but I remembered these people like they were close friends -- and their deaths were still vivid after all this time. I'd played a mage in the game, so Bethany had died early; even though it had been a game to me, I still held some of the horror and guilt from her death. Carver had frustrated me to no end, and he'd died in the Deep Roads leaving me feeling deeply conflicted -- as a player, I didn't particularly want him around whining, but it was a terrible way to die, and even as a fictional character I felt guilty for disliking him so much. I wondered how it was that both Hawke siblings had survived, and knew I'd have to make an effort not to jump straight to interrogating them about it.

It was equally strange to have Leandra here; the horror of her death had haunted me long after I'd finished the game, and knowing she would be safe here made me almost giddy with relief. For all that I'd written to Varric and sent Anders and Solona to Kirkwall with a certain amount of knowledge about the future, I hadn't honestly believed that any of the Hawkes would listen to my suggestions. And I could hardly blame them; having someone claim they were a seer and give mysterious warnings must have been more than a little suspicious.

Karl was an even bigger surprise. I'd hoped Anders would manage to save him from Alrik's plan to make him Tranquil, but I'd never dreamed he'd send the mage to us. For all that I liked Anders, he wasn't exactly dedicated to the Wardens, seeing it as little more than another form of imprisonment; he had his reasons -- and what had happened to Solona certainly hadn't helped -- but he wasn't committed to our cause the way the rest of our Wardens were. I would not have expected him to even suggest us to his friend and first lover. Not that I'm certain becoming a Warden was what Anders had in mind for Karl.

I tried to ignore the whispered conversation between the four as they followed me down the hall. It wasn't surprising they wanted to talk amongst themselves; they'd just been thrown for a loop by being greeted by name before introducing themselves, after all, and I wondered if Leandra was reminding Carver to put a lid on his temper. I figured it was only a matter of time before he'd be yelling at me anyway.

I turned into the sitting room and gestured to the assorted chairs and sofas. Avanna gave me a hard look, and I shook my head, smiling reassuringly; she waited outside with Alistair's guard, though reluctantly. It would be difficult to explain that I knew, without a doubt, that these four people posed no danger to me or Alistair. Our guards had no doubt heard some of my secrets since coming to work for me, but I'd never sat and explained everything in detail. I settled on a sofa with Alistair beside me; Carver and Karl chose armchairs, and Bethany and Leandra sat together in a sofa facing me.

I waited a moment to see if any of them would want to begin, but it seemed they must have had an unspoken agreement to wait and see what I said. Either that or they're too stunned to speak. I forced a smile onto my face and tried to sound calm.

"I'll start. As I said, I'm Sierra Theirin, the Steward of Soldier's Peak. This is my husband Alistair, the Warden Commander of Ferelden." I stifled a smirk when Leandra's eyes widened; I assumed she'd just realised she was sitting across from the Prince of Ferelden. It would have been funnier if it didn't make me a princess. I turned and gestured while looking at Alistair. "This is Lady Leandra Amell -- her cousin was Solona's mother." Alistair nodded and bowed his head to her respectfully, even as I heard an indignant mutter of 'Hawke' from Carver. "These are two of her children, Carver and Bethany Hawke."

Alistair nodded at Carver, and then turned to Bethany. "Warden."

Bethany almost squeaked, and Alistair smiled kindly. "I take it your Joining was recent?"

She nodded. "Three weeks."

"We'll talk more later, but you'll find that, after a while, Wardens can identify another Warden as easily as we can sense darkspawn."

She nodded again, though she didn't really look any less confused.

I pointed at the last of the group, drawing attention away from the blushing Warden. "And this is Enchanter Karl Thekla. Do you remember Anders talking about him, love?" Alistair flashed another smile.

I looked between the four of them, and suddenly couldn't repress my smile. "You are all very welcome here. When I issued the invitation through Varric, I didn't really think you'd all accept, but I'm delighted you have."

They shared looks again, and finally Leandra spoke. "Your Highness." I was relieved she didn't try to curtsy or something equally silly, though she ducked her head respectfully. "So it was you who wrote to Varric? Anders said he thought that would be the case, but we weren't sure."

"Yes."

Carver finally joined the conversation, leaping from the chair red-faced, a vein pulsing in his forehead. "How do you know us? Our names? What do you know? Have you been...watching us?" His volume increased with every question, though Leandra tried unsuccessfully to shush him. Finally Bethany cracked him across the shins with her staff -- something I could completely picture me doing to Aedan, and I struggled not to laugh -- and he collapsed back into his chair with an oath.

"I assure you, I mean none of you any harm, and I have not been watching you. It would probably be easiest if I start at the beginning. But this is...complicated. I will do my best but it's going to be hard to understand." I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to decide how to explain things -- without explaining everything. "I came into some knowledge, back around the start of the Blight. I...learned some things about the future."

Several of them responded at once, making it impossible to follow everyone.

"So, you're the seer Anders mentioned?" Karl looked fascinated. "You don't look like...well." I almost giggled, wondering exactly what he thought a seer would look like.

"You're a mage?" Bethany was clearly fascinated by a different detail. "And a Princess?"

"No, no." I chuckled. "Not me. I got my information from...someone else." Technically true, if misleading. "It was easier to call me a seer, because explaining how I know what I do is...complicated. It's a long story and I can't tell you all of it." When Carver scowled, I held up my hand. "I said can't, not won't. Some of the things I know are dangerous, or aren't my secrets to tell. Suffice it to say, I learned about the defeat at Ostagar and some of the things that would happen during the Blight -- and then some of what would happen in Kirkwall for several years after. Once I was able, I set about trying to change things."

Alistair cleared his throat and took my hand. "She means improve things. She saved the King's life, and helped us Wardens to make sure we defeated the Archdemon as quickly as possible, with minimum casualties." He smiled at me, and I could feel myself flush.

"Anyway," I turned back to the Hawke family, trying to stay calm, "part of what I learned about was a family from Lothering who would flee to Kirkwall after Ostagar, and become an important part of Kirkwall's events over the next decade."

"If we're so important, why did you call us here?" Carver growled.

I winced. "Did Varric show you the letter I wrote to him?" The Hawkes all shook their heads, but with a pensive frown, Karl reluctantly held one hand up slightly and nodded. Carver turned his glare on the mage, and even Bethany and Leandra looked askance.

Karl's wince echoed mine. "Anders convinced him to show me," he ventured cautiously. "He'd told me a bit about you and I was...reluctant to believe it. Seeing a letter that predicted...sent well before the expedition...it helped."

I nodded eagerly. "The expedition?" I sat forward in my seat. "And what—"

"You may be getting a little bit off topic, my dear." Alistair put a hand on my shoulder and pulled me back, and I went -- if reluctantly. I was intensely curious what had actually happened in the Thaig since they'd had some warning of what could happen, but I knew Alistair was right -- it wasn't the time. These people had travelled across Thedas because of me, and the least I could do was hold my curiosity until they had an explanation.

"Right." I ran one hand through my hair as I refocused. "Right. Sorry. Um...look, there's no easy way to say this. But..." I gulped, eyed the four tired travellers, and then looked away. "It's Marian who is important in Kirkwall. Now that she's got the treasure from the expedition," Bethany nodded at me, even though Carver scowled and Leandra looked upset, "she was supposed to end up being a bit of a...mediator and general fixer, I guess. The Qunari, the templars, the mages -- all of them will come to respect her and Kirkwall will need her to navigate through what's coming." Or at least, what was supposed to come -- I internally groaned at recent events that had left me blind to the future.

Carver was grumbling from the moment I mentioned his older sister, and when I stopped talking, he burst out, "Marian is important? Just Marian? And what about us?"

I saw Karl close his eyes as though in pain, and I wanted to copy the action, but knew I couldn't. My pause must have been too long, though, because Bethany paled and put a hand over her heart. "Oh."

I sighed and pointed at the siblings. "One of you was supposed to die in the escape from Lothering. I really do want to hear the story of your escape, at some point..." None of them responded, and I took another deep breath. "One of you could become a Warden, which clearly still happened -- but the alternative was either dying in the Deep Roads, Bethany getting captured by templars and taken to the gallows, or Carver joining the templars."

I expected Carver to be angry that I'd insinuate such a thing when he clearly hadn't done it, but he just flushed and looked away. Bethany's colour hadn't improved, and she looked as though she might be sick. I couldn't even glance at Leandra, too nervous to see her expression as I laid out the terrible potential futures for her children.

"And Mistress Hawke?" Karl prompted, when I didn't say anything else. His expression was distant and carefully neutral, though not unkind -- but I could see curiosity lurking there too.

I looked down and picked at a fingernail anxiously. "I'd...rather not say." When I heard someone take in a breath as though to object, I held up my hand again. "Some things you can't unhear, okay? If you all think about it for a while and you ask me again later, I'll tell you. But you need to be sure."

Alistair wrapped one arm around my shoulder. "Sierra tried to talk Varric out of the expedition and invited you all here to keep you safe. Those things...they don't have to happen, now. I mean, you're still a Warden," he nodded to Bethany, "and I'm sure that wasn't your life's ambition, but it's better than being dead, or trapped in that particular Circle, I would think. And the rest of you are alive and free to do whatever you please, now. Just...not in Kirkwall."

Carver looked around, a sneer on his face, then gestured pointedly at the door -- beyond which we all knew Avanna stood. "Free?" He scoffed.

I sighed. "Carver, you are under no obligation to stay here. I suggested you come here because... because I wanted to help you. Your family. Because I wasn't sure I could stop what I knew was coming, even though I wanted to. If you want to leave, you can. Go back to Kirkwall and take your chances, if you like. No one will stop you. Avanna is there for my protection, not as a prison guard."

"But I can't leave." Bethany seemed to have pulled herself together, and her colour had returned to normal. "Or so I assume."

Alistair grimaced. "You're a Grey Warden now, and that changes things. If you really wanted to leave, I don't know that I'd try that hard to stop you, but...it's not a good idea, really. You'd be back to being an apostate, and there's been increasing reports of rogue templars doing terrible things to mages they catch outside the Circle. You'd be a magnet for Darkspawn -- they can sense you -- so you'd always be at risk. And even if you somehow managed to avoid all of that, you'd still be living life on the run, constantly looking over your shoulder." He nodded towards Leandra. "You know what that's like -- you all do. Or you could stay, be a Warden, have a purpose and a job, maybe even make some friends."

"And spend her life fighting Darkspawn." Leandra's eyes were suspiciously bright. "Away from her family."

"Hey," I coaxed, "it's not so bad. The Blight is over, so there aren't that many darkspawn to fight. We don't stop our Wardens from having families or visitors." I turned to Bethany. "There's multiple places you could request to be posted after training -- Denerim, Orzammar, even Kirkwall. And we're actually pretty nice people, if I do say so myself." I thought about what I knew about Bethany; in my single playthrough, I'd been a mage and she'd died early in the game. But I'd heard rumours that if she was forced to Join the Wardens she was unhappy -- and I had to hope that it would be different with us running things. "It's not such a terrible life, I promise."

"Are you a Warden too?"

I laughed awkwardly. "No. But I have travelled and fought with the Wardens for over a year, my brother is one, and I married one. I think I have a pretty good idea what it's like."

I looked over our new guests; the four of them looked exhausted, and I realised that any more discussion was going to have to wait. "Listen," I began, "I'd really like the opportunity to talk more. I'd like to hear about your escape from Lothering, and what's been happening in Kirkwall for the last eighteen months, especially recent events."

Carver broke in, "I thought you were supposed to know everything about Kirkwall -- and us."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, well...things have changed." I stood up, Alistair climbing to his feet beside me. "I'd also like to hear your thoughts on what you'll do now, if you are willing. I think, however, that I should offer you some hospitality first -- a chance to get cleaned up, eat, and rest. I imagine my seneschal already has rooms for you, and I can show you to them and have baths drawn if you'd like. Supper will be served soon, but if you prefer, I can have someone bring food to you and you could eat in here. And then, perhaps tomorrow, we could talk some more?"

They agreed, and in the end decided they would prefer a private meal to eating with the staff and Wardens in the great hall. Levi did have rooms made up -- four all together, each with a private bathroom -- and had predicted the need for baths. Leandra reached into a bag and offered me several letters when we reached her room, and I tucked them away to open later. I left them once I was assured they had everything they needed, and we planned for them to meet me in my office after breakfast. Alistair and I headed to the main hall for supper, though I wished for the opportunity to just sit and talk with my husband. I was still in shock, a little, from their unexpected appearance, and agitated because between both Hawke twins surviving and whatever was going on in Kirkwall, it felt like things were spiraling out of control.

Dinner helped, though, as always; watching the Wardens and staff living together, eating and laughing and enjoying themselves in a way that I doubted was common anywhere else, was a balm for my soul.

After we ate, Alistair and I retired to our rooms, and I pulled out the letters that Leandra had delivered. There was one from Cailan, one from Fergus, one from Anders, and one, surprisingly, from Varric. The letter from Fergus was brief, merely assuring us that he was still trying to herd Cailan back to Ferelden; the tone was pleasant, however, and he mentioned the visit he'd suggested, saying he was looking forward to seeing us. His change of heart about me was apparently ongoing, and it was hard not to tear up a little at the thought.

Cailan's letter was short, but amusing. He addressed it to Alistair, and I wondered wryly if he thought he'd get yelled at less by my husband than by me.

Dear Alistair,

I hope this letter finds you well. I hear from Fergus that you had an interesting trip -- I look forward to hearing more about it.

I know you're probably going to kill me for coming to Kirkwall, but it really was for the best. Our assistance has nearly guaranteed favourable trade contracts with the Viscount for the foreseeable future, and the Chantry rather owes us a favour or two as well. Things have settled here, and I plan to return to Ferelden shortly. Please tell your wife I'm being careful!

This letter comes to you through someone I'm gathering your wife knows; I know I probably don't need to say this, but please, treat them well. I have a personal interest in their well-being, thanks to timely aid offered to us by their family. I hope you can help them in return.

I'm considering a visit to Soldier's Keep on my way back to Denerim -- I might as well let you yell at me in person and get it out of the way. Keep a room with a hearth ready for me, would you? I've heard it's cold there.

Cailan

Anders' letter was also to the point.

Sierra and Alistair,

As you've no doubt gathered, I couldn't stop the Deep Roads expedition from going forward. And as you predicted, we were betrayed by Varric's brother and trapped down there -- for weeks, Sierra. You failed to mention that part! You know how I hate the Deep Roads.

Bethany developed the taint, and I put her through the Joining as you suggested. She's a sweet girl -- Varric calls her Sunshine, and he's not exaggerating. I hope she manages to find a place with you; she wasn't happy with Marian and me for making her a Warden. It couldn't be avoided though -- the templars were breathing down her neck in Kirkwall before we left.

Kirkwall is a mess at present, as I'm sure you've heard. As a result, I felt it rather urgent to get Karl out of the city, so for lack of other convenient options, I've sent him to you. I'd prefer you didn't make him a Warden, though I suppose it's up to him; I tried to talk him into disappearing in Highever, but he insisted he would ensure the Hawkes safely reached you first. I'm sorry if it puts you in an awkward position with the Chantry having an apostate under your nose.